Disclaimer: I Don't Own Naruto. But I do own the kindly Mr. Tom.
A/N: Oh dear Lord, I did it again… Crack!fic currently owns my soul... Well, enjoy my pretties!
The Little Akatsuki Pet Shop
"Okay my lovelies, I'm leaving now but I'll be back in the morning!" Mr Tom, elderly owner of the 'Little Pet Shop' smiled and waved at the wary animals in various tanks and cages. An eerie silence, one that you wouldn't expect in a room full of animals, filled the air once Mr Tom had locked the door and walked past the window outside. The silence was broken by a small cheep.
"Is he finally gone, tweet?" chirped a yellow canary, resting on the swing of his cage.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah!" A black mouse squeaked loudly, happily running around his cage in a circle. "He's gone! He's gone!" The canary frowned at the hyper-active rodent, well, as much as a canary can frown.
"Jeez Tobi! Calm down, tweet!"
"I'm sorry Deidara-Sempai but I can't help it! It's night time, woo!" Tobi continued running in circles, the sawdust on the bottom of his cage steadily wearing away to make a little track. The bird sat high above the small creature merely sighed and rolled his eyes.
"Hey Tobi, ya fucker! Shut it!" A grey rabbit shouted, pawing at the metal-grill that surrounded him. The black and brown guinea-pig that had previously been happily snoozing in the corner of the run he shared with the overly rude and loud rabbit, opened his green eyes and yelled, "Hidan, if you don't shut up and sit down now, so help me I'll shove the food bowl so far up your back side you'll be coughing up pellets for a week!"
This out-burst from his cage-mate quietened the rabbit but didn't stop his rapid speech. Babbling out both nothing and everything all at once, Hidan hopped around his cage hoping to find a comfortable place to sit.
"Hey Deidara!" He shouted, hoping to catch the bird's attention. Said canary turned his head sharply and blinked, indicating that he was listening. "Close call today, eh? That fucking kid almost managed to convince his mum to buy ya!"
"I know, tweet!" Deidara twittered, "And his hands were disgusting and sticky. It'll take me ages to clean my feathers from the stuff he got onto them, tweet!" Hidan was about to reply when a new voice, low and smooth, joined in with the conversation.
"Well, that's one of the many perks of being venomous. Little brats like that don't try picking me up and cuddling me to death."
"Oh zip it, Sasori no Danna! Not every one can be as ugly and mean as you, tweet!" The little yellow bird huffed as he fiddled with the lock on his cage. "Not that I'd want to be! I mean, who wouldn't want me as a pet? I'm cute and adorable, tweet!" Deidara's eyes lit up as he managed to unlock the door to his cage and the door swung open.
"Oh yes, because everyone wants a bright, neon yellow bundle of feathers who can't sing for his life." Sasori rolled his eyes as Deidara fluttered over to his tank.
"I can too sing, Danna! And I'm canary yellow, not neon!" The ball of feathers retorted, fluffing himself up in a defensive manner.
"Deidara, you're so bright you give Itachi headaches and that weasel is half blind."
Said weasel was currently curled up in a ball in an attempt at drowning out the noise of the others in the room. Tobi was still running around like a maniac, however he had changed from running in a circle to a 'figure of 8' pattern. Hidan was having a loud and decidedly abusive argument over who ate the last carrot stick with Kakuzu who was adamant that it was the rabbit who'd been eating all their treats. Above him, Sasori and Deidara continued their nightly discussion on whether or not being cute was an advantage or disadvantage, as a domestic animal.
Itachi sighed. Couldn't they all, for once, just be quiet?
"Hey Itachi! You awake?" The weasel frowned and tucked his head further into himself. He really didn't want to talk to Kisame right now. The stupid fish would only help fuel his need to sleep.
"Oi Itachi, I wanted to tell you something!" The goldfish tried again, this time shouting a little louder to ensure he could be heard over the noise in the room. At this, Itachi decided he couldn't feign sleep any longer and looked up towards the counter where the fish bowl sat.
"What Kisame?"
A look of confusion passed over the aquatic animal's face. Then he sheepishly replied, "I forgot, sorry!" before returning to his aimless swimming around the bowl.
It took a lot for the not to roll his eyes and swear profusely but somehow Itachi managed it and instead curled back into a ball and drifted in and out of sleep, vaguely aware of the conversations around him.
Tonight, just like any other night, was going to be long and tedious.
A/N: So, you guys like it? Or is it the crack!fic equivalent of Satan's spawn? Oh, and should I continue it with more Animal!Akatsuki adventures? You guys decide!