Notes: Multi-chapter AU that alternates from Alex's to Piper's point of view. I hope it's easy to see whose 'voice' you're reading.
In her experience, the most consequential days were always a train wreck. She started her period the first day of high school and didn't have a clue how to make the bleeding stop. Her flight to Milan was delayed six hours when she was supposed to be at the agency three hours prior. And on the way to her own mother's funeral, the hearse got a flat tire, which took an hour to repair.
Alex Vause vowed that this consequential day would be different. She'd set three alarms in two different rooms to ensure she didn't press the snooze button and fall back asleep. She'd picked out her dress the night before, looking it over carefully for any stains or creases. She'd even cut up a banana, apple and an orange and scooped the fruit into a disposable cup so that she'd have a modest breakfast on her way to the Upper West Side.
What she hadn't accounted for the next morning was no ink in her printer, a dead cell phone battery, and a torrential rain storm that was already causing urban flooding.
Fuck.
Alex stepped outside of her apartment building with a newspaper held high above her head. She didn't have time to go back inside to search for an umbrella (and didn't think she owned one anyway.) The only raincoat she had was lined with fleece, and it was a hot and humid August morning. She'd rather show up with a wet head than sweaty arm pits.
"Taxi!" She raised her hand, and a yellow cab pulled over. "Upper West Side, please."
"What's the address?"
"Uh…" Alex pressed a button on her phone, forgetting that the battery was dead. "Fuck. Just drive. I'll get the address in a minute." She opened her bag and ruffled through several sheets of paper, pulling out a brochure. "962 Amsterdam Avenue."
Ten minutes later, the cab pulled up in front of La Piccola Cucina, an Italian restaurant that already smelled like meatballs and marinara. Alex paid the driver, and then stepped onto the curb in the pouring rain, once again using the newspaper for shelter. She took three steps to her right to avoid a massive puddle, and her heel got caught in a sidewalk crack and snapped.
Fuck.
She removed her shoe and hobbled under the restaurant awning as quickly as she could to prevent her head from becoming entirely soaked.
A well-dressed blonde paused outside of the small entryway, closing her umbrella, effectively shooting water droplets onto Alex's black and white dress. "What the fuck?" She held her hands out and stared at the woman.
"Sorry, I didn't see you." The blonde's eyes sparkled when she laid eyes on Alex, but then she disappeared beyond a blue door.
Alex took two deep breaths, straightened her hair, and looked at the gold numbers above the three doors to her right. "962 Amsterdam," she muttered to herself. When she saw the address above the blue door, she let out an incredulous laugh and shook her head. "That's about right."
She jogged up the flight of stairs and entered the tiny lobby that looked like it had just received a fresh coat of indigo paint.
"Hi, can I help you?" A young woman with a pierced nose asked from her bright yellow desk that looked more like it belonged in a kindergarten classroom than an office.
"I'm Alex Vause. I have a 9 o'clock interview." She brushed a strand of wet hair off her cheek.
"I'll let them know you're here." The receptionist stood. "Can I get you a cup of tea or something?"
"Super glue would be nice," she sighed.
The younger woman looked confused but didn't probe further.
Alex looked down at her two inch heel that was hanging by a shiny, leather thread and grunted at the fact that she'd worn those shoes across Italian cobblestone streets for years and the pointy heels had held up just fine. Of course it was on this day that those $250 pumps failed her.
A woman entered the lobby with her head bowed, apparently reading something in a manila folder. "Hi, you must be Alex."
Fuck.
She immediately recognized the blonde from five minutes ago when she'd shut her umbrella, causing rain to splatter on her dress. Alex let out a how-could-this-get-any-worse laugh. "I am."
After eyeing her from head to toe, the blonde extended her hand. "I'm Piper Chapman."
"Alex Vause." She shook Piper's hand as the women made eye contact. "I got caught in the rain."
The blonde smirked. "Do you like Pina Coladas?"
She creased her eyebrows. "Excuse me?"
"You know, the song." Piper made a motion with her hand. "If you like Pina Coladas, getting caught in the rain," she sang.
"Ah. Yes, Escape." She pushed her glasses higher on her nose.
The blonde shook her head. "No, the Pina Colada song."
"Yeah, the 'Pina Colada' song is called, Escape."
