Uber Smexy Disclaimer: We / She / It / They / He / I do not own stuff. It would be fun if we did, though.

Lee: I finally did it… MY FIRST STORY! I'M SO GOOD! –Runs around in circles-

Amaya: -watches- Didn't we come up with this since you can't bowl for your life? -blink-

Lee: …Shut up. –ducktapes Amaya-

--------------

"The art of bowling is a man's sport."

The Uchiha-papa, Heisuke, walked proudly through the nearby bowling alley doors.

"'Tousan, if it's a man's sport, why's 'Kaasan playing?" The youngest Uchiha asked innocently, his larger-than-his-own-good eyes peering up at his father.

"Uh… Because… She is a manly woman." The Uchiha-papa nodded in agreement with his own so-stupid-you're-not-fooling-anyone statement. The merry family of four went over to the counter to pay, receiving lane six. Meanwhile, a few lanes over…

"How troublesome." Four-year-old Nara Shikamaru sighed, lazing about on the chairs. His bestest friend in the entire world, Chouji, was at his side, stuffing his seemingly boundless mouth. Shikamaru was watching the Uchiha family prepare to bowl, but Chouji nodded despite having not paid attention, cheeks bulging like a chipmunk due to his own chubbiness and the growing number of potato chips the boy could retain in his mouth while chewing. Ino skipped back to join the other two boys after just having pushed the ball down the isle- literally.

"What cha' guys lookin' at?" Pig-chan peered over at Sasuke, currently trying to pick up the 6-pound ball. "That kid's pathetic!"

"Sasuke, let me help you with that, honey." The Uchiha mother knelt over, and picked up the ball, putting it with all the other balls of the family's. "Heisuke, why isn't the computer set?"

"Because I can't figure out how!" Was the fatherly response.

"Otousan, I can do it." The eldest Uchiha brother droned out from the other side of the computer screen.

"Nonsense, Itachi, if I can't do it, you can't do it."

"No, Otousan, I can do it. Really."

"No you can't, Itachi. It's beyond your knowledge."

"Otousan, look just-"

"What are you doing!"

"Entering our names."

"Not like that! I'm Super Uchiha." This earned Uchiha-papa an odd look from his son.

"Super… Uchiha…?"

"Yes. Super Uchiha. Your mother is Wonder Uchiha. You're Weasel-boy. And Sasuke is Plankton." This earned yet another odd look from weasel-lad, but the names were in. First up, Super Uchiha.

"Go get'im, 'Tousan!" Sasuke piped up from his table-height size.

"I'll show you how real men bowl." The Uchiha dad picked up his ball, walking to lane with a little speed, bringing back his hand, bringing the ball forward, down the lane and… gutter ball.

"Uh… Er… my hand slipped."

The two intelligent Uchiha family members exchanged glances as Heisuke picked up his ball again. He sent the ball down the lane again, and… One pin tumbled aside.

"Ah, I'm just a little rusty. Your turn, Weasel-lad..."

"Sure, Otousan…" Itachi stood, picking up his ball and sending it speeding down the lane with ease, in a perfect, straight line… and… three pins remained standing. Super Uchiha was left speechless, his mouth wide open. Weasel-boy sent another ball hurling down the lane, knocking down two of the three. Upon returning to his seat, his father continued gaping. Weasel sighed, the screen indicating the next one up. Super Uchiha finally managed to utter something, a mere, "Plankton… your turn…"

"'Kay!" Sasuke hurried to the cluster of balls, picking out his own, and struggling to pick it up like he'd seen his brother and father do. He struggled for a good three minutes before Itachi stood and picked it up for Sasuke, walking it and his brother up to the boundary line. (A/N: I Don't Know ANY Terms of Bowling. Please Shoot Me.)

"Try rolling it like this." Itachi leaned over, setting the ball down for Sasuke, and leaning over to do a grandma-style rolling motion with his hands from between his wide-spread legs. "Like that." He continued the motion for a half a minute, arse waving high in the air. Meanwhile, somewhere nearby, two authoresses got nosebleeds and ran away.

"I t'ink I got it, Niisan." Sasuke said, clinging to the ball with his arms and all. Itachi gave a curt nod and walked back to the chair and table to watch the following embarrassing scene. Sasuke positioned himself, spreading his legs wide, reaching down between his legs and mentally preparing for what was about to happen. Also, in the bowling alley bathroom, an authoress felt like writing yaoi.

