Disclaimer: Own nothing. Couldn't describe how much I couldn't come up with something witty to put here if I tried. Well. Unless that counted ;)
Full Summary: Ryou's self-sabotaging his relationships because he's afraid of Bakura's reaction. Bakura's trying not to watch Ryou date these people because he's liable to do something he'll regret. They both continually miss the obvious. Sometimes it's hard to be in love.
Pairing List: Bakura/Ryou with mentions of various Ryou/OMC, Ryou/OFC and Atem(Yami)/Yugi
Beta: Unavailable at the moment.
A/N+ Dedication: This story was a long time coming and was originally prompted by xoxheart so I'm going to dedicate it to her regardless even if it may be nothing like what she wanted - and may not even be read by her. I've had a Yugioh obsession lately and it was begging me to write these boys so, with some feet dragging by me (who has far too many other things to do) I eventually poured out this. I rather hope it's in character and enjoyable...
Additional Note: I did some minor editing/proof-reading to catch any (quite a few *sigh*) mistakes and overused words on the 26th September 2013. I like making these little reminders of when I did these things for myself and to others. Ignore if you wish. Regardless, cheers.
(Love) In All the Wrong Faces
"Bakura, I'll be back late tonight!" A grunt followed his exclamation and Ryou tried not to sigh. "There are leftovers in the fridge; you'll just need to heat them up, alright?"
"I am not an invalid, yadonushi."
Ryou did sigh softly that time, his hand near the doorframe and eyes away from the other. The snarls and snaps had grown far less hostile since they'd stopped sharing a body, but Ryou still hated them just the same. "I know, Bakura." A small pause as he hesitated, "Have a nice evening."
This grunt was louder, and Ryou liked to think it was reciprocal in nature; have a nice night too, Ryou. Enjoy your date.
Some days more than others, Ryou was thankful that they couldn't read each others thoughts anymore. Oh, he didn't doubt Bakua knew he was dating Yuki from his science course - Bakura always could tell when he was interested in or seeing someone and Ryou could always tell when he noticed. Bakura's frowns got deeper and the communication between them got shorter.
As far as he could surmise, it wasn't so much that Ryou was dating, it was more to do with him being away and not at Bakura's every beck and call. Bakura hated cooking his own food and heaven forbid he got himself involved in some kind of illegal activity and Ryou wasn't there to bandage up any injuries, clean up any mess and possibly prepare the apartment in case it was suddenly ransacked by the police - again.
Ryou ran a hand through his tousled hair before pulling his scarf from the coat rack. Wrapping it around his neck, he shuffled out into the hallway, closing the apartment door quietly so he wouldn't disturb Bakura.
It was with his hands buried deep in his pockets that Ryou made his way down the two flights of stairs to the ground floor. The restaurant he had picked wasn't far away; a ten minute bus ride and a short five minute walk after that. The journey would give him time to think and prepare, after all, Yuki was great - a lot of fun and extremely smart. Too good for this.
It was him; Ryou knew - his paranoia, his reserved nature and his three-thousand year old tomb robber. Yes, that was a good reason Ryou had trouble with relationships.
The people that he cared for had a tendency to die, go insane or on the rare occasion neither happened, they ended up leaving him. However, if he tried to explain that to someone he was dating it still filtered back to Bakura, the millennium ring and all the secrets and darkness of the Shadow Realm.
And even if he did tell them and they did believe him, he couldn't guarantee Bakura wouldn't be furious and just wipe their mind clean anyway.
Ryou ran a hand through his hair; sometimes it seemed as if all he was doing was finding someone, liking them and then breaking up with them before he got them destroyed.
"Maybe I won't have to do that with Yuki?" He considered, hoping saying the words aloud might make them more possible.
After all, they had been on four dates and Bakura hadn't seemed too homicidal… but when had he ever been able to predict his darker half? How many times had Bakura surprised him? Way too often. And it was usually for the worse and with his latest plot tacked on, managing to sabotage whatever situation Ryou had been in beforehand in the process.
It was a miracle Bakura hadn't managed to stumble upon one of his dates and either get someone arrested or get angry and shove his romantic interests into a shadow game - it really only made him realise how ridiculously out of luck he now was. It was only a matter of time before Bakura lost whatever goodwill he might have possessed about the situation.
Ryou sighed again as he reached the bus stop, taking a seat glumly and staring at his hands. No, he knew the truth; it was safer to let Yuki go and find someone who he could share a nice, safe, quiet and loving life with - and it was probably safer if he stopped looking for romance and companionship in the first place.
Three was a crowd after all and he came with someone that still might as well share his body for all that they were inseparable. He couldn't even blame Bakura either, not really. Bakura had no one else and Ryou wasn't going to make him leave. He knew he had more than enough right after everything Bakura had put him through, but they were light and dark, hikari and yami. He wasn't going to make Bakura live alone in a still mostly strange time if he didn't want to.
Besides, they'd been in separate bodies for almost two years now and Bakura had yet to attempt to take over the world or kill either Yugi or The Pharaoh. Hell, even the few times he had crossed paths with Ryou's various ex's he'd been rather well… behaved.
He'd only had a reaction, or at least shown one twice.
The first time, Bakura had come home early and accidentally found him studying with Karin; she'd practically crawled into his lap by that time and was stroking his hair. He had been smiling at her. The look on Bakura's face when he'd seen them had been… he couldn't even tell what had swept across Bakura's face before it had gone scarily blank. He'd turned and gone into his room then, slamming the door shut so loudly that Ryou had cringed.
