I Really Am Stupid
I just wanted to write this. It was simple: after seeing the movie, I quickly figured out what the guy wanted with the Point-of-View gun. So, I decided to write it how I thought it might go.
Disclaimer: I do not own The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy or anything thereof.
I am Zaphod Beeblebrox, President of the Galaxy.
Funny thing is, I'm not really qualified to be the President. I mean, the only reason I won was because people thought they were voting for "Most Garishly Dressed". I'm really just a lousy doofus who doesn't deserve anything above waiting tables at the Restaraunt at the End of the Universe, and... er...
BZAAP
And that's only because I invented the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. I'm really an idiot. I mean, I cut my brain in half and put the other half in another head, and I've got three arms. That really is stupid. And then I'm always rambling about a whole bunch of nonsense, just because I think it sounds good... eh, what?
BZAAP
And for crying out loud, I stole the Heart of Gold! The most advanced ship in the universe. That was really a dumb idea. I announced that I was kidnapping myself - boy, that was really dumb - and then took off in this ship. Everybody knows that there's no way that could be any good for PR, especially... ugh. Er...
BZAAP
Especially since the President isn't supposed to kidnap anybody. Even if she is his girlfriend. Yeah, taking Trillian with me was a really dumb move. And, on another note, I never paid any attention in school, because I was trying to win the affections of the girl in the cubicle next door, so... huh? Whazzat?
BZAAP
So I have absolutely no real education whatsoever, but what's really stupid was that I actually did that, because you're supposed to actually pay attention when being taught something. And, for that matter, I come from a whole line of really stupid Zaphod Beeblebroxes, which means that I'm... eh, wow!
BZAAP
I'm a culimination of all their stupidity, and since the halves of my brain can't really connect, I'm subjected to the whim of whichever side wants to do something, and that makes me a very irrational man. In fact, I'm so stupid that if you wanted to actually get something out of me, it'd take enough lemons to fill several large and very difficult-to-transport semi-trucks... oy, what?
BZAAP
Wow... I'm, like, the stupidest guy in the universe, which is why I really shouldn't be the President. I really should blow my nose of all this stupidity and find something better to do with my life.
That's the end. I have other stories, so feel free to check out my profile.