The Last.
How many we're there before me ?
Said the voice of which who holds all my love, my thoughts and my heart. It was a beautiful Sunday morning, the sun was shining through the window and onto the white soft pillows and covers of my bed.
Looking down at my shoulder, of which was currently occupied by beautiful black coloured locks. Trying to understand her question, i find myself unable too. So i ask her in reply;
What do you mean ?
Lifting her head from my shoulder, she sits up facing me. I already missed the warmth she provided me with, that was there a couple of seconds ago, but deciding not to think about it for too long, I too decide to mirror her actions and sit up aswell.
She looks at me, with her big lively hazel eyes, the same ones that still manage to make my heart skip a beat and my voice hitch in my throat. Shuffling a bit closer while she bits her lip, indicating she's quite nervous about something.
She then asks me; How many girls did you have before me ?
Love ? I ask her, to precise the question. She nods her head and smiles at me. Thinking over her question, i finally answer her; five..
I have loved five woman before you, she looks away for a bit, Her hair tumbling over her shoulder as she does so, not quite knowing what she was planning to do with this information, I do the only thing i could, I wait.
After a couple of seconds, I hear her voice say; What we're their names ? Smirking at her question, a tell her but not in a fashion i think she'd understand but I do anyway.
Their names we're Who, What, Where and Why.
Nodding her head, she looks down and takes my hand, lacing her fingers with mine. Raising her head and her gaze rests on me.
Tell me about them.
Who, i loved was a girl from College, I wasn't exactly close to her but with some superficial facts and a few interactions, you know like most guys fantasizing over a girl they barely know. I filled in the blanks like a fairytale author, and who she became in my head was probably more than the reality.
She was a third year sorority girl and i was the madly in love, head over heals freshmen, shure whatever but..
The several times we got to spend together outside of class,it also aloud me to see, she had a good heart and a bright spirit but the problem was.. I wasn't the only guy falling for her and even though she turned me down nicely.. I swear it seemed like the cliche sorority girl from class 309 may have felt something for the topical awkward freshmen.
What, i loved was an old friend but she was much more than just a friend, we met early in College and kept in touch through out the years after. We saw each other grow and change and go through multiple relationships. I saw her different boyfriends come and go, She was also there for every girlfriend and breakup i ever had. Personality, humour , taste, it was all there. Her and I we're almost perfect...
The only thing that wasn't perfect was our timing, we we're never single at the same time and what we loved about each other was never enough to leave who we we're with.. this is something we eventually had to face and except and also leave behind what we had.
When, i loved was my first girlfriend in High school, it's a bit unfair because she embodies the both love and youth. The feeling of young love is unique and impossible to replace and replicate, because we can only be that age once. High school is the time of innocence, discovery and adventure. We shared these three elements together in things like our first kiss, late night sneaking out, scary movies.. all of which now become a special kind of love.
Kept in a time that neither of us can touch.
Even though we we're just kids, there's not a dough in my mind that when we we're there.
We we're inlove.
Where, i loved was the girl i met in Los Angeles.
I never intended to stay there that long, it was just a 6 month long internship after graduating but it all changed when i met her. Soon a year had passed and some how another year after that.
I couldn't leave the city, i couldn't leave her.
Maybe it was my desire to be on my own or to prove something to everyone back at home but she helped me accomplish all that over there, of a relationship reflect of the city we we're in. A new energy and new experiences that really pushed me to mature more than anyone or anywhere else. When people ask me what city i Love the most.. i say, LA.
The city where i loved the most.
Why, i loved was a close friend that passed away.
She told me ,after that she was diagnosed, that death was not what saddened her the most... But the fact that she had never really fallen inlove, she wouldn't get to have those emotions, good and bad .. of being hurt or of being held.
After she passed, those words stuck with me the most. Teaching me to see that, one of the greatest gifts of being alive was the ability to give, receive and even lose love. There are so many like her, who's lives end before having any of those experiences. What a waste if we don't put our all to find love, she made me understand why.
Why waste this live if we're not living.
She looks at me with such emotion in her eyes, i haven't even realized she had shed some tears while i was talking. Leaning towards her a bit, i kiss her forehead and whip the remaining tears on her soft delicate cheeks.
Pulling back, joy fills my heart as i see her smile and even laugh a bit.
I understand now, she says genuinely as she whips her eyes with the back of her sleeve. I decide to continue the story, looking at her now with all her concentration on me, i proceed to tell her;
You are number six.
With that said, she leans back and looks up. Hmm, which one does that make me then ?
Chuckling a bit, i answer her question.
Your are none of them, because you are all of them. You are who i love, the girl i never though i could have, the fantasy. Your are the make believe things that are true. You are what i love, the girl who connects with me like if we we're very old friends. The inside jokes, the humour, the best friend. You are when i love, a new history is being started with you, we are the younger loves that our old selves will reminisce about. You are where i love, Because i'd go anywhere just to be with you. You are why i love, because before you i wasn't really sure of what i was looking for, and now that we've found each other, you've given my past and future meaning.
Your are number six.
and
You are the last.