-1Disclaimer: Okay, I do not, repeat, DO NOT own Legolas, Lord of the rings or even Orlando bloom. (Tolkien owns lord of the rings and Orlando bloom owns himself, what a shame).

I don't own the Oscars and I have no chance of getting one…EVER!

Now that that's out of the way, I can just say that this came into my head and was one of those ideas that refuse to go away no matter what you do, so I decided to share it with the online cyber community. Please read and review, please!

Enjoy!

Legolas sighed to himself. Another day, another job. Ever since that "Orlando Bloom" had starred as him, everyone wanted the actor. No-one wanted the real deal but the imitation was even good enough to win those strange little gold men. "Oscars" he recalled vaguely, wincing at the memory of that night.

"And stay out!" The security guard hollered at the elf now crumpled at his feet. "These awards are for REAL actors and actresses only, not for some imitation fan; even those ears look fake!"

Legolas turned a bright shade of orange that the local paint store would be proud of, but he wasn't going to give up that easily.

"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" Legolas had shrieked at the (rather large) security guard (all the while praying to Eru that he wasn't going to end up as elf ketchup).

"No and I don't care! Now, if you don't move in three seconds, I'm going to hit you so hard, your ancestors will scream!" And with that, the burly bouncer walked back into the Oscar's security centre.

"That'll be a lot of ancestors" said the bitter elf as he walked back into the night, just in time to hear Orlando Bloom winning yet another award.

Legolas scowled to himself as the act just got booed off the stage. This would be a tough crowd to please.

Bracing himself as he heard his name being announced, Legolas leaped onto the stage.

"And now in the school talent contest it's… HEY!"

Legolas scowled as he ran from the hail of schoolteachers and angry parents as a determined kid held onto his arm.

He knew he should have gone for the boys school uniform!

Strange, I know. But such is the twisted mind that I have been blessed with. Please review this, and thanks to all the reviewers I haven't thanked yet, Phoenix red lion, Nautika, and everyone else who either can't or won't review! Thanks for sticking with me this far.

And yes, I do not like Orlando Bloom.

Tenna' ento lye omenta (Until we meet again. my Elvish is progressing nicely, don't you think?)

redandsiver4eva