He had made Karin leave shortly after and for the next two days Bakura had watched him with those hard, emotionless eyes, not speaking a word. Ryou had been so petrified he'd wake up to find a Karin shaped doll on his bedside table that he'd broken up what little romance they'd had. When Bakura realised what he'd done, he stopped watching Ryou but the silence continued for another few days before, suddenly, as if it had never happened everything went back to normal... or what passed for it between the two of them at least.
It was another few months before he tentatively accepted a date from someone else but this time Bakura hadn't seemed to care and so the cycle began.
The only thing worse than what had happened with Karin was the second time Bakura had reacted; the stunningly memorable occasion when his first boyfriend had mistaken Bakura for him and tried to hug the dark from behind.
That one still pained Ryou to remember. It was a miracle Bakura had just punched him in the face instead of something far, far more permanent. He'd stood there flexing his fist and looking at Eric, a transfer student from Europe, with another unreadable look even as Ryou had hastily tried to explain and smooth things over between everyone. Since then Ryou had always felt dread hanging overhead, waiting for the inevitable explosion when someone pushed Bakura that little bit too far.
Ryou rubbed suddenly tired eyes. Kami, sometimes he wished he was asexual and could just avoid the whole mess entirely. He was wondering if it was actually possible to become one and avoid future headaches as well as potential dead bodies - when a tap to his shoulder startled him from his thoughts.
Letting out a slight yelp, he turned only to have a bolt of apprehension go through him when he saw that it was, of all people, his date, Yuki. He was smiling down at Ryou, his spiked crimson hair falling slightly into his eyes and his enjoyment at seeing Ryou clear. Ryou felt utterly horrible in that moment.
"Y-Yuki?"
Yuki looked like he was trying not to chuckle. "Sorry, did I surprise you?"
Ryou's returned smile was almost a grimace. "A little."
"Sorry," he apologized. "I thought you'd be taking the bus and figured I might save you the fair and drive us both to the restaurant? I meant to come to your apartment but," he looked sheepish, "I lost track of time. I was putting the finishing touches on an assignment. I'm glad I still caught you though."
Ryou could only thank his lucky stars that Yuki had run late. If he had met Bakura at the apartment and seen how similar they looked, well, Ryou knew Yuki enough that he could envision the joke that would have been cracked and the sexual undertones he'd slip into it.
Sex. That was something he was honestly petrified to contemplate with any of his partners. The one and only time Honda had made a joke about whether his ex-girlfriend was good in bed Bakura had almost destroyed the table they'd been sitting at. He hadn't hurt anyone but the way Bakura had dragged him away and conveniently got injured on the night of Ryou's next date made him think that it would be the catalyst between Bakura tolerating his relationships and outright destroying them.
He supposed, to a degree, Bakura still required some sort of control over his body. Ryou was only hoping that the need would fade as the years went by and Bakura no longer thought of him as a 'landlord'. It was a hope, at least, because otherwise attempting to become asexual was fast becoming his only option.
"Ryou?" Yuki asked, leaning closer to look at his face with a concerned frown, "You're zoning. Are you okay?" His expression deepened. "You look upset."
Shaking his head, both in response and to try and clear it, Ryou answered, "Sorry. I'm not upset just... distracted."
This is for his own good, he mentally told himself, if I don't do it now, who knows what Bakura might do.
Yuki looked at him for a long moment, his usual good cheer absent from his face as a more pensive look took over.
"Are you alright?" It was Ryou's turn to ask.
Yuki nodded slowly before he took a seat beside Ryou. There was something about his movements that made warning bells go off in Ryou's head. Leaning forward, Yuki let his hands dangle between his knees before he tilted his head to look side on at him. "I'm a smart guy, Ryou."
Somehow Ryou didn't think he was talking about grades, but despite the sinking feeling in his stomach, Ryou responded as if he were. "Of course you are. You're one of the top students in all your classes." He hesitated before deciding to fish for another meaning behind the comment, "But what does that have to do with this?"
"You've been quiet lately." Seeing Ryou's look, he amended, "Well, quieter than you usually are." He stared at Ryou with a mixture of resignation and frustration. "You're breaking up with me, aren't you?"
Ryou eyes widened and he ducked his head automatically, feeling a shamed flush on his face.
"Well, I can't say I'm surprised." That made Ryou's attention shift back up; Yuki chuckled at his reaction but it was almost completely without mirth. "Ryou, you break up with everyone in under a month. I'll admit, a part of me has been wondering each time - 'will it be the last one?'."
Ryou was stricken. "Yuki, I, I'm sorry, I didn't know - I mean, I didn't mean to, I-"
Yuki cut off Ryou's stuttering with a wave of his hand, giving him an exasperated but still fond look. "I'm not mad at you, a little disappointed maybe, but it's not like we both didn't expect it sooner or later."
"I'm sorry," Ryou almost whimpered, burying his face in his hands. "I really am."
He felt a comforting touch to his shoulder. "I know." Yuki paused before asking, "What I don't get is why you do it though? We all know I'm not the first one and I probably won't be the last either. So what's with the date and break routine? It's not for sex and you don't seem malicious, you seem to suffer as much as anyone. So why put yourself through it?"
Ryou peaked through his hands with a grimace. "It's complicated."
"Is it to do with the guy you live with?"
"What?" Ryou near screeched, panic beginning to form; he had sudden visions of Yuki approaching Bakura and getting sent to the Shadow Realm for the attempt.
Yuki smirked. "Don't look so stunned. I heard about what happened to Eric, not that the asshole didn't deserve the broken nose, I think you're the only person he didn't get the chance to cheat on."
