CampingTrip of Horror

by Ashray1

YYxY,BxR,MxM they drive out in the woods to camp there for a while…Bakura got a hold on one of Ryous old fairytale books,and Marik is sometimes easy to last,if they even get into the woods in one piece and without death and destruction

Camping-Trip of Horror

Yami x Yugi, Bakura x Ryou, Marik x Malik

I don't own neither Yugioh nor the songs I used in this chapter (only the changes I made in the lyrics just for fun...)

Warning! No Yamis died in the making of this story (desperate all attempts). But the same can't be said about some innocent, poor little animals…

Yami, Yugi, Bakura, Ryou, Marik und Malik drive out in the woods to camp there for a few days… Bakura got a hold on one of Ryous old fairytale books, and Marik is sometimes easy to influence…
At last, if they even get into the woods in one piece and without causalities…

Oh, and don't let the title frighten you, I overdid it a little. This will not be a horror story…
Then again- alone in the woods with Bakura and Marik…
Well, whatever, I came up with that title at 3 am, and it stuck…
There are lyrics from road songs, which I don't own, but use in this chapter. I couldn't find and English version, so I left the German ones in brackets, since they rhyme. And I like them
I translated them in English as best as I could, but well…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
One Car. Three Yamis. Three Hikaris. And a long, long way…
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"How long until we're there?"
"Yeah, are we there yet?"
"I want a break!"
"My ass hurts, I'm sick of sitting around all day!"
"How much long is it!"
"For the hundred-thousandth time, Bakura, Marik: We are there when we're there, and until then you will sit on your stupid asses back there and shut your stupid mouths! Or I will shut them permanently!"
"Hey, hey, Yami, no reason to blow up like that!"
"We just asked you a simple question; you don't need to yell at us!"
"You asked the same thing every 5 minutes! Since we left Domino 3 hours ago!"

"…You know, somehow you sound rather frustrated, Yami…"
"And vocations are there for relaxation."
"So take a breath and calm down a little."
"Yeah… Or don't you get enough from your Yugi to-?"
"Bakura! Stop bothering Yami like that!"
"The same goes for you, Marik! I mean it!"

"Nä nä nä nä nä."
"And you don't need to add fuel to the flames, Yami. Concentrate on driving this car and simply ignore the two of them. For me? Please?"
"Nä nä nä nä nä."
"Marik!"
"You say it like it is that easy, Yugi…"

A little later

"Hey, why is he allowed to drive, and I am not? That's really mean!"
"That's because he didn't fail the test for the driving license for the 9th time in a row!"
"But that is not my fault!"
"And whose fault is it then? "
"It's all the tests fault! They always ask me mean, unfair questions. Like: What do you do if a bicycle drives before you? They want to make sure I fail and ask me useless shit like that!"
"And, what do you do if you have a bicycle in front of you?"
"Step on the gas and run it over, of course! What a stupid question is that, what else am I supposed to do?"

"Well, that certainly explains why Marik isn't allowed to drive, but what about me? I have never even seen a driving test."
"You never even bothered to go to a driving school! You just steal the driving license, complete with the associated wallet, the car keys and the car!"
"It's easier that way! And I never only take the driving license; I also take credit cards, cash checks and anything else I use to get money. So why shouldn't I do it when I can!"

"Because you don't have the slightest clue about traffic laws?"

"Yeah, well maybe. But who gives a damn? I don't care; everyone else can play by the rules if they want! Isn't really my problem…"
"That's very nice, Bakura, but what would you do if someone else also say fuck the rules and drives like he wants, and then runs me over? Then it could become your problem…"
"That brainless idiot would find himself in the shadow realm before he can come any near you! No one is allowed to just up and run my Ryou over!"

A little later:

"What's the midget doing in the passenger seat anyway! Little children should sit in their baby seats on the back seat, not up front!"
"And that's exactly why you two psychos are sitting back there and Aibou here beside me!"
"But I want to sit in the front!"
"Kura, put the knife away. I packed it for cooking, not as a toy for you!"

