"How can you be allergic? You have "kat" in your name!"
"I swear I already told you this, John! You never listen when we talk! I'm ALLERGIC to cats!"
"Well what are we gonna do with this little guy, we certainly can't throw him back out there in the cold!" John said, holding up the small furry feline he had acquired from an abandoned cardboard box. "He doesn't have any one to take care of him, Karkat."
Karkat stared into the large, watery eyes of the kitten. "Well I guess it IS kinda cute. I guess we can keep it if it means that much to you," Karkat said as he gently stroked the docile kitten's large fuzzy ears.
"Hooray! Thanks so much Karkat!" John shouted as he planted a kiss on Karkat's cheek. "You're the best!"
"Ugh whatever, John," said Karkat as he blushed profusely.
John and Karkat had only been living together for a short time, but they already felt like an old married couple. Karkat was as stubborn as always, but he was really opening up to John. Karkat didn't say it much, but he really loved John, and John loved him back.
The kitty started meowing. "Aw Karkat, I think he likes you!" John said gleefully as he handed the kitten over to Karkat.
"Heh, you really think so?" Karkat was beginning to warm up to the cat, but then…
"OH GROSS IS THIS THING PEEING ON ME?" Karkat shouted as a small trail of something wet began dribbling down his cashmere sweater.
"Bad kitty! You stop that!" Said John as he tried to grab the kitten away from Karkat, but it's little claws had become entangled in the fibers of his immaculately hand stitched sweater, so it was hard to get it off.
"GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GROSS GROSS GROSS!" Karkat began flailing about wildly, knocking over furniture and smashing vases. He finally managed to free himself from the cat's vice-like grip by belly flopping off the dining room table and onto the hard linoleum floor.
"I HATE THIS DUMB CAT!" Karkat shouted, throwing the kitten across the room.
"OW!" said the cat.
"Did you just talk?" asked the John.
"No." the cat responded.
"Hey there's something funny about this cat, Kat," John walked over to the kitten and began investigating it thoroughly. "Aren't you... kinda big to be a kitten?"
"What no." Said the cat, as he stood erect on his hind two legs, his head bumping into the ceiling.
"And is this a zipper on your back?" asked John, questioningly fingering the metal zipping mechanism.
"No I just have a skin condition." Responded the cat in a whiney, yet somehow familiar voice, "Hey wait don't-!"
But it was too late! John had sensually unzipped the cat's back open to reveal…
"ERIDAN?" Karkat shouted in disbelief.
"WWEH!" Shouted Eridan in response.
"But why?" John asked as he contemplated comforting the crying troll by placing a hand on his shoulder, but reconsidered when he remembered Eridan had just wet himself all over their house.
"I JUST WWANTED SOMEONE TO LOVE ME! WWEH! WWEH!" Eridan broke down sobbing in a puddle of his own urine.
"Well you need to leave we don't want you here and you smell bad." Karkat responded in a very unusually level headed manner. Could it be he had secret feelings for Eridan? Probably not because him and John was his otp.
"Fine. But I want to you to keep these cat pajamas as a memento of me," Eridan responded as he solemnly removed his soiled and smelly cat outfit and handed it to Karkat. "Please frame these and put them up on the wall above your fireplace so you can remember me when you make love to your man on your bear rug."
"I think you need to leave," John said abruptly, before Karkat had time to go into grimdark mode.
But just then! Edward Cullen from my favortest book ever showed up! He was so beautiful that Eridan was cured of his peepee smell and also made much more socially acceptable! Edward and Eridan were so beautiful that they made love all up on the bear rug, right in front of Karkat and John. They only watched and didn't participate because they are committed to each other and taking this relationship slowly. They did however, climb into the kitty pajamas and make-out a whole lot. Then everyone died because Lord English was already there in fact he was there the whole time!
Le End