This idea just randomly came to me and I knew I had to write it. Leave a review if you enjoy it! :)
Castiel does not remember when he first learns about love but he does remember the first moment he realises he is in love with Dean.
It doesn't come in some blinding epiphany, the way he knows most humans would have predicted; instead, it comes in small realisations, that for the most part, would have passed Castiel by, if it hadn't been for the fact that when he puts all those signs together, they seem to signify something.
Like that fact that whenever Dean's T-shirt rides up, showing a strip of bare skin over his jeans, it makes Castiel's stomach twist into a knot that isn't entirely unpleasant. Like the fact that whenever Dean is away from him, Castiel's thoughts seem to centre solely around the hunter, and he feels a constant nagging sensation that something is not quite right until Dean returns. Like the fact that whenever they're sitting in front of some late-night television show, and Dean's hand brushes Cas's shoulder, even by accident, Castiel feels as though he is on fire, as though something has exploded under his skin.
These, and a thousand other little signs, have led him to conclude that he is in love with Dean. When Dean walks off with a blonde haired, well-endowed woman in a bar and later returns with a grin on his face and a bunch of stories for Sam, Castiel , surprisingly, does not find it amusing, the way he usually does when Dean smiles. In fact, he finds himself feeling the distinct urge to throw his fist into something, despite knowing he could do far more damage without lifting a finger.
This, Castiel concludes from some of those late-night shows, is jealousy, and it is an emotion he does not enjoy.
If he is in love with Dean Winchester, however, there is a bigger question; how does he make Dean Winchester fall in love with him?
Castiel knows Dean did not like him when they first met. He knows that Dean did not trust him when they first met. And now, Dean lets him ride in the car with him and Sam. Dean lets him take fries off his plate, which Sam insist he's never seen his brother do for anyone else, not even Cassie, a girl Dean loved a long time ago. Dean becomes panicked if he believes Castiel to be in danger. Dean calls him Cas, rather than Castiel, and now so do most other people, which Castiel has discovered he likes far more than he would have expected.
Therefore, he knows that Dean Winchester's feelings towards people and by extension, angels, can change. He has gone from disliking Castiel to liking him. He has gone from wanting to kill Castiel to being his friend.
Whenever Castiel thinks of being Dean's friend, it gives him a warm feeling in his chest, and it takes a few occurrences of the sensation for him to realise that it is what humans call happiness.
But he knows that Dean's feelings can change. Therefore, maybe there is a way to encourage Dean's feelings towards him to change from friends to more than friends.
He doesn't know if there is any sure way a human could be guaranteed to fall in love, but everyone on those late-night shows seems to succeed at it. They do not have years of angelic experience behind them. The task cannot be wholly difficult.
Except Castiel has little to no idea where to start.
He cannot ask any of his brothers for advice. He does not know how they would react, and besides, he knows he does not want to endure the humiliation of having to tell them that he wishes to forge a romantic connection with one of the humans in his charge. It would provide them with ammunition for at least the next three centuries.
Castiel cannot ask Sam. He does not know how to ask Sam, and he suspects that the demon hunter, while he would try to help Castiel, would find it uncomfortable to keep such a secret from his brother. Asking Dean is, of course, out of the question.
For a while, Castiel broods over the problem until a chance remark one day, from Dean himself, seems to present a solution.
They have been hunting yet another poltergeist-sometimes Castiel enjoys the break from the ongoing battles with heaven, by watching the brothers hunt something else-and this one has proved to be a particularly tricky task. Sam has turned to the computer.
Dean snorts. "You're asking Mr. Google?"
"If Mr. Google has the answers, then yeah."
Castiel stops dead where he had been pacing and blinks.
"It has answers?" he says, turning to look over Sam's shoulder. Sam flinches and Castiel realises he's leaning a little too close to the demon-hunter. He steps back, as Dean taught him. "My apologies."
Sam shakes his head. "Cas?" He looks up at him. "You don't know what a search engine is?"
Castiel has to shake his head. In all his years in heaven, they have never had the need of one, but he wonders how he can explain this to Sam and Dean.
After a few minutes of brief explanation from the brothers, Castiel is no longer listening. All he can think is that a search engine is all he needs.
He has found the solution. Now, all he has to do is put it into practice.
It takes surprisingly little time for Sam and Dean to leave the hotel room and for Castiel to create an excuse to vanish. He arrives back at the motel, secure in the knowledge that he has at least an hour before the brothers return.
It takes Castiel a little while to figure out how to turn the laptop on, but eventually he manages it-employing Dean's strategies of hitting, shouting at and alternately cursing loudly until he works it out. They seem to be effective. He wonders if Sam will notice the dent in the laptop's lid and then decides he doesn't need to have it pointed out to him.
Once he reaches the page that has GOOGLE spelled out at the top, he hesitates. He wonders what it might be best to type in.
Eventually, he settles on "how to make a demon-hunter fall in love."
However, when the search results come up, Castiel realises that it may take him several months to search through them all. He wonders if there's any way he can speed up the process. How do Sam and Dean acquire their information when faced with a deadline?
He decides to refine the search. He briefly debates clicking on the button that reads "I'm Feeling Lucky" but he doesn't because he isn't.
Eventually, he settles on "Who a demon-hunter falls in love with."
He gets another long list of results, and sighs. He is apparently going to be here for a while.
He clicks on a few of the search pages, but things just get more and more confusing. There are websites dedicated to demon lore, that get most of it wrong and articles about demonic possession. There are even a few pages dedicated to hair care products.
Castiel is just about to give up or type in "how to make a demon hunter fall in love with an angel" when his eyes light on a word: fanfiction.
Castiel has never heard this word before. He eyes it curiously for a moment, before hovering the cursor over the word and clicking quickly.