"Keh…it's too blunt anyway… could be sharper… I could sharpen it, I just need…"
"I want to sit up front, too! If Kura is allowed to sit there then I want too!"
"But Kura isn't allowed to! And neither are you, Marik!"

"And don't call me Kura, only Ryou can call me that!"
"Shut up! I already told you: No Yamis on the passenger seat when I drive! It's bad enough that I have you two dumb-heads sitting behind me, I don't need one of you beside me!"
"But I want to! That's not fair, I'm taller then any of you, I should be the one sitting in the front!"
"Me too, I want to sit there too!"

"Hey, Kura, you could sit in my lap, then we both have enough room!"
"What? Have you lost the last little bit of sanity you had left? No way I'm sitting in your lap!"
"Now wait a bit, and I will show you what I mean. Just like that-"
"Hey! Open your eyes; I'm not your Malik!"
"I know, I know, I'm not blind! My Malik is blond, but I just want to show Bakura-"

"Let immediately go of Ryou, or something will happen to you!
I will hurt you! Badly! And repeatedly!"
"And what exactly will happen to me? How exactly do you plan to hurt me?"
"Just wait and see…"
"So, can I keep him? And can I get Yugi, too? Then I have all three Hikaris, all to myself."

"I can't tell you what I do to you if you don't let my Hikari go, but it will not be pleasant.
And your Malik will not have any fun with you after I'm finished with you! That much is sure."

"Come on, you don't really expect me to be afraid from a fluffy snowflake like you, do you?"
"I will give you fluffy snowflake, you insane psycho!"
"Compliments doesn't get you anywhere, little snowflake!"

"Hey, stop tugging at me, both of you! Kura, I'm not a toy; Marik, let me down!"
"But I don't want to!"
"Stop pouting and do as Ryou told you!"

*Schnief, schnief*

"Malik?"
"Don't you love me anymore, not even a tiny little bit…? Do you really prefer playing with Ryou?"
"But of course I don't like him better then you, Hikari-Pretty! Come on, don't cry, I love you more then anyone else and I don't let anyone take you away, and you are mine…"
"Aua! A little more gentle would be nice! At first you don't let me go, and then you just shove me down like that!"
"Sorry, Ryou, but Malik is crying, that's more important! And it's not so far down to the ground, you can't get hurt much…"
"Damn asshole, you can't treat Ryou like that, you fucking psycho!"
"Ähhhh… thanks, Bakura, but I think you can take you fingers from my ass now…"
"No, you landed rather ungentle on it. Thanks to a certain psycho! I have to make sure that you're not hurt and everything is still where it should be…"

"Yes, as you can see, my ass is still there…"

"Hey, sit down back there! And save the groping for later, when I don't have to see it!"
"Really, Yami, you should really calm down a bit! You are the one who drives. Just pull over, and drag your midget into the bushes for a little fun if-"
"Save your obscenity, or I pull over and kick you out! And then can you make your way back on your own two feet."

"Spoilsport!"
"Come on, you two; leave Yami alone before he drives us against a tree!"
"You listen to Yami and settle down, or you will walk home!"

"I favor that!"
"Of course you do!"
"No, really, I don't have a problem with kicking them out here! It will sure take them some weeks to find their way back home."
"You see, you see that? He wants to get rid of us!"
"I'm not surprised!"
"Malik!"
"And you don't have any reason to laugh, either, Bakura! You are no better then Marik."

"No, Ryou, just let him talk."
"Yami!"
"What? It was only a little tailspin. You didn't fall from your seats, did you?"
"Don't ask so hypocritical, you stupid little shit!"

"Yami!"
"What did you say? I should do it again? And braking, too? But of course!"

"Aua!"
"Damn it to hell!"
"Damn you to hell!"
"That was my head!"
"Careful!"
"You wanna kill us, midget?"

"Okay, Yami, that's enough! I know the road is empty, but that doesn't mean you can drive zigzag, just because those idiots back there have too little brain to leave you alone."

"You know we are both taller then you, right? Yugi?"
"And you know that your Hikaris are my friends, right?"

