Disclaimer: The characters belong to Final Fantasy X, not to me, especially not Auron. sob
Please review it!
Personal opinion:
You can take Auron out of an ass-kicking video game, but you can't take the ass-kicking out of Auron. :P
Chapter one: Stairs
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"Lord Braska, we should rest here. It's a good place to built up the tents and spent the night." Jecht gasped unbelieving as he heard what Auron proclaimed.
"Oh c'mon not again! I need a bed! A real bed, ya know these things? These things with the mattress and the plume filled pillows that are softer... well softer as the pure floor?" Auron looked at him, shook his head and inner sighed.
"You're a guardian, sissy! You better get used to this way of spending the night! We're resting here!" He said and let his gear fall onto the yellowish-brown grass.
"Auron..." Braska stood there underneath the only tree, in the only shadow within one mile.
"Yes Lord Braska, Sir?" Auron, obedient as always looked now somehow more than a saluting soldier than like a guardian.
"I'd prefer sleeping in a bed, too. And you see... I know there's an inn not far away from here. We could be there before it's getting dark." Auron nodded. If Braska wanted it that way, then it was ok. He ignored Jecht's triumphant view and caught up his baggage. Jecht passed Auron and opened his grinning mouth.
"Shut up Jecht! Or else...!" He was hissed at by the former monk.
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"I'm sorry Summoner Braska, but we only have two vacant rooms." The guy at the counter looked quite excusing. It was a damn hot and sticky day and it seemed to Auron that it was much colder outside than inside this guest house...
"Oh that's no problem! My guardians can share one room." Auron regretted that they hadn't rested at the place he proposed.
"But err... Summoner Braska... this is a room for... couples, it's a double bed." Jecht and Auron looked at each other, unpleasantly, disagreeing, and nauseated of this option.
"Oh please Lord Braska... You know he's snoring like an ogre!" Braska laughed and imitated Auron's voice.
"You're a guardian, sissy! You better get used to this way of spending the night!" Jecht nearly suffocated on his laughter, while Auron grabbed his stuff and marched to their room, slightly sulky.
"Don't be too harsh with Auron, Jecht. He's a good chap, and I think he likes you even if it seems the other way round!" Braska had a big problem with these guys. How could they do their job as his guardians when they were occupied with clashing all the time?
"Ah Braska, I know he likes me! But what ya think would make ponytail-lass like me more?" Braska sighed and walked into his own room. But before...
"Probably if you would stop calling him that way!" Jecht shrugged and strolled to their room.
"Ya can't take all the fun out of my life, ya know!"
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"C'mon Auron!"
"No, Jecht!"
"Ah! Just a little bit!"
"No!"
"Only two pints!"
"No!"
"Well it won't hurt ya, ya know!"
"No!"
"T'is an inn, Braska is safe and sound here! Ya can have a drink wi me!"
"No!"
"T'is just alcohol, nothing evil!"
"I said NO for Yevon's sake!"
"C'mon I invite you!"
"Argh! Am I speaking Al Bhed, or what! Which letter in the word NO don't you understand!"
"Oh I understand ya very well. I'm just saying I won't stop until ya gonna drink wi me!"
"So what's ya decision?"
"Promise that you won't speak to me until tomorrow then?" Jecht nodded.
"Then... Let's go!"
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"And then... I puked into the water!" Jecht's face was tomato red and Auron couldn't stop himself from laughing. He coughed and spilled his drink over the counter.
"During da game? Emparasin!"
"Err what?" Jecht took another swig from his drink. (his tenth)
"Em...hic Emparass... Ah... Embarrassing! Hic Gosh!" Obviously Jecht was much more used to booze-ups than Auron.
"Oh fellow! I'll gonna make a damn good carouser out of ya!" Jecht grinned and ordered two more drinks onto Auron's bill actually.