The next thing he knows, he's bombarded with a list of words he's never heard of in his whole existence. Things like plot bunnies, OCs, One True Pairings. Castiel frowns. Maybe the site has some tips on how to ensure himself and Dean end up in a One True Pairing? It sounds fairly romantic.
He's about to click on it when his eyes light on another word and for the first time since he began his Internet search, he feels his pulse quicken.
Mary-Sues reads the word. And next to it, The hero will almost always fall in love with a Mary-Sue.
Dean is definitely a hero. And according to this article, the hero is destined to fall in love with a Mary Sue.
If Castiel is a Mary Sue, therefore, Dean is destined to fall in love with him.
Castiel wastes no time. He pulls the laptop more firmly towards him and begins to read.
By the time the brothers return, Castiel has been pacing up and down for a while, considering. He has the list of Mary Sue traits fixed in his memory, to consult whenever necessary.
The Mary Sue is generally a girl. Castiel considered taking another vessel, but then wondered if that might not alarm Dean and Sam. They are used to seeing him in this one and he is aware humans have a tendency to get attached to things.
He has decided to ask them about it and given there is no time like the present, turns to Dean. "Would I be different if I took a female vessel?"
Dean is in the middle of taking a gulp of beer. At Castiel's words, he chokes and spends the next five minutes spluttering and attempting to breathe with Sam's hand rubbing his back. Castiel wonders if this is good or bad.
"Are you crazy?" Dean finally manages, staring at Castiel as if the angel has just suggested he pop back to Hell for a few hours. "Why the hell would we want you in some chick's vessel?"
Castiel feels a faint flicker of surprise. He had not realised Dean was so attached to this one.
"I merely-" Castiel swallowed. Sam is watching his brother with a strange look on his face-Castiel is unsure whether it is surprise or puzzlement or both. "I merely wondered."
"Well, no" Dean grinds out through clenched teeth. "You're Cas. You're-" He gestures at the trench coat. "In that...vessel. Anything else would be kind of weird."
Sam is still staring at his brother but Castiel has his answer. Apparently, a female vessel will not be necessary for this task.
Mary Sues will often be clumsy in a manner that is strangely endearing to the hero.
Castiel is unsure how an attempt at clumsiness will be endearing, but maybe that will come with practice.
He waits for the appropriate moment, and it comes several days later. The three of them are heading through a convenience store, Dean determined to pick up some burgers, when Castiel decides to put his new found strategy into action.
He waits until Dean is several steps behind him, listening to Sam complaining about some dent in his laptop, then quickens his pace, so that he's walking far more quickly than usual. This will ensure that Dean will see exactly what is happening. He believes his actions will be far more endearing if they are actually visible.
Now, he finds himself faced with a problem-namely, how to trip and look convincing. Castiel tries putting one foot in front of the other a few times but all it prompts is an enquiry from Sam as to whether or not his shoes fit, and a curious look from Dean, and while their concern is nice, it is not entirely what Castiel has set out to achieve.
He will simply have to try something more dramatic.
Castiel waits until the aisle in front of him is clear and steps forward. He takes a deep breath, waits until Dean turns to look at him, and then, quite simply, launches himself forward.
Castiel had not counted on a shopping cart being pushed out into the aisle.
His foot catches the wheel and he is propelled forward , taking the shopping cart down with him, as he falls into an open freezer. A bag of frozen peas slams against his cheek and he lies there, stunned, and with the thought that at least Dean will have witnessed the whole incident.
He just hopes it was endearing.
He hears footsteps and straightens up to see a stranger glaring at him and Dean and Sam staring. It's Dean who heads towards him first, staring at Castiel as if he's done something entirely bizarre instead of simply tried to appear endearing.
"What the hell was that?" Dean shouts, in a voice that does not suggest he feels endeared.
Behind him, Sam is now helping the woman to pick up her groceries, offering his apologies and suggesting he pay for the shopping. Castiel blinks up at Dean and wonders what a Mary Sue would do in this situation.
"I was attempting to be endearing" he says eventually, wondering if Dean will now understand and will attempt to play along.
Dean stares at him for a moment and then bends over, his hand brushing Castiel's forehead. It's suddenly a lot harder to breathe.
"Cas-" Dean pulls him closer. "You're all bruised."
Castiel shrugs. It doesn't matter to him. What matters is that Dean is touching the side of his head, his thumb now circling under Castiel's eyes. It makes it far harder to breathe but the sensation is not unpleasant.
"What the hell was that, Cas?" Dean asks again but he doesn't seem to want an answer. Instead, he's holding the frozen peas close to Castiel's head and he's got a worried hand braided in the angel's hair.
When Dean chooses to sit next to him in the back seat of the Impala and allows Sam to drive-who makes sure to enquire several times if his brother's feeling OK-Castiel decides the action was endearing enough.
Mary Sues will often seem to have abilities that aren't commonplace and will often be extremely giving, willing to risk their own lives in exchange for others. They will often inspire extreme protective tendencies in others. Mary Sues will frequently be perceived as perfect in every way.
Castiel has already raised Dean from hell and Dean has been willing to save his life on several occasions, so he supposes he has already fulfilled those requirements. Castiel is already aware that he has abilities greater than those of regular humans, and judging from the way Dean reacted in the convenience store, he already inspires protective instincts in the hunter so those are two fewer tasks to complete.
However, the perfection requirement bothers Castiel. He is fully aware that he is not perfect in every way. In fact, he doesn't know of any being that is. But the site was quite clear. Perceived as perfect in every way.
Castiel blinks. Perceived. That's much better.
But even there, there are problems. He is fully aware that Sam and Dean do not perceive him as perfect. Not only for the times he has not followed their wishes, but also for the times he has drawn attention to them unnecessarily. In the convenience store, for example. He simply wanted Dean to feel endeared towards him. Instead, he almost cracked his vessel's skull open.
