As much as I want to think I was drunk, the memory is perfectly clear.
"Shizu...I was lonely too."
"Ako..."
Seriously, how embarassing. What was I thinking? Just becase I knew our journey together was almost over...
That night, we were closer to victory in the Nationals than ever before. Hours ago, we'd secured our advancement through the quarter-finals, narrowly edging out Kentani for 2nd place. As happy as we were, Coach Harue's warning weighed heavily on our minds. On my mind, at least. It seemed all Shizuno could think about was trying some Tokyo ramen. Kuro-chan, Yuu, and Arata went back to the hotel room, leaving me to humor Shizuno as she dragged me along to the nearest late-night ramen place. It was, admittedly, fun.
A little too fun, though. I mean, seriously, aren't I obviously too young to serve beer to? Tokyo might have good ramen, but its ramen chefs are totally irresponsible! Just as Shizuno dragged me out, she ended dragging me back in. That was embarassing enough. However, it only got worse.
How clearly I remember, laying on the bed, keeping my eyes closed and massaging my temple. Listening to the bathroom sink run, as Shizuno filled a glass of water for me.
"Shizu..."
"Hmm? What is it, Ako?"
"Ugh. Don't tell Akado-san about this, ok?"
Her hand on my forehead was shockingly cool.
"Don't worry about it, Ako! "
Mmm. I got used to it, though. As Shizu took a seat on the bed, I nuzzled further into her hand, my long hair spilling over her lap. I wanted to block the burning light from my eyes. I wanted to stay here all night, and all morning.
It was weird, though. I'd never known Shizu to stay quiet for so long. My eyes fluttered back open.
"Geez...what's with you! Staring at me so weirdly..."
"Heh, heh. Sorry, you just looked kind of cute like that. It reminded me of back when we were kids."
I could only pout in response. Shizuno brushed her hand against my cheeks, and my eyes closed again on their own. Staying mad at her would only make me blush harder. Damn it, didn't she know that she was plenty cute herself?
"I'm really glad," Shizuno suddenly began, in her usual earnest way, "that we were able to make it to the nationals. I'm really glad that we were able to play together again. I...I missed you when you left for Ada. And Nodoka too, of course. But you most of all."
"Shizu..."
"Hmm?"
"I was lonely too."
Shizuno just murmured back. She could be so dense sometimes. Couldn't she see?
"I was so lonely...but I was too afraid to admit I'd made a mistake. I didn't just want to play mahjong, I wanted to play with you."
"Aww...it's ok. We'll be able to play lots now! Even after Nationals! We'll stay together forever!"
I held her hand in place with my own, steadying myself as a wave of feelings flew out. I want to tell myself it was the alcohol. But looking up at Shizu, drinking in her infectious smile, made me drunker than anything else.
"No," I shook my head violently, tossing my hair around her lap, "I want to be with you. I get lonely even now. Even when I'm with you...I just want to...be closer..."
"Ako...er..."
With dizzying speed, our positions were reversed. Now I was staring down at her, her legs dangling over the bed's side as I straddled her body.
"Ako..."
For once, that endlessly loudmouthed girl was speechless. I was worried that, once she found words, those words would hurt me. The only thing to do, then, was to silence her.
"Mm...mmff!"
We'd kissed before, as kids. That was a long time ago. And this wasn't the same...I wasn't a kid anymore. Shizu might've been the same as always, but my lips had the hungry, adult desire of a woman. After an eternity, our lips parted, leaving behind a trail of saliva.
"Ako...you're crying."
It was so unfair. I couldn't read Shizu's expression at all, but she cut right to my core.
"Shizu...I'm so, so sorry. I was drinking, and I'm under a lot of pressure, and...oh, God, you must hate me now."
Shizuno put a finger to my mouth. Her face was really serious, so serious it almost scared me.
"Ako-chan, I don't hate you. I...really like you."
"Shizu..."
"But...what about your boyfriend?"
"Erk. Actually...that was a lie. I wanted to look cool and mature, and..."
Now that was embarassing. I thought I'd finally gotten past that, after I told them "his" parents had moved to Latvia for business. I mean, seriously, what sort of business is there in Latvia?
"Heh! Ok, I won't worry about that then."
She smiled. That was the smile that I'd longed to see again, all through my year at Ada. I slowly moved my lips back towards hers, feeling her hot breath against me...
At that moment, I heard the room's door beep. That was the beep it made...when someone slid their keycard in.
Crap!
Our faces froze centimeters apart. I didn't want to look behind me, but I forced myself to.
Arata was frozen at the door, carrying a bag with some convenience store logo. Probably some medicine for me. That must have been an awkward conversation for a strait-laced 16 year old like her. "Um...what's best for hangovers?" Forget about that awkward conversation, though...this one would be even worse. Right now, Arata's eyes were wider than I'd ever seen. Just as wide, I imagine, as mine.
"Oh, uh...hi, Arata! Shizu was just giving me...a massage! To help me feel better!"
"Eh? But I wasn't...oof!"
My elbow shut Shizuno up quickly.
"Alright. Sorry if I intruded."
Arata was keeping her face away from us by arranging the bag's contents neatly on the table, but her deep blush was obvious.
"Oh, no, no, there was nothing to intrude on. Right, Shizu?"
Shizuno nodded and "mm-hmm!"'ed quickly. She already knew my elbow intimately.
We needed plenty of sleep for tomorrow, so we turned in early along with Arata. Our room only had two beds between the three of us. Tonight, it was me and Shizuno's turn to share a bed. Which god had decided on that? I didn't know whether I should thank him or tell him off.
In the dark, I felt Shizuno's breath against the back of my neck. Ah, if I had to sleep tonight, that medicine definitely wouldn't be enough. Just the feeling of Shizuno's hand, gently stroking my arm, was enough to make me gasp sharply.
"Shizu," I whispered, "Arata is still here...we can't..."
"I know. Let's just stay like this for the night."
I could feel Shizuno's body pressing against the back of mine, matching its contours. I'd read about this in a magazine once; the English word was "spooning." There were so many things I wanted to do with her, but for tonight, that was enough.
"Mm...Shizu..."
"Goodnight, Ako. Don't be lonely anymore. And tomorrow, let's go for ramen again."
Ah, Shizuno. She drove me crazy. But I was glad for it.