There is nothing more honest then your own reflection, I brushed aside a strand of my auburn hair and attempted to steady my racing heart as the bruise across my cheekbone stared back angrily…. Reminding me of him.
I am such a coward…..
Those words plagued me every waking second and no matter how hard I tried they would not back down and I knew it was me and me alone that had to stand up and fight.
You will never fight, your weak…
It was him that had made me feel this way…. He had taken away the person I was and I hardly recognised the person he had left behind.
It was a summer night and a gentle breeze danced around me through the open bathroom window and I will never forget how it made me feel….. How my skin came alive and the damp/musty smell warned of a storm heading my way.
What is wrong with you….?
I didn't feel the pain anymore, it had happened so many times I was numb not just physically but mentally….. Was that strange? Most people certainly thought so but I didn't care what they thought because as much as they tried to relate how could they?
Walk away, just do it…..
It was pathetic… I had told myself so many times to walk away from him but how could I do it when I was so afraid of him. Every time he hit me…. Every time he would tell me I was worthless a part of me died and I never really got it back.
Now or never… stay or walk away, do you have the guts to do it….
It was then in that moment after almost a year of abuse that I decided to walk…. I was wearing only my jeans and bloodstained shirt and my feet were bare… he took my shoes when I threatened to leave that night.
Keep walking, you can do this
That was exactly what I did and as I left his house I thanked him….. For all the pain, for what he stole from me because it made me stronger and for the first time in a year I smiled.