Sometimes, when Castiel speaks, he witnesses the brothers exchanging looks and he wonders if they are intended to be positive or negative. He is fully aware that he does not speak entirely like humans. He is unsure as to whether or not Sam and Dean like or dislike this trait.
So, he decides the safest way to attain perfection is to stop speaking.
He clamps his mouth shut and that's how it remains for the next four and a half hours. Things are tolerable for the first two and a half, during which he and the Winchesters sit in the Impala, with Dean driving while Sam complains that he will have to have his laptop fixed at the next computer shop they find, but after that, things become a little more uncomfortable.
Sam suggests stopping off for a bit and Dean agrees. "You like the sound of that, Cas?" he says and he glances quickly at the angel in the mirror. "Cas?"
Castiel does like the sound of that but he doesn't want to ruin his attempt at perfection, so he keeps his lips clamped together and merely nods his head. Dean looks confused but turns to stare through the windshield.
A couple more nods get the same reaction if a few more puzzled glances. However, when an hour has gone by, and Castiel has still not spoken a single word, even when addressed, the car is suddenly yanked to the side of the road and Dean is leaning against the headrest, his eyes narrowed as he glares at Castiel.
"You going to tell me what the hell the silent act is about?"
Castiel wonders if this is some sort of test of attempted perfection.
He settles for a shake of the head at Dean. Dean stares at him.
"Cas, what the hell is going on?"
Castiel wishes there was some way to impart the information to Dean without speech.
But Dean keeps watching him and next second, he's opened the car door. For the second time in as many days, he's climbing into the back of the Impala next to Castiel.
"Dude" says Dean, his arm outstretched, hand brushing Castiel's shoulder. "Just talk to me, OK?"
That's the one thing that Castiel can't do. He wishes Dean would understand.
Dean sighs. "Look" he says, after leaning his head on his hands for a moment. "Is there some reason you're not speaking?"
Castiel nods his head. This, he can answer.
Dean looks at him. "Is it going to put people in danger or something if you speak?"
Castiel considers and then shakes his head.
"OK. So you can still speak, right, you're choosing not to?"
Castiel looks carefully at Dean and then at Sam who's staring at him over the back of the passenger seat. He has made them anxious. He didn't mean to.
He swallows. Dean looks at him. "Cas, you can speak" he says, when Castiel still does not reply. "It's OK. We're not going to be mad, or whatever." Dean looks at him. "Cas?"
It's the worry in Dean's voice that makes Castiel decide to speak. He thinks it unlikely that Dean will fall in love with him if he is a constant bother. "I was attempting to attain perfection" he says and his voice comes out as a low rasp from lack of use.
Dean blinks. "What?" he asks, while Sam hands Castiel a bottle of water.
Castiel must tread carefully. He sips the water without thinking, even though angels have no need of water and it does ease his throat. "I believed that if I attained something closer to perfection, you may begin to like me more." He doesn't say how much more.
Dean blinks. "Dude-" His eyes widen. "Cas-" For a second, he seems struck dumb.
It's Sam who speaks. "Cas, why wouldn't we like you?" He looks genuinely confused and Castiel feels that warmth spread in his chest again.
"I thought you may like me more" he tries to explain but Dean's staring at him with an odd expression and suddenly he leans forward and grabs Castiel's wrist. Castiel feels his heart do an odd jump in his chest, and a strange heat seems to rise in his cheeks.
"Cas-" Dean stares at him. "We don't want you to be freaking perfect, OK?"
Castiel blinks. "You don't?" he asks, just to be sure he's understood.
Dean shakes his head. "Man, you're Cas. Not some perfect mute guy with wings. You're Cas. And we like you as Cas, OK?"
Castiel feels his brow furrow. This is not going as predicted. Yet it's not going entirely badly, either.
And since Dean's sitting next to him, smiling and telling Cas he doesn't need to be perfect for Dean to like him, Castiel decides that maybe the site was simply wrong about some things.
The Mary Sue's flaws, if they exhibit any, will typically be nothing more serious than stubbornness or a bad temper. Both may actually help the Sue get what she wants.
Castiel is convinced his own faults probably amount to a lot more than that but nevertheless, he'll make the effort.
So he starts being stubborn more often.
To his great surprise, when he decides to exhibit his stubborn traits, no one comments. When Castiel waits five minutes before appearing to Dean when he calls, instead of journeying instantly to the hunter's side, he's surprised that Dean makes no comment about it. When Castiel insists he does not like a song that Dean insists on playing over and over in the Impala, nobody seems to care.
It takes Castiel a while to realise that maybe his natural self is just stubborn and nobody has informed him yet.
However, he's still got the bad temper thing to work on. Maybe that will prove more effective.
He waits for the right opportunity to present itself and his patience is rewarded one day sitting in a diner, as Dean bites into a burger and Sam nibbles at the end of a fry. Castiel sits across from them, and waits until the waitress asks for the third time if he wants anything.
"I do not require any food" he tells her, and waits for her to leave.
She doesn't. Instead, she tilts her head to the side. "Sure, hon?"
This is the fourth time she has asked. Castiel takes a deep breath.
"'Cos, if you change your mind, I can-"
Castiel bellows at the top of his vessel's lungs. "I SAID I DO NOT REQUIRE ANYTHING."
There is a remarkable spluttering sound as the water Sam has just drunk explodes out of his mouth , drenching his shirt. Dean drops his burger, which thuds into his lap as he stares at Castiel, as if the angel has just sprouted his wings in front of the confused waitress. Castiel relaxes. At least Dean noticed this time. Maybe this will be the time he attracts Dean's attention.
There is a dead silence and Castiel chances a glance over his shoulder. Restaurants are not normally so silent.