Ryou hadn't known that and he made a quick mental note to never, ever let Bakura find out - and to maybe forgive him for hitting Eric in the first place.
It still meant he had to explain Bakura to Yuki though. He internally grimaced at the thought. "It's worse than it sounds, he was startled. He doesn't take well to people he doesn't know," or anyone, he silently added, "touching him."
"Okay," Yuki nodded. "Maybe that explains it, but you never want anyone to meet him and the few people who have met him swiftly exit your life seconds later." Concern was deeply etched on Yuki's face. "I mean, he's not… you do have a choice in this, don't you?"
Oh Kami, Ryou wanted to groan. If he was a lesser person, he would have walked away, refused to answer anything, but Ryou was too kind-hearted and he also felt guilty and rotten about the whole situation. He owed him at least some kind of explanation - and it would also help if Yuki didn't start reporting him to some kind of domestic violence hotline.
"It's, look, it's not like that." Ryou bit his bottom lip, trying to condense and articulate the situation to someone who didn't know who and what Bakura was. "He's… he's not exactly stable." The unease on Yuki's face was only growing and he hastened to reassure him, "No, no. He's not violent," not anymore, "and he wouldn't hurt me," I don't think, "it's just that he doesn't… handle things well. He's just settling into life here and I'm… I'm the most dependable thing he's got."
Ryou held his breath once he'd finished, visions of Bakura leaping from the bushes and declaring how much he depended on someone filling his head. When a silent minute had passed and no enraged tomb robber had appeared, he let out a relieved breath.
Yuki however was still processing everything. "And having a relationship with someone will affect his stability?"
"He won't like sharing me." Ryou thought that was probably the safest response he could give and close enough to what he assumed was the problem. "I just have to wait until it's not a problem anymore."
"And when do you think that will be?" Yuki asked and where in the past others had looked at him hopefully, Yuki just looked unbelievably sympathetic, almost pitying.
Ryou didn't have an answer and he tried to ignore the look as he shrugged. It was all he could answer with. He'd only ever became anywhere near this much of the truth once before. A past girlfriend had tried to understand him… it hadn't ended well.
Yuki let out a sigh at Ryou's response and ran a hand through his hair. "Ryou, look, I know this isn't my place, and this guy is what, family?"
"Practically," he answered, already internally wincing at what was to come.
"Right, well, I know what you're doing makes you a good person, a really good person and maybe it's what this guy needs but Ryou, and I want you to listen to me here; that doesn't necessarily mean it's the right thing to do."
Ryou blinked, stunned. "Excuse me?"
"You want to make him better and feel more comfortable? That's a good thing, Ryou - but not when you compromise your own life for it."
Ryou stared at the serious, imploring red-head with a blank expression. Was he actually trying to help him? "You're supposed to be yelling about my commitment issues right now."
That's what Miko had done, screamed at him for hiding behind someone else instead of facing his own problems. She'd stormed out of the coffee shop they'd been in and never spoken to him since.
"Fuck commitment issues," Yuki exclaimed, "it doesn't take much to realise you're dying for a relationship, you just can't get past all your roommates damn hurdles."
"Um," Ryou murmured, eyes wide, but Yuki wasn't finished, the sympathy was gone and agitation was in its place, and building.
"I took classes with you for almost a year, Ryou. I watched you bounce back and forth from relationship to relationship. Hell, until I realised he was related to you, I thought the guy was just some jealous ex-boyfriend who never got over you." Yuki shook his head. "I don't think that now though. I think the guy is acting this way because you've never told him to act any differently. Have you even once explained that dating someone doesn't mean you disappear of the face of the planet? That he can't just spend the rest of your lives as a cockblocking roommate? That you have a life outside of him? That-""
"Thank you, Yuki," Ryou almost snapped, cutting the other man off, his mouth a thin line. "I think I get the idea."
Yuki blinked a few times, uncomprehending what had happened until he suddenly winced and rubbed a hand over his eyes. "Fuck. Ryou, I'm sorry. I just…" he hissed an expletive under his breath. "Blame it on being bitchy because I just got dumped, okay?"
His words soothed some of the anger boiling inside Ryou and the stiffening of Ryou's posture began to relax. It wasn't so much the accusations that had been hurled at him that had annoyed Ryou, it was something Yuki had no control over; his ignorance. It was harsh but it was the truth, Yuki thought the problems Ryou had were easily fixed and the reality of the situation was far from that.
But he means well, the reminder made Ryou release the last of his irritation in a huff.
"It's fine," Ryou accepted, dismissing what had happened with as much ease as he could. "I understand that you're just trying to help."
"But I don't know what I'm talking about and should shut up?" Yuki asked, ruefully.
The candid response startled a small laugh from Ryou and he gave the other a smile. "A little."
Yuki nodded, still looking apologetic. "Yeah, well, I think I just needed to let it off my chest. I'm surprised it had built up that much."
"It's alright," Ryou assured him, and thinking about it, he admitted, "This is probably one of my nicer break ups."
He got an amused look but it was also slightly sad and tinged with regret. "Suppose that means I should be heading off then?"
Ryou hurriedly protested, "I didn't mean it like that! We can still have dinner."
Yuki just shook his head and stood up. "No, it's probably for the best. I don't really think we would survive an awkward meal that might just as easily fall into another argument."
Standing up as well but slower, feeling an unexpected disappointment that everything was coming to an end. "I really am sorry, Yuki."
