Don't own anything. RM does.

I just kept sitting there and thinking. Thinking and imagining.

I spent the rest of the day doing little more than that. I skipped dinner. I shed a few tears. But mostly, I just sat on my bed thinking and growing more and more depressed. I also discovered that the only thing worse than imagining Dimitri and Tasha together was remembering when he and I had been together. He would never touch me again like that, never kiss me again...

This was the worst Christmas ever.

I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned in my bed until I decide there was no use of even trying. I was, actually, painfully aware that I was acting childish, feeling childish, and that Dimitri had a lot of good reasons to accept Tasha's offer. Something I couldn't give to him. A child. Mature woman. Relationship without consequences.

But I couldn't help but feel devastated and angry, mostly at myself. I was stupid enough to actually believe we could make this work one day, that there's a chance for us. And when I realized that I had been fighting while he'd already give up on us, that fact broke me.

Couple more weeks and he'll be leaving, to a better place, with a better woman. I never even deserved a man like him. I closed my eyes. Some of images returned to me, but they were so misty, so far away, and then they quickly disappeared. I made a terrible mistake. I told him everything I felt, well, most of it anyway. I opened my heart. I gave my heart to him to evaluate it, although it was priceless. And now…

There was so, so much I couldn't give to him, so much he mourned for. I realized there's only one thing I could. I prayed. It wasn't actually a Rose Hathaway style, but for once I decided to fully believe that there's something up there. And what was most surprising, I wasn't praying for myself. I just wanted Dimitri to be happy. To get what he wants the most, because he deserves it. To have everything I didn't know how to give to him, to find it with Tasha.

I wished him love that shatters Earths, love that conquers all, and the one that lasts forever.

Tears were leaking from my eyes the whole time, but I wasn't really aware of them until I heard a knock on the door and tried to erase all of the leftovers of my breakdown.

"Liss?" I opened the door so she could come in, but she stayed on the spot, just looking at me. "What's going on? Is something wrong?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" She was confused, I could sense that. She knew I wasn't alright. She always knew. "Have you been crying?" She said the word crying like it was something unnatural, something sick. Something that couldn't be connected to me.

Swallowing back further tears, I turned away from her, and whispered "I don't wanna talk about it. Not right now."

She was going to push me to open up, but stayed silent. There was something else on her mind, I realized, something she believed could get my mind off whatever I was sad about.

"Okay, so… I found another spirit user."

Wow.

"How? When? How…"

"Well. He actually found me. Called me few weeks ago. And I know-" she interrupted me when I opened my mouth when I started to say something. "I should've told you. But… I wanted it to be a surprise. Christmas one."

So she was hiding something from me, all this time. Or I was just so concentrated on myself I didn't realized something was going on with her. I was a terrible almost-guardian these last few weeks. And it is going to have to change, starting right now.

"Who is it?"

She looked sheepish. "Adrian Ivashkov."

"Adrian Ivashkov." I repeated. The Ivashkovs were a royal family, one of the wealthiest and most powerful. They were the kind of people who thought they could get anything they wanted and walked over those in their way. And Adrian was… arrogant, selfish, egocentric, wild and disrespectful son of a bitch. Young and handsome, yes. But also a trouble, a big one for that matter.

"Care to elaborate?"

"It's a long story. But he's here! And he and I have been practicing something."

"Practicing something like how to act like a god and get everything you want, or something like how to drink a whole bar and then compel everyone in it to attend your royal orgies?"

"None of that." She said in a sing-song voice. But then she became serious. "He's more than that, Rose, you'll see."

"I believe you." I was suddenly becoming curious. "What then?"

"Come with me, we'll show you."

I decided, learning something new about spirit couldn't hurt, so I followed her to the parlor in the Academy's guest quarters where we have been earlier today.

Tasha and Dimitri were still there. My heart started to go wild, and I believe I was just a few second away from hyperventilating. So I made myself look around the room to find everybody from earlier here. My mother was in the corner, with the phone in her arms, vividly explaining something. Mason sat on the couch, looking like he was about to fall back to sleep again. It was really, really late, I realized, and half of them were already asleep when Lissa decided to bring them back here again.

Eddie was here to, standing next to Christian and looking impassive.

And there was somebody else.

His presence was intoxicating. He looked like he's been a few years older than me, and was a little shorter than Dimitri, but he also had a nice, muscular body, unlike most Moroi. He had brown hair that looked like it had been purposely styled to appear messy and his eyes were… They were boring right into mine, a deep emerald green. I opened my mouth but closed them when he slid towards me.

"My, my. Nice to finally meet you, Rose Hathaway." He extended a hand to me that I hesitantly took.

"And you must be Ivashkov." I said, trying not to be effected with his extremely close presence.

"One of a kind." He was still holding my hand and I took a sharp breath when he turned it around and pressed a small kiss on the inside of my wrist. He was still watching me directly in the eyes and I wanted to turn away, I so did, but I felt like my muscles became liquid. And then I felt his canine lightly pressed my skin, right above the vein. My breath hitched.

"Why are we here in the middle of the night, then?"

My mother's sharp voice broke whatever the spell this guy was holding on me, and I quickly pulled my hand out of his grasp.

