Humour fic that I decided to write after playing a particularly crappy game
of renegade. Was written in 20 mins at midnight.
This is for fun only, so don't take it seriously.
This is based on the City map in renegade.
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YOU STOLE MY TANK!
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Squibb: At last! Enough money for a Mammoth tank!
UNIT READY
Squibb: heheheh now the Noddies will pay dearly!
The radio flares up. "ARGH! 3 Flame tanks incoming, protect the AGT repeat Pr**ec****"
Squibb: muwahahaha let me at em.
3 Flame tanks come into view. Squibb takes down two screaming DIE YOU SPAWN OF SATAN!!!
The third Flame tank takes off some armour, but is fried by the mammoth's twin cannons.
Squibb: they won't try that again in a hurry. Better repair my vehicle.
Squibb gets out and starts to repair the mammoth.
A young lieutenant spots the empty mammoth, runs up, and gets inside.
Young lieutenant: Yes a mammoth!
Squibb: Hey get out! That's mine!
Young lieutenant: Not anymore, you should have protected it better.
The mammoth rolls away with Squibb chasing.
Squibb STOP! THAT'S MINE, I PAID FOR IT!!
Squibb chases the mammoth to the middle of the map. The mammoth goes over a tiberium field to prevent him chasing.
Voice over intercom: GDI Advanced guard tower under attack.
Squibb: come one I NEED that tank! WE need that tank, or we will all die!
Young lieutenant: no way, it's mine now.
Voice over intercom: GDI Advanced guard tower destroyed
Squibb: OH GREAT! I hope your happy now MR. How could this get any worse?
Voice over intercom: GDI weapons factory destroyed.
Squibb: ARGH!!!! Any worse than this?
3 stealth tanks come into view right next to them. 2 apaches dive under the bridge to say hi.
Squibb: Doh…
Apache pilot: why hellooo, if you let us have the mammoth, we wont kill you.
Young lieutenant: OK
Squibb: NOOO!
The young lieutenant gets out, and gets poisoned by the tiberium. He dies and the Stealth tanks push the mammoth to a safe area and commandeer it.
The mammoth points its guns at Squibb.
Squibb. Hey I thought you said you wouldn't kill us?
Mammoth driver: No, we said we wouldn't kill HIM (points to corpse) and we didn't, the tiberium did. We never said anything about not killing YOU.
Squibb: Shit.
Mammoth rolls forward and squashes Squibb. He now makes a shiny red caterpillar track ornament.
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In heaven.
Squibb and an Angel have parked their clouds and are talking on an even bigger cloud.
Squibb: So then this ASSHOLE steals my tank…
Angel: Damn that's bad, I guess you should look after your vehicles more.
Young lieutenant: WOOHOO! MY CLOUD NOW!
Angel: NOO My cloud…
Squibb: I told ya he was an asshole.
This is for fun only, so don't take it seriously.
This is based on the City map in renegade.
----------------------------
YOU STOLE MY TANK!
----------------------------
Squibb: At last! Enough money for a Mammoth tank!
UNIT READY
Squibb: heheheh now the Noddies will pay dearly!
The radio flares up. "ARGH! 3 Flame tanks incoming, protect the AGT repeat Pr**ec****"
Squibb: muwahahaha let me at em.
3 Flame tanks come into view. Squibb takes down two screaming DIE YOU SPAWN OF SATAN!!!
The third Flame tank takes off some armour, but is fried by the mammoth's twin cannons.
Squibb: they won't try that again in a hurry. Better repair my vehicle.
Squibb gets out and starts to repair the mammoth.
A young lieutenant spots the empty mammoth, runs up, and gets inside.
Young lieutenant: Yes a mammoth!
Squibb: Hey get out! That's mine!
Young lieutenant: Not anymore, you should have protected it better.
The mammoth rolls away with Squibb chasing.
Squibb STOP! THAT'S MINE, I PAID FOR IT!!
Squibb chases the mammoth to the middle of the map. The mammoth goes over a tiberium field to prevent him chasing.
Voice over intercom: GDI Advanced guard tower under attack.
Squibb: come one I NEED that tank! WE need that tank, or we will all die!
Young lieutenant: no way, it's mine now.
Voice over intercom: GDI Advanced guard tower destroyed
Squibb: OH GREAT! I hope your happy now MR. How could this get any worse?
Voice over intercom: GDI weapons factory destroyed.
Squibb: ARGH!!!! Any worse than this?
3 stealth tanks come into view right next to them. 2 apaches dive under the bridge to say hi.
Squibb: Doh…
Apache pilot: why hellooo, if you let us have the mammoth, we wont kill you.
Young lieutenant: OK
Squibb: NOOO!
The young lieutenant gets out, and gets poisoned by the tiberium. He dies and the Stealth tanks push the mammoth to a safe area and commandeer it.
The mammoth points its guns at Squibb.
Squibb. Hey I thought you said you wouldn't kill us?
Mammoth driver: No, we said we wouldn't kill HIM (points to corpse) and we didn't, the tiberium did. We never said anything about not killing YOU.
Squibb: Shit.
Mammoth rolls forward and squashes Squibb. He now makes a shiny red caterpillar track ornament.
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In heaven.
Squibb and an Angel have parked their clouds and are talking on an even bigger cloud.
Squibb: So then this ASSHOLE steals my tank…
Angel: Damn that's bad, I guess you should look after your vehicles more.
Young lieutenant: WOOHOO! MY CLOUD NOW!
Angel: NOO My cloud…
Squibb: I told ya he was an asshole.