Spirits of destiny

"What I've done"

By: Shuhei Vanessa

Where am I? Is this Mu? I'm alone, surrounded by darkness and yet I don't feel lonely. Since I woke up my thoughts had been my only company in this deserted place. I don't know whether to feel relived or worried about this fact. How long have I been here? In this place I have lost track of time. There's no up, down or even sideways, I'm just submerge in this nothingness. This feels like eternity as I just sit there hugging my legs and feeling lonely.

Since I felt that horrible freezing pain in my chest and woke up here I knew I was dead. In this farewell, his mocking farewell from that bastard shinigami, but I know it was my fault how I ended up here. This feels like hell with only my analyzing thoughts going through every innocent person I killed with that note. This is hell how else could I feel after every wrong I had ever done replaying in my head.

My whole life as I only thought about my self, studied, ignored my family, my friends and my love and for what. Have I ever, truly loved anybody, but myself? As I analyzed my memories since the day I lost it all, I'm beginning to recall the small details of each death in my mind.

There's no blood, even though I killed many, betrayed my family and used others as if they were my toys to play with. This is a somber moment in my after life, surrounded in darkness and remembering what a fanatic I had been. I remembered it all as if it had been yesterday.

I can still feel the thrill running through my veins of getting rid of the unwanted populace of the world. I didn't think about my actions and just assumed that everybody was guilty. Now, the thought of even killing some innocent gives me the shills. Right now, there's no alibi, all I have is a bittersweet taste in my mouth of what I could have done differently.

Why? Why was I corrupted by darkness in the first place? Was I corrupted by the power of the Death Note? Oh … now I remember what happened, my change happened even before getting the note. I remembered how I was always ignored as a child, I was always alone. When my little sister was born she so easily gained all the attention. The only reason that I began to study like crazy was to get attention from my parents.

My mother, my father, I remembered the sadness, loneliness and the emptiness. Now I remembered the reason to drown in my inner evil. All of the jealousy, anger, loneliness, hate was nothing but a small fire. But the Death Note just magnified the evil in me into a blazing flame.

The Death Note gave me something to vent over those emotions but now I'm alone again. This is strange, these feelings right now is strange 'because I've drawn regret, and if anybody could see me right now they would think it was me. I knew what this sick feeling in the deep of my soul was, it was regret. This isn't what I wanted; out of all the times I let the darkness consume me this last trick was what finally broke the camel's back.

This tick darkness surrounding me like a blanket it was beginning to choke me with its iciness. What is this darkness, I'm I suspended in air or submerged in liquid, I felt disorienting. Being dead is now making me think about all the chances I had to go out with my friends, family, possible girlfriend and just have fun.

Instead I took part in the murder of many prisoners without looking whether they were innocent or not. I saw myself with blood thirsty red eyes instead of the usual light brown. Next I saw myself as the innocent bored student I had been before the note. Lastly, I saw myself as an equal and working alongside the greatest detective L.

Who am I? The genius student, L's equal, I feel that there's something more, something that I am missing. The last image faded away leaving me with a startling new vision of myself. I was wearing a black hakama with a sword hanging on my hip. I had a strange look on my face, one that I would thought I would never see. It's a look of adoration for someone and the feelings that came with the image made me think and feel that I could be redeemed.

It was the look of someone who had been saved from the truth of a thousand lies. Can I be redeemed from my deathly passion? Soon I felt that my face was wet, I was crying because I know how impossible my supposed redemption was if I'm dead and trapped in Mu.

Is this supposed to be my punishment? I closed my eyes as the images of death filled my mind; I had tried to stop from crying but couldn't help myself. But the stark reality was that there was none there to comfort me.

"You know, you can still get your redemption, if you want it?" I hear a woman's voice. When I opened my eyes I saw this beautiful albino with short hair and red eyes starring intently at me. Beautiful despite the scar on her right eye and most importantly is that an Icha Icha Paradise manga in her hand. Even though her face showed no emotion her voice sounded somewhat serious and a little bit amused. "I can get your spirit out of Mu but you are still tainted by the Death Note."

I was shocked by her words, too shocked to answer. It was now that I noticed her clothes; she was wearing a ninja suit. Before anything else the most important matter at hand. How on earth did she manage to enter Mu, a private hell of my choosing? If this is the answer to my prayers … So let mercy come …

I hear her laugh at my words or did she hear my thought. I still think that I can't be redeemed from my darkness. But one look at her quiet determination made me believe. Can she be right? Can I redeem myself to get rid of my guilt? I don't know … I just don't know anything anymore. "How can I do that if I'm stuck here? Besides, I don't have a home and I'm not needed," I had tried to sound a little unemotional, I hated pity.

"You can't fool me. I can see the doubt and weariness on your face. You have a home and the world still needs you," she held out her hand. I understood the heavy implication in her voice, took her hand. When I held her hand I began to feel dizzy before losing consciousness I think I hear her telling me about having a contract with her now … and wash away my sins …

To be continued in …

FAKE IT

Can you guess what DN character is this? Who saved this DN character? This is a crossover. This is also my first DN fic. If the character sounds, feels and taste different then I'm doing my job. This is supposed to be a redemption fic a time for change.