Chewelah: The Poorest Town in Both Money, and Morals

By Noah Kitzmiller

This is my story.

Now, you probably expected this to all start in Chewelah, but it doesn't. It starts exactly three towns and 21 miles away, in a slightly larger town known as Colville.

I felt the whiplash in an instant, his head jerking backwards as the rear-view mirror slipped off of its hold and onto the floor. The only thing he could do was pull forward, across the intersection and park on the side, next to the street sign. I had been hit. My car had been hit. Rear-ended. I put the car in park, and turned the car off. I started it again, just to make sure it worked, and it sputtered back to life. Turning it off for the last time, I got out of the car. There was a boy running towards him.

"I'm so sorry!" he yelled.

"It's all good," the guy hit said. My name is Noah, and this wasn't my first accident. My hands were shaking, but he was just happy that the kid seemed polite. They went around to the back of the car to take a look at the damage. It was a grey 1998 Dodge intrepid - my first car. The entire back-right side was caved in, almost impossible to tell where the break light was. The trunk was bent slightly upwards, forcing it shut.

"Dang," I said.

"Yeah, I just couldn't stop sliding. I tried to pull off to the side. That's why I only hit the one side," he explained. They both walked back to the vehicle that hit him. A truck, almost no damage was done to it. Lucky for him.

They spent the next half hour exchanging information in the lightly snowing night. As soon as they were done, they both shook hands and got back in their respective cars. I had to get back home.

I drove to the nearest gas station, and asked the man behind the counter if there was a phone that I could use.

"Here," he said as he handed me the phone. "Just make sure it's in the area."

I dialed my home phone, whilst trying to stop my hands from shaking. My mom, Carrie, picked up. "Hey," she said. "Where are you?"

"Mom, don't freak out," I reassured her. "I... I was in a little accident. A guy rear-ended me a block away from youth group. The car is drive-able, but the damage looks pretty bad."

She says to drive home safe, and checked to make sure that I got the information from the guy, such as insurance and phone numbers. I said that I did, and then I headed out back to the car. I get in, and start driving the 21 miles back to the town that I live in, Chewelah.

The drive is long and boring, but I'm cautious nonetheless. At least my hands aren't shaking anymore. About halfway on my drive, I was moved to pray for my current situation, both about the car, and just life in general.

I remember saying, "God, this would be a good time to have a girlfriend. I could take comfort in her, and she could reassure me about everything. Lord, I pray that you would please send me someone who shows a genuine affection for me, soon. Amen." The rest of the drive, I didn't think much about my prayer. Just focused on driving.

I finally got home, and turned off my car. After me and my dad looked at the damage, he was more frustrated about it than me, I went upstairs to my only main comfort: my computer. After opening up Facebook, I scrolled a bit, and then looked at the last few messages of a conversation between me and my friend, Aly. Aly... That name, even now as I say it, my heart stops. I can only think of love, and happiness as I say it. Love, happiness, sadness, loneliness, and a beautiful face comes to mind as I think if that name. Earlier, we were exchanging songs that we liked, and I remember showing her the one I wanted for my wedding. I remember her saying she cried as she watched it, because of how beautiful my choice was. While maybe an exaggeration, I still know she wasn't lying. I messaged her again.

"Hey..." I sent her just that one word, and she instantly knew something was wrong.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Well, don't freak out, but I got into a car accident. A guy rear-ended me on my way home." I sent her a picture of the damage.

"I'm sorry," she typed back.

"At least no one was hurt," I said. We typed a few more messages about the crash. Tiny details that weren't too important to remember. Then she messaged me something that changed my life forever.

Her next message was, "Ughh my feelings... So guilty..."

I responded with, "What?" She said it was nothing and I pushed for an answer. The next message not only shocked me, but it changed my life forever.

"So... Back when I was going through a depression, and Kevin (her current boyfriend) was basically ignoring me, I caught feelings for you." I froze, not sure what to respond with. I didn't need to, she sent another. "Like, for the last couple months. I just felt guilty and I had to tell you. I feel like you'll probably hate me now, though and I feel like I just ruined our friendship..."