"Me too, Ryou," he started to turn away but paused and looked back. "Look, I know you might not want to but please consider talking to your roommate? Set down some ground rules, figure out a compromise, hell ask him not to punch people. Anything. It might help."
He was so earnestly sincere and combined with Ryou's own unhappiness at distancing himself once again from someone he could really grow to care for, Ryou found himself agreeing, "Alright. I'll think about it."
It wasn't Yuki's usually bright grin, but it was somewhat closer to normal. "I'm glad," this time Yuki's hesitance brought with it a much easier question, "See you in class?"
"Yes," Ryou agreed, "I would really like that."
It was with a nod and a brief wave that Yuki turned and walked away, heading in the direction of his parked car. Ryou stayed standing until Yuki had climbed in and driven around the corner, disappearing from his sight. The second he was gone and everything was officially over, Ryou slumped back down onto the seat.
He felt so very, very drained.
"I almost wish he'd screamed at me," he muttered.
It was the softer, inquisitive break ups that were always the hardest. When the people cared enough to try to understand it, they made him think that a future between them would have been more likely to succeed. It made him yearn for what could have been and wonder if the risk might have been worth it. Yuki was right in that regard, he did want a relationship and Yuki... Yuki had been different. His words were rolling around Ryou's mind, being mulled over and worked to fit around the more important details that had been missing from the other's end of the spectrum.
Oddly enough, his advice still made sense.
He'd been wasting so many potential relationships and how many more would follow if they kept up like this? Would it hurt to ask Bakura about his partners? To find out what his dark would accept and what he wouldn't? It might not be the 'ground rules' that Yuki had suggested, but it would certainly answer once and for all if any future people he dated would be safe. It would help him stop worrying and might even answer some of the curiosities he had about Bakura's own plans for the future. Was he planning to live with him indefinitely? Would Bakura be the third wheel in every relationship for the rest of his life? Ryou may have mused about asexuality but the truth was harder and harder to deny; he was lonely and he did want someone to spend the rest of his life with. He wanted to cherish them, to hold and fall asleep with them. He wanted familiarity, comfort, passion and joy. Ryou wanted to fall in love and have someone fall in love with him.
He wanted it so badly it hurt.
Ryou closed his eyes tightly against the knowledge.
He couldn't risk letting one more person slip away; how many more would be left if he waited any longer? He needed to talk to Bakura.
Opening his eyes, Ryou pushed himself from the bus stop and turned back in the direction he'd come from. Pulling out his cell phone as he did, he scrolled through his log to find the number for the restaurant to cancel the reservation he had long since missed. Better late than never, after all. When his words to the woman on the line were stuttered out, he decided to blame it on being apologetic, rather than face up to the fact he was nervous about that same phrase being used regarding the situation he was about to walk into with Bakura.
If I start to seriously date someone will you kill them?
This conversation was not going to be an easy one. Ryou could only sigh.
Hanging up the phone and shoving it back in his pocket, he then buried his face further down in his scarf while he tried to formulate a way to bring the topic up with his dark. He walked slowly, trying to give himself as much time as he could. It still took him less than ten minutes to reach the door of their apartment.
He stood staring at it for a long time. This is a terrible, terrible idea. Ryou still found himself opening the door, calling out softly as he did, "I'm home, Bakura."
Shutting it behind him, he unwound his scarf and was putting it on the coat rack when Bakura's gruff voice reached him, "You're early."
He spun around, he hadn't expected Bakura to come from the direction of their rooms. He'd thought the other would still be watching TV in the lounge but instead Bakura was looking at him with those same unreadable eyes, Ryou almost shifted. It wasn't the most promising start.
"Yes," he eventually answered. "I… we called off dinner."
Bakura grunted and his eyes thawed minutely. He walked past Ryou and towards the couch. "Good. You can make mine."
Ryou hesitated in the hall before following the other into the lounge rather than going to the kitchen as requested. Bakura, never unaware of what Ryou was doing, turned his head slightly to look at the other. He frowned and stopped moving, Ryou instantly did the same.
He turned fully at the reaction and looked at Ryou oddly, a hint of impatience showing, "What?"
"I-" Ryou cleared his throat. "I want to talk to you."
Bakura made an annoyed sound and began moving forward again. Ryou quickly followed, expecting Bakura to flop down in an armchair or on the sofa and only half pay attention to him, channelling surfing the entire time. It was to his surprise but internal relief that he instead set himself up leaning against the side of the couch, arms and ankles crossed as he observed Ryou.
He was obviously waiting but when Ryou opened his mouth nothing came out and he closed it again. Repeating this a few times, he tried to formulate a beginning but without any luck. Are you going to send people I date to the Shadow Realm? Do you care what I do with my personal life? Are you going to care if I get married sometime in the future? Are you going to live with me forever?
He had no idea where to start; he didn't even know how to get near the starting line. Should he broach it slowly? Yuki mentioned something today. I was thinking about my classes for next year. Do you have any idea what you want to do with this second life you've got other than share an apartment with me? So maybe that last one wasn't so broaching...
Bakura however, had never had a good tolerance for hesitancy and abruptly snapped at him, startling Ryou from his thoughts. "Well, out with it!"
He blurted out the first thing he could, "If I marry someone will you kill them?"
It took Ryou a second to register what he'd said. His eyes widened, the shock only disappearing to make way for fear when like a cloud passing over his face, Bakura went from surprised to blank to furious.
Ryou would have stumbled back from the sheer anger radiating off Bakura if he wasn't frozen to the spot. It brought back memories from the days of the millennium items when Bakura had seen Atem for the first time. Ryou didn't know Bakura to hate anything else so forcefully.
