I don't even know

"Talk To Me"

"I'm afraid I might kill myself"

The words echoed around Dean's head. He studied the angel's face

"No...no Cas don't talk like that, please don't get into that state of mind..."

"Dean...I-I'm already there...I just want a way out at this point.."

Dean surged forward, taking the angel in his arms.

"No! Snap out of it okay!? No one is committing suicide, not while I'm around! Not you, not me, not Sam, no one, okay?"

Castiel looked up at Dean, furrowing his brow.

"I'm sorry Dean..." he whispered.

"Cas," Dean said, exasperated," You can't..I..-I need you, Cas..just promise me you won't hurt yourself? Please, Cas, swear it."

"...I can't, I can't promise you anything...I'm sorry..."

"Stop saying that! If you're so friggin' sorry about it, don't do it!"

Castiel raised a hand to his face, swiping at the moisture there.

"What..-"

"You're crying, Cas..." Dean's voice cracked. He placed his hands on the other's face, wiping away the tears. Castiel squeezed his eyes shut, scrunching his face up.

"Ah Cas..." Dean sighed.

"I..-I can't g-go back there...I can't..I won't face my remaining brothers...not after what I did..."

Dean gently pushed Castiel's head down to rest on his shoulder. He let out a broken sob, trying to fight a flood of emotion back.

"Let it out, Cas...just let it all out..." Dean soothed, rubbing small circles on the angels back. Sobs wracked his body. Castiel's arms snaked around Dean's waist, hands twisting into his t-shirt. The angel clutched at the fabric, as if for dear life. They just sat like that for a good long while, until Castiel stopped crying. He sniffed, pulling his tear-stained face away from Dean's sodden shoulder.

"Dean I-" he coughed," I've ruined your clothing, I'm sor-"

"So help me God if you say you're sorry one more time I will kick your feathery ass."

Dean's expression softened. Cas laughed nervously, looking away. His jaw tightened, expression going blank.

"Dean, can I tell you something?" he sighed.

"Yeah, you can tell me anything, Cas, you know that..."

Castiel turned back to face Dean, looking him square in the eye.

"I have a confession...this 'profound bond' of ours..I..-I feel it means more to me than it does to you, now anyway..."

"Cas...why would you say that?"

"When I pulled you from Hell...there was a moment, when your soul and my grace, uh, 'connected' and, uh, left a physical mark...on you. When I touched you for the first time," Castiel laid a hand across the scar on Dean's shoulder, "My grace...attached itself...to your soul, in a sense 'bound' us to one another. That's why when you call for me, I always come. It takes a while for me to hear, let's say, Sam's call, but your voice is louder, and at the front of my mind. When you call out for me, it's so loud, a-and clear, it's like..-like you're right beside me, shouting in my ear all the time, and I almost always get pulled to your location instantly..." he paused, searching Dean's face.

"...So what you're saying is that..my soul..and your grace...are bound together?"

"Can you not feel it, Dean?" Cas asked incredulously.

"Well yeah! Of course, I mean, I've noticed certain things like I can always sense when you appear in the room, even though I haven't seen you, and like when we're in the same room we sort of...gravitate? Towards each other? Like...you move, I move, I begin to speak, you begin to speak..."

"Yes Dean, that's exactly what I mean..sort of..."

"Oh and uh...-when you walk into the room, my palms go all sweaty and my mouth dries up!" Dean grinned.

Castiel looked at him quizzically, and cocked his head to the left.

Aw crap I said too much, Dean groaned inwardly, blushing, a nervous smile crossing his face. He looked away from Castiel, who brought a hand up to Dean's face and touched the heated skin. Dean leaned into the touch before he could stop himself.

"Cas..." he sighed contentedly, whispering, "Cas, I've had these..feelings...uh,-about you for a while now, good feelings, like nothing I've ever felt before and-"

Castiel pulled dean around to face him, blue gazing into green.

"This is what I've been trying to say Dean," he leaned in, catching Dean's lips with his own in a tender kiss, holing him close.

They broke apart, curiously studying one another.

"Well," Dean announced, "Our bond is definitely more profound than yours and Sam's now."