I responded with, "No... Why would that ruin our friendship? I'm glad you told me. I feel the same way..."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I have for a while..."

"I'm not sure why I told you, but I just had to get it out."

"Its fine, I understand."

Then, I asked her how things were going with Kevin. That name… THAT name gives me feeling of hatred, anger, and makes me want to punch a wall.

She said that they had been arguing a lot, and he was, "Abusive. Emotionally and verbally, but abusive nonetheless." Her words and feelings, not mine.

I asked her, "So why don't you leave him?"

She responded with, "I'm not sure."

I asked her if I could take a guess, or give her my two cents. When she said yes, I responded with this: "I think you're too afraid to start over, so you'd rather take the abuse."

She shockingly responds with, "How did you know?" When I asked her what she was talking about, apparently my guess was spot on. I told her I hoped I didn't offend her, and she said I didn't. We talked for a few minutes more, but then when she stopped responding, I thought she went to sleep, so I did the same.

A few days rolled by without much events to note. One day, I told her that because of our different beliefs that I would like to remain just friends. This didn't last very long. She was agnostic, while I was a Christian, however shaky my faith seemed.

I had never had this experience before, not even in my last relationship that ended terribly. After that, I was unsure of how to react, other than play along. It was a Friday night when that all happened.

The next day was bowling. I am… Well, was a part of a bowling league, and me and Aly were on the same team. I remember driving to bowling that day very nervous, not sure what to expect after the night before took place. How would she look at me? Think of me? I just hoped that nothing really changed between us, and that our friendship hadn't changed either. My worries were exaggerated, because our friendship actually took a turn for the better.

I remember getting there a little earlier than she did. I remember paying for that week of bowling, and then having her get both me and her shoes. She had a very mischievous look on her face. We hugged, like we normally did, for a good minute or so, and then started to practice bowling. We each acted normal around each other, except for the fact that she was stressed, so I gave her a back massage.

After bowling, we started heading outside, and our other teammate, John Franks, followed us.

She looked back and said, "Hey John, could you give us some time alone?"

He made sure everything was okay, and Aly assured him that everything was fine. She seemed nervous, and unsettled. We talked maybe two sentences before I got to the point. "You wanted to kiss me, didn't you?" I asked.

"Yeah…" she replied shyly, but as she did, she noticed John looking through the window, after she waved him off, she continued. "But, he keeps lurking around."

I agreed with her, but then waited about two seconds. Then I looked at her and said, "Fuck it, I have to." And then I leaned in, and gave her a quick, slow kiss on the lips. I felt all of my stress of a year and a half disappear. It was amazing, exhilarating, and awesome. She was obviously better than it than I was. Her lips were very soft, and moist with anticipation. It was the best thing in the world, and I was instantly in love.

"Sorry, I just had to," I said. "And I'm sorry I'm not that good at it."

"You were great!" she replied.

I was the happiest man alive. And I knew, at that moment, that I had to stop at nothing, NOTHING, to get her to be mine, and mine alone.

From here, it gets a little blurry. I think the next day, she had a bad day. Lots of arguments with Kevin. This was the day when I had to fully express my feelings towards her. If there's one thing that I'm good at, it's sending long, sappy, romantic love messages. I think that day, I may have sent her three. Each, increasingly longer than the last. I think that this was the first day that we started our nightly routine. That night, we wanted to see each other's faces pretty badly. Luckily, Facebook has this function to where we could video call each other and talk for a while. We talked for a good few hours, and I'm pretty sure she vented to me about Kevin for a good portion of it. I can't remember if it was this night, or some later night, but we decided to not only do this as often as we could, but that we would fall asleep together while in the call. Regardless, we started doing just that, we would talk until we couldn't keep our eyes open any longer, and then we would fall asleep in a video call together. Those nights, I had some of the best sleeps of my life. While this was good, just having her company was what made me so happy.

Every once in a while after that, I would come over to her house, or we would meet at zips and have dinner or lunch together. She would always try and pay, and I would try so hardly to beat her to it.