Piper turned around and began walking down the hallway. "Huh, I never knew that was the name of it. But I bet you don't know the artist."
Alex followed, trying not to hobble so conspicuously. "No, I don't."
She turned into a conference room with what looked like an old kitchen table in the middle. "Rupert Holmes. One hit wonder."
Alex glanced at Piper, who seemed pleased with her musical knowledge. The blonde was wearing a thin cream colored blouse with yellow daisies and a modest black skirt. Alex thought she smelled like daisies if they had a scent. Piper's black pumps were in perfect condition, and Alex wondered if her companion had ever had such an accident in her life.
"Hi, I'm Polly." A woman about the same age as Piper shook her hand.
"Alex Vause. Nice to meet you."
Polly looked at her like she was some sort of vagabond. Upon noticing the stare, Alex announced, "I got caught in the rain." She chanced a sidelong glance at Piper, who lowered her head, but Alex could see a grin on her face.
"Please, have a seat."
Alex was grateful for the opportunity to get off her feet. She sat across from the women and opened her portfolio, ready for the interview.
Piper began the questioning. "Tell me, I mean, us a little about yourself, Alex."
The slip wasn't lost on Alex. She gave the blonde a tiny smile before diving in. "I spent my younger adult years in Europe, modeling, but when the scale hit 115, they kicked me to the curb."
The women smiled.
"After that I traveled quite a bit, and then worked for a boutique marketing and public relations firm for a couple of years."
Piper flipped a page over in a folder. "What was your role at the firm?"
"Officially, I was a receptionist, but I sucked at that job." She looked away for a moment, immediately regretting her word choice. "I had my hand in all sorts of things—press releases, managing interns, writing articles, making client calls."
Polly tapped the tip of a pen against her notepad. "So, no direct sales experience?"
She tilted her head. "Not directly, no."
Piper leaned forward. "You realize this position is in sales, right?"
"Yes, I do." She eyed the blonde. "I could sell glasses to a blind man."
Polly raised her eyebrows. "Ms. Vause, we're looking for someone with experience."
Alex pursed her lips.
"Glancing at your resume, it looks like there's a two-year period of time unaccounted for." Piper looked up at the dark haired woman. "What were you doing during that hiatus?"
Alex knew there was no way she'd land this job. She looked like she'd been the victim of a mugging; she didn't have the requisite experience; and she got the sense that Polly didn't like her from the start. So she settled for the only thing that could explain the two years missing on her resume: the truth. "Selling drugs."
Polly spit out the water she'd just sipped, and Piper's eyebrows shot up.
"You're sitting across from us, telling us that you sold drugs?" Polly asked in a flabbergasted tone.
"That's what I'm telling you." Alex steepled her hands. "I helped an international drug cartel gross more than $50 million a year, so in answer to your previous question, yes, I have sales experience."
Polly looked at her partner as if she should be the one to dismiss Alex, but the blonde just stared ahead, a surprised smile creeping onto her countenance.
"I don't think this is going to work out, Ms. Vause. Sorry we wasted each other's time," Polly closed her folder and stood.
Alex didn't remove her eyes from Piper. "It wasn't entirely a waste of time."
"Becca," Polly called down the hallway. "Will you show Ms. Vause out?"
The young receptionist entered the room. "Right this way."
Still looking at Piper, Alex stood and walked towards the door. She stopped in front of the still seated blonde, dragging her finger across the table until it bumped into Piper's hand. "You have my number if anything should change."
After Alex left the building, Polly shut the door to the conference room and gave her companion a stern look. "What the fuck was that?"
"What do you mean?" Piper popped a chocolate covered espresso bean into her mouth.
"Your expression," the brown haired woman began. "You were amused by her!"
"I was mildly amused, yes." Piper shrugged. "I mean, who confesses in an interview that she was part of a drug ring?"
The other woman folded her arms. "I know that look, Piper."
She swallowed the chocolate and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, trying to hide a smirk from her best friend. "What look?"
"The one that says you're attracted to that lunatic!"
She waved her hand dismissively. "Oh, come on!"
Polly tilted her head, arms still crossed, and allowed Piper to continue.
"The lack of sales experience and the drug thing aside…And despite the fact that she was soaked from head to toe," Piper offered with another shrug. "I found Alex to be…She's…" The blonde scratched her head, trying to sensor her words. "Fuck, she's hot," she said anyway.