He felt a hand grip the front of his shirt and lift him inches from the ground even as he was yanked closer to his scowling dark's face. "Marry?" he spat, "You're going to fucking marry someone you barely know?"
Ryou opened his mouth to correct him, but the shake he got from Bakura had his teeth clinking together. His wince was lost beneath Bakura's growl and Ryou decided to keep his mouth shut.
"This person," the word was spoken with such venom Ryou almost shuddered, "they will know nothing about you. Nothing, yadonushi. You think they could understand you? Understand what I can?" His laugh was a harsh bitter thing. "They don't even know me; they don't know your dark." His chin was gripped harshly and his eyes were forced to meet the murderous ones of Bakura. "Or where you going to hide me? Forget about your other half and pretend I don't exist?"
"N-No-" Ryou tried to stutter out but he was suddenly lifted, both of the other's hands were now in his shirt before his back was shoved against the wall.
Bakura was crowding him up against it; his body thrumming, nearly shaking with rage and for the first time in a long time, Ryou felt truly afraid that Bakura was going to kill him.
"Liar," Bakura snarled. "You think I don't notice the way you keep your little lovers," another spitted word, "away from me? That you never bring them here?"
"I don't want them turned into dolls!" Ryou finally cried out a response.
A glimmer of something like surprise showed before Bakura's eyes narrowed once more and there was something else there now or perhaps, it was just stronger. It took Ryou a few seconds to recognise it and than it was his turn to be shocked; it was bitterness.
"I did that for you," Bakura growled lowly. "You wanted them forever."
"Not like that," he tried to squirm and pull out of Bakura's hold, but the little bit of loosening of the Egyptian's hands was quick to be corrected when he noticed.
Bakura dismissed the old argument, his focus sharpening once more. "So now you want a vow to be your forever." His chuckle was cruel and his words aimed to hurt. "Life doesn't last, hikari. The smallest effort will snuff it out and leave you alone."
"It's better than never having it at all!" Ryou practically snapped back, "I want to have someone. I want to love and be loved and-"
"You think someone can love you?" His fists were still tight and he pressed closer to Ryou, but although he should have been petrified, although he was afraid, Ryou could also feel the trembling in the hands bunched in his shirt. He could see the storm of emotions going on inside his dark's eyes. "You think someone fucking knows you? You think someone else does better than me?"
That one word fell like a tidal wave in Ryou's mind, dragging the rest of the conversation and previous ones along with it. What…?
Hands were suddenly on his cheeks and yanking him forward - and then Bakura was kissing him. Ryou initially went to jerk back but Bakura's fingers dug further into his skin at the same time the Egyptian's body pushed him closer against the wall.
The kiss was brutal and unrelenting, a sharp nip to his bottom lip made Ryou gasp and Bakura wasted no time once the reaction he'd aimed for had been achieved. A tongue swept into Ryou's mouth and began mapping every area. The hands on his face shifted so one was behind his neck, continuing to keep him in the kiss while the other dug into his hair. He almost winced but they softened the moment they were in the white locks, almost seeming to cradle his head as the kiss began to slow.
It became lingering, savouring and almost apologetic with a faint brush of fingers in his hair and against his neck echoing the notion. It was the closest to soft he could ever recall his dark being. It only lasted a few seconds more before the fingers came out of his hair and then Bakura was pulling back, leaving their mouths inches apart, his dark's breathe mingling with his own as they both gasped faintly.
The feel of the other's breathing soon disappeared from his face and Ryou opened eyes that had fallen shut. Bakura hadn't moved but he was glaring at the ground his jaw clenched and with a brief flick of his eyes to the side, Ryou saw that Bakura's hand was fisted tightly against the wall near his head.
He couldn't stop himself from staring at Bakura in utter disbelief. He hadn't had the slightest, not even the barest inkling of an idea - but than Yuki's words not half an hour before suddenly sprang forth and stood out above all else in his roaring mind. Hell, until I realised he was related to you, I thought the guy was just some jealous ex-boyfriend who never got over you.
"Ba-Bakura?" Ryou stuttered out, his voice displayed all the confusion he felt.
Bakura tensed all over before he straightened, dropping his arms from where they'd rested near Ryou. He didn't look the other in the eye as he muttered, "Shut up."
He opened his mouth to continue anyway but Bakura's eyes met his, angry and uncomfortable and hurt. "Just shut the fuck up, Ryou.
It was one of the only times he'd ever been called by name. Ryou let his mouth fall closed.
Bakura stood there, jaw clenching and unclenching and rarely meeting Ryou's gaze. Ryou wondered if he was going to say, explain anything - but he never said a word and after nearly five minutes of standing there, silent and motionless, Bakura turned and left the room. Ryou watched him go.
He heard the door to Bakura's room close loudly, but not because he slammed it, because there was no other sound in their house.
It was only with the confusing, overwhelming presence of Bakura no longer in front of him that a very pertinent fact came to Ryou's mind. I never kissed him back.
Was he… Ryou stared with increasingly widening eyes, was he waiting there to see if I… would?
Ryou felt a very faint tremble start in his hands and had to clench them tightly to stop it. He didn't know what to do, than or now; he literally could not have been more surprised if Bakura had told him he was going to become a pacifist.
He'd never thought of Bakura like that, not beyond the time when Yugi had asked him about it, just after the other had started dating Atem - but it had never been a serious thought in his head.
