Guess what is finally here! