Hey guys all you need to know for this story is that it's set in season 3 after HOTS but doesnt really follow anything after that and that its told in second person narrative, hope you enjoy
You know you're going to have to get used to him chasing and being with someone else, you knew it from the time he told you he wasn't going to help you raise the baby girl you gave up and desperately wanted back but you never expected it to be so hard. After you broke up, he was with Santana and that was hard but you knew there weren't any real feelings between them, he just wanted to get back at you for making that horrible mistake with Finn and you could accept that.
You see the gestures he makes that she ignores, she's still with Shane but it's only a matter of time before they break up, it's hard to resist the charm of Sam Evans. He's different than you remember him, angrier, more determined, less of the geeky gentleman you fell in love with, you know that he's been through more than most of the kids at your school has, to get to where he was, it's changed him but not in any way that really counts.
He's still your close friend, you talk sometimes when she's not around because he doesn't want her to think he still has feelings for you, he wants her to know that he's hers, you miss the time when he was all yours. His brother and sister still ask about you and you get a smug feeling thinking about how his family loves you more than they love her, you don't want to think about the fact that they've never met her.
You cry the day Mercedes breaks up with her boyfriend and she and Sam announce that they are together with huge smiles on both their faces, you lock yourself in your room after school and refuse to come out when your mother knocks on the door. You were expecting this but you weren't ready for them to be so … happy, you weren't ready to see him whisper in her ear in Glee or hold her hand during Finn and Rachel's duet. You stare until Santana nudges you and tells you to stop being so obvious, you try not to look back to them but you can't help stealing glances at the happy couple.
You know she doesn't like you, you heard through the grapevine, which is really funny considering you used to be pretty good friends, especially during the last few weeks of your pregnancy. She stops him from talking or even looking at you and your relationship with him has become secret phone calls in the middle of the night because he doesn't want to lose this friendship with you but he also doesn't want to lose his relationship with her. You're better than this, you know you are, you are Quinn Fabray, you should not be settling for a phone call every few days from someone who is unavailable but that one call has been the only thing keeping you sane since he left the year before and you're sure you'd go crazy again without it.
No-one knows you talk and it feels a little like cheating but you're too content with hearing his voice at night to care, you wonder if this is what Puck or Finn felt like when they helped you cheat and then decide that you don't want to think of it that way. He sends you friendly smiles when he knows she isn't looking and you really don't want to read into it but it always feels like it means more. She glares at you sometimes when you stare for too long and the guilt you're supposed to feel for disobeying her wishes is lost, you just feel happy enough that you mean more to him than the consequences of her threats. He's your secret and it's one you're going to enjoy keeping.
They have a fight about six weeks into their relationship but it's nothing really huge, she's complaining about his geeky ways and the fact that he's on the school's synchronized swimming team not football or even the normal swim team, all the things you loved him for she's trying to change and it takes everything not to go right up to her and give her a piece of your mind the next day. The fight fizzles out and everything goes back to normal by the end of the week but you can't get the sound of his voice when he's hurt out of your head and you think you're going to hold a grudge against her for the rest of your life even though you've probably hurt him worse in the past.
Regionals is coming up and Mr. Shue partners the two of you up to dance for your performance, Mercedes doesn't say anything but she turns and glares at you like you somehow talked the Spanish teacher into doing this. The dance moves are fairly simple but Sam has two left feet so he needs a little extra help when it comes to learning the dance, he's not the only one though, Finn and the new guy Joe are having the same problems. You laugh out loud when he steps on your toes for the third time and you both know that if it was anyone else you would have taken their head off by now. Mercedes decides to take over after that, you'll dance with him on the day but she'll help him at practice.
She has been really clingy since you were put together to dance and you don't know why, you've kept your distance, practiced the steps with Mike a few times to know that you have it right and you've barely glanced in their direction. Santana looks at you and smiles all knowingly when Mr. Shue announces that you're having a final dress rehearsal and everyone will dance with the person they were assigned to and you just roll your eyes at her. The two of you have always had this love-hate relationship going but at the end of the day she knew exactly how your mind worked and you knew hers.
The drive to regionals is long, you haven't spoken to Sam directly but when Lucky came on the radio you looked his way as he looked yours, it was just a smile but it put Mercedes in a foul mood for the rest of the trip. Your eyes drift to the back of the bus where Sam and Mercedes are sitting and he looks like he's telling her a story but she's not listening, no, she's glaring at you, narrowing her eyes as if she could actually set flames to your pretty blond hair. You smile at her and look away again, try to concentrate on what Tina is telling the other girls. Just knowing that you're making her jealous gives you a happy feeling you can't deny, you feel powerful and you enjoy it.
