Disclaimer: If I owned those characters, all my dreams would come true and all those pairings would be officially canon.
Warning: I actually wanted to throw in some pieces of smut but I didn't know where to put them so I'm afraid all you get is some romance and angst.
Author's Note: So this is another part of my lovesick ramblings. I'm sorry if you don't like songfics, but please don't hesitate to read it anyway. The lyrics just link the little jigsaw pieces of scenes and in my opinion, they suit perfectly. I love this song and it's incredible how good some lyrics fit the story.
Endlessly
It was a story that was endless, incredible, and just like the love it was all about, went on into infinity.
I can't remember when it was good
Moments of happiness elude
Maybe I just misunderstood
Remus, after Sirius' death
He destroyed himself, willingly and boundlessly. He did it on purpose; he increased the pain and did not flee from it. He delved into his sorrow, enjoying it in the most self-destructive way.
It was good, the only option he had, other than losing himself in the guilt that burdened him. If he had been better, quicker… but 'if's didn't work, for no one ever knows what could have been.
All of the love we left behind
Watching the flash backs intertwine
Memories I will never find
Sirius, a long time ago when they admitted their love
"I didn't intend it. I never intended falling for you." he said, and he didn't know what to think.
"You know, this sounds so cliché, but I never really knew how you could possibly fall in love. Is it like falling into a swimming pool? What do you feel? … You know what, Remus? Now that I know you, I have no idea how to fall out."
They looked into each other's eyes. Sirius looked at him determinedly. "You know, there was a time when I wasn't sure about feelings. And I never wanted to mess things up. But damn, how can I possibly hinder myself from falling for you?"
So I'll love whatever you become
And forget the reckless things we've done
I think our lives have just begun
Sirius, the day Dumbledore sent him back to talk to former order members
He stood there, alone in the moonlight, the ragged black cloak fluttering lightly in the soft wind. With the greatest effort, he brought his hand up to knock at the door. His skin touched the old, worn wood and he waited. But no wait, however long, could have prepared him for the feelings that overflowed his soul when that door opened, and when he looked directly into the amber gold orbs that he had known for so long. They were the same eyes that had looked at him with so many different expressions; sparkling with mischief, with passion, gentle and full of patience, love or amusement. Now the look in those eyes was so bewildered he couldn't make out the emotions underneath.
He only knew the weakness that washed over him, the relief and most of all, the feeling of love.
His legs gave in at the threshold. His knees sank gracefully to the floor, while all strength was leaving him. He lifted his head and breathed one word.
"Remus."
He said it with such agony. The look in his silver eyes was stormy, full of a vulnerability that was heartbreaking. You could look directly into his heart. His soul was laying there, all secret vaults open, all ruined pieces splattered around.
I think our lives have just begun
"I'm back." he simply whispered there on the doorstep.
Remus understood. He let himself fall down next to him, picking up his hands and gripping them tightly. He was at a loss for words, but speech wasn't necessary. He stretched out a hand and touched his neck, tucked lightly at the raven hair that felt just as silky, just as irresistible as it had always done. They instinctively moved closer, towards each other, sprawled there on the doormat. The moon was shining on them, illuminating their emotions. The stars were the witnesses of their reunion.
Their lips found the other one without any effort. They slid in their places, where they truly belonged. The kiss was as genuine as their love, boundless and always changing.
They gripped each other tightly, desperately; locked together by body and soul for eternity.
And I'll feel my world crumbling
I'll feel my life crumbling
I'll feel my soul crumbling away
Remus, the night he came back to Grimmauld Place without Sirius there
It felt so far away. This morning, they had sat next to each other at breakfast, being the last to finish because each had one hand beneath the table, idly caressing the other's thigh.
They had been late for the order's first meeting of the day because Sirius had pressed Remus into an alcove on second floor and had kissed him until they were both dazed.
They had earned Molly's reproachful looks by suspiciously flushed cheeks at lunch.
They had completed each other's thoughts and plans at the afternoon meeting.
They had sneaked away for a make-out session in the library.
This evening, Remus had once more restrained Sirius from being too rude to Kreacher.
They had kissed in the hallway before Remus turned to go and Sirius went upstairs to feed Buckbeak.
It seemed all so real, so clear, he could remember all of it, still it was like a piece from another one's life. He felt as if his soul had been ripped from him. Empty, useless. He didn't know the feelings that were inside him. He didn't know anything except loss. The life he had had only hours ago had broken down. It had exploded, splattered, and even the tiniest pieces had disappeared. His beloved one was gone, and there was nothing to diminish the brutal truth.
He wished he could have fallen away with him. Faded away; so fast, so easy.
And falling away
Falling away with you
He had never felt so alone in his entire life.
