I honestly don't know when it all began.
When I realized that eye contact was getting harder to make, and making sentences that didn't sound stupid were a struggle. And my glimpses of you became stares of admiration.
I don't know how it came about either.
Before, the sight of the two of you would bring, at most, a pang of envy, but never sadness. And the absence of you made me merely shrug without care, but now… I imagine myself dying of need to have you beside me.
I have no idea why I can't love him anymore.
'I hear your name whispered on the wind.
It's a sound that makes me cry.
I hear a song blow again and again…
Through my mind and I don't know why…"
I used to cry over him but now I cry over you. The irony is painful, but I'm used to it. Whoever I love will never love me back.
"I wish I didn't feel so strong about you
Like happiness and love revolve around you
Trying to catch your heart is like trying to catch a star
So many people love you baby
That must be what you are…"
Right now I'm sitting outside the hut on the grassy field, but my mind transports me to the villages we've been to before. You – surrounded by women and girls, the old and the young. Sango- angrily glaring at you, threatening to bop you on the head. Me- laughing at all the attention you're getting.
And you ask every single one of them the question you asked me a long time ago, which I didn't answer.
I tell myself: If ever you ask me again, my answer will be definite.
Sometimes I feel like you're some kind of rock star and I'm one of your fan girls. Too many other females love you …
"Waiting for a star to fall
And carry your heart into my arms
That's where you belong
In my arms baby, yeah…"
… It's nighttime already. I'd forgotten that I had come out at sunset.
Flashback"Hey guys! I'm going out for awhile," I announced, grinning at the four seated on the floor.
"Where to, Kagome- chan?" asked Sango.
"Oh," I replied, " just outside to watch the sunset."
You were sitting cross-legged, concentrating on what looked like a book. Then adorably, you glanced up and said with a smile: "Don't be too long, Kagome-sama."
I chewed on my lower lip. "Yeah, sure."
Then I left.
End of flashback"I've learned to feel what I cannot see
But with you I lose that vision
I don't know how to dream your dream
So I'm all caught up in the superstition"
"Kagome-sama?" your soft voice breaks me out of my reverie.
I sense you hesitantly approaching, and turn my head sideways in time to see your dark figure seat itself beside me.
"You've been out here for quite some time," you note with a laugh, "Forgot what I told you just now already?"
I giggle. "It was beautiful; the sunset. I kinda forgot about the time. But anyway, Miroku-sama, why'd you decide to come out too?"
It must have been the dim moonlight, but I could've sworn I saw you blush.
"Oh, they were groaning about how long you'd been out here, and I got so fed up I decided to go out and get you myself."
"I want to reach out and pull you to me
Who says I should let a wild one go free
Trying to catch your heart is like trying to catch a star
But I can't love you this much baby
And love you from this far"
The space between us is rather small, I think to myself.
But it's far enough for me.
"So…" you say, just to get rid of the silence.
"Ready to go back in? Inuyasha isn't back yet, but you'll have us for company," you add cheerfully, still thinking I have feelings for him when I don't.
"Waiting (however long…)
I don't like waiting (I'll wait for you…)
It's so hard waiting (don't be too long…)
Seems like waiting (makes me love you even more…)"
"No," I reply, and shake my head.
"No?" you ask, surprised.
"No, Miroku-sama… I've been waiting too long, and I'm tired of it."
You seem confused.
"Waiting? For what?"
"Waiting for a star to fall
And carry your heart into my arms
That's where you belong in my arms baby yeah…"
"Waiting for a chance," I simply say.
"A chance to do what, Kagome-sama?" You sound wary, like I'm some kind of insane criminal.
"To do this."
I lean over and my lips are pressed onto yours. For a second you're shocked, then slowly you melt into the kiss as I myself am melting.
I want to cry. I really do.
When we finally stop, you're looking at the night sky guiltily, and I'm staring at the ground.
" Kagome- sama…you've…changed."
This is all you say, and I'm not sure if it's a good thing or bad.
"You belong to her. But I just wanted to have you for myself just for those few minutes, before you spend an eternity with her. Am I selfish, Miroku – sama? To love you?" I break down and cry, but make sure my sobs are not loud enough for Sango to hear.
"No. No, you aren't. I'm not hers, Kagome-sama. Please don't use such a possessive term. I have my own heart and who it belongs to is what I decide, don't you think?" You mumble.
I nod. "Yeah."
"So how about it, Kagome- sama? Do I still stand a chance? Or perhaps it's too late for the both of us?"
I blink, not fully getting the meaning of your words.
" I mean it," you say, " if you really do love me, I have to tell you the truth too. I have to tell you that I'm the selfish one, using Sango to make you love me. I'm the villain, Kagome-sama, not you."
"You…you mean…"
"I never loved her."
"Waiting for a star to fall…and carry your heart into my arms
That's where you belong, in my arms baby yeah"
That night, the star I'd been waiting for fell.