"…"
"And?"
"I'm not sure I understand, Yugi…"
"Well, I'm sure if I ask them both nicely they would kick you out of the bedrooms when we get home. Just like that, as a little educational measure."
"That's my Aibou!"
"Hey, Yami, you really don't need to encourage such behavior!"
"Yeah, you are a Yami, too! You should know that such an act is a very unfair, cruel and mean treatment of a Yami!"
"And that's exactly why I'm so proud of him!"

"Aua!"
"Marik, where did you get that bat?"
"I packed it, to play."
"But this is no game!"
"Are you insane, you can't hit our driver over the head at that speed!"
"Do you want to kill us all?"
"Of course is he insane!"
"You better give me that shit, and quickly, if you know what's good for you!"

"Malik~"
"Marik~"

"I kill him! Let go of me, and I will kill that brainless idiot, I will torture him slowly to death! I will~"
"You will calm down and that a breath, Yami!"
"But Yugi! He hit me over the head!"
"If you want me to, I can kiss it all better."
"Or you let me kill Marik, then I will feel better, too."

"Och, did I hurt our poor little pharaoh… I'm so, so sorry…"
"Take your filthy hands out of my hair!"

"Yami, look forward!"
"Hey, you can't stand up and turn around to us in the middle of the ride!"
"Let your hands on that steering wheel!"
"Look out, the guardrail! Drive to the right!"
"Yami, the tree! Drive to the left!"
"Drive right!"
"No, drive left!"
"Right!"
"Left!"
"Right!"
"Left!"

"Yami, don't listen to them and drive forward! A straight line, nothing more. Stay on the road and drive just straight ahead."
"And leave the guardrail alone."
"And the trees didn't do anything to you either!"
"Attention, there's a rabbit on the road!"
"Run it over, run the evil thing over!"
"Bakura!"
"A curve, there is a curve!"
"Drive to the right!"
"Drive to the left!"
"Hmpf-mmh-"

"Marik, Bakura, stop talking such nonsense and scream at him that like until he doesn't know what to do! Leave him alone before he creates an accident and kills us all.
Shut up, both of you! Yami, sit back down properly, turn around, put your hands on the steering wheel, leave them there and look at the road!
Yugi, calm him down if you can.
Malik, please gag your Yami too."

"Hmpf-mumm-grrrrrr!"
"I don't care if you like it our not, Bakura, it will stay! You will not bother our driver anymore."
"Please hand me the rope, Ryou. Thanks."

"HE-hmhpfffhhhmmmfff"
"Done. So, and here…"
"Great idea."
"Hey, you wrapped them up pretty good. They look like a Christmas present; all you need is a bow on top."
"Good thing that you can't do that to me, Yugi. Not that you ever would…"
"Well, you never confuse other drivers until they don't even know where to steer their car, so I don't need to tie you up."
"Yeah, yeah, I'm such a good Yami…"

"Grrrr"
"No need to growl, Bakura! It's your own fault, not his!"
"Yami knows how to behave, other then certain other Yamis who I don't want to mention here!"
"You booth should be thankful that we don't leave you like that until we are there!"
"We don't?"
"No, we set them free when we take a break later."
"Damn. And you're sure I can't change your mind somehow? I like how quiet they are now."

Later, after a short break:

"Yami, I will never forgive you for that!"
"What? I wasn't the one who wrapped you up like that, that was your Hikari-Pretty."
"But it was your fault, because I hit you, not him! And you idiot could just hold you tongue and take it like a man; you had to protest and drive like drunk! So it is your fault!"

"Sit down beside the thief and shut up, or you can do us all a favor and get out."
"I don't want to sit beside Bakura! I want to sit by the window, too!"
"For gods shake, then sit beside the fucking window and be quiet!"
"Come on; don't start to fight yet again! If you keep it up this trip will be terrible."
"Exactly. We have already half of the way behind us, so let us all stay civil and nice and just enjoy the nice weather."

"Maybe we could sing something."
"Well, I don't know…"
"I said: We. Could. Sing. Something!"
"Öh… sure, why not."
"Did you think I just said that I don't want to? Because I never would do that to you, I think you have a really good idea there. Really, Malik, I totally like it! Count me in."
"Exactly, who in their right mind would refuse!"