"You know, Jecht?" Auron got slightly sentimental. "You're my o... only friend! Damn Braska! It's always Auron do this, Auron do that, Auron save me from that fiends, Auron kill that beast!" He put his arm around Jecht's shoulder.
"He never asks what he could do for me! Unlike you! You are my friend Jecht, aren't you!" He didn't even let him answer and drivelled on.
"Ah Jecht you're so nice to me and I'm always rebuking you! I'm a bad human! No don't speak! I am, I know that I am!" He began sobbing onto Jecht's shoulder. There are three types of inebriates: those who get aggressive, those who get really freaky cheery and those who get depressive. Obviously Auron's one of the last types... or he just had a bad day.
"I mean, you're a caring father and a loving husband and what am I? I'm as stubborn as a Ronso and as vain as a Guado!" Jecht tried to calm him down a bit, gladly there had been no others in the bar anymore that would have seen Auron wailing in medium alcoholic intoxication.
And then suddenly Auron stopped talking and took a kip.
"Well... I think we gonna get to bed now, what ya think ponytail-lass?"
-
With a terrible hangover Auron woke up like from the death, the next morning. Jecht snored on the floor, Auron grinned. Hadn't he said he wanted to sleep in the bed? Probably he kicked him out at night, he always had some sort of hyperactive sleep. Slowly Jecht woke, too and got up from the ground scratching his back. Auron gasped and stared at the ceiling.
"Jecht! For Yevon's sake! Get some clothes on!" Jecht yawned with drowsy eyes.
"Ya' re the right one to say that..." Auron shuddered, lifted his blanket, glimpsed and blushed.
"Man you dun have to be ashamed! Ya and me we're damn gorgeous guys!" Slowly an unvoiced chill crept up Auron's back...
"You... You didn't... I mean we didn't... Did we? Please don't tell me we..." He felt quite uncomfortable as he had a complete blackout of last night...
"Huh? What ya mean?" Jecht shrugged carefree, Auron's face turned pale and he felt a bit sick.
"Please tell me that we did not do that! These... unnatural... things that... men do... sometimes when they're... loaded... or when they fancy shopping... Please tell me we didn't!" Jecht roared in laughter and wrapped a towel round his hips.
"Oh ya mean that. Nah... I would remember giving ya' a good, hard bang! Well, if ya dun mind I'll get myself a shower now." Auron nodded sort of relieved and let his feet touch the slightly cold floor. When he stood up a thumping sting hit the lower end of his spine and he had some difficulties in walking, actually every step was a little torture.
"Jecht? We really didn't?" From out of the bathroom he heard something like: "I told ya, no!" through the sound of the water.
"THEN WHY'S MY GODDAMN BUM HURTING LIKE HELL?" Auron wasn't really angry and he wasn't really frightened he was sort of in between. Jecht stuck his head out of the shower.
"Dun ya remember? Ya've been totally smashed and then ya fell down the stairs!" He stuck his head back and Auron thought about this possibility. He decided that this was the best explanation (and the one less disquieting ).
Braska was already breakfasting when the two met him again. He was wondering a bit about Auron's strange walk. Afterwards they got their stuff together and headed to continue their pilgrimage. They had just left the inn when Braska decided to ask. And as Jecht was walking at the head, Auron explained that he had fallen down the stairs. Braska looked at him with an odd face and raised an eyebrow.
"You do believe me, that I've fallen down the damn stairs, don't you?" Auron was unable to interpret the expression on Braska's face.
"Ahem... Auron... Which stairs?" He point with his head past Auron to the inn.
Auron swirled round... his eyes widened, his pupils narrowed and he gulped hard.
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The guest house had just a first floor!
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Note:
Inspired by Matthew Perry and Bruce Willis in"The Whole Nine Yards 2" and a wonderful little pic I found a while ago... in a final fantasy hentai livejournal... so you can guess:P
Note two:
If I will continue this it will not just be Auron's, Jecht's and Braska's pilgrimage, but little episodes of several parts of Auron's life and the bit where he's not really alive.