Sasuke gripped the ball in his small, grubby hands, and leaned over (accompanied by one of the two authoresses getting an even bigger nosebleed) just like his Niisan showed him. He gave the ball a good, hard-as-Sasuke-could-ever-push shove, even taking a staggering step forward for a little momentum, not like Sasuke knew what that word meant. In fact, he put so much unknown-word-called-momentum into his step he had fallen over and, because his dear Niisan never said whether to release the ball or not, rolled down the isle with the ball, knocking down a hefty load of pins.

The entire family made the following face: OO

But of course, the family didn't bother going after the kid. After all, if Sasuke got head trauma and died, they'd always have perfect little Itachi, right? Right.

But sadly, Sasuke came out of the ball dispenser thing and the Uchiha parents' dream bubble popped. After Sasuke's second round of this, it was finally Wonder Uchiha's turn.

"Wonder Uchiha, be careful. Keep your wrist straight, and you'll be as good as-"

"I know how to bowl, Heisuke." Wonder Uchiha sighed, picking up her ball and standing at the designated place next to the ball dispenser thing. Her apron fluttered in the nonexistent wind as a nonexistent tumbleweed blew by. One step, two, three, and… the ball darted down the lane in a nice arc, curving just in time to get… a strike.

"Go 'Kaasan‼" Piped Plankton, who was magically unscathed from the whole bowling-and-rolling-down-the-isle incident.

"Zomfgdidyoujuststrike!" The Uchiha father's over-inflated ego was melting.

"…Go mother?" Itachi droned yet again, because everyone else was saying something.

A few more rounds into the game, and…

"Sasuke, we're sick and tired of your terrible bowling! Go get us snacks!" The Uchiha father barked.

"Okay, 'Toutosan." He was handed a small sum of money and shoved in the direction of the concession stand. He bought as much as he could, enough for the whole family.

"Hey Shikamaru… Popcorn doesn't walk, does it?" Chouji asked as he opened up his fourth bag of chips.

"No, it doesn't. Why?" The Nara boy didn't even feign interest.

"Because four extra-large sodas, one jumbo tub of popcorn, and a lot of candy just walked past."

"Oh. Wait, what, and where!"

"Gone now."

"…Weird."

And the Uchiha family happened to think the same thing.

"Hey Wonder Uchiha… Food doesn't walk, does it…?"

"No, I don't believe it does." Itachi stared at his befuddled parents in amusement at their stupidity. Poor, poor things.

"That's Sasuke." He stated as the little Uchiha climbed onto a chair and put everything on the table. The not-even-there silence was broken by a loud crash, and seven men in matching black cloaks walking in.

"I told you if you messed with my religion spells it'd create a time warp and launch us into the past…" One Draco-Malfoy look-alike said. His odd looking partner, currently black and white due to his manga-only appearance, was shaking his head with an oncoming headache. Another, shark-like one with a large sword on his back leaped forward from the rest and pointed.

"Hey look Itachi-san, its Itachi-kun!" Nineteen-year-old Itachi stepped forward, looking at his family from the past… of which he merrily slaughtered.

"Hey Zetsu-san, am I in yet?" An annoying innocent boy asked a walking plant-man. The plant-man responded with a muffled,

"Mmmff."

"Danna, look! Pretty, pretty, I wanna' do that, un!" a blonde haired girl- I mean boy- said, hopping up and down on the back of a nearby human puppet. So the group of nine started playing a game of bowling. Weasel-boy was watching them... and their cloaks. He walked over, tugging on a nearby person's cloak.

"Can I get one of those shmawesome cloaks?"

"Sure, you get that when you join, un."

"I wanna' join."

"Sure. But… you need to be evil, un."

"Oh drat I wanted to be a perfect little angel for all my life, you know."

"…We get free donuts and coffee, un!"

"Screw innocent, I'm evil! Evil evil evil evil evil…" The eldest Uchiha boy rambled on. Eventually, through thick and thin, time machine cloud-men, and walking popcorn, the game was finished… after three rounds. The scores were as follows:

Super Uchiha- 12

Weasel Lad- 270

Plankton- 259

Wonder Uchiha- 299

…Let's just say Super Uchiha wasn't very happy that night.

-#cgvjdgfjdgakjdgjalufgkjdhfgk#-

THE TRUTH IS OUT! Itachi signed up for Akatsuki because of the donuts and coffee!

-----------------

Super Uchiha is as bad as me! Yay Super Uchiha!

TBC… or not. Why continue something if it's not liked? R/R‼