"Wow, you trained them good."
"Yami!"
"What? It's true, after all! Malik and Ryou say jump and they jump. Obedient little bugger…"
"Just be glad for it and leave them alone. Who knows what other toys they have hidden in their bags."

"And what do we sing?"
"Road-songs of course, like it should be when you travel."
"But Malik-"
"Do you want to disagree?"
"No, no, you can put the rope away!"

Shortly after that:

"From the blue, blue mountains do we come"

("Von den Blauen Bergen kommen wir-")

"Come on, you have to sing along! So, again:
From the blue, blue mountains do we come."
"-Where we have lots of vodka and beer."

(- Wo es haufenweiße Wodka gibt und Bier!)

"Bakura!"
"What? I'm singing!"
"But not right! We try again. Normal, this time! Bakura."

"From the blue, blue mountains do we come
And Yami is just as stupid as we."

(Von den Blauen Bergen kommen wir
Und der Yami ist genauso blöd wie wir.)

"You two called yourself stupid right now, you know that, right?"
"And I'm not stupid!"
"Okay, maybe we should try another song."
"Yeah, before they start another fight."
"And this time I want to hear you too, Marik."

"High on the yellow wagon-"
"-I'm striking the Yami dead!"

(Hoch auf dem gelben Wagen-
-Schlag ich den Yami tot!)

"Marik!"
"Just let him, Yugi, his bat is already out of the window, and Marik will soon follow it."
"Look out forward! Didn't you say you have a fucking license?"
"Yeah, you're driving like Bakura!"
"Hey, I never nearly hit a tree!"
"Because Ryou would never let you drive to begin with!"
"That only shows that he has more brains then Yugi! Autsch! Malik!"
"Marik, stop bothering Yami, or I hit you again!"
"That's sooooooo mean!"
"Don't whine around, that hurts me more then you!"
"I don't believe you! You are mean to me, and I'm your Yami! So you shouldn't be mean to me! You should be mean to Yami, not to me!"

"Well, I for once believe Blondie. With that hairstyle you have to hurt yourself if you hit him!"
"Really? Did you ever look in the mirror, tomb robber?"
"I'm sure as hell not as bad as you and the two midgets- aua!"

"Och, did you hit your head on the window? Again? I'm so, so sorry…"
"You damn-"
"I don't care what you say to Marik, but if you insult Yugi or me I will give you a few more bumps with the window! Don't forget who's sitting behind the wheel of this car!"

"Okay, after this is cleared, can we forget about it now?"
"Is it possible that we try another song, this time without one of you mutilating it?"
"Try it and you will find it out."

"Funny is the gypsy life.
Faria, faria, fum."
"And we're murdering Yami soon
Faria, faria, fum."

(Lustig ist das Zigeunerleben,
Faria, faria, fum.
Und wir bringen den Yami um
Faria, faria, fum.)

"Well, there you have it. Seems that it is not possible to sing without mutilating it."
"I don't think it's all that funny, Marik."
"I think it is."

"Oh, oh oh oh!"
"What's wrong, do you have ants in you pants, or why are you fidgeting around like that, Kura?"
"Oh, I know a song, you will totally like it, it's great and funny! And didn't I tell you not to call me Kura?"
"Yeah, but since when do I listen to anything someone says to me?"
"True…"

"I don't think I want to hear you great song…"
"But you said I should sing. And now I want to sing, and you don't want to hear me!"
"Okay, okay…"

"Stealing is Bakuras lust
Stealing is Bakuras lust,
The stealing!
That must a bad Kura be
Who never wanted stealing
Stealing!"

(Das Klauen ist Bakuras Lust
Das Klauen ist Bakuras Lust,
Das Klauen!
Das muss ein schlechter Kura sein
Dem niemals fiel das Klauen ein
Das Klauen!)