Every single customer is staring at their table. Several have food wedged into their hands, which has apparently paused in the midst of the journey to the customer's mouth. The waitress is staring at their table, eyes stretched wide.
Castiel wonders just how bad his temper was.
Sam leans forward. "I'm so sorry" he says to the waitress. "He's just-it's been a hard day. And he has a bit of a-" He flashes a stunned look at Castiel. "Temper."
Castiel feels his lips stretch into a smile. He got this right. Excellent. Across the table, Dean is staring at him with his jaw still hanging open. Castiel smiles back. He doesn't usually smile this hard-he doesn't usually want to-but he knows he's followed the correct course of action here.
Sam's still flattering the waitress, who looks slightly mollified by his attention, though she still casts a stunned glance at Castiel who now smiles back at her as she walks away. He no longer needs to display bad temper now that he has conveyed the correct message to Dean.
Dean is staring at him as he turns back to the table. "What the hell-" Dean lowers his voice as the customers around them gradually resume their conversations. "Was that?"
Castiel swallows, feeling the warmth that had been spreading through his chest slowly cool. "I was-" he falters, and then remembers he can't yet inform Dean of why he's been behaving this way.
Dean holds up a hand. "Dude, I know it's been a rough day." He leans forward. "But you can't just go losing it with some chick you don't even know."
Sam's staring at him. "Cas, are you all right?" Once again, Sam's eyes flicker between Castiel and Dean, the way Cas sees them do sometimes. He often wonders why.
Castiel clears his throat. Perhaps if he simply acts like his normal self, they'll forget about it. "I feel fine" he says. Maybe that will reassure the Winchesters.
This does not reassure the Winchesters. Dean stares at him. "Then what the hell was that?" he asks, indicating the waitress counter, where everyone is still staring at them.
Dean has clearly not received Castiel's message. Perhaps it will be best if Castiel simply changes the subject.
"I lost control" he says, in the hope that maybe that will persuade Dean to let the topic drop. Castiel's seen Dean lose control plenty of times. He's seen Dean lose control with other drivers whom he claims aren't showing the Impala enough respect.
"You lost control?" Dean looks as if this excuse isn't good enough. "What the hell do you mean, you lost control?"
Castiel wonders if this is a trick question.
"I just told you" he says, eyes moving slowly from Sam to Dean.
Dean rolls his eyes. "No, Cas, I mean-" He shoves his hands over his eyes. "When she comes back over, you apologize, OK?"
Castiel doesn't mind apologizing. He only displayed bad temper for his own purposes, after all. Not that it seems to have had an effect.
He discounts this attempt and when the waitress returns, casting a wary glance at him, he offers a "My apologies" and a small smile, which apparently cheers her a little, as does Dean's explanation of "He's shy, that's all."
Castiel is not sure he agrees but the waitress becomes considerably more friendly to him after that.
It's when they are leaving that she leaves a piece of paper in front of his plate and when Castiel picks it up as they walk out, he sees she's written down a phone number. He hands it to Dean.
Dean stares at the number, then shoves it in his pocket and marches out ahead of Castiel. Castiel stops dead in the doorway and stares after Dean, and has to be reminded by Sam to move.
Dean doesn't speak much for the rest of the night. He seems to stare into space, eyes narrowed and occasionally Castiel catches Dean looking at him strangely, but the hunter always looks away before Castiel can blink. Sam, on the other hand, wears a rather strange smile the entire night, and whenever Castiel asks him why he is grinning, simply replies with "Nothing" while his eyes flicker between the angel and Dean. Strangely, Dean seems to become more and more annoyed by this as the night goes on, often glaring at Sam when he thinks Castiel isn't looking and eventually going to bed early. It is an unusual evening and Castiel feels more confused than anything else by the end of it. He takes one last look at the Winchester brothers asleep and then vanishes to re-examine the events of the evening alone.
Castiel decides not to try bad temper again. It seems to have had an adverse effect on his task.
A common trait of Mary Sues is for their eyes to be an unusual colour. They may even change colour, according to the Sue's moods.
Castiel does not think it is actually possible for a human's eyes to change colour, except during demonic possession, but he is willing to try.
However, after a few attempts, he wonders if he is starting to scare Sam and Dean. He wonders why until Dean asks if he thinks he's going blind, because it's "kind of unnerving" when he begins squinting as hard as possible, as though his eyes are about to fall out.
Castiel decides his eyes are not going to change colour and for a while considers abandoning the whole idea. From what he knows of Dean, he doesn't believe eye colour to be his greatest priority in a relationship, anyway.
However, it's by pure chance, that he comes across something which may enable him to achieve his objective.
When Sam and Dean head off to the library to do research, with Sam wondering aloud when his laptop will be repaired, Castiel excuses himself. He doesn't know if he should stick with the brothers all the time. He knows he needs to protect them but he is unsure how welcome his presence always is.
Instead, he simply walks down the street, considering stepping into some of the shops but always deciding against it when he remembers what happened in the convenience store. He knows he was attempting to fall that time but it doesn't take much for Castiel to remember other times that his attempts at conversation in a shop have failed and it has made him wary of entering one-at least, without Dean to negotiate matters of communication.
However, that does not preclude him from staring in the windows and it is while his gaze rests on the glass of a pharmacist's, that he sees a small advertisement for coloured contact lenses.
Castiel takes a step closer to the window and leans against the glass. His eyes rest on the advertisement as he looks at the little collection of lenses the shop has stocked in the window.
It takes him a moment to weigh the potential consequences of entering the shop with the benefits the coloured lenses could lend him and after a moment, he steps inside and joins the back of the queue. The second he gets to the front, he leans forward and asks for as many coloured contact lenses as they have.
The assistant gives him a dubious look and empties a packet in front of him. She asks if they're for a costume party.