And he had never felt so guilty. Guilty of being so overly egocentric in those difficult times. No one blamed him, of course, or at least no one said anything. But he felt unworthy, dirty, useless. There was nothing left of the Gryffindor, the Marauder, even of old Moony. He was just a shell, living of his loss, drowning his sorrow in sheer pain.
Staying awake to chase a dream
Tasting the air you're breathing in
I know I won't forget a thing
A long time ago, in their sixth year of school
The moon painted velvety, silver streaks on their shimmering hair, illuminated their pale skin. Two boys were standing inches apart on the highest tower, not touching the other.
They delved into each other's gaze as their minds intertwined.
And slowly, in mid-air, their hands were drawn together, and, tenderly, their fingers entwined.
Promise to hold you close and pray
Watching the fantasies decay
Nothing will ever stay the same
The night Sirius came back to Remus after thirteen years
He took Remus' hand in his once more, and looked at him with the same genuine, vulnerable expression than before, an expression full of love.
"Please… Promise you'll never leave me. Please, my love. Stay with me for infinity."
Their gazes locked as they looked at each other more solemnly than ever before. "I promise."
In the light of the night sky, two hearts were joined together and no marriage could ever have had a deeper meaning.
All of the love we threw away
All of the hopes we cherished fade
Making the same mistakes again
Making the same mistakes again
The day Sirius went after Peter Pettigrew
He was standing in a filthy telephone cell in central London. Hastily, his fingers numb from fear and cold, he dialed the number he knew by heart.
When he heard the beautiful voice, he knew. He knew his lover had already found out, knew what he was about to do. And he knew they understood each other, could read each other's minds easier than a book. It didn't matter they hadn't talked to each other in weeks, it didn't matter he explained nothing. He just said what he had to.
"Remus, I am sorry. I am so sorry," he whispered, hoarsely, devastated.
"I'll love you endlessly, my love. Please, never forget. I love you hopelessly," and his voice broke.
He threw back the receiver and forced all his senses not to break down. Instead, he felt the strongest emotions welling up in his soul.
Then he turned around, ran out of the telephone cell and made his way. He would tear the man to pieces who had betrayed his brother, the man who was responsible for the destruction of his world.
I can feel my world crumbling
I can feel my life crumbling
I can feel my soul crumbling away
Remus, after his lover's death
He didn't want anyone to come near him. He flinched violently when somebody accidentally touched him.
He couldn't stand anything. He couldn't stand the meetings, for he had no one to match his thoughts and complete his brilliance.
He couldn't stand sleeping, because he died whenever he stepped into his room, or towards the bed, or pulled the sheets over himself because he was cold from the lack of a warm body next to him.
He couldn't stand eating, because he had to think of the food they had loved to eat together. Memories of sweet lovemaking chased him, until he felt frenzied, lunatic. Even chocolate couldn't soothe him, for there were too many memories. Coffee wasn't possible, for it was far too hot and arousing.
There was nothing he could do. No one he could talk to, no one who understood.
He was alone, and his heart, his soul had already left.
And falling away
Falling away with you
All of the love we've left behind
Sirius, on a drunken night when they talked about Lily's and James' death
"How can I ever be forgiven?" he whispered, his expression desperate. "I deserve every punishment. I shall be condemned…"
"Shh," Remus whispered soothingly. "Sirius, if there was such a thing as heaven and hell, and if there was a paradise, my love, you would be the first to go there."
The shimmering silver eyes caught his gaze. "Everywhere is paradise when you're with me."
Watching the flash backs intertwine
In their sixth year at Hogwarts
"Look at the sky," he whispered and the other boy shivered as breath graced the soft skin on his neck. He felt Sirius standing behind him, softly pressed against his back. Every inch of their bodies fit together perfectly, their heads lifted in unison as they admired the stars.
Memories I will never find
Memories I will never find
Sirius, while he waited twelve long years in Azkaban
Time passed, and he could not tell the rhythm. He sat at this place, pressed against one side of the cell, and looked. Just looked.
His gaze fell through the bars. He didn't even see them anymore. He looked at the pillars, the walls. Walls so high they made you feel as if you were imprisoned in a dungeon.
He looked at the sky. There were the same stars that had witnessed two young boys' lovemaking on the school grounds, the same stars that had guided their best friends through their wedding night, the same stars that had been there the day everything broke down.
He lifted his gaze and looked at the moon. The moon had always been worst to bear; still he could never look away. It exerted an irresistible allurement on him. The combination of light, the silver colour and all the memories that danced along with its sight made the moon an essential and at the same time incredibly painful thing.
I have no idea whether I did an okay/good job. Pleeease click the purple button and write your opinion. Virtual cookies and hugs for everyone :)