Your lit up, happy smile cuts deeper than any dagger when I reluctantly agree to find her address. Why am I doing this? I scream silently to myself, you'll only hurt yourself. But I can't say no to him. Curse the affairs of the heart. I am honestly thinking of going back on my decision when you envelope me in a hug. Sparks fly up my body and I feel warm for the first time in a while. Then, just as soon as it began, it's over, and you rush away. Well, now there's no turning back.

Hands touch, eyes meet, sudden silence, sudden heat,

Hearts leap in a giddy whirl, he could be that boy, but I'm not that girl.

I walk down an abandoned ally, kicking a stone at a rat as it scurries past. The hustle and bustle of inner Paris is behind me and only the occasional shout reaches my ears. This is my favorite place to go. Where nobody can see me. I can be alone, for once not have the yelling of my father echoing behind me. I wish I could have never met you sometimes. If I never knew happiness, then I wouldn't know pain. All that is left of me.

Don't dream too far; don't lose sight of who you are,

Don't remember that rush of joy; he could be that boy,

I'm not that girl.

I wish with all my heart that I could be her. Cosette. The very name makes me furious. It is so unfair that she got to be rich, be pretty; get you, and I hate her for it. If anyone deserves love, it is I, not some bastard child. I know that I am selfish and foolish, but I dream that when you meet her, you'll be disgusted. Then you will see me in a new light, and love me. Tears fall from my eyes as I now that this is but an empty dream.

Every so often, we long to steal, to the land of what-might-have-been,

But that doesn't soften the ache we feel when reality sets back in.

I watch you in the garden, professing your love to her. If things had been different, I could have been her. But God does not favor all, it seems. Only those with a pure and loving heart. Beyond that, He does not see anything. Only worthless trash. I don't know why I care. I stopped believing in Him when my life fell to pieces. The only thing good was you, and now that has been stolen as well.

Blithe smile, lithe limb; she who's winsome, she wins him;

Gold hair with a gentle curl, that's the girl he chose, and heaven knows,

I'm not that girl.

You insisted I leave the barricade. I thought you cared. But no, I was sent with a letter to Cosette. I did what you asked. I'm not sure why. Maybe its because I've stopped caring. I can't stop you loving her. Or at least that's what I tell myself. I've made up my mind. I'm going back. I want to be with you.

Don't wish, don't start, wishing only wounds the heart,

I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl,

There's a girl I know, he loves her so,

I see your face above me, sobbing, as my vision decreases. I told you I'm not in any pain. When you're near, I feel nothing but happy. Knowing that you care, that you don't want me to leave. I can't hold on anymore. It's a relief in a way. I can't see you with her now. I promise I'll find you, I'll watch you. I think you realize now, as I kiss you with all the strength I can muster and as I close my eyes for what I know is the last time, what I've been trying to tell you:

And then, would you know M'sieur Marius, I believe I was a little bit in love with you.

I'm not that girl…