Now though, now it was apparently a reality, at least for Bakura. He'd looked almost hurt. Ryou ran a shaking hand through his hair. Did that mean Bakura card about him - loved him? Could Bakura love someone?
Ryou grimaced. It was possible, it would certainly account for at least… some of the things he'd done for Ryou. But Kami, love? And had he just accidentally rejected Bakura?
He clenched both hands in his hair as well as squeezing his eyes shut forcefully, he felt confused and extremely out of his depth. He was bad at relationships but he could at least realise he might have just fractured one of the most important ones he'd ever and possibly would ever had. Bakura was a complicated, messed up part of his life, but he was a large part of it and he had to fix the damage he'd done, hopefully before it came irreparable.
Opening his eyes, he looked at the path his darker half had walked. He couldn't even bring himself to take a step towards him. He squirmed at the thought of going and knocking on Bakura's bedroom door. If he'd just been rejected he certainly wouldn't want to face the confused person who'd just done it. He'd probably just make it worse anyway. They both knew Bakura's dominant way to express himself was through violence and anger and Ryou really didn't want to provoke him until he knew where he stood.
What in the world was he going to do?
Get help. That's what he needed.
Fumbling in his pocket, Ryou pulled out his phone and scrolled hurriedly through his contacts. He quickly found Yugi's number but with a thumb over the button, he hesitated to dial it. He glanced again towards Bakura's room. The other had brilliant hearing and he really didn't think catching him discussing what had just happened with Yugi or, heaven forbid, Atem would go down well.
He pulled open a message instead and typed quickly. I really need to talk to you and Atem. Tomorrow? In the morning?
Ryou barely refrained from putting A.S.A.P after it and as soon as the tell-tale sound of the message being sent resounded from his phone, it seemed to take all his remaining strength with it. Stumbling his way over to the couch, Ryou collapsed against it, barely getting a chance to relax before his phone chirped a response. He glanced at the screen. Of course. Are you okay? How's eight? You can come to the Game Shop?
Right. Okay. Eight. He could do that. He always woke before Bakura in the morning anyway, he'd be lucky if the other emerged before noon. I'll be there.
Shutting his phone, Ryou let himself sink back into the cushions. Staring up at the ceiling, he let his mind stumble, what felt like blindly and inadequately, through all the new information he'd just received, trying to find a way to understand it or at the very least, figure out how he felt about it.
He didn't even notice himself start to fall asleep, his mind still caught up in such an unexpected situation and such an unimaginable, overpowering kiss.
Ryou woke up in the morning with a crick in his neck and faint pounding in his head. He blinked blearily at the room, confused over why he'd slept on the couch until it all came rapidly flooding back.
He jolted the rest of the way awake and onto his feet, looking around the room with an irrational panic that Bakura would show up and have a discussion he really wasn't prepared for yet.
Bakura however, was nowhere around and judging by the direction and brightness of the sunlight in the room, it was still quite early. Picking up his phone to double-check; Ryou noted it was just past seven. He had an hour to get to Yugi's.
That would have been fine on a normal day. On a day where he still needed to figure how to start talking to Yugi and Atem about what had happened, it was perilously close to not enough time combined with how am I going to get out without Bakura hearing me?
Ryou glanced around the room, normally he wouldn't dream of leaving the house without brushing his teeth, his hair and changing his clothes… but if he was going to leave and get back without Bakura noticing and manage to fix things between them… well, sacrifices would have to be made.
Decision reached, Ryou slipped his phone in his pocket and started heading towards the front door but paused just before the kitchen. Chewing his bottom lip nervously, he made his way to the kitchen table. Just because he usually woke before Bakura didn't mean the other wouldn't rise before he got back. Maybe he was blowing things out of proportion and Yugi and Atem would rationalise last night into something he could understand without some nervous breakdown and the realisation that he didn't know Bakura at all… but if they couldn't - it was better safe than sorry.
Grabbing the pen and notepad they usually used to make shopping lists, he scrawled a quick note to Bakura.
Gone to clear my head. He grimaced and crossed it out. Sorry about- He scribbled that one into oblivion before just sighing and stating simply; Be back in a few hours - Ryou.
Putting the pen down, he allowed himself a brief, worried re-read before deciding he had nothing better to replace it with. He headed for the door and grabbed his scarf once more, wrapping it around his neck before starting the journey to Yugi's house.
He let his mind fall into the comforting pattern of figuring out bus schedules and short cuts for the first few minutes or so, but soon enough stray thoughts were rapidly breaking the surface before he could stop them. I've never been kissed like that before.
Ryou ducked his head as the memory brought with it the blush that had been missing from the previous night. He'd been too busy reeling at the time to really think about it but, now? Wow. Bakura could kiss - but it wasn't just that, Ryou could still remember the feel of the other's hands - one in his hair and the other against his cheek - as well as the brutal, possessive passion morphing into something less hurried and almost tender. He almost shivered; the way Bakura had held him had made him feel like he was… treasured.
He stopped abruptly, frozen in the middle of the street as he remember his dark, almost feeling the whisper of Bakura's breath against his lips. It was like he'd been wading through last night in a fog but now everything was crystal clear; half conceived notions sharpened in the light of day. Bakura had waited in front of him for almost five minutes, barely moving, barely breathing and he had just slumped against the wall, his brain unresponsive and missing all the subtly that had been present.
The whole time he'd been dating people Bakura had been doing that; waiting. He'd been just like the shadows he manipulated, unobtrusive but ever-present as he watched for anything he could use, anything he could claim.
But then he'd brought it crashing down.
