Okay to the anonymous troll who apparently has to comment on every hetalia fic: bet you can't review all of these, also smell yer maw.

To normal people: I'm sorry and this is the stupidest thing I've written. Warning for explicit sexual content, threesomes and old people sex. TurkFinSu is the best OT3.

The three of them were certain their respective children would regret ever introducing them to the internet if they found out about this, and all three were perfectly aware that they were several decades older than the nice young people in the videos they'd been watching as a reference, but this seemed like a really fun way to spend the evening.

It had been Tino who mentioned it one coffee morning, recommending the other two give the genre a watch. And they did. Bukkake looked really fun to the three middle-aged single dads who were sometimes friends with benefits, so they all planned to meet up at some point and give it a go. Because, really, what else was there to do in a day when you were retired and all your children had left home?

Berwald had decided to be the… recipient? Was that it? But it seemed less embarrassing to kneel on the bed whilst the others did the work, because of the three he was by far the most self-conscious, even if the other two had noted how he was the only one to keep his figure after all this time. Yes, this was easy. Well, trying not to touch himself was becoming something of a struggle, but he managed to get a few tugs in when the others weren't looking.

Tino and Sadik were already naked, besides Tino's white socks that he insisted on keeping on. Berwald didn't mind. Berwald thought Tino was perfect in every way possible.

"Hey, call me baklava cause I'm brimming with nut," boomed Sadik as he pumped his piss weasel.

Berwald liked Sadik too, even if he tended to say the worst thing possible in any given situation.

"Ber, you might want to get… eye level. You're dreadfully tall." Tino gave an apologetic smile at that, and Berwald nodded as he sank lower, slightly nervous now that he was face to crotch with the other two. Not that he could see anything clearly without his glasses.

"Maybe we should've had the shortest get the facial," Sadik commented.

Tino shrugged. "Could've been easier. But I really want to see Ber get Simba'd now."

"S'mba?"

"Yeah, you know," Tino fiddled with his penis, collecting drops of precum on his thumb and smearing them right across Berwald's forehead. "Sim-baaaaa…"

"Tino… why are you like the way that you are?" sighed Sadik, and Berwald- silently- agreed.

"Look, are you ready yet?" Tino asked, rolling his eyes.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," Sadik nearly lost his boner from laughing so hard.

"Oh bloody hell," cried Tino.

"Okay, okay, I'm ready. Ber, prepare for the milking of a lifetime."

Before Berwald could reply to request Sadik never say that again, his face was assaulted with two lashings of fresh jizz, or more specifically, his poor eyes. It never occurred to him to actually close them first.

He was going to die, Berwald was certain of it.

Or, at the very least, he would go blind if the absolute agony seeping in his eye sockets was anything to go by. Even the tears streaming down his face weren't getting rid of it in the slightest, and oh boy he was not going to the hospital and explaining this. He'd rather go blind.

All he could do was let out a whine, but his partners had already sussed out what had happened.

"Oh fuck," cried Tino, taking hold of his head to get a closer look, "are you okay?"

Berwald gave a grunt that conveyed he very much wasn't.

"We have to get him to hospital," exclaimed Sadik in a panic, "quick, get dressed. I'll drive."

Berwald decided then and there that he was never trying bukakke again.