A/N: As much as I hate reading love triangles other people love them so BAM here we are. It turns out writing them are kinda fun. Enjoy!

Chapter 1

I walked into my dorm to see the last person I would want to see.

"Sol," I said curtly.

He looked up, "Oh great it's fishdick."

I groaned, it was going to be a long year.

A few hours later I was sitting in the dining commons by myself. Classes started tomorrow so I didn't have anything to do yet.

I looked up from the salad I was eating to see her. Feferi Pexies.

I haven't seen her since sophomore year in high school, and oh my cod the years have been good to her. Her hair was long and wavy, her skin was a gorgeous olive color, and her clothes hung on her in a way that could make any man drool.

She turned and saw me staring. She waved and walked over, "Hey there Erifin!"

I nodded at her, "Hello Feferi, it's been awhile."

"It really has been awhile! How have you been?" She sat next to me at the table.

"I'v-ve been alright. W-What about you?" I slammed my jaw shut when I realized that I was stuttering, which I only did when I was nervous or angry.

She laughed a bit, "I'm doing pretty good. I see you still stutter when you're nervous what's got you nervous?"

I felt my face heat up, "Oh, uh, it's nothin'."

She smiled, "Don't tell me you still get nervous around me, it's been years!"

I shrugged and looked away from her sea green eyes.

She laughed again, "Come on, it's just me. Your best friend from when we were kids."

We had been best friends as kids, but we had drifted in high school after it became apparent that I was blatantly in love with her, and she didn't reciprocate the feelings. She ended up with Sollux not too long after she found out, and I cut contact with her because I was unable to bear to see her with him.

"I know-w. How-w are you and Sol?" I really needed to control this stutter better.

"We're doing alright, we survived my move! It was kinda his idea to come here when I got accepted," I knew she was smiling without even looking at her.

"That's cool," I sighed. "He's my roommate you know-w."

"Really!?" she squeaked. "That's great! Now I can visit you both at the time!"

I shrugged, "I'm probably gonna request a room change though, you know-w I can't stand him."

I looked back at her as her face fell, "Oh… I guess I forgot that you guys don't get along."

I frowned, "If you w-want me to stay in a room w-with him I can."

She shook her head, "I don't wanna hear about you guys fighting all the time, but I would like it if you guys could work things out and be civil with each other."

I nodded, "I'm w-willing ta be diplomatic, but I hav-ve no promises on his part."

Her smile returned, "I'll talk to him!"

I smiled sadly, the reason we hated each other so much was because of her. We both loved her, and that was the problem. He has her, and I would never have her. I had accepted that long ago, but that didn't make it hurt any less.

We finished eating and started walking back toward Sollux and I's dorm.

When we got there I opened the door to find Sollux laying on his bed reading one of his computer science books.

Feferi rushed past me and jumped on him, in which he screamed in surprise before rolling onto his back to hug her. I averted my eyes to avoid scowling in disgust at their reunion.

I heard them kiss and Feferi roll off him and sit on the side of the bed, "You can come in you know Erifin instead of standing in the doorway."

I looked back over to see Sol with his arm wrapped around her waist and a cocky look on his face. I scowled uncontrollably and walked over and laid down on my bed.

I heard Feferi sigh, "I hope you guys will be able to set aside your differences and be at least frondly with each other."

I didn't say anything and just stared at the ceiling.

"I have no problems with fishdick over there, its him who is a jealous prick," Sollux lisped.

I snapped my head to the side to look at him, scowling, "I haven't said a w-word ta you in tw-wo years about it so shut the fuck up."

"Both of you stop!" Feferi pleaded. "Erifin is right you haven't told me anyfin about him even speaking to you in the last two years."

Sollux grumbled something I didn't hear and I heard Fef kiss his face.

"I swear to cod if I have to listen ta you two I'm gonna throw up." I mumbled.

"What was that Erifin?" Feferi asked.

"Nothin'," I said a little louder.

"Probably just him being all oh woe is me," Sollux said.

"Shut up Sol."

"Both of you!"

I turned to scowl at him and he scowled right back. Feferi sighed.

It was going to be a long year.

~====3====~

A couple days later I was laying in my room with Feferi and Sollux and, like they had been in high school pressed up against the lockers, they were making out. With me in the room.

I groaned and rolled onto my side to face them, "I swear I'm gonna vomit if you guys don't stop. Could you at least do that while I'm you know not in the room?"

Fef giggled and Sol groaned, "Leave us alone you insufferable prick."

"Oh I'm sorry, did I disturb your time eatin' my best friend's face?" I rolled my eyes.

Feferi laughed, "So I'm your best friend again? That makes me really happy Erifin!"

I smiled at her, "Of course."

Fef and I had several classes together since we had the same major, Marine Biology, so when she wasn't with Sollux she was with me. Which was almost more than she was with Sol.

She smiled brightly, climbed off Sol's bed and tackle hugged me. We both fell over laughing until my arm hit my laptop and I cried out in pain. Shit.

Fef sat up in alarm, "What? What's wrong?"

I gingerly lifted my arm, "Hit a pressure point."

She frowned, turned to Sol to ask him to leave for a moment, and after he grudgingly complied she grabbed my wrist (which caused me to cry out again) and pulled my sleeve up.

Scars lined my forearm for her to see except for the ones under a bloodied bandage that covered most of the underside of my arm.

Her eyes visibly watered, "I thought you had stopped… You told me sophomore year that you had stopped…"

I couldn't look at her, "I did. For 6 months I did. After that…" my voice trailed off.

She cradled my arm, "What made you start again?"

When I didn't say anything she pulled me into a hug, "Please don't do that anymore…"

I tensed, I could barely go a day without let alone stop completely.

"Feferi, I can try but I make no promises. It's worse than when we were younger…"

"What made it worse please tell me Eridan…"

I didn't answer again. I didn't want to tell her, it was bad enough the fact she saw made her this sad. Knowing the reason would make it worse.

"Please Eridan," she turned my head so I was facing her.

Her eyes were red and she was already crying. I couldn't make it worse… I just couldn't.

"I don't wanna upset you further…" I mumbled.

"I don't care just tell me," she sniffed.

My lip quivered, shit no I was not gonna cry. Not right now.

"It's not important, it's rather silly actually…" I started. "It's just self loathing mostly. Not feeling good enough and so on. Losing my best friend didn't help. You know you were all I had, but it's not your fault…"

A look of utter sorrow crossed her face and she burst into a sob, in which Sol swung open the door and rushed in. I barely pulled my sleeve down in time. He had no right to know.

"What the hell did you do!?" Sollux yelled.

"Nothing you need ta know about!" I snapped back, trying to disguise the guilt that was churning through my chest.

Feferi shook her head, "It's not your place to know Sollux, it has to do with Erifin and if he doesn't want you to know then you're not gonna know."

Sollux looked shocked at first, and then a little hurt. Good.

"Alright… if you say so FF."

"Could you wait outside till I tell you to come in?" she sniffed.

He nodded slowly after a moment and left.

She pulled me into a hug, apologizing over and over until I pulled back and said, "It's not your fault Fef I told you that. Your mom got a new job that's out of your control."

"But you know I got distant before that, which was mostly for Sollux's benefit. He didn't want me around you, so I wasn't… Even though you had no one else. Then you stopped talking to me altogether and avoided me."

I didn't want to bring that up, but she did anyway. That was what killed me the most was having to cut contact and her being distant.

I looked away again, "You know I didn't really have a choice with that."

"I guess you didn't."

She was still hugging me, and she was still crying.

"Please just promise me you'll try to stop okay?" she sniffled.

"I can try, but I can't promise anything besides that."