Long time no see! Things have been a little crazy on my end-exams, graduations, moving out-but I can't wait to share this fic with you.
Actually, I'm pretty nervous. But it's good to have a fic to post again.
This is a direct follow-up to my one-shot "Aspic of the World," so I highly recommend reading that one first to get a sense of what's going on (nothing like self-promotion, huh?). This fic picks up immediately after the episode "Trajectory," keeping in mind the alterations from the one-shot.
Disclaimer: This is going to get a little darker than my usual fics. Explicit references to drug use/drug addiction and a bit of dark!Barry, so if that's not your cup of tea, maybe this isn't the fic for you. It's going to be a wild ride for all of us-I've been trying out a new style, and I'm hoping it comes through.
Anyway, enough of the rambling. Enjoy!
Barry's throat was raw by the time he made it back to the cortex. From screaming, from a thirst he couldn't pinpoint—either were valid.
"No comms, huh?" Cisco said. Dead was the attempted lightness in his voice. His hand stretched to deposit Barry's abandoned earpieces on the table.
Barry dodged the half-quip, half-accusation, moving past the recently-smashed glass case and Jay's—Zoom's—helmet on the floor. "Where's Caitlin?"
"She said she had to take care of some things." Cisco's jaw tightened. "Don't worry, I think she's fine—I mean, as fine as any of us could be after learning our presumed-dead-former-romantic-partner is actually an evil lunatic—I just mean that I don't think she's quite at the murdery supervillainess level."
He was scared, that much was obvious, though that was hardly unreasonable given what they'd all just learned about Jay. Zoom. His jumble of words tripped over themselves, and he remained open-mouthed, hands fidgeting in front of him.
"What now?" Barry asked.
At a loss, Cisco shrugged. "I don't know what more there is to do today. Plus, you should get some serious rest before we even think about moving forward. The V9 Eliza hit you with…that's no joke. I thought we were gonna lose you, dude."
Come to think of it, it wasn't just Barry's throat that burned, but his whole body, in a way it hadn't in a long time. Like he'd torn every muscle in a workout and was now feeling the acid seep through to heal them. To make him stronger, hopefully. Pain first. Then strength.
A thought, a remembrance, sparked to life. "I know what we still have to do."
He was gone before he could hear Cisco's reply.
By the time Barry had made it to the overpass, the pipeline, and back to the cortex, Cisco had barely moved. He blinked at Barry once and crossed his arms.
"Seriously, dude. Comms. Use them. You know we don't like it when you run off without any way to talk to you."
In response, Barry tore off his mask and ran a hand through sweat-slicked hair.
"So, um…where did you run off to?"
Finally Barry allowed himself a tiny smile. He nodded at the bank of computers, where one monitor now clearly showed Trajectory—Eliza—pressed up against the glass of her new pipeline cell.
"Wasn't too hard to find her," Barry explained. "She was running empty on V9 anyway. Hadn't moved much. At least we could do something useful."
"She's not a threat anymore, is she?" Cisco said. "I mean, not without the V9. That's what was making her evil, right?"
"Mm. Evil." Barry nodded but kept his eyes fixed on the screen. Eliza was flush against the glass as he had been when she'd locked him up, and the image was grainy, but he was certain. Certain she was trembling. Certain she was shaking herself to pieces.
No, he couldn't see it. But he knew. Firsthand.
A few hours later, Barry stood at the entrance to the pipeline, alone. Iris and Joe had headed home to rest, Wells had cited the need to track Jesse, and Cisco and Caitlin had gone their separate ways to pretend to sleep while they wallowed in their own forms of shock.
Barry brushed sweat from his forehead, even though he'd been sitting in the cortex doing nothing for the better part of an hour. A deep breath filled his lungs, but didn't quite give him the oxygen he needed. Bracing himself once more, he opened the doors and stepped into the pipeline.
"Eliza," he said, moving forward toward the lone figure in the cell. "Long time, no see. You comfortable in there?"
"Please, let me out." Eliza was curled up into a ball now, shaking harder than when Barry had brought her in, somehow more human than she had been as well. Under no pretenses now, she'd taken off her mask and unlaced her hair from its tight braids. In her Trajectory costume, she looked out of place, fake almost.
'I need to know what you felt," Barry said. "When you were on the V9. I need to know what you were feeling."
"Want to diagnose me?" Eliza said. "Want to prove I'm crazy? Really, I'm impressed you're still standing here after what I dosed you with."
"Tell me," Barry growled.
"I thought it might kill you," Eliza confessed. "So much…and your first time, no less…"
Barry sped forward, slammed his fist into the glass. "Tell me."
Eliza shrunk with a cry, suddenly tiny in her cell, gripping her head like it would burst. Barry was glad for his mask, glad she couldn't see his full expression—though his eyes were likely enough.
"It felt frightening," Eliza whispered. "And exhilarating. And impossible…impossible to forget."
"And after?"
"Like I've had the best, and worst, parts of myself ripped away." Eliza seemed shrunken, hollowed, sitting there in the cell.
Barry tried to keep his expression neutral. "So what does that leave? What do you have left after the V9 is gone?"
Her eyes met his. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing."
"She's unstable." Barry sidled around the table to Caitlin. "I mean, look at her. She's been hooked on V9 so long, it's killing her."
"She needs her fix," Caitlin said, "Nothing more. This is what happens when you go cold turkey." She looked hurriedly up at Barry and Cisco. "Not that I know from experience."
"This isn't a normal drug, though," Barry insisted. "She's going crazy. She's in pain. Are we just going to ignore that?"
