AN: Disclaimer – I own nothing.
My first ever fanfic!
Isaena.
Thankful
They say that winning the Games is something to be proud of, something to be happy about.
And sometimes I feel that way. When I see people eating the food that I brought to this poor run-down district by winning, I smile and feel thankful to whatever force gave me the ability to win. I feel thankful that now my family can live a life of luxury. We will never struggle to put the next meal on the table again.
But as the smile slowly starts spreading on my face, I remember those I killed to get where I am and those I will have to mentor and teach to kill if they want to win the games.
That is when my smile starts to fade.
I remember their eyes slowly going blank as I plunged my dagger into their chests. That haunting look. I will never forget that look. I know I won't because I see it every night in my nightmares.
Nightmares.
Another reason not to be happy with the outcome of the Games. Each night I wake up screaming for my allies to run from the muttations that I know have already shredded them. But I scream it anyway. The first few nights my mother tried to wake me from these dreams but when I awoke, I attacked her. No harm was done. I soon realised where I was but she has lost trust in me. Now no one tries to comfort me when they hear me screaming.
So you see, when they say that winning the Games is something to be proud of, something to be happy about, they lie. And not just about what you're supposed to feel, but the part where it say 'winning'.
No one ever really wins the Hunger Games because the winner gets to go home to their families and I will never come home. I will stay in that arena until the day I die.
And that is what I am really thankful for. I am thankful that I will never forget that I am a killer, that I took innocent children's lives so that I could live. I am thankful that the families of those children will hate me for it, because I deserved to be hated. I am thankful that now, even though my body is whole and healthy, my soul is broken and worn because no killer should walk away unscathed. And lastly I am most thankful that some part of me wishes I hadn't 'won' the Hunger Games. That I had died along with the rest of them in that arena because that is my punishment. That is what I shall live with.
And after all of this what I have learned is that there are no winners in the Games. Only victims. And I became a victim as soon as my name was reaped.