Title: Date Night

Rating: T

Characters: Sebastian Smythe, Nick Warbler

Summary: Nick has been pushing Sebastian to go on a date night with him but when they finally do, Nick can't help but wonder if it was such a wise idea to push his boyfriend to his limits. Part of my Second Chance verse. Warnings inside.

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of self-harm, possible suicidal ideation

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.

DATE NIGHT

The date had been Nick's idea and the younger boy had been pushing for it to actually happen for over a month now. Sebastian didn't feel like going out, it was hard enough keeping his brave face with only Nick around let alone other people. But when those brown eyes had looked up at him with shameless pleading, Sebastian had crumbled and agreed.

They had decided to go to dinner and a movie, taking a break from the intense studying for finals. The Friday night they went out, the Chicago streets were balmy and full of life as Sebastian and Nick walked side by side, brushing shoulders but not holding hands.

They had dinner at a titchy little Italian place, Sebastian spending most of the meal staring at the food and trying to make it look like he was eating more than he actually was. Nick was trying not to worry but he'd spent so much time over the last two years worrying that it was hard not to. He noted idly that that seemed to be all his life revolved around these days. Worrying about Sebastian, worrying about school, making sure he called his mother every few days, worrying about Sebastian some more.

It wasn't what he had anticipated his college life being like.

Nick had finished his large bowl of pasta and Sebastian was still pushing food around his own plate. Nick sighed, reaching for Sebastian's free hand and smoothing his thumb over the skin.

"Seb, what's up? You're quiet tonight…"

"Sorry," he straightened and shook his head. "Just really tired."

"You're still not sleeping well?" There had been a few nights over spring break where Nick had gone to the bathroom in the middle of the night to find Sebastian watching reruns of Friends on mute, unable to sleep. Not to mention the night Nick had come back to Chicago after visiting his family to find Sebastian hadn't slept since he'd left.

"Not at all the past few nights," Sebastian murmured, finally giving up on his food. He sat back in his chair, shrugging his shoulders as he glanced around. "My mind just won't shut up… And I just feel like relapsing all the time and it's just … hard."

Nick squeezed his hand. "Do we need to go back to the doctor? Change your meds?"

Sebastian shook his head again. "I just don't know anymore…"

"Do you still wanna go to this movie or do you wanna go home?"

A small smile graced Sebastian's face. "Of course I do, you've been trying to get me to do this for months."

"If you change your mind, just let me know, okay?"

At Sebastian's slight nod, Nick relaxed and they paid for their meal before heading down to the movie theatre. They'd decided to see some terrible romantic comedy, at the lack of desirable movies showing lately. Sebastian bought tickets while Nick fetched popcorn and soda before they headed inside.

The movie was dull, not really tickling Nick or Sebastian's fancies. When the movie hit its "serious phase", Nick was surprised to find Sebastian had disappeared. He cursed himself for not noticing Sebastian's absence before he quietly snuck out of the theatre, checking the hallways before he stuck his head out the front doors, knowing that he wouldn't be able to get in before he finally tried the bathrooms. Nick had left them until last because he knew if his suspicions were right, he would need to ready himself for the sight ahead.

Slipping inside, he glanced around the surprisingly empty bathroom. All the stalls were vacant and he couldn't see any signs Sebastian had been in here. He pulled out his phone, sending a quick "Where are you?" text to his boyfriend. He turned to leave before the familiar sound of Sebastian's text tone sounded. Nick turned back to the empty space before venturing forward and finding Sebastian curled up in an alcove he hadn't noticed.

Sebastian was hugging his knees to his chest, eyes red and puffy while tear tracks stained his cheeks. Nick kneeled beside his boyfriend, carefully winding an arm around his shoulders as he watched sadly.

"What's wrong, Sebastian?" He shook his head but Nick pressed further. "Come on, babe, talk to me. What happened?"

"I-I don't know," Sebastian gasped, his breath hitching. "I don't know what's wrong, I don't know what I'm doing – I just don't know anything!"

Nick shifted to sit beside Sebastian, holding him close as his boyfriend clutched at his shirt and tried not to cry. His attempts to stem the tears only forced them harder and Nick was sure if he kept this up, Sebastian's brain might explode from the tension. He tried to calm him down, rubbing circles into his back as he pressed soft kisses to his temple.

"Why do I still feel like this? I have no right to feel like this… I tried to throw it all away and you had to give me part of your liver to save me! Why can't I be grateful? I'm a horrible person! I'm stupid and selfish and fucked up and broken and-"

"Don't you dare – don't you dare say that Sebastian Smythe!" Nick pulled away and turned back to Sebastian, holding his face in his hands as he stared deep into the clouded eyes. "You are not a horrible person. You're one of the most beautiful people I have ever met-"

"No I'm not, I'm a stupid fucking gay kid who cuts himself and has to take medication because not even his own body and mind care enough to keep him alive anymore."

Nick gasped softly as the stab of anguish pierced through him. His hands fell away from Sebastian and he knelt beside him, unsure of what to do. He had never heard Sebastian so brutally honest in what pained and haunted him. Sobs wracked his body and he held his head in his hands as he cried, straining around the lump in his throat.

"Sebastian, I-"

Nick swallowed, he didn't really know what to say. He just watched hopelessly, not sure what to say or do and wondering if there was a way to lock other people out. He didn't know what to do; he didn't know how to fix this. He didn't know how to fix Sebastian's broken heart.

"I wish you hadn't saved me sometimes… I still want to die – but I don't want to leave you," Sebastian looked up, defeat flooding his features. "God knows I can't leave you… I can't hurt you. But I don't know how to do this anymore…"

"I don't want to lose you," Nick gasped, his own throat closing as tears prickled at the backs of his eyes. "I can't be without you…"

"I just can't do this, Nick… I can't love you and hurt you… I don't want it to be this way."

Nick leaned forward and kissed Sebastian gently. He ran a hand through his hair and smoothed his thumb over Sebastian's skin. Sebastian's hands were strong against his hips, struggling to keep their grip as Sebastian arched up to kiss him more deeply. Sebastian straightened out his legs and pulled Nick over him, hands smoothing over his boyfriend's jeans and curling tightly around his waist before he pulled Nick as close as possible. The warmth of his body made Sebastian feel both whole and more broken at the same time before Nick finally broke the kiss.

"I love you, Sebastian – I love you and I will fight for you until the day we die but that day is not coming any time soon, okay?"

"What if I can't do it? What if I screw it all up?" Sebastian asked, cupping Nick's cheek and watching him sleepily.

"Then we pick up the pieces and try again."

Sebastian tried to smile but only more tears came and he fell into Nick's warm embrace. Nick simply held him, knowing there was little more he could do until Sebastian was ready to walk home.

They were going to move through this.

They had to.