The dancing is perfect for the performance, you do all your steps as practiced and try not to blush too hard when Sam takes your hand to spin you. You don't actually have much to do this time, just background dancing and vocals for two of the three songs the New Directions performs, so it gives you time to watch Sam without her glaring at you when you're backstage. He's still as good looking as ever, his hair curling into his eyes and you wish you could be the one to brush it away. He's swaying slightly to the music and you giggle to yourself about his lack of dance skills which are actually so much better than they were the year before, this time it's Tina who raises her eyebrows at you before turning back to watch the Troubletones performance, she doesn't look like she approves and you have a feeling that if it ever came down to choosing, you wouldn't have as many people behind you as you'd like.
The drive to regionals was somewhat annoying for you but it is nothing compared to the ride back, even though the New Directions won, everyone seems to be in a bad mood, Finn and Rachel are having yet another argument and as usual the entire bus has to suffer. All the girls and Kurt are summoned to one end of the bus to hear about all the wrong Finn has done this time and you're pretty sure the boys are having the same problem but with Finn telling his version of the tale, you glance over to see Finn moving his hands around as overdramatically as Rachel is and you're once again floored by how good a match the two are. Sam catches your eye while Rachel's recounting the 'horrific' event that started their fight and you have to put your hand over your mouth to block the laugh that comes when he uses his hand as a gun and pretends to shoot himself in the head.
You and Sam share a moment the day your father is hospitalized and has to be put in a medically induced coma, he's been out of your life since he found out about Beth's existence but he was still your dad. Sam comes over after a tearful midday phone call, you're a mess, especially after you refused to go see your father with your mom and sister, you aren't ready to face him after everything that happened in the past and you're more than a little afraid that he's going to tell you to leave his sight the moment he lays eyes on you again. Sam lets you talk it out and he tries to crack a few jokes as well, you smile at his attempt and eagerly fall into his open arms, its then that you start to feel a little guilty because he's not your boyfriend, he's someone else's but you fit so perfectly in his arms that you just can't bring yourself to move away from him. Sam leans down as you pick your head up to thank him and your breath catches because he's so, so close, you touch your lips to his lightly and he pulls away uneasily, you scold yourself for being so bold and move out of his arms as quick as your body lets you. He clears his throat as he stands, mumbles something about it being late and Finn's mom being worried, he asks if you'll be ok and you nod even though you know you won't, Sam stares at you for a beat and then leaves. The wave of sadness that comes over you after that has nothing to do with your father.
You don't know what causes their next fight but you have a vague idea that it may be connected to you, she's convinced he's hiding something from her and it causes a rift between them, she stops taking his calls and doesn't respond to his messages, she avoids him at school and he's getting fed up of her overdramatic reactions that rival those of Rachel Berry. You know that he's going to call you really soon even after the events that occurred when your father was sick because he always does when something is troubling him and you think that says something about their relationship and how much she's willing to listen to him. You stay up past midnight waiting for the call, it's not like you're forcing yourself to stay awake, you just can't get to sleep and end up checking your phone every 20 minutes for news from him.
He finally calls you a week into the fight, he's still trying to talk to her and she's still 'too angry' to talk to him. He tells you that she's avoiding him and she's not the person he thought she was and he's just fed up with her and her drama. You can tell he's been drinking by the slight slur and the candid way he speaking but you let him get it all out, he needs to vent and you're happy you're the one he's venting to. You don't tell him that she's been giving you deadly looks because you don't want to sound like the jealous ex-girlfriend, even though you are jealous that she has him. You don't love him, you keep telling yourself you're not still in love with him, that you just want better for him, you just wonder if you'd treat him better if you had him back, you'd like to think that you would.
It feels like something is ripping through your heart when he says he wishes he loved you instead, you don't know how to respond to that, it stops all hope in your mind that he's secretly holding a torch for you, there's a sob stuck in your throat and your eyes are so full of tears that whatever he says next is going to make them spill out uncontrollably. He says something about not being able to control what the heart wants and knowing that you would love him right this time because you're different and you just nod on your end of the line even though he can't see you because your heart is breaking and the tears are flowing so freely that you know if you speak he's going to know that you're a mess.
You compose yourself enough to talk him out of driving to her house in his state and you regret cheating on him with Finn all over again. He loved you so much but you weren't ready, you wanted a crown, you were foolish and now you hate yourself for what you could have had. You think about how you could have been his girl forever but then shake the thoughts out of your mind, right now you just need to help him and hope that he doesn't decided to do something really stupid. After an hour of talking him out of a million insane and dangerous 'master plans' you cut the call knowing he's on his way to dreamland and you cry until you can't anymore.