He was so arrogant he actually laughed. He had a nice laugh, rich and almost melodious. Dangerous. I refused not to blush when I realized everybody had witnessed our little exchange. So I turned back to Lissa.

"Yeah, why are we here again?"

I could feel excitement coming from a bond.

"Well, do you believe in destiny?"

The question took me off guard and I opened my mouth, but Christian answered instead of me.

"Destiny is just a people's excuse for their own failure."

I heard a note of annoyance in his voice.

"I believe in what people could do for themselves." Tasha said. I try to dismiss a heartbreaking feeling I got when I heard her voice, but the urge to be different from here was to strong.

"I believe." I said. Which was idiotic because I certainly did not.

"Great." Adrian nodded. "I want you everybody to sit down, couch, floor…" He looked at me. "I would offer my bed, but my room is down the hallway. We'll get back to that later."

I rolled my eyes and took a seat on the floor next to Mason's legs.

Lissa closed the door and stood next to Adrian.

"The thing is we believe we can make you see your own future."

"See our future?" Dimitri repeated.

Don't. Think. About. Him.

"Yeah." Lissa answered and Adrian explained.

"Well, not exactly see it, more hear it. And not exactly future, more what your soul from the future has to say."

It sounded… no.

Mason smiled. "I believe this is most interesting thing that is going to happen to me in my whole life."

Still… no.

Everybody started to talk immediately, most of them excited. Lissa was happy, too. She really wanted to see what future holds. And she was happy because everybody accepted their idea open-minded. To her, it meant they accepted spirit.

"Liss." I looked at her. "Don't you think that too much of a spirit use?"

"Well, it is much, but there are two of us." She nodded toward Adrian. "We'll combine our magic. Plus, I really want to do this."

Those pleading eyes.

"Please, Rose."

Dammit.

"Fine. But I still don't think that's, like, possible." I admitted.

"Let's do this!" Tasha clasped her hands.

Adrian was all business now. "Okay, gang, who wants to go first?"

Mason straightened in his seat. "Bring it on, Ivashkov."

Adrian turned towards Lissa and she nodded. Here comes nothing.

The silence was creeping into the room. Everybody looked tense. I could feel Lissa's magic, colors and beautiful toughs filled my mind. She was concentrating so much on this. Still, nothing happened, like I predicted.

My mother stated the obvious.

"I believe this isn't going to work." She started to get up. "I'm sorry, Princess, Lord Ivashkov, but I believe we could all use a rest."

"No!" Lissa yelled. She was desperate. Masen, on the other hand, looked plainly disappointed. "Please. I don't know why it doesn't work. We'll try again. Just… We'll try on Rose, maybe our bond will help."

I didn't think it was going to happen, but… Wait.

"Try on Rose?" I squeaked.

Adrian winked.

Christ.

My mother sat down and exchanged a look with Dimitri. They both thought this was a childish way of wasting precious time. I, for a change, agreed.

"Fine. Just be quick." I exhaled.

They concentrated again, and I could feel magic again. I was a little scared, not because I was going to see my future, because I wasn't, but because Lissa was using too much magic. It wasn't going to end well.

And then I saw nothing.

Not the light, not the blackness, nothing. It was hard to explain.

It was like I was there and, in the same time, I wasn't.

And I heard voices. They were far, far away, but progressively becoming louder and louder. I tried to move away from them but failed miserably. It felt like I didn't have a body.

I started to recognize words and sentences, but voices were strange. They all sounded familiar, but I couldn't say who was speaking. Like they were mutant voices of my friends and family, and my own.

But what was scaring me the most were things they were saying.

What happens between him and me is none of your business!

No. I told her no.

You will destroy that which is undead.

Besides, they come first, right?

Not always.

You're strong—you're so, so strong. It's why I love you.

You and me are going to have so much fun, Rose.

Why didn't you tell me?!

I've lived my life for you. I've trained to be your shadow, but you know what? I want to come first.

Just because I like you, it doesn't mean I still don't think you're an evil creature of the night. You are.

No one made you keep drinking it.

I thought you were on your way back to Montana.

You forgot my first lesson: Don't hesitate.

Because I want you.

Wrong answer.

Life, unfortunately, doesn't seem to care what we want.

Don't be sorry you loved him. That's part of you, part you have to let go.

I'm backing down now. I really do love you. That's why I'm doing this.

Yeah, that's exactly what I want. To help my girlfriend get her old boyfriend back.

I've given up on you. Love fades, mine has.

You did what you did out of love. I can't be mad at you over that. It was stupid, but that's how love is.

Do you have any idea what I'd do for you? To keep you safe?

They were becoming faster and faster, louder and louder, mixing, suffocating me, and I couldn't take it anymore.

You love him more than me!

You love her more than me!

I screamed.

Tears were running down my face. I was distantly aware Lissa and Adrian stopped with the spell. I wasn't sitting on the floor anymore. I was standing and shaking. Lissa ran towards me and pulled me into a hug.

"Oh, my god." I whispered. My voice sounded broken.

I heard mumbling of people around me. I looked up and met Dimitri's eyes over the Lissa's shoulder. He was watching me with such intensity, such pain and fear, I almost started crying again.

It was all too much for me.

"You okay, Little Dhampir?" Adrian asked.

I nodded.

I lied and shut my eyes tightly.

You love him more than me. You love her more than me.