Castiel could tell her they're to make a man called Dean fall in love with him but he thinks it would be complicated to explain so he simply tells her no and then nearly drops the five dollars he has to hand over.
But it's worth it.
Back at the hotel room, Castiel heads into the bathroom and squints at himself in the mirror. There are little instruction packets with each small tray of lenses, and Castiel does his best to follow them as he pops the first one in.
The first one-bright green-does not go to plan. Castiel has never been in the position where one has to fight to keep one's eyes open.
He skips yellow and black. The last thing he wants to look like is something Dean wants to kill.
He tries orange but that's the time his finger slides into his eye rather than the lense and Castiel discovers that his eyes can produce tears without sadness.
Castiel doesn't bother with blue as that's his vessel's natural eye colour anyway, and he skips red on the basis that it may have a demonic symbolism for Dean. Finally, he settles on purple.
It takes a lot of effort and a lot of struggling with two hands, to wedge the lenses into his eyes, but they finally go in. Castiel turns to examine himself in the bathroom mirror and actually finds himself surprised. His eyes look like they belong to someone else.
Castiel isn't sure, himself, about the transformation. Maybe Dean will react differently.
Dean does not react the way Castiel hoped.
There's a moment when the hunter first steps in the door with Sam behind him, his eyes busied as he drops the gun onto the bed that Castiel takes to step forward, and lift his face so that Dean can see his eyes.
"Cas, we got hold of some cr-" Dean looks up halfway through the word and jumps backwards.
Castiel wonders what the shocked look on Dean's face is for and actually turns to see if something's appeared behind him.
"Cas-" Dean seems to be having difficulty breathing. Castiel wonders briefly if he needs help but then Dean takes a step forward, his own eyes narrowed. "Cas, what the hell happened to your eyes?"
Castiel puts a hand up to them. He isn't sure if he should tell Dean whether or not they're lenses. The website wasn't clear if the attraction worked if the colours weren't natural.
But Sam, who's almost fallen back out the door, is already asking him. "Did you use contacts?"
Castiel wonders how Sam guessed. "Yes" he says, after a moment, since the brothers will only need to enter the bathroom to work it out. "I did."
There's a moment of silence, during which Dean just stares at him and Sam seems to be struggling not to laugh, before Dean says "You want to say why?"
Castiel frowns. "No."
Dean blinks and then says "Do me a favour and take the freaking things out, would you? They're weirding me out."
Castiel bites his lip. His attempt at changing his eye colour has lasted less than five minutes, and yet it does not seem to be working. He slowly raises a hand and tries to pop one of the lenses out of his eye, only to find himself stuck.
"I-" He tugs and earns himself pain as a result. "I don't believe I can."
"What?"
"I think the lens is stuck."
Dean mutters something and then heads forward. Steering Castiel by the elbow, he guides him towards the bathroom where he stops dead for a second at the sight of the rest of the packets sprinkled by the sink.
"What the hell-" is what he starts to mutter and Castiel looks away.
Dean's hand lands on his shoulder. "OK, Cas. Look at me and I'll get it out for you."
Castiel turns towards him, feeling a strange sinking sensation in his chest that can only be disappointment. Dean's eyes narrow as he focuses his gaze on Castiel, as his hand slides down onto Castiel's shoulder.
"Right." His other hand brushes Castiel's jaw as he strokes under the angel's eye. Castiel swallows, feeling a surge of something through his body, something that makes it suddenly harder to breathe. Dean gently opens Castiel's eyelid with one hand.
The sensation is not unpleasant, far from it. In fact, when Dean begins gently coaxing the lens out of Castiel's eye, Castiel feels vaguely light-headed and his legs feel weaker as if they cannot hold him up, especially when Dean turns his attention to the other eye, and his thumb traces the line of Castiel's jaw, leaving a trail of what feels like fire on his skin.
When both of the lenses are out, Dean's hands slide to either side of Castiel's face and the heat the hunter's skin leaves on his makes Castiel's thoughts swim.
"Cas" Dean says and his voice is slightly lower than usual. "Why the hell did you buy all this?"
Castiel wishes he could explain at this point, but somehow the words "I was trying to be something called a Mary-Sue so you would fall in love with me" sound rather strange on his lips.
Instead, he merely shakes his head. "I just wanted to see what they looked like" he says, and his voice is more of a question than he expects.
Dean swallows. "Yeah, well, they looked goddamn freaky, Cas."
Castiel finds this sends a pang through his chest. He keeps his face blank.
Dean shakes his head. "Why the hell did you think you needed to change your eye colour?" Dean's staring at him. "Your eyes are fine."
Castiel shrugs and Dean looks at him harder. "What's going on, Cas?"
Castiel frowns. "We are standing in the bathroom-"
Dean sighs. "No, Cas, what's really going on?"
Castiel knows that Dean means more than the contact lenses now and for a moment, his mouth almost opens. Dean's thumbs are pressed into his cheeks and Castiel's heart is stuttering in his chest, and it feels like an explosion's taking place under his skin.
But then he thinks of the other traits he could use. If he gives up, he will never know.
So he simply shakes his head and says "There is nothing going on, Dean."
Dean stares at him for a long moment, then nods once, and says "OK."
Castiel catches Dean giving him worried looks all evening, but for some reason, it does not overly concern him. In fact, the thought that Dean is concerned for him, brings back some of that warmth in his chest, the warmth he now knows as happiness.
While Dean might go along with Castiel's excuse for the contact lenses, things are not the same after he catches Castiel applying make-up.
Castiel had had little choice after he'd remembered another trait of the Mary-Sues.
Mary-Sues are often completely, incomprehensibly beautiful.