He's not yours to miss but you miss him like crazy even though you see him in school every day, he doesn't seem to remember the conversation you had or if he does he's doing a really good job at hiding it, you don't know if it's better or worse that he doesn't remember what he said. There's a dull ache in your chest every time he's around, it's not just their relationship that's hurting you anymore, it's the fact that he's ignoring you as well. There's no more sweet winks and smiles in the school hallways, no more eye rolling when Finn and Rachel have yet another over dramatic fight, no more moments shared when 'Lucky' or 'Time of my life' comes on and you're in the same room and worst of all no more late night phone calls you knew you would get once a week no matter what was going on in his life.
You blink back tears when you see them walking together hand in hand about two weeks after your last phone call with him, no-one knew if they were together or if they decided it was time to end things but you guess the way they're smiling answers that question. You feel the way your chest constricts and feel it's time to admit to yourself and to everyone else that you're in love with Sam Evans and you don't care who hates you for telling him but you will tell him, if it's the last thing you do before the end of the year.
It's hard for you to approach him, emotionally you feel drained like that whole admission to yourself about love has left you without the energy you need to admit it to him. Also trying to get any moment where he isn't with Mercedes is hard enough without getting the feeling that he's trying to avoid you. You know that's probably your cue to back off and let him be ignorant and happy because after all he looks happy with her and he doesn't seem to need you to talk to anymore but he's Sam, your Sam and he should know how you feel.
You call a few times but get his voicemail, this isn't something you want to tell him over the phone but you need to let him know that you want to talk to him. A few days after you realized your feelings and started to call you get a message from him, you get butterfly's in your tummy as you stare at his name on your phone screen, wondering whether or not you should open the message to check what he's said. Maybe the message says that you should stop trying to call or maybe it says that he'll call back later, maybe he'll tell you he and Mercedes are having problems again and he needs your shoulder to cry on. It's not ideal but it's something and with him you'll take what you can get.
Your tummy drops to the floor when you finally find the courage to open it. He's telling you to stay away from him, he tells you that your relationship is over and you need to move on like he has but the thing that hurts the worst is when he tells you that she is all he'll ever need and you mean nothing to him anymore. The blood runs like ice through your veins as you try to figure out why he said it so harshly, this isn't like him at all, he's kind and he hates making people upset and maybe she was the one who sent it. A quick look on facebook tells you that she's been with Kurt the whole day and you know for a fact that he's working so it's his text, he wanted to hurt you like this, you can feel the crazy sneak into your brain, it's like you're losing Beth all over again.
You go to school the Monday after with a weight on your heart, the glee kids all stare at you but you ignore them, you don't care what they think of you anymore. Mr. Shue does a double take when he walks into the choir room and is greeted by your black dress, black boots, black jacket and black beanie, it looks as if he's about to say something but he stops himself and goes back to addressing the class on what he wants for the afternoon lesson, he keeps a wary eye on you throughout the class though, as if you're suddenly going to get up and scream or break something. Sam runs in late, he doesn't even look your way, doesn't notice the change, he just sits next to Mercedes and whispers something to her to make her smile and you feel infinitely worse than you did under Shue's condescending gaze.
Santana corner's you before you go to your next class, she tells you she doesn't care about what class you're about to miss and drags you into the girls bathroom, the same one where you helped Sam after he got slushied, you squash the indescribable pain that comes with that memory and try to focus on Santana's question's. She wants to know what caused the change, you've been doing really well for a while and she's concerned that you're slipping back into skank mode. You don't meet her eyes, you just hand your phone over with the open message for her to read, she stares at it for a while with her eyebrows furrowed you can tell she's just as confused about it as you were. You take your phone back from her without saying anymore and walk out of the bathroom, you're late for your class but so is your teacher so you haven't missed anything.
You don't think Santana's going to do anything about it but you see her pinning Sam up against the wall and say something about Lima Heights to make him visibly gulp. You know you should probably stop her from making this a bigger deal than it is but you want answers as well and she's the only one of the two of you who's brave enough to do this. You reluctantly walk away, you want to know what they are saying but it's really hard for you not to cry when you look at him now.
You only know the extent of their conversation when you walk back into the choir room at the end of the day and you can feel the tension, Sam and Mercedes are glaring at each other now, a change from the extreme happy you saw earlier. She turns her glare to you and he looks at you for the first time that day, you can see the shock in his eyes when he registers the clothes you're wearing and you breathe out a breath you didn't even know you were holding in at the concern on his face. You sit next to Santana and she shrugs as Mr. Shue comes in and starts talking, you can't concentrate on a word he's saying because Sam's tapping his foot really anxiously and you can tell it's just pissing Mercedes off more, she elbows him a few times to get him to stop but he just shrugs her off and continues.