Caitlin lingered on his face a moment longer, then reluctantly turned back to the computer monitor. On screen, Eliza lay curled in a fetal position in the corner of her cell. She'd been alternating between talking to herself and moaning for the past hour, and she had refused food when Cisco had brought it down to her.
"What are you suggesting?" Caitlin said. "That we give her more?"
Barry tried to make his shrug nonchalant. "I'm just saying, as a guy who's been dosed with this stuff, it's no joke. I'm worried about the shock of losing it all at once." A flare of fire in his skull. "Maybe she doesn't have to do this cold turkey. We could wean her off gradually."
Caitlin looked dubiously up at Cisco, who raised his eyebrows noncommittally. Barry curled his fingers around the edge of the table.
"I suppose we could make a few more batches of V9," Caitlin said slowly. "All we would need to do is dilute it. She wouldn't have anywhere to run, of course, not in that pipeline cell—"
"I think just having the feeling is enough," Barry said. "Would be enough," he amended quickly.
He didn't miss the second, fleeting exchange between Caitlin and Cisco, and he actively cooled down the white-hot emotion that leapt to his throat.
"It's not a…terrible idea," Cisco said. "We'll get to work right away."
Thanks for your overwhelming faith, Barry might have quipped in a normal situation, but he didn't want to test the two of them anymore. He put on a cheerful disposition as both went off to the lab, promising them a special delivery of Big Belly Burger later that afternoon for all their hard work.
Then, when they disappeared through the doorway, his smile faded, and he tried to pretend like the leaping joy in his stomach was nothing more than stagnated heroism.
A few hours later, a few hours after the cold mixture of hope and joy began gnawing at the insides of Barry's stomach, Caitlin and Cisco returned with a tray holding three vials.
Three vials. Three sparkling, blood-red, promising vials. Barry looked at them with equal parts revulsion and anticipation, measuring each vial up with his eyes before tearing his gaze upward.
"I think I'm the one who should do the administering," Caitlin said, "seeing as somehow I've become our resident physician." She looked up affectionately at Barry, who rolled his eyes.
"Not my fault I've gotten myself into a dangerous profession. As I recall, it was you all who caused me to be struck by lightning."
"Oh, stop." Caitlin fiddled with her equipment, then unstoppered one of the vials.
Pop.
Whatever levity he had felt was sucked away with the sound of the stopper being removed. He crossed his arms over his chest, as if that might contain the heartbeat he was sure the two of them could hear, and watched as Caitlin drew some of the solution into a syringe.
"We're sure this will work?" Cisco said, the dubiousness returning to his face. "I mean, you don't think she's going to go all whack on us in that cell once she has this in her?"
"What's in this syringe is pretty diluted," Caitlin said, "and a small dose. It should alleviate the symptoms of withdrawal without producing the full hallucinatory experience. Still dangerous, of course, but a few more doses of decreasing concentration—"
"Doses?"
Startled, Caitlin nearly lost the syringe, and Barry's head jerked upward. Standing in the doorway to the cortex was Wells, a baseball cap drawn low over his eyes and a jacket zippered up to his chin.
"Any luck looking for Jesse?" Barry said instinctively, but Wells brushed off the attempt at distraction.
He looked each one of them in turn. "I hope you're not thinking about giving Eliza any more of that V9 in the hopes that it will ease her withdrawal."
"Um." Cisco shifted uncomfortably. He'd never been a very good liar.
"And who came up with this delightfully asinine idea?"
"Hey, watch it," Barry said. "You haven't seen how Eliza is suffering. She needs help."
"I agree, she does," Wells said, narrowing his focus on Barry. "I should have guessed this was your idea, Mr. Allen."
Barry bristled. "What are you implying?"
"Nothing whatsoever." Wells shrugged up his backpack and nodded at Caitlin and Cisco. "You two. I would've thought you would have more sense than to entertain these ideas."
"Hey, I don't see you offering up anything else helpful," Cisco snapped.
"I am offering up the sensible option to leave her be," Wells said. "I've seen Eliza. And I saw Barry. And that is how I know that you should not touch this. You know as well as I that V9 is dangerous. Too dangerous to keep manufacturing at will in this lab."
"This is the last we'll make," Caitlin said firmly. "And I would appreciate it if you didn't question my medical judgments."
"It's not your judgment I'm worried about." But Caitlin was already on her way to the stairs with the syringe. Cisco trailed close behind, seemingly determined to help in whatever way he could, even if it was just to show solidarity. They were quite the pair, Barry mused. Loyal, always loyal, ready to accept him and his outlandish ideas—almost to a fault.
Once they were out of the room, Barry's gaze was drawn back to Wells. The other man anticipated his accusation and jumped in before he could speak.
"You know what my problem is, Mr. Allen," he said gruffly. "Don't think you're fooling anyone."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"V9 is dangerous. You of all people should know that."
"I do."
"Then don't forget it." Wells tightened a strap of his pack sharply. "Tread carefully. And remember what we talked about—you're better than this."
He stormed out without another word, and Barry was left to stand, too uneasy to fume.
In the empty cortex, he listened to the faint buzzing of the lights, the slight whirr of the computers, sounds so perfunctory they were usually lost. If he closed his eyes, he could almost imagine himself becoming one of them, becoming part of this very space itself instead of merely occupying it. For a moment he allowed himself the luxury of that artificial darkness, standing so still that even his breathing halted.
Two minutes he waited there, listening for the sounds of life. Then, with a speed that rustled the papers on the desktop, he unstoppered a vial and skimmed some of the red liquid into a fresh syringe.
Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed, please consider leaving a comment. I always love hearing from you guys and chatting about this show.
I'll be following my normal posting schedule for this one, even though it's a shorter multi-chapter, so expect updates Wednesdays and Sundays! See you then.
Till next time,
Penn