Castiel had stared at his vessel in the mirror for a while. Usually, he did not pay much attention to whether or not his vessel was considered physically attractive or not. Sometimes, women stared at him and once a man had draped his arm around Castiel's shoulders but Dean had shoved him off and they had never mentioned the incident again.
Castiel stared at himself now. He did not think Jimmy Novak was physically repulsive, but he did not know if he would consider the vessel incomprehensibly beautiful, either.
He wonders how he could improve the beauty of his vessel and it takes a lot of thinking for him to find an answer.
He has learnt from their late-night viewings of television that women use make-up to make themselves beautiful. He also has seen plenty of shops selling this make-up. All he needs is the opportunity to visit one.
The next time Sam and Dean leave to pick up Sam's computer, Sam still informing them that the repair people are of the opinion that the computer looks like one that has been kicked remarkably hard, Castiel takes the opportunity to appear outside a shop, go in and collect as much make-up as he can find.
The woman behind the counter looks faintly bemused as Castiel hands over the money as Dean has taught him. "This is all for your wife?"
"No, it's for me."
Castiel is not sure why the woman's eyes bulge at that. He doesn't have time to wonder, though. He needs to apply these products before Dean and Sam return to the hotel room.
It is a lot more complicated than Castiel expects. The mascara makes his eyelashes feel like each of them weighs far more than they should and the blusher makes his cheeks look rather too bright, and when he tries putting purple eyeliner on, it leaves him looking as though he has been punched twice in the face. Castiel thinks the lipstick should help in some manner but it makes him closely resemble a rampaging vampire that has apparently smeared its' kill round its' face.
Castiel squints into the mirror but he has to admit, he does not even closely resemble the women Dean describes as beautiful.
But then the hotel room door opens and Cas decides it will have to be acceptable.
He doesn't make a grand entrance, today. Instead, he simply walks out as normal, and waits for Sam and Dean to spot him.
Dean is looking straight at him when he appears this time, so there's no moment Castiel has to prepare himself. Instead, Dean opens his mouth, bellows "What the hell?" and drops the grocery bags he's carrying on the floor.
Sam cannot speak. He merely mouths a few times. Castiel suspects this is not the reaction a Mary Sue would provoke.
"Hello, Dean" he finally says. He presumes Sam will not mind being left out as he is temporarily speechless.
Dean doesn't even ask this time. He simply takes Castiel by the arm and marches him towards the bathroom, where he grabs toilet paper, wets it and begins attacking Castiel's face. Castiel stands still and lets him. After all, he does not resent close proximity to Dean at any time.
Dean remains silent, the entire time he is scrubbing Castiel's face clean. A couple of times, his eyes stray to the paraphernalia littering the surfaces. When Castiel's face is clean, Dean drops the toilet paper and stares at him. "What the hell, Cas?" he says again.
Castiel does not know what to do. This is not going according to plan. He needs to be alone, to think of a way to explain himself, to decide on the next phase of his plan.
"I cannot tell you, Dean" he says aloud.
Dean blinks. "What the hell do you mean?" he says, as if it's not perfectly obvious what Castiel means.
But Dean is angry and Dean rarely listens when he's angry. So Castiel does the only thing he can: he travels, vanishing from before Dean's eyes within a second of the hunter's voice reaching his ears.
Castiel thinks. Things are not going according to plan. Dean is leaving messages on his cell phone at this very moment, asking him to meet them, telling him they've returned to the grocery store down the road to replace the bottles that got cracked when the bag dropped.
Castiel wonders if this is somehow his fault.
His strategy is not working. Perhaps it would be best to abandon the whole attempt and try to convey his intentions to Dean via other means.
Another trait of Mary-Sues float to mind. They will often appear superior to other characters, even exhibiting inhuman powers.
Castiel is already above humans, though. He is merely inhabiting a human vessel. He does not know what else he can do.
That word appear hovers in his mind again.
Castiel can appear superior to others.
But Dean and Sam already know he is an angel. He does not need to demonstrate again.
Maybe he can simply remind them that he is an angel. That he is different to other humans.
Castiel smiles. Maybe this will work.
With that, he transports himself directly to the grocery store where Dean has told him they'll be.
The store is mostly deserted, fortunately, when Castiel appears. He stands right beside Dean and yet Dean still almost falls over at the sight of the angel. Castiel frowns.
"Hello, Dean" he says, as he did just ten minutes ago.
Dean turns to him. "OK, what's going on?" There is no preamble.
Castiel looks at him. "What do you mean?"
Dean gestures. "I mean, with the freaking make-up. Why did I walk in there and find you coated in freaking mascara like some-" Words apparently fail him at this point.
Castiel swallows. "I can show you" he says, hoping it to be true. If he shows Dean wings, surely that will establish him as a Mary-Sue status. If not, he may have to look back on that site and try something else. Maybe being a Plot Bunny. The site described it as something that was hard to get out of one's head. Maybe that would have a better effect on Dean.
Dean blinks and Sam steps forward, eyes widening. "Er, Cas-"
But Dean nods. "Show me."
Castiel looks directly at him and lets his wings spread.
Dean and Sam's reaction is immediate. Dean dives forward, his arms throwing Castiel to the ground before the angel can move out of the way. Sam stands over them both, almost getting hit in the eye with a bunch of feathers for his troubles.
"What the-" Sam is staring at Castiel as if he has just done something entirely unexpected.
But Dean's face is an inch from Castiel's and having Dean this close to him is having an unexpected effect on Castiel's body. He inhales sharply and tries to move back but the floor is blocking his way.
Dean's hand gathers the material of Castiel's shirt in a fist and he leans in. For a moment, his mouth is distractingly close to Castiel's.
"Dude" Dean hisses. "Zap us back to the motel. Now."
Castiel wonders if there is some kind of hidden message in this statement but he obeys.
