I wish I knew what you were thinking. Perhaps you thought I would love the surprise, but I certainly did not. Or maybe you just realised there was no way out of it. But then, that would mean you do not care.
It is surprising how distorted my image of you was. You were up in a pedestal ever since I met you, I never thought you would look down upon me. I could only dwell in the past, where the one person who had cared for me would console my aching heart.
But I kept thinking about you. All it would take was for you to smile at me and I would feel forever blessed. I lived off those brief moments when you seemed to notice me, an ever hungry beggar who could not bring himself to steal what he needed to live.
Then the moment came when our hearts were allowed to beat together. I still recall that day, with the softness of your skin and the entrancing smell of your embrace. I though I must be in heaven, and wished for that moment to never end. The world suddenly brightened and I was no longer a creature of the shadows. Your expression was so sweet I knew I would do anything for you to keep it.
And I will. Even if you do not love me any more, I will remove those things which take the brightness off your day. Still, I wonder: Why?
Why would you seek out somebody else, when I have done everything I can do to please you? I know I am nothing compared to what you deserve, but you said you did not want anything more than to be with me. How ironic, isn't it? I always thought you would end up going away because of my lack of self-esteem. I never actually thought it would be me the one to leave after getting my pride slashed to pieces.
How silly this all seems. I could have just sat there and watched, maybe I would get in the mood and even participate. But I just couldn't stay there, not without having the urge to rip his guts into pieces small enough to eat. I couldn't bare a second more of your pleading face, full of sweat from the efforts and shining in utmost delight. That face which I thought you only had for me.
I'm running without a destination. Running for the sake of it, running so that madness will not catch up with me. If you only loved me as I do...
At this speed, the images grow blurry and all I can see is your lovely face, surrounded by a halo of bright light that is rushing towards me. It gets so close I can almost hear you calling my name. But the sound comes from another direction.
I turn around. I can barely see someone who is calling to me, but it is too late. It is already upon me. I close my eyes and think of you, protecting in my mind those brief moments we shared. The truck doesn't even use the breaks.