TITLE: The Way We Were
DISCLAIMER: Much to my chagrin, I own nothing, so please do not sue me.
SUMMARY: Why Dean really doesn't want Sam to leave after they kill yellow-eyes. This is an altered/extended scene from 'Shadow', way back in the first season. The POV switches back and forth. Angst/Romance.
WARNINGS: Warnings for some strong language and Wincest of the Sam/Dean persuasion. If you don't like wincest, don't read, simple as that.
FEEDBACK: Reviews are fodder to my imagination. No need to play nice, if it sucks, then please do say so. Although I do appreciate any response you are willing to give me, I appreciate civility as well.
OTHER: Thanks go out to my wonderful beta, perfectharmony22, whom fixes my stories and throws ideas around with me!
"Geez…what'd you get?" Dean asks after he finishes leaving their father a voicemail telling him to get to Chicago ASAP.
"I ransacked the truck. Holy water…every weapon that I could think of…exorcism rituals from about a half dozen religions…I'm not sure what to expect, so I guess I should just expect everything, huh?" Say answers as they begin to check all the weapons.
Dean checks to see if the buck shot is loaded, grunts, and Sam knowingly tosses him a cartridge. "Big night."
"Yeah. You nervous?" Sam inquires, a little uneasy.
"No…" Dean says, trying to feign being unconcerned. "What? Are you?"
"No, no way" Sam replies, all too quickly, pauses to check a handgun, and then; "God, could you imagine if we really found that damn thing? The Demon." Sam asks little excitement in his question.
Dean laughs at this, "Let's not get ahead of ourselves, alright?"
Sam looks a little sheepish and then replies, "I know, I'm just sayin'…ya know, what if we did? What if this whole thing was over tonight?" Dean pauses for a second at Sam's last question, though going unnoticed by Sam at which point Sam goes on, more to himself than Dean, and says "Man…I'd sleep for a month…go back to school, be a person again."
Dean looks up from the hole he was staring in the gun he was supposed to be checking and asks "You'd go back to school?" slightly surprised, although he didn't know why he should be. He had known Sam still wanted to finish school, to leave him for an education. It seemed like everyone left him these days. He given every thing he had, followed every order their father had given him to a 'T' his entire life, and look how that turned out. Sam's answer pulled him out of his moment of self pity.
"Yeah."
Dean began to check another gun and only acknowledges Sam's confirmation with a pointed humpf.
"Why? Is there something wrong with that?" Sam asks defensively, raising his arms in the air questioningly.
"No, no that's great. Good for you." Dean replies rather sarcastically.
"I mean, what are you gonna do when this is all over?" Sam barely gets his sentence out before Dean says:
"It's never gonna be over." harshly. "There's gonna be others, there's always gonna be something to hunt.
"But there's gotta be something you want for yourself…" Sam tries to say but gets cut off again.
"Yeah, I don't want you to leave the second this thing's over Sam!" He shouts his answer as Sam just gapes at him. Dean turns towards the mirror leaving Sam, still stunned from the unexpected outburst, to stare at his back.
"Dude. What's your problem?"
"Why do you think I drag you everywhere, huh? I mean why do you think I came and got you at Stanford in the first place?"
"Cause Dad was in trouble. Cause you wanted to find the thing that killed Mom." Sam says grabbing at straws, apparently unaware of what Dean really meant. Dean was thankful for Sam's ignorance. He wasn't perfect, but no one should ever feel the way he did about their little brothers, it wasn't right. He had to protect Sam from everything, even from himself.
"Yeah…but it's more than that man!" Dean declared angrily, but at himself for his inability to express what he really wanted to.
"You and me…and Dad…" Dean began, adding the 'dad' in at the last second for good measure. "I want us to…to be together again. I want us to be a family again."
"We are a family, I'd do anything for you, but things will never be the way they were before." Sam said. He was suddenly torn between two realities, the one where he could tell his brother how he really felt and everything would be better, or the one where he buried his unnatural feelings towards his brother and went back to law school. He wasn't sure which one he thought was more plausible, but he did know that things couldn't stay the way they were right now. His heart couldn't take it.
"Could be." Dean stated with guarded hope. There was a drawn out moment where they were both holding their breath as they stared at each other. Dean's face was full of anticipation, longing, and love. Sam thought the last one could be attributed to his own wishful thinking, but for once in his life he didn't want to waste time second guessing himself. The expression on Dean's face made Sam's decision for him.
"I don't want them to be." and with that he leaned over the bed and pressed a soft and lingering kiss to his brother's mouth, never closing his eyes, wanting to catch Dean's reaction before he had a chance to think about it. Dean's eyes close immediately as he let out an almost inaudible moan as Sam pulled away.
Dean opened his eyes and looked at Sam, only a few inches of dead air separating them. He wasn't quite sure if he knew what had happened yet. Sam's expression was hard to read, which was saying something since Dean knew every nuance of his young brother's character like his life depended on in, which well…it kind of did sometimes. If nothing else Sam's face was expectant, his look saying 'the ball's in your court.'
All Dean could think to do was to lean back in and kiss Sam, but this time deeper and more meaningful than the first. Dean's tongue won in the battle for supremacy as he pushed his way into Sam's mouth, mapping out the captivatingly foreign terrain.
After a little more than a minute it suddenly occurred to Dean that they still had a job to do, although now it would definitely be harder to concentrate than it was before. When he reluctantly pulled away he realized that during the course of the last few minutes he and Sam had wound up entangled in each other's arms, the space between them gone.
"We have to get to the warehouse before Meg sick's her demonic pit bulls on anyone else." Dean said quietly to his brother before pressing another small kiss to his lips.
"I know." Dean took this as a queue to disentangle himself and started packing up the guns back into their giant duffel bag. "Just promise me that later you won't just chalk what just happened up to stress and nerves, you won't just shrug it off." Sam said firmly.
Dean, having everything securely packed, grabbed the duffel bag and tossed it to Sam, who caught it with ease. With his hands now free Dean walked over to Sam, placed one on either side of his face and quickly pressed a small peck to his lips, and then one to his cheek, after which he looked up at Sam and whispered, "I promise, Sammy."
They walked out of the building towards the Impala, feeing a great deal lighter than when they had walked in. Nothing was said on the drive to the warehouse, there was nothing to be said. Dean thought to himself, 'Sammy's right, I don't want things to be the way they were before."