Title: Taffy-Stuck and Tongue-Tied
Rating: PG, very tame
Summary: Simply Beautiful November...2006 challenge, short break-up letter from Brooke to Lucas. Set sometime at the end of season 3/beginning of season 4. One-shot.
Disclaimer: Don't own anything except my own words
AN: Title is a lyric from Counting Crows' "Colourblind".Dear Lucas,
I didn't really talk to you about this in a letter, but I guess I have no choice because I know that if I tried to tell you in person...well, I'd probably be so scared or nervous that I'll say something I didn't mean or just get tongue-tied. After writing all those letters to you over the summer, you'd think I'd be getting better at this, but trust me--there's no way this letter is going to be easy.
You see, ever since we got back together, I've just felt you gradually slipping away. And because of that, I guess that's why I've also let myself slip away. I've had this taste for what it's like to not need a guy in my life and even if the kiss with Peyton wasn't a huge deal for you...to me, it just shows that I don't need you, especially since you managed to prove once again that I can't put my trust in you.
After Keith...I tried so hard to hang on to us. I tried to ignore my doubts about you and us. You told me you promised to save me if I promised to save you back. Well, I tried to save you. But where were you when I needed you? And when you asked me what I needed saving from...that was perhaps the straw that broke the proverbial donkey's back.
I'm never going to be that girl for you, like Peyton is. That girl who's needy, and full of drama and angst. Or maybe I am and you don't see it, which is even worse because then it means you don't know me and you don't even care to find out... Am I right? Do you know me at all? If I'm hiding my problems, could you tell just by looking at me? Did you ever notice my heartache at all? The way I figure is that you're the kind of person who fixes problems which are obvious to see. Exhibit A: Peyton. But I'm not like that, I'll never be like that. I can't be that person who broadcasts their problems so that every man and his dog knows. And if that's too hard for you to understand and cope with, then you're definitely not the guy I thought you were.
I'm sorry, Lucas. I think I'll always love you, but until I know that you'll make as much of an effort with me as you do with Peyton, I can't be with you as more than friends. Maybe that'll be tomorrow. Maybe that'll be never. Either way, I can't allow myself to be ignored like that weird little girl who sits under the tree by herself watching all the other kids play because no one knows that her sensitive skin burns too easily to join in. I'm waiting for the weird little boy who notices everything to come and sit next to me.
I love you, but I just can't do this to myself any longer.
Brooke
PS: I'll always be your pretty girl, but I'm not your's forever.