"Phoenix"
By Sylvia Sylverton
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and I never will
Warning: This mentions slash if it offends anyone then you need to learn to broaden your horizons. There are many types of love and it is ignorant to say that only one type is morally right.
Summary: After living in America for a couple of years a lonely Harry reflects on life, love, and the boy he left years ago. AU
It had been years since you had seen him, the freckled boy with the red hair. Sometimes relationships die in a fit of passion, words are said, and truths are spoken, resonating through the walls, cutting your skin. Other times it happens so slowly that it is over before you even notice, wondering how love had even happened in the first place. But it wasn't like that for you, the war was over, you were going off to America to find yourself while they were headed for the university. The last time you had seen them it was at the library, you were hidden behind your cloak, it was raining, you watched for a few moments as they were stepping in between the rain, he wraps his arms around her and she smiles. They look so happy, oblivious to the world, lost in their love. You say a little prayer that it will last forever. That was the moment that you knew that you had to move on, you had to let him go. No one knew that you had been in love with him even then.
You had thought of him almost every day for a year, but as time moved on you thought of him less and less, until one day you didn't even think of him at all. After all he was just a boy, just a boy nothing more, you tell yourself over and over again hoping that if you think it enough times maybe one day you will believe it. But then one day you remember the way he smelled after it rained, you remembered how you loved the way that he smiled showing the gap in between his teeth and how sometimes he would laugh so hard that milk would come out of his nose. But most of all you remembered how it felt to be with him, as if you were the only one who would ever matter. You had always wondered what it meant to be only yourself, while others spent their childhoods discovering their likes and dislikes and the general makeup of their personality, you had been avoiding reality. Reality was the enemy, reality would kill you. No one, especially the young and hopeless, likes to ponder their own death. But with a mad man constantly one step behind you that annoying shadow that never quite disappears some days you could think of nothing else. Truth be told you had never expected to live past graduation. But then you did. Though you continued to live you never allowed yourself to be truly alive.
You needed closure, you needed an ending. You had to write to him, you had to see him; But there were so many questions, so many things that you wondered. You wondered how it would be, what would he look like, what would you look like, would you be disappointed, would it ever be the same way again, and if it wasn't could you live with the change. But then you realized that when you got to the bare bones of things that none of that mattered. You now knew exactly what you wanted to say. You picked up the quill, held it, your fingers trembling as you wrote "Your happiness is all that matters to me" And then promptly crossed it out. And then you wrote " I need to see you. Harry" and as an afterthought before you could change your mind you added "I miss you." Because it was true no matter how much time passed you would always miss him, you would never stop missing him.
Author's Note: This seems unfinished to me. I think I might write a scene of them meeting each other again, later. When I'm more inspired. Please let me know what you think of it.