He stares. He stares at the revolting, disgusting pizza lying upon his hands. It seemed as if it was staring back.
It watches. It watches Archer's every movement, about to move sooner or later. Archer held the pizza closer. "You can't tell anyone about this," he whispered to the pizza. "Especially not Tabitha."
Archer's mind then turned to memories of hating pizza. He hated it all because of being teased and being asked the question, "do u like pizza?" Archer said billions and billions of times that he didn't. Archer absolutely hated it. But deep down inside, he did like it. He wanted every last bit of the pizza that inhabits this pizza-filled world. He wanted to devour tons and tons of pizza, not letting anyone but himself and the pizza know. So that was his mission. To eat all of the pizza. Every single pizza.
Archer brought the pizza to his lips, the smell was fantastic. But... instead of eating it, he kissed it. He didn't know what brought him to doing that. The kiss was long, and he didn't regret it somehow. Archer then stopped eating the pizza. Was it really worth it? He didn't know... all of a sudden, he ended up kissing it again. This time it was short, but it was uncontrollable. Archer stopped. He soon realized. He was sexually attracted to pizza.
"Oh no," Archer murmured to himself. "Pizza, like I said, don't tell anyone. Don't." The pizza simply sat there, remaining uneaten. "Look, I know this is hard for you. I bet it really is. But please," he brought himself closer to the pizza. "Don't. I... I'm in love with you... I hope you have the same feelings for me, but..." The pizza continued to remain unmoved. "You can't tell anyone about our relationship. No one. This has to remain private." The pizza stood still. "Thanks, buddy."
Archer walked down the street with his new lover. He didn't find any intrest in anything anymore but the pizza. He had gotten a couple, or maybe several strange looks when he kissed the pizza, but Archer didn't notice. He was much too engrossed in the pizza, he didn't give a care in the world about anything. He loved the pizza. He loved it so much, but he didn't know how to tell his friends about his new relationship. How would they react? What would happen? No, no one can know. No one will ever know about this. Archer would get married to the pizza and never tell anyone. He would have tiny pizza babies with the pizza and not tell anyone. He would never tell anyone. Ever. And thats how it stayed for the rest of his life. He and the pizza ran off together, laughing, giggling, and chuckling. He would never leave the pizza's side. All that mattered to Archer was the pizza. He loved it. And although whenever Archer tells the pizza "I love you," it doesn't answer, he knows, that it tries to say "I love you too, Archer." Archer doesn't care if it can't speak. He doesn't care if it can't tell him how it feels. He just wanted to be with the pizza. That was all he wanted. And so, the two lived together without anyone knowing. And they were happy.