"Yeah, that is somehow just what I expected…"
"You don't trust me…"

"You really don't trust me? Ryou, that hurts! That hurts really really bad. Right here!"
"It doesn't matter what you do, Ryou, you can get away from him. You life with that guy in the same house, after all. And he is you very own Yami, your darker side, and it doesn't get better when you hide on my shoulder."
"But I can at last try, Malik… Maybe it helps… He's so stupid sometimes…"

"Poor, poor little Kura… There, there everything's fine… your Hikari doesn't like you, but that's fine…"
"Take your filthy paws out of my hair, or I will pull out every single one of your spikes, Blondie!"
"Hey, I'm trying to be nice here, and to cheer you up! Since Ryou doesn't like you great song! And what do I get?"
"My boot in you ass, if you don't leave me alone!"
"Okay! Okay, Marik, stay on your side of the car, and you, Bakura, stay on the other. Keep your arms, legs and other limps to yourself and try to be polite. Or we tie you up again! All right?"
"All right!"
"All right!"

"So, we will try it a last time. A single song, nothing more, we can do that, right? I'm not asking for too much, do I?…"
"Come on, Hikari-Pretty, don't be sad about it…"
"Grrr…"
"Good, I will count that as agreement from Malik, that's good enough. Yugi?"
"Sure, I'm in."
"Okay."
"Yami?"
"Yes, how bad can it be. And it's really the last, right?"
"Yes."

"In the morning drew on the mountain we go, vallera-"
"- To murder the Marik we go, vallera!"

(Im Frühtau zu Berge wir ziehn, vallera-"
"-Den Marik zu töten wir ziehn, vallera!)

"Yami!"
"What? Only the psychos are allowed to have fun?"
"Did you hear that?"
"You heard that, too, did you, Ryou?"
"He wants to get rid of us!"
"He said it himself! He wants to murder us!"
"Come on, tell him something! He can't do that!"
"Gag him, gag him!"

"Stop kicking my seat, or you will hit the window again! But this time I will open the door first!"
"Empty promises- Aua!"
"Care to repeat that?"
"Drive carefully!"

"I can drive like that, too! Even without a driver license!"
"Exactly! I want to try, too! I can that, it's easy, I want too! And we can put Yami into the car trunk, to shake him up thoroughly! See how he likes it when he hit his head always on something!"
"He might even get smarter from it!"
"And what about the camping gear? The stuff is in there, in case you forgot."
"And if we fold Yami? He's short, and doesn't need much space anyway."

"Let us try that!"
"I second that!"
"Or we lock both of the midgets in there, and Kura can drive. We put Ryou beside him to keep him happy, and I can take 'care' of my own little Hikari back here. There should be just enough room to lay down and-"

"Aua! Yami, this is a straight road! Why are you yanking and pulling at the steering wheel like that?"
"Marik, I swear, if you kick or hit another time against my seat, more than your head will meet that fucking window!"

"Autsch. Stupid pharaoh, you could really need a romp on the backseat… frustrated-"
"Did you say something, tomb robber?"
"Only that you sound frustrated. What happened, did you do something stupid, and now you doesn't get any?"

"Yami! Take your hands from Bakuras neck, sit back down in your seat and take the steering wheel."
"Don't worry, just hold it a little longer for me. Keep it straight while I take care of our good friend here."

"Okay, that's enough now. Yami, please, he's already purple, that really looks unhealthy."
"Then tell your brainless idiot-"
"Bakura."
"What?"
"His name is Bakura."
"-tell your Bakura to shut his mouth, or he will end up folded and put into the car trunk."

"Okay, but please…"
"Autsch… What was that for?"
"That's for turning around while driving. For standing up and nearly climbing over your seat. For strangling Ryous lover! You could have set us into a ditch, if I didn't hold on the steering wheel for you."

"Yeah, show him, Yugi!"
"Such a Sunday driver!"
"You drive like the last hangman!"
"And here you call us insane!"
"Silence in the cheap seats!"

Even more later:

"Yugi, please remind me again why we even take those two psychos along with us, before I sent them on another journey! One into the shadow realm, without return ticket!"

"We invited Ryou and Malik, because they are our friends, and it is more fun if we are more people. And do you really think Bakura and Marik could be stopped from coming along just because they are not invited?"
"It's even more fun if you are not invited!"
"Yeah, never heard of the allure of the forbidden?"
"Ne, our nice and proper pharaoh doesn't know about that, he always obeys the rules."