Rachel is announcing the song she's going to sing when Sam finally explodes, he gets up and asks Mercedes what her problem is, you see Rachel freeze whatever she's saying and stare at him like everyone else is. Sam's barely giving her a chance to respond before he asks another question, you see Mr. Shue hesitate before he tells Sam to calm down and Sam just straightens his back and stares at Mercedes. Mercedes has tears in her eyes and you almost feel sorry for her until she says that she was the one who had his phone that Saturday and she sent you that text. Sam shakes his head, looks up at you and apologizes before walking out of the class, leaving everyone completely lost and shocked and staring at you. Santana nudges you to go after him but you shrink in your seat pulling your beanie down like it would cover more of your face and hide you from the stares of your fellow glee club members especially after Mercedes stands up a few seconds later and walks in the direction Sam just did.
He doesn't come to school the next day but you did get a message to tell you that he's sorry for what Mercedes did and he'll talk to you soon and you don't know where that leaves you. You still want to tell him how you feel but it's too soon after his fight with Mercedes, you don't know if they are over or if they are going to work through this, you don't know if he still feels as if he wished he loved you instead of her, you just wish you had some kind way to predict how he's going to react to you.
He comes to your house after school, comments on your light clothes and you laugh, you've always worn clothes that reflected how you felt and you feel just a little happier today than yesterday, especially since you found out that he wasn't the one who didn't want to talk to you ever again. Sam tells you that he broke up with Mercedes, he was getting tired of her telling him who he was able to hang out with and her sending you that message to stay away was the last straw, he tells you that he didn't even know until Santana told him to check his phone and if he didn't find evidence she'd be happy to provide some. You shake your head and smile, Santana was an awesome best friend when she wanted to be. He'd seen your calls but he hadn't been able to call you back, Stacy had been sick and he was using all his minutes to call her. You smile as he leaves and say you'll see him in school the next day.
It's late at night when he calls you, you're home alone since your mother is away on business so the shrill ring from your phone startles you awake, you smile when you see his name and tell him he's scared you. He laughs at how easily you can be scared and just like that it feels as if the friendship that was stopped for those few torturous weeks was back and you couldn't be happier, you have yet to tell him you love him but you keep telling yourself 'soon'. You talk to him about Stacy and Stevie and his parents and avoid the drunk phone call, you still don't know if he remembers it. You let him know that your father is out of hospital but he doesn't want to see the daughter that shamed his family, you were right not to go and see him.
He's not your secret anymore, you feel a little nostalgic that everyone seems to know that the two of you are still really close, it starts the rumor's and the looks and questions when people see you have short conversations between class or when he sits next to you in Glee. She's still bitter about the break-up, you know she dislikes you even more now than she did when you were just a threat in her eyes to their relationship. You know Santana's a big reason she doesn't come after you and also the fact that Sam would never allow her to, he feels too terrible about the things she sent you to allow her to even talk to you.
It takes you some time to finally realize that it's the right time to let him know how you feel, you're sitting on your porch with him laughing over one of the books you have to read for English, he struggles because of his dyslexia and you've helped him ever since he came to WMHS the year before so why stop now. He does some ridiculous impression and frowns at you when you don't laugh, you smile at him and bite your lip, there's this feeling that you have that you just can't shake so you lean over and kiss him lightly, he raises an eyebrow and smiles at you, leaning in again when you tell him you love him, he freezes and so do you, you wonder if it's too soon to be saying things like that but you had to, it's been eating at you for too long to keep it in any longer. Your mother chooses that moment to drive in and call you to help her with the groceries, Sam helps and makes small talk with your mother and then tells you he has to go back to Finns. He doesn't say anymore or make a move to kiss you so you settle for an awkward hug before he leaves.
You go to school the next day feeling a little regretful at how you told him, it felt like the right time for you but maybe he wasn't ready, so many different scenarios are playing in your head when you walk into the choir room and almost miss 'The Justin Bieber Experience' written on the board, you look over at Santana who wiggles her eyebrows at you before turning back to Brittany. Sam comes in wearing his purple jacket and his hair is shorter so it's just spiked up a little, you're assuming to copy Justin Bieber again. He says that everyone should know who he's dedicating this song to and your heart beats faster as he calls Artie up to help him with the rap. The band starts playing the music for 'As long as you love me' and he starts singing and you don't think you could love him anymore, especially when he pulls you up to dance with him and sings to you, only you. He wasn't always yours to have but just maybe he was always yours to love.
This was a really random story, when I started writing it I wanted it as a Gossip Girl story but it just fit Sam and Quinn in my mind so I changed it, I really dont like Samcedes so I didnt mind butchering them a little lol this is the first time I wrote in second person so it was a little wierd but I had fun, I doubt I'll ever do it again though
This story was based on the line "He's not mine to miss" and is vaguely centered around something that happened to me, it didnt end this happy though lol I realized I can't write sad endings so I hope you guys enjoyed this happy ending.
Thank you for reading all the way to the end in my attempt at a new writing style, I know that no conversation pieces can sometimes be really boring but I hope you enjoyed it and please review!
I do not own Glee
Until next time (^^,)