Bakura had never thought he'd been serious about anyone, Ryou realised and he was suddenly turning and heading back the way he'd came. Bakura had only reacted when something surprised him, threatened him - threatened to take away something that he wanted.
"As long as he thought they might want him back, oh Kami," Ryou whispered. "I should have said something last night. Now he thinks I'm getting married and I don't love him back and-"
Ryou stopped again, causing a few people to have to walk around him but he was ignoring them as well as the mix of curious and frustrated glances he was getting for doing so. Ryou felt the itch to pace and tug at his hair anxiously but knowing he couldn't do either on a public sidewalk; he yanked out his phone and called the person he'd been going to see instead.
Yugi answered on the second ring, already sounding worried, "Ryou! Is everything okay?"
"I, uh-" he swallowed before diving straight into it, "How did you know you loved Atem?"
There was a very long silence on the other line as the other probably tried to collect his obviously startled thoughts. "I. It's not easy to say."
"Please try?" Ryou implored.
Yugi made a thoughtful sound. "I guess, I… I couldn't stand the thought of losing him." Ryou could hear the smile forming in his voice then, it radiated his happiness, his love. "It was the most natural thing to be by his side, in his arms. I wanted him to be happy, regardless of what that meant to me. It didn't matter who I was with or what I was doing, I was thinking about him in someway." He laughed. "I guess that's how I knew," he suddenly sounded rueful, "it's hard to be on a date with someone when all you want to do is go home and be with someone else."
Ryou felt his mouth go dry and almost swayed on the spot; all of the things Yugi had said... the final bit. And hadn't he felt all of the rest for Bakura at some point too? He'd thought it was just friendship, connection; the deep bond of light and dark but… wasn't all those things also what other people talked about when they discussed love too? Yugi made it sound so simple, so obvious… had he just been missing it all along?
"Ryou?" The anxiousness was back in Yugi's voice. "Are you there? Ryou?"
"I'm here," he murmured faintly.
"Ryou, please tell me what's going on?" He could practically see the other boy's wide and worried eyes.
"Bakura kissed me," he mumbled and saying it out loud, acknowledging it made something in his stomach flutter.
Yugi's reaction however, was less than ideal, he practically shrieked his response, "Bakura did what?!"
He went to reply but frowned when there was muffled noise on the other end of the line.
"Yugi?" he questioned.
The stern voice of Atem suddenly filled his ear, "Ryou, did that tomb-robber try to force you into something?"
"What?!" Ryou gasped, appalled, "No! He just kissed me."
He heard Yugi frantically talking in the background, he was fairly sure he heard 'you didn't let me finish' somewhere in it. Atem, when he finally responded again - having, it seemed, listened to whatever Yugi had been telling him - sounded less ready to send Bakura to the Shadow Realm and much more contemplative, "Yugi tells me you were asking about love?"
Ryou cleared his throat feeling more embarrassed with the serious tones of Atem's voice than that of Yugi's gentle cheer. "Yes."
"Hmm. Your love or the thief's?" He continued casually.
It was a loaded question even if Atem didn't see it that way. Although, considering what he knew of the Pharaoh he'd probably deliberately made sure it was carefully aimed and armed. Ryou however, still didn't have to think long to respond, "Both."
When he heard Atem's pleased chuckle, he was pretty sure he'd passed whatever test had been going on in the Egyptian's mind. "If I may suggest finding your thief? He's likely to do something foolish soon."
Ryou cracked a small smile. "You think everything he does is foolish."
"True," Atem agreed before his voice sobered, "but I know what I would do if I thought I had lost my abidou through my own means, and Bakura is far less likely to see reason than I."
Ryou had already started moving before Atem had finished. "He was asleep when I left though. He won't have woken up." Then. "He'll be fine, right?" Atem's pointed silence only made Ryou go faster. "Tell Yugi I'll call him back."
"Good luck, Ryou," Atem told him sincerely.
Ryou hung up without bothering to thank him.
He was stupid, so stupid, how could he have left Bakura alone? What if he was already planning to rip the soul out of Ryou's supposed fiancé? What if he was getting ready to leave and never come back? What if he was just waiting to wipe their minds of the kiss, of his own feelings?
Ryou started running.
It took him half the time to reach the apartment than it had to leave it, he didn't stop to catch his breath he just grabbed the door and flung it open. He flicked his eyes around the apartment, what he spotted made him stare. Bakura had punched a hole in the wall. Bakura had punched a hole in the wall right where he'd kissed Ryou the previous night.
Ryou stared at the damage until a hand on his shoulder yanked him all the way into the apartment. He flinched on instinct, turning to the other in just enough time to see something like a wince cross Bakura's face before it was covered in a scowl. He dropped Ryou's shoulder like it was burned.
He turned from him to shut the door, Ryou saw a clenched piece of paper in his hand - the note he'd left.
"You're early." It was like a repeat of the previous night and a split-second after Ryou caught it, Bakura did too. His frown deepened and he angrily demanded, "What are you doing back?"
"I-"
"No marriage to start planning?" He sneered.
That gives me a place to start, Ryou decided. "I'm not engaged, Bakura."
Bakura made the beginning of a denial before he stopped, obviously thinking it over and analysing their previous night's argument. Ryou saw the moment he understood what had happened. He tensed and if it was anyone else Ryou would say he blushed but knowing it was Bakura he was fairly sure the flush was from anger.
"Why did you ask me that question?" It was almost through gritted teeth.
"I wanted to know if you would kill them," Ryou answered honestly. "At the time, I hadn't known-" he cut himself off but he already knew he'd made the mistake.
