Suicide Mission
A/N: Here's another Falling Leaves one shot that takes place after chapter seventeen of Falling Leaves. This is something that was brewing in my head, but at first, I was going to omit the space arc from my story and change it up a bit to where Splinter didn't die and the universe was saved. However, after some thinking, I figured it would be best to keep what happened on the show in this universe too, and so I did. I hope that you all enjoy this little one shot which will be told in a journal entry perspective.
Disclaimer: TMNT and all related characters are property of Nickelodeon. I only own the plot, Willow Green, Audrey Donnelly, and anyone else not associated with TMNT.
Summary: After losing everything she's ever known, Willow is on the verge of making a drastic decision that will change her life forever. But can she find the courage to move on or decide if this is the end? A Falling Leaves one shot.
I almost killed myself today.
I was sitting in my room and thinking about everything that had happened. We had just engaged in a horrible battle and ended up narrowly escaping with our lives. The Earth was crushed, and we ended up losing a lot that we cared about. As I sat there I thought about all that had happened and all that I had lost along the way of my journey.
My home.
My family.
My humanity.
My students.
My best friend.
My beloved Splinter.
And at that moment after thinking about all I had lost, there was only one other thought that came to my head.
I wanted to die.
With this aim in view, I stalked out of my room and roamed the ship, hoping that maybe I could find a way to escape. There had to be a door that allowed one to exit. I gazed out at the vastness of space through one of the windows and hoped that maybe I would see Splinter there somewhere, but he was nowhere to be found. Didn't everyone say heaven was in the sky? Well, there was no heaven here. There was nothing but emptiness. Then again, I had never really taken stock of all of that anyway even though my mom raised me as Catholic. I just never really believed in any of it, and now I was certain that there wasn't any sort of heaven out there.
But that didn't mean there wasn't an afterlife, and I wanted to go there. I wanted to reunite with Splinter. I didn't want to stay here where there was no hope of anything going right.
I wanted to die.
I found a door and immediately tried to open it with little success. I noticed a keypad and was on the verge of trying to press some buttons when a voice interrupted me.
"I would not do that if I were you. Bleep."
I turned to see Professor Honeycutt staring at me. Stupid robot! Why did he have to interfere with my plans?
"I want out," I stated simply.
"Oh, you can't get out of here now," he replied. "And even if you could, it would be unwise. You would be sucked out into space and never seen again."
I gave him my best glare. "Open the door," I commanded.
"Sorry, I can't do that," he said. "You're just in shock. It's understandable given what you've gone through, but perhaps some time will clear your head."
I knew he wasn't going to give into my demands. With a hiss, I stalked off back to my room and sat down on my bed. What was the good of having an exit if you couldn't get out? What if the ship caught fire and we all had to evacuate? It was obvious Honeycutt wasn't going to give me an answer or give me what I wanted.
I wanted to die.
Then I noticed my sword hanging above me. If I couldn't jump out of the ship, maybe there was another way to do this. I slid my sword out of my sheath and contemplated what to do. I knew I wouldn't be able to slit my throat. That would be far too gruesome. Maybe just stabbing myself in the stomach would work. Sure, it would be a slow death, but maybe it would be more satisfying. I gathered the blade in my hand and eased the blade toward my stomach.
A knock at the door startled me, and I dropped the sword. Now what?
"Mom, can I come in?" a familiar voice asked.
My heart almost stopped as I heard the voice of Leonardo. I knew I couldn't deny him no matter what I tried to do. "Sure," I said. I got up and opened the door so he could enter and then hurried back to the bed and sat down.
Leo's eyes roved over me and landed on the sword that was next to me. His blue eyes widened as he took it in and took in my dejected countenance. Realization dawned on him, and he immediately hurried to my side.
"Mom, what were you doing with this?" he demanded.
My mouth opened to produce words, but none came. My face crumpled, and I began to sob hysterically.
Leo embraced me and rubbed my back. "Mom, it's okay," he soothed. "Everything is going to be okay."
"No, it's not!" I sobbed. "We lost, Leo! We have nothing left now! Everything is gone! There's no way we can go back now!"
"Maybe there is a way," he said. "I really don't see how, but I came for you because the professor wants to speak with us about something. Maybe he knows of a way we can fix this. I know how you feel, Mom. I feel that way, too, but don't give up hope. Sensei always taught me that as a child, and I've held onto that for as long as I can remember."
I looked at my son and realized he was right. Mom always told me that where there was life there was hope. And as I looked into my son's eyes and saw the earnestness on his face, I came to a realization.
I couldn't die. I had too much to live for, and I knew Splinter wouldn't want that for me. He would want me to carry on and keep on caring for our sons.
I wiped the tears from my face. "Okay, Leo, I'll come out," I said.
"So, were you going to kill yourself?" he asked me.
"I was thinking about it," I confessed. "I was just so upset about all we've lost."
Leo didn't act judgmental as I thought he would about what I was about to do. He gave me another hug instead. "I understand, Mom," he said gently. "But you can't leave us now. We need you."
"I know," I whispered. "I'm so sorry, Leo."
"I forgive you, Mom," he replied. "I always will."
I kissed his cheek. "That's my boy in blue."
He laughed and pulled me to my feet so we could go see what Professor Honeycutt had to tell us. I knew now that I couldn't leave my family. They were so important to me, and even though I had lost some things, I still had others I had to live for. I was still guilty about what had happened between Splinter and me and upset that I hadn't been able to set it right, but I knew somehow that Splinter was with me. He knew I was sorry and that I never meant to hurt him.
I looked out at the vast sky. "I love you, Splinter," I whispered. "I'm sorry, and I'll take care of our sons."
Until next time,
Willow
The End
A/N: And that's the end of another one shot. I would have elaborated on it a bit more, but I'm saving that for the next chapter of Falling Leaves which I hope to have up soon. I really hope you enjoyed this story. Feel free to leave a review and have a shelltastic day.