Unfortunately, Sam is left behind, but then Castiel couldn't help that.
Back in the hotel room, Castiel wonders if this is when Dean will realise what he's been trying to do. He wonders if there is a protocol for knowing what to say in this type of situation.
However, when Dean stares at him and crosses his arms across his chest, Castiel realises that Dean does not look blissfully happy, as people are supposed to when they discover someone is in love with them.
"Cas?" he says and he takes a step towards Castiel now. "What's going on?"
Castiel swallows. "I'm not sure what you-"
"Bull." Dean looks at him. "There's the screaming in the freaking restaurant, the contact lenses, the-" He lowers his voice as if someone might hear, even though they're alone in the hotel room. "Covering your face up with make-up-what the hell?" He looks at him and his thumb reaches out and circles under Castiel's lips and it feels as though a firework has started in his chest. His wings flutter and he feels them vanish as he folds them in.
Dean's voice is very low. "Cas, you got to level with me. I mean, you got to tell me what's going on before I start thinking you've lost your angel mind."
"I believe I am sane" Castiel replies, while wondering quite how to explain this to Dean in the best way.
"Yeah?" Dean folds his arms. "Right now, I'm having a hard time believing the same thing."
Castiel nods. "I can show you."
Dean holds up his hand. "Dude, no. Not with the freaking angel wings, again."
Castiel shakes his head. "I could use the computer." He points at the repaired laptop which Sam has placed back on the desk.
Dean blinks. Whatever he was expecting to hear, it clearly wasn't that.
"OK." He stands aside and watches as Castiel switches the computer on-more carefully, now that he knows how-and waits as he loads the search engine.
Castiel types the same word he typed in last time and follows the same links until he reaches the page. "There." He indicates that Dean should sit down in front of the computer.
Dean does so, still watching Castiel through narrowed eyes the entire time. Castiel keeps his face blank but his heart is suddenly beating rather fast inside his chest. What if this does not work? What if Dean does not fall in love with him? Will he still be allowed to watch over the Winchesters? He has come to feel rather positively inclined towards them-obviously towards Dean, but to Sam as well. In fact, while he knows he already has a family, whenever he thinks of the word these days, Sam and Dean Winchester's faces come to mind.
Dean stares at the screen for a long moment before he turns to look at Castiel. Castiel's fists clench in his pockets as he braces himself.
Dean stares at him. "Dude, what am I supposed to be looking at?"
Castiel stares back. "The screen" he answers.
Dean closes his eyes. "No, I know that, I meant-what on the screen? What are you trying to tell me?"
Castiel swallows. "You...read it?" he says cautiously, wondering if Dean had clicked on the wrong page by mistake. Maybe he thought Cas was trying to be an OC, which meant Original Character, as Sam had told Cas he was rather original several times.
Dean looks back. "Yeah, I read it. I don't get what the hell this Mary-Sue stuff has to do with you."
Castiel sighs. He wonders how Dean can't see it more easily. "I have been trying to be one of them."
Dean stares. "Excuse me?"
"I have been trying to be a Mary-Sue." Castiel wonders how much more plainly he can put it. "I have been trying to adopt some of their traits in an attempt to seem more like them."
Perhaps Dean will see things more clearly if Castiel points out the traits to him. So the angel leans over the hunter's shoulder, trying to ignore the pinprick of goosebumps as his hand brushes Dean's arm.
"These traits. Stubbornness. Bad temper. Clumsiness. Beauty. Changing eye colour-" Dean's head snaps up and Castiel knows he's remembering the contact lenses.
"So...all of this weird stuff over the last week..." Dean stares at him. "It's because you've been trying to be one of these...weird...character...things?"
"Yes." Castiel feels a rush of relief that Dean has understood him.
Dean stares. "I don't get it. Why?"
Castiel stares. "Because the hero falls in love with the Mary-Sue" he recites. Surely Dean will understand now.
A flicker of something crosses Dean's face. For a moment, he almost looks shocked, and Castiel frowns. Perhaps Dean does not want him to be in love with him.
But when Dean speaks, his voice is perfectly level. "So...you're in love with someone, huh?" The words sound bright, but there's something off about them, something wrong.
Castiel nods. "I believe so."
Dean nods, forcing a smile to his lips. "Who is it?" he says, quite quickly, getting to his feet. "That you're in love with?"
Castiel stares. Maybe he hasn't been clear enough. "A hero" he says, in case Dean did not receive the message.
"Yeah, yeah, great." Dean's hands knot in his hair and abruptly he gets up and starts pacing back and forth. "So who's this hero?"
Castiel stares at him. Something is not right here. "You are a hero, Dean" he says slowly.
"Yeah, right." Dean rolls his eyes. "Just tell me who it is, Cas."
Castiel steps forward so that he is in Dean's path, so that when Dean next turns he is looking directly into Cas's eyes. "You are a hero, Dean" he says again and at the same moment, he feels the heat of Dean's skin and leans closer.
Dean rolls his eyes. "Yeah, I got that, but-" He stops dead as Castiel steps closer, and leans forward so that his forehead almost brushes Dean's. Their mouths are just inches apart.
Dean stares at him. "Cas..." His voice is small, almost a gasp, and his eyes are soft, softer than Castiel has ever seen them and the knowledge that it is Castiel who has had that effect on him, makes the angel feel as though something is burning through his veins, stealing his breath.
Castiel watches him. "I thought if I was one of them-" He finds himself halting at the look on Dean's face. "I thought it might make you-" He does not know what to say next. He had thought this part would be relatively simple. Instead, it seems to be going wrong.
He looks away from Dean. For some reason, something prickles at his eyes. "I did not mean-" he says and the next second, Dean's stepped forward and his hands have closed on Castiel's arms.
