In the mourning, I'll let you die. A/N:
This was it. There was no going back now. Jackson was laying waiting in his bed for the fatal concoction Hazel had put together using the pills she had brought just the other week. Tears pooled in the bottom of Aaron's eyes, he was determined not to cry. He didn't want Jackson's last memory of him to be a complete sobbing wreck beside him. He held a watery smile as he hung onto Jackson's hand with one of his while stroking his other through Jackson's hand. If he couldn't feel him clinging onto him then he could feel Aaron's hand desperately raking itself through his tight curly brown hair. More than anything he wished it didn't have to be this way. He could take back a million things to make a happy ending for Jackson than he would. But he couldn't. So he had to settle for this.
"I love you." Aaron told him as he bore his blue eyes into Jackson's.
"I know." Jackson smiled. It was morbid to see that it was the first time Aaron had seen Jackson smile sincerely since the accident. "I love you too, just remember that."
Aaron nodded, he couldn't trust himself to speak. He was dangerously close to letting the damns break.
Hazel returned into the room with the glass of fatal liquid in her hand and solemn look on her face. She looked ill. All the worrying and guilt she'd been carrying around with her was taking its toll on her. She looked like she had the whole weight of the world on her shoulders.
"I'm ready mum." Jackson said, waiting for her to place the drink in his reach.
"-WAIT!" Aaron blurted out, tears now flowing freely down his face. "Please, Jackson. You don't have to do this. There's so much for you to live for." Aaron rushed desperately. "Please, don't leave me. . . Don't leave me behind."
It broke Jackson's heart into to her the teen plea for him to stay alive. However he couldn't keep what little existence he still held on to. It was killing him watching everyone live normal lives while he laid in bed or sat in his chair. He couldn't do what he loved anymore. Couldn't go outside in the sun and build houses or hold Aaron's hand. It wasn't a life worth living. He was holding Aaron back.
"I've got to Aaron." Jackson said firmly, swallowing the lump in his throat.
"No. . ." Aaron said quietly his voice cracking. "I'm scared. . . I'm scared Jackson, please don't leave me." He didn't care if Hazel could hear him. He cared more about Jackson who in less than couple of hour's time would be dead. No longer there to hold him, to talk, to love even.
"Aaron, I have to." Jackson said calmly willing his own tears to hold back. "Mum. . ."
As instructed to, Hazel placed a straw into the drink and put close to her son's lips. Aaron couldn't watch him drink. He couldn't watch his boyfriend kill himself. He couldn't believe he was allowing this to happen. He could have snatched the glass from Hazel's hands and smashed it against the wall, called social services or told Paddy. It was too late now. It was done. Jackson had finished drinking and was now looking at Aaron, waiting for him to look back.
"Aaron look at me, please." Jackson asked him, quickly feeling the effects of it all. ". . . Aaron."
Slowly Aaron looked up at him. Jackson smiled back at him. "Promise me you'll behave?"
Aaron nodded, biting his lip.
"Promise me you'll never forget me." Jackson asked once more.
Again Aaron nodded, a new wave sobs taking control of him.
"I love you and you, mum." Jackson smiled, as he closed his eyes allowing the blissful darkness to carry him away.
Dale head was silent for a while, the only noise to be heard was Aaron's and Hazel's sobs as they watched Jackson's chest rise and fall. When his chest was still and death had finally taken him, both of them stared at him in disbelief. Then Aaron lost it.
"Jackson. . . Jackson!" He called to him, running his hand through his tight curls again. "JACKSON! . . . Jackson, wake up. Please Jackson!"
"Aaron love, he's gone." Hazel said quietly.
It didn't soothe the teen at all. "No. . .no." Aaron chanted over and over again under his breath running his hands down Jackson's face or hair. If he could feel him, then he was still there right? Wasn't he?
"C'mon love." Hazel said placing her hands on his shoulders and trying to tug him away.
"Get. Off. Me." Aaron growled, swatting tears from his eyes.
"Fine." Hazel cried. "But I need to call the ambulance. They have to know."
"No!" Aaron snapped. "They'll take him away."
Aaron was over taken by grief. He'd never really experienced it before. So for someone so close to him to lose their life in front of his eyes it hurt him so deep. It was unbearable to see that person he cared for so much, who he would give his world to take their last breath and just lie still. Grief had hit him like a full on truck and it wasn't going to let go anytime soon. As Hazel had left the room to call an ambulance, Aaron had sat himself by Jackson's hip. He wanted to hold him, smell his aftershave and feel the scratch of his beard on his cheek for one last time. He pulled Jackson into his arms and didn't let go.
When the paramedics arrived to take Jackson away, Aaron was a mess. He wouldn't let go of Jackson. He was still in the same position. Jackson was still in his arms, he held onto his lifeless form hoping it would bring him back. He couldn't bear to let go. He was scared. He was scared to let him go. He couldn't lose him forever. The paramedics had to sedate Aaron on scene. He was like a wild animal, not letting anyone close to him. He'd kicked out, screamed and shouted when anybody got too close. Hazel sobbed in the corner at the sight that was unravelling before her.
He regretted not doing anything.
She regretted ever doing anything.