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? ? ? Trapped inside the wrong body ? ? ?
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|Dear Journal,
Ever sense I was little I've felt like something was wrong with me. I look at my self in the mirror and the reflection doesn't feel like it should be mine. I feel like I can't talk to me brother about it either cause he won't understand, he is gay and his boyfriend lives with us but I know I'm not gay so that isn't the issue.
M_IS_TRAPPED|
I stopped typing in my online journal when Seto came walking in with his arm around Joey. They looked at me and Smiled as Joey asked if we could talk about something.
"Yeah... Sure what do you want to talk about?" I asked as they both came over and sat on my bed. Seto looked over at Joey and Joey took my hand and squeezed it a little bit.
"Well Mokie, You like having Joey living with us right?" I nodded in reply, "that's good, we wanted to know how you would feel if Joey were to stay here in a more permanent manner." I was Pretty sure that I already knew what he was going to say.
"Mokie would you be ok with me and your brother getting married?" Joey looked at me with a sparkle in his eyes, I looked down and saw a ring on his finger it had what I think are his and Seto's birth stones on it and was one of the prettiest pieces of jewelry I've ever seen.
"I wouldn't mind that at all.. you guys are so happy together and having you around is nice." Joey smiled and glomped me in a hug then lean back and let me catch my breath as they stood up to leave, "Joey can I talk to you for a second..." I said looking at my Journal entry on the screen of my laptop from across the room.
Seto stopped and turned to look at me and then to Joey, Joey rolled his eyes and shooed him with his hand. Seto left the room and when I heard him make his way down the hall I started to speak.
"Have you ever looked in the mirror and not like what you see?" I asked him quietly. He at me and nodded his head then crawled over to sit closer.
"Everybody feels that way but you'll grow to realize that your fine the way you are, I promise just give it time" he said I rolled my eyes and looked away.
"I knew you wouldn't get it... Never mind, just forget I asked.." I said sighing.
"What don't you like about yourself Mokie, I'm sorry but I thought I knew what you meant." He said I could tell he was really sorry.
I got up and walked to the full length mirror that was on my closet door. Laying my hand on the glass I closed my eyes and sighed it was better to just admit to Joey what I was thinking than to hide it cause he would try to press it out of me if I didn't, "Have you ever wanted to be a girl?" I whispered softly almost wishing he wouldn't hear me. I felt tears falling when I heard him stand up from the bed.
"How often do you have those kinds of feelings honey?" he said walking to stand behind me so we could see each other in the mirror.
I turned to face him, "Everyday... ever sense I was little.." I said with tears pouring from my eyes, I couldn't stop myself. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pull me close to his shoulder.
I heard him sigh softly, "shh! Its ok sweetie" he spoke soft and rubbed circles on my back. He didn't get angry and say I'm ungrateful like I thought he would.
"Would you rather me call you my sister or my brother?" He asked his tone was sincere and I could tell he was taking me seriously.
"Sister.." I said in a small voice. He held me for what felt like hours then he pulled away to look at me with a small smile.
"I'm glad you were honest with me, and if you want to be a girl you be one without surgery you know." He said grasping my hand and giving it a small squeeze. When he let go I went to sit on the edge of my bed. He followed but aloud me to have some space by sitting on the other end.
"What can I do?" I asked I was still sniffling a little but I had stopped crying, I felt safe telling Joey about how I felt but I was worried he would tell Seto.
"Well Kiddo you can dress in womens clothing, you can go by a girl name, and you can speak in a more feminine way, that's what a lot of transgender women do to change their appearance anyway." He thought for a moment, "You can also tell people to refer to you as a woman and to use female pronouns like She, Her, and Hers. I have lots of Transgender friends so I know about a lot of this." He saw me looking at the picture of my brother and me that I kept next to my bed. "I promise I won't tell him, and besides when your ready that will be your job, even though I can help you." I gave him a small smile said thank you and walked over to my computer.
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ok guys what did you think? No flamers and No Homo-sexist/Tran-sexist people please I attempt to respect your opinions but if you don't like this you don't need to be reading this, understand. Anyway also if you don't like me as a writer don't need to read this either cause if you don't like me you shouldn't want to read this anyway. Well Keep up the reading and please review I need your reviews like fish need water.
Love Lonelybelovid AKA Haley AKA Her.