"Ugh!" Polly threw her head back. "I knew it!"
"What? I'll never see her again. I could at least appreciate her honesty."
"Give me a break, you were not appreciating her honesty." Polly plopped down next to her. "You are in a loving, satisfying relationship with Larry. Why would you even look at someone else?"
"Just because I look doesn't mean I want," she tried.
A tap on the door forced the women to look that way. "Your next appointment is here."
"Thanks, Becca." Polly raised her eyebrows and looked at her friend. "You'd better not."
During the next interview, Piper couldn't take her mind off Alex. She'd had balls to make such a confession, the blonde thought. And she was hot, even though or—perhaps especially because—she was soaking wet.
"Right, Piper?" Polly asked.
The blonde snapped back to attention. "Oh, yes. That's right." She had absolutely no idea what her friend had just asked and hoped that her response was appropriate.
When Alex arrived back at her apartment, she kicked off her shoes and flopped onto the sofa. "It smells like a pot shop in here," she mumbled.
"Hey, you're back?" A voice called from the bedroom.
Eyes still shut, Alex replied, "I didn't realize you were here, Sylvie. Don't you have work or something?"
"I called in sick."
Alex turned her head and eyed her on-again, off-again lover. "You're fucking baked."
"So, what? I needed a break." Sylvie sat on the coffee table directly across from Alex with a bong in hand. "Want a hit?"
"Needed a break from what?" The dark haired woman sat up, swatting her arm against the purple haze. "And, no, I don't want a hit."
"Life," Sylvie sighed dramatically.
Alex stood and walked to the kitchen. "Yeah, cause your life is so tough, freeloading off of me and working at a fucking Walgreens to earn money to pay for drugs. I feel awful for you." She reached into the cupboard for a packet of peppermint tea. "Do you even care how my interview went?"
"Why do you want a normal job anyway?" Sylvie responded, taking over the space where Alex had just inhabited on the sofa. "You're rich."
The brunette let out a short laugh. "I blew over half my money from modeling on travel, and the other half from the cartel is almost gone." She filled a kettle with water. "I need a steady income."
"If we have to move to a cheaper place, we will," Sylvia called.
"There's no we, Sylvie." Alex put the kettle on the stove. "You and I are not a couple. You need to get that through your head."
"We just had sex two days ago," Sylvie offered. "But we're not a couple?"
The brunette hung her head. It was true, she'd let Sylvie go down on her Monday morning, and she'd regretted it after her orgasm. Alex ran a hand through her hair and sighed. "I want you out of here by the end of August. I'm serious this time, Sylvie."
The other woman sat up, craning her neck to look at Alex. "That's like in two weeks!"
"Consider this your two weeks' notice." She ripped open the tea packet, and then placed the bag into her I heart NY mug.
"Fuck you!" Sylvie stood, walked to the door and slammed it on her way out.
Alex walked back into the living room, looked at the half-full bong and had a choice to make: get high and wallow in the fact that she'd blown the interview at Poppi or flush the bong water down the drain and start looking for other employment opportunities.
She lifted the apparatus and looked at the curves carefully, and as she was about to put her mouth on the blown glass, the thought of having her lips touch where Sylvie's just were made her sick to her stomach. She walked into the bathroom and flushed the contents down the toilet.
Two weeks passed, and Alex was on edge as she scoured the Internet for job opportunities. She was frustrated with herself for blowing nearly $100,000 on frivolous things over the past few years, and now she was down to her last $10,000 which would cover essentials for another three months maximum.
Although Alex allowed Sylvie to keep some of her clothes and personal belongings at her apartment, she told her ex-lover that she was not welcome to spend the night or hang out during the day unless she was invited to do so. (Alex had no intention of inviting her to do so ever again.)
The brunette finally scored an interview with a startup beauty product line called, Belle. It wasn't her original intention to pursue a job with a company that would be in direct competition with Poppi, but the thought of shoving it in Smug Polly Harper's face was an added bonus. She was less inclined to screw Piper Chapman over (which brought her mind to a different kind of screwing), but Alex needed income and would do almost anything to get a legal job.
Please direct all questions to my new Tumblr account (saintsavory.)