"Well, but then again… he's shagging Yugi right under the nose of his grandpa…"
"Does the old man even know what you do to his grandson?"
"That you are touching and licking and pounding him, while he sleeps in the other room and thinks you are just protecting his little boy?"

"Hey, why do you stop here?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Or did you change your mind, and you are horny enough for a romp in the woods with your Aibou?"
"Can we watch?"
"Or join in?"
"Yeah, I like that idea, we could have a sixsome!"
"We deserve a treat for sitting in this car and being good for so long!"

"Yami?"
"Hmmm?"
"Why are you honking with your head?"
"Hmmmm..."
"But you do know that nothing will change just because you hit your head at the steering wheel?"
"Hm."
"You certainly will not feel any better from it."
"Hmmmm~"
"Okay… See, it's just a little bit longer, just a short way and it's over. We are nearly there, Yami. And you held on so good until now.
Just ignore them, don't listen to them, they are not even here."
"Hey, we are here! We are very much here!"
"Don't listen, that are just background noises, nothing important…"
"But Yugi, I can still hear them laughing!…"
"Come on, it's not that bad, just forget that they are here. Focus only at my voice, and my hand. You like it when I pat your hair like that, right? Just focus on that and relax a bit. Calm down… Everything is all right…"
"…hmmm~"

"So, and now that you are a little calmer, start the car again and drive it down the road.
That's right, only a few minutes longer, and we are there.
That's right, just a little bit more and you are done with driving. You are doing great, Yami, I'm proud of you…"

"Yugi?"
"Yes?"
"Keep that up and I will fall asleep."
"Oh-"
"Midget, take your hand from his head, I'd like to arrive alive and in one piece!"

"Bakura, sit down!"
"Only if the runt keeps his hands to himself! Why don't you do anything about it, tie him up!"
"I will not! Because Yugi is just sitting there the whole time without making a fuss, unlike you!"
"But I don't want to die! Yami will drive us against a tree and we will be splattered all over the landscape, death and killed and only a bloody splotch and it will be all Yugis fault then!"
"Bakura is right, tie him up, tie him up, tie him up!"
"I will tie you up again if you don't shut up now!"

"Come on, calm down guys. See, you can calm down again. No one is dead-"
"Yet!"
"- and we are still sane."
"Some more, some less."
"Yami! Well, as I said, here we are."

"Oh thank god and the devil!"
"Drive faster the next time, it's your own fault that we are so long in that car!"
"I give you 'your own fault', you insane psycho!"

"Let me out! Ryou, the door refuses to open for me, and I want out of here, now, why can't I open the door?"
"Neither this one! I also can't open my door, why is it locked?"
"The pharaoh did this! That's a trap, he wanted to lock us in from the start!"
"I'm not! I can't wait to finally get away from you and your stupidity! "
"Then let us out!"

"Bakura!"
"Marik!"
"Calm down, both of you."
"Please, could one of you push the child-safety-lock down for them, before I really murder your Yamis!"
"Here, I show you."

"Finally!"
"Freedom!"

And with that, Marik and Bakura rolled and hurried exaggeratedly relived out of the car, kissing the ground like the pope, followed at a more normal peace by their worried Hikaris.
And Yami hit, yet again, his head on the steering wheel, honking loudly, and regretted that he even came out of the bed this morning…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
TBC:
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

And we wish Yami all the luck he can get for the rest of this vocation…
He will need it.
Actually, I never planned this chapter for this story, since the next chapter was planned as a One-Shot. But then I had an idea and I tried this, with only dialog.
But don't worry, the rest will be normal again, like a normal story, not like this…

Oh, and I don't own the songs, but I always loved to violate them.
I learnt that it only takes two peoples to bug a whole bus full of teens (who think they are oh so cool) if they just sing loud, wrong and with enthusiasm.
(My old English-Teacher always said that, when we went to sing shortly before Christmas to a retirement home.)
My best friend and I tried that thing with singing old songs and changing the text, some years ago on a school trip.
Nothing as violent as Bakura and Mariks, but annoying enough that even the teacher told us to shut up.