"Cas-" he says, and his eyes are focused on Castiel's. "You're telling me...all of this..this has been...to make me-"
Castiel nods. "Yes, Dean." This is simpler.
Dean stares at him for a minute. Castiel waits. Maybe Dean is going to tell him to leave. Maybe he is going to tell him he wants another angelic protector from now on.
Dean exhales slowly and then looks back up at Cas. What comes out of his mouth is quite different to what Castiel expects.
"Cas, why the hell did you think you had to be a Mary Sue for me to fall in love with you?"
Castiel blinks. "Because the hero falls in love with the Mary Sue" he replies, wondering if Dean has even read the page properly.
Dean mutters something under his breath and then his hand slides under Castiel's chin. "Cas, listen to me."
His eyes lock with Castiel's and they are blazing and green and Castiel can't look away. "I do not love you because you are some Mary Sue thing, OK?"
Castiel swallows. He nods slowly, miserably. He can't pull away because Dean's hands are holding him still.
Dean's looking back at him. "I-" He swallows and Castiel watches the movement of his throat. It's strangely mesmerizing.
And then Dean tilts his head and his mouth crashes into Castiel's.
It's not perfect but it's close to it. Dean's hands tangle in Castiel's hair and his lips are hot and open on Castiel's and for a second, Castiel doesn't know what to do, where to put his hands, but then his arms slide around Dean's waist of their own accord. His own lips open and close with Dean's and it takes a second for Dean's tongue to dance across Castiel's lips and Castiel feels his mouth open with a gasp. His entire body's on fire and he's wrapped around Dean and this is what humans mean when they talk about being breath-taken, and it feels right and his mind seems to be blazing, blazing in the best way possible, as though he is filled with light-
The motel door opens and dimly Castiel hears Sam's voice. "Thanks for leaving me behind, there, Cas" he says, as he takes a step into the room. "It's not like I just had to-"
Dean breaks away from Castiel and turns round. Sam's jaw drops.
Dean stares at his brother. Castiel looks at him over Dean's shoulder. "Hello, Sam."
Sam stares. Then, he snaps his mouth shut. Then he swallows. Then, he opens his mouth again. Then, he nods.
Then, he bends and picks up the grocery bag which has just slipped from his hands. "I'm going back to the grocery store."
Castiel wonders briefly if Dean will want to go after him but as Dean's hand slides into his hair a second later and the hunter gently tilts Castiel's mouth back to his, Castiel decides the answer must be no.
It's a lot easier to decide this when Dean's hand begins tracing Castiel's stomach through his shirt but by that point, Castiel isn't thinking anymore.
It's later, when they're lying in bed next to each other, that Dean says "The make-up idea could have been hot if you were a chick." His hand traces Castiel's arm. "And if you hadn't used a freaking trowel."
Castiel frowns. "I did not use a trowel."
Dean laughs. "Cas, that's not what I-" He shakes his head. "Doesn't matter."
Castiel turns to look up at him. His brow suddenly furrows. "Do you wish I were a..." He frowns. "Chick?"
Dean seems to fight laughter for a moment, again. "No freaking way." He pulls Castiel's mouth back to his for a moment. "You don't want to be this Mary Sue chick thing, anyway" he says, a second later. "I read the rest of the page. Everyone hates them, apparently."
Castiel stares at him. "I had not read that far."
Dean shakes his head. "Cas, I don't want you to be some Mary Sue-character-thing. You're Cas. Anything else isn't-" He seems to stumble for a moment. "Right" he says and Castiel feels a greater rush of that warmth from earlier, a greater rush of happiness that seems to suffuse his whole body.
He does not need to try and be a Mary Sue. He is fine for Dean as Castiel. This is somewhat of a relief.
Dean leans his head on Castiel's shoulder and then mutters "How many floors away from us do you think Sam rented his room?"
Castiel frowns. "At least three."
Dean breaks into laughter, which Castiel doesn't fully understand, but he finds he doesn't care too much.
Dean leans his head on his hands and looks at Castiel for a long moment. "You know, there was a male thing of the Mary Sue stuff" he says, thoughtfully, tracing Castiel's chest with one finger. "A Gary Stu."
Castiel tenses, but Dean is already talking again. "And I don't want you to be one of those, either." He tilts Castiel's mouth to his, and then stares at him. "You're Cas."
Castiel can't seem to think of anything to say except "Yes."
And then Dean kisses him and he thinks it doesn't matter anyway. He wonders if he should explain the concept of the One True Pairing to Dean. Maybe in the morning. Maybe it will help make Dean feel more certain about things.
Dean snorts. Then, he props himself up on one elbow, looking more closely at Castiel now. "You know you said you used Sam's computer?"
Castiel nods. "Yes."
Dean is watching him. "You know that dent in the laptop that Sam's been bitching about?"
Castiel swallows. Dean is looking at him with a raised eyebrow.
He looks back. "I did not think it necessary to burden Sam with that information."
Dean dissolves into laughter and Castiel turns over and huddles against him. Dean's eyes are less than an inch away from his.
Dean looks at him. "You're Cas" he reminds him. "Nothing else." He smirks and suddenly his arms are around Castiel again. "This whole thing would have been awkward as hell with anyone else."
Castiel looks at him. "Not with me?"
Dean looks back. "Not with you. You're Cas."
Castiel feels himself start to smile, harder than he remembers smiling before. It is a more enjoyable sensation than he expected, he reflects, as he leans into Dean again. Dean's hand strokes his hair. Castiel can feel the beat of the hunter's heart against his ears and he feels himself turn towards the sound, his skin pressed against Dean's. Dean's voice whispers something in his ear and Castiel feels his own smile grow before he says the same thing, looking into Dean's eyes. Dean presses another kiss to his hair.
Maybe Castiel won't need to explain the concept of the One True Pairing, after all.
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