One such event, I almost overlooked. One night, I was working, and after my shift, I got a message from her, asking if I wanted to have dinner at where I was with her and her friend, Emma. I replied with a yes, and she came over not soon after my shift. I'll point out that this was before we kissed, although I find it better to put it here. She seemed very happy to see me, although I'm pretty sure I was happier. I was tired, so I didn't protest her paying for the food. I went over to her house fairly frequently after that, and I decided that we shouldn't let her beautiful voice go to waste. So, we decided that we were going to do, "Chewelah's Got Talent." It was a talent show, and we were going to both sing, with me playing the guitar, Like I'm gonna Lose You by Meghan Trainor and John Legend. We practiced fairly often, because I was at her house quite regularly. Basically, whenever she wasn't with Kevin.

Now you're probably thinking, isn't she cheating on Kevin? And aren't you or her guilty? Now, to answer your first question, technically, yes. But guilty? We might've been a little, but not really.

One night, while I was at her house, we decided that we wanted to go out to eat again, at Zip's. We went there, ate, and then drove around for a little bit. We ended up parking in the parking lot of the local Highschool, where Aly went to school. We then kissed, a lot. After talking, of course. But then it was full-on make-out time. It was hard to stay in our separate seats, but we made do with the circumstances.

After a while, once it had gotten late, she stopped and I drove her back to her place. I was complimenting her skills the whole way home, and for the rest of the night. Aly was wonderful. Later that night, I remember sending her a really sappy love message, after she and Kevin were fighting. She then told me that she loved me. And I told her I loved her back. I was so happy, the happiest man alive.

Oh, that reminds me, before we ever did that, I took her up to Colville to the same youth group that I was leaving from when I got in the accident. While she was sort of hesitant, she had a good time except for when we split into small-groups. She hated being apart from me, especially in a place she was unfamiliar with. I treated and apologized to her later by buying her Taco Bell, though. First night she called me her, "Taco Bell Sugar-Daddy."

One day, the doubts started coming in. I get a call from her, one that would cause uncertainty in both our hearts. "Kevin's been getting better, and showing improvement. We need to stop." After talking to her in a very foolish manner, she reluctantly took it all back, and I visited her, bringing ice cream. The same thing happened while I was on vacation, but luckily she took those back too.

I went over to her house very often. Mostly, we practiced, and she vented to me about Kevin, and their arguments.

And then one day, in her uncertainty, she meant it. We were done. She couldn't lie to him anymore. I was foolish in the following days to come after that phone call, hoping that this was just another phase and that she would snap out of it. I've never prayed harder in my life. She blocked me on everything that she could think of, and would not message me, even once. I just got more foolish and foolish, and tried pushing harder and harder for her to listen, but she would have none of it. The next few days, I'd rather not mention, as I was extremely stupid in dealing with it all.

This is where I still stand today. She won't contact me, not even to tell me how she's doing. I've been keeping track of her Instagram, just to make sure she's okay. But, I still love her. I remember telling her one day, during the first doubt she had, that I would "Never leave." And I still won't, to this day. I've been praying very frequently, asking God that she would call me, but to no avail. It's been hard to not want to harm myself in all of this, and have tried and possibly succeeded on several occasions, though I won't say which. I just want to be at least friends with her now, though, some part of me prays that she still loves me. I definitely love her.

Kevin, if you read this, I just wanna say that I'm sorry. She should've just left you, and saved everyone from a lot of hurt. You hurt her, for far too long, and she deserved better. It wasn't anything personal. All is fair, in love and war.

Aly, if you're reading this, I ask that you would please call me. Just, lemme know how you're doing. I'd like for you to consider being at least friends with me again, but know that I do still love you, very much so. I think you're amazing, and you deserve so much more than what you've had to go through. I love you, very much.

But, this is my story. A sad one, yes, but my story nonetheless. Hopefully things will change. Maybe she'll leave him in the weeks to come, and realize how happy I made her; how I treated her like a princess. Or maybe she'll stay away, and hate me forever. Who knows? I just hope she realizes how unhealthy Kevin is for her, before it's too late.