Rating: T (for swearing)
Pairing: Jesse/Rachel
Summary: Those beautiful brown eyes have haunted him for months now. Partially inspired by "Your Eyes" from Rent. Drabble, post-Journey.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, Jesse St. James, or Jonathan Groff.
Those beautiful brown eyes have haunted him for months now. He remembers them so clearly, so perfectly: her eyes had always burned bright whenever she became excited, and had smoldered away with the sadness she used to constantly carry with her when she would fall into one of her more contemplative moods. He wonders now if she still carries that sadness, if he's magnified it with his ultimate betrayal.
He wonders if he should have gone back to McKinley after Regionals and apologized to her, after all. He knows, now, that he should have. Every night, his dreams confront him with possibilities of what could have been until he feels like bashing his head against his dorm room wall, if only to calm the tenor of his racing mind. These months apart from her have been… nearly impossible.
Distance has made him wiser, and also more regretful. He regrets everything, and he can't find it in him to do something about it. He's pathetic.
He feels his love for her almost as an extension of himself. It's become tied in with his character, woven in amongst the complications and quirks that comprise Jesse St. James, irresistible charm and all. Only now, the charm isn't so irresistible. Ever since the day she came into his life at the music store, his charm has only worked for her. It will only ever work for her. He's found the one he's supposed to be with.
Funny how, in the end, he still managed to find a way to fuck it all up.
And now, the only thing he can do is keep living through the numbing guilt, knowing he deserves every last ounce of it. The only thing he can do is revel in it, now and in the coming years (unless he actually gathers the courage to come back to her, one day).
(Not today.)