xX_ProCodKid69_Xx

Hello you fucking /b/ browsing idiots. I would like to inform you FYI that this OP is MLG and that this is a true story so liek, comment and scrubscribe as one liek = one dank meme to help me obtain my euphoria once again.

It started when one day I was taking my daily dew® shower and I couldn't decide which flavor of dorito soap I should use. I needed to pick fast so I could get back to my life that everyone tells me I don't have and I went MLG and began smoking. Being a turnt bloke, I accidentally set fire to the dorito soaps, filling the room with the smell of doritos as climbed out of the shower. I was now tripping, I literally knocked over half my apartment and that made me 200% mad. Time to yell at 12 yr olds in Child's Online Daycare.

I went to my glorious PC master race computer and opened COD but something wasn't right. The file was called xX_ and my computer/eyes/ears/butt was leaking blood so I decided that I would be a smart protagonist and check the game's data. This is what I found:

EA Copyright 666© Donut Steal OC

-THE REAL DEVIL NO JOKE DON'T PLAY

OH! Well that explains the weird name and the blood. Everybody knows that EA is the literal devil. If you don't believe me, I was an intern so I can confirm. Time to go back to playing.

The screen didn't bleed this time and I went to the server browser. It was filled with edgy deep web servers and anonymous hacker hangouts. I joined a random FFA de_rust game with a guy called xX_ProCodKid69_Xx (definately not a coincidence amiright?). I spawned on top of the tower and I was immediately headshotted by ProCodKid69. On my second respawn, I was ready. Guzzling dewritos and doin' the snoop dogg swivel, I flew around the map 360 noscoping him and dodging his shots. After 29.99999 seconds, we had not landed a single hit on each other so I brought out the big guns. I put on the oculus rift and pulled out my second computer. Using each hand to control a different computer, I fired thousands of shots at him. Then he did the unthinkable, he knifed all the bullets into tiny little bits as the game went slow mo. I exclaimed "HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!"

His reply made my heart explode and my calcium spray out of my nose. He said "What you should be asking is how this is possible… and how cliched this statement is." He then bound my hands to the keyboards using magic super glue and said "YOU'VE ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD."

Then hordes of players started joining the server. The voice chat was filled with horrible tortured screams and justin bieber songs. Then I saw who had joined the server and I went ultra fangirl. Ben2, , GO_2_ZEEP, TheEyelessOne, TheLaughingOne, Squidicide, RoadKillMickey, yekciMlliKdaoR (backwards/photonegative is so edgy), HappyPuppy666, FABULOUSMouthStrencher, SodaZombie(Send Help), FatMonsterHater, BOB THE B.O.B. and SHREK!

I WAS LITERALLY FREAKING OUT!1! I had dreamed of these characters since my dad went to nosleep for bedtime stories by accident or was it an actually an accident? Illuminati confirmed? Ignoring the fact that I might be killed IRL by these ghastly macaronis, I began spamming the chat with love letters and fan fiction. Here is a transcript below:

Me_irl: OMG You're real. This is the best day of my life. Which fan fiction should we reenact first, JackXJack, PN Mickey X Suicide Mouse, maybe Shrek XXX Reader?

TheLaughingOne: Now I wish I was the eyeless one. Can't unsee.

SHREK: Ogre you kidding me?

RoadKillMickey: Your puns want to make me kill myself again.

yekciMlliKdaoR: I like it.

SodaZombie: Are we really going to listen to him? When he takes his head off he has less brains than me.

HappyPuppy666: He does look good in the photos, beauty gets the fan girls.

Me_irl: Like me_irl!

Squidicide: Fuck this shit I'm out. See you guys and a few kids in hell.

FABULOUSMouthStretcher: Send me the dead kids bodies.

FatMonsterHater: Eating makes you fat.

BOB: 4chan says fuck off bitch

Ben2: You shouldn't have said that! We have kids and manchildren around.

: Why don't we stop posing for the writer and kill this guy.

: Let's crush him.

: Let's burn him.

S& : Let's kill him in an obscure way, almost as obscure as scourge.

: Let's let the inter webs decide trough BOB, the other one.

BOB: OK who wants to direct the show going for 50$, 100$, 30 coin, 400 moneypak, 1 DOGECOIN! Sold, now let's get to directing.

Culture 048: Untie him.

Me_irl: Thank you

Culture 048: Now make him take out his Doritos.

Me_irl: WTF are you doin'

Culture 048: Now make him place all of his gangster shit inside the bag like yo bling and yo weed.

I knew what he wanted me to do next. I could feel my hand drifting toward the mtn dew bottle. If I mixed the swaggiest ingredients in the universe then it would form a swagularity and I would lose all of my swag in the last few moments of my existence. I had nearly given up hope when the room filled with a green glow and discounts filled every nook and cranny. Hail to the motherfucking gaben.

"Hello my child," He said in an omnipotent voice. "Senpai Kush needs me for Mlg Mario 420 so I'll leave you with Shia. You may or may not be fucked," he said before dissolving into gold dust. I was really hopeless now.

The creepypastas sat laughing at me when I heard a voice. Shia was yelling his famous motivational speech through my headphones. It took me a few seconds but I eventually made the conclusion about what he meant. Do it sounds a lot like Dew it, was he really telling me this? In a single motion, I unscrewed the thousands of energy drinks on my desk. The faces of the cryptids turned from joy to dread. I asked Shia once again for assurance and he answered with a strong encouraging "just do it!" so powerful that I didn't even doubt for one second about what I did next.

The sounds of drinks spilling all over the desk in that quick moment was the greatest and sexiest sound I had ever heard in my life. A rainbow of red raw energy, orange acid electrolytes and yellow sun shining through green mtn dew with the nice contrast of blue and purple was formed by the fusion of these holy waters. But the best sight was the computer, the sea had completely destroyed it and caused it to go up in disco fire as it slowly burned all of evil spirits. The last thing that I heard before I began typing this up on for interweb points was the voice of ProCodKid69 saying "NOOOOO!" in a cliched tone. If you made it to the end then you have a very stable heart and should read the original stories of the spaghettis mentioned in le story. Thank you 4(20) reading.