Bakura's gaze sharpened into something vicious; daring him to say more, "Knew what, yadonushi?"
Ryou looked at him silently, feeling the fear of the previous night thumping through his veins, but there was a different surge of adrenaline too, the one that only came from preparing to do something unwise but hoping to all the deities that it got you what you wanted anyway. "That you loved me."
Bakura clenched his jaw so tight Ryou was sure he heard teeth grinding.
"Be careful. Yadonushi." He bit out.
"Don't you think you should call me Ryou now?" It was too bold, he knew it, but it slipped out when he was too distracted by knowing that he didn't deny it. He didn't say I was wrong so that means I'm right.
The hand was lightning fast as it reached out and fisted in his shirt, dragging him closer, they were almost as close as they were the previous night. "You will never speak of this again. Do you understand me, yadonushi?! Never."
Ryou was silent, watching the wild, wavering thing from the other night swirl in Bakura's eyes. He felt the tension in Bakura's arm and knew in that instant that he was about to be shoved away to avoid anything further from happening, so he did the only thing he could; Ryou wrapped his arms around his dark's waist.
He went as rigid as a board, the hand in Ryou's shirt now pressed between their chests, loose in the fabric but still not fully removed. "Let. Go. Of. Me."
"No," Ryou told him simply, taking in a deep breath and moving closer. It was the most natural thing to be by his side, in his arms. Ryou stayed there, holding his breath as the minutes past, when he was certain he was feeling Bakura unravel and relax, Ryou took it as his queue to continue, "I'm sorry, Bakura-"
The wordless snarl was not what he expected before he was forcibly shoved away, he stumbled and almost fell to the ground but managed to just keep his balance. He looked at Bakura in shocked confusion, what in the world had he-
I'm sorry. He almost rolled his eyes, oh for the love of… "Bakura, you idiot, I'm not apologising for not - you surprised me yesterday and, I-"
"You what?" Bakura asked, angry and defensive, his arms crossed but the note still clutched in his fist. It was for just one split-second but his dark looked completely vulnerable. It made Ryou's heart ache.
Ryou licked his extremely dry lips and swallowed against his ridiculously dry throat. "I… never knew to say, I-I love you too."
The words fell like a lead weight in the silence that descended around them. Ryou found himself swallowing compulsively, looking at Bakura and wondering if he'd done the right thing - if Bakura had went through this same nerve-wracking, horribly hopeful wait the night before. If this was what he'd been through when Ryou had let him down.
Would Bakura let him down?
Ryou opened his mouth, to say I'm sorry, take it back, something when Bakura finally, finally acted and hands were once again cupping his jaw, fingers spread on his cheeks and lips claiming his in an utterly dominating, possessing, claiming kiss.
Ryou melted into it, his arms wrapping around his darker half's neck, curling his fingers into Bakura's hair and letting out a small whimper when Bakura once again nipped his way into receiving entry.
And this time, when Bakura got his access, Ryou remembered to kiss him back.
He heard a contended noise slip free from one of them and it only made Ryou try and pull closer to the other. The next noise was definitely Bakura's, at the feel of Ryou pressing flush against him, he'd groaned.
Ryou quickly found himself being pushed backwards, lips never breaking until he was firm against the wall, just like last night, but with none of the desperation or confusion of it.
Bakura broke the kiss to snarl against his jaw, "You're mine."
"Y-Yours," Ryou gasped out when he get a small bite to his jaw.
He felt Bakura's smirk pressed against the skin before he moved further down, shoving Ryou's hair and scarf out of the way. Bakura pressing his lips and teeth to Ryou's collarbone, making him shudder and clutch his dark's shoulders.
When it was done to his satisfaction, Bakura licked a line up his neck and cheek before kissing him again. Ryou felt like he was going to slide down the wall in a second if Bakura didn't keep a strong hold on him.
The kiss was shorter, both their faces flushed when Bakura leaned their foreheads together. Bakura's eyes were smug and amused but also open for Ryou to see; the tomb-robber looked contented. Ryou couldn't stop his smile and with barely a chance to think about it, the nervousness only noticeable in the careful and hesitant raising of his fingers, Ryou brought them up to touch Bakura's face. Bakura barely reacted to it, just watched with faint curiosity as Ryou explored the sharper angles of the Egyptian's cheekbones.
Eventually, he seemed to grow tired and caught Ryou's wrist, lightly tugging it away but keeping the loose grip.
Ryou swallowed. "W-What now?"
Very slowly a devious, wicked smirk spread across Bakura's face and revealing his sharp canines. Ryou quickly caught onto the what the other was thinking and flushed darkly, "Bakura!"
He chuckled and stepped backwards, one swift tug of Ryou's wrist bringing him with the thief until he was once again cradled close. Bakura's smirk remained and all his confidence and pleasure radiated from him as a hand shifted through Ryou's hair.
"I have a few ideas, yado-" Bakura paused, a small, uncertain tilt to his lips before he amended, "Ryou."
Ryou smiled and Bakura's expression smoothed out. His eyes danced before he leant down and, like the person he was, Bakura tilted Ryou's chin up with two fingers and with a press of his lips, he gleefully stole it.
A/N: Okay, so please keep in mind a fair amount of this was written in the wee hours between midnight and morning and only got a brief edit through just before I posted it. If you can keep that in mind and decide it's still alright and fairly in character, than I will be happy. Whatever you're thinking though, I'd love to know in a review, I always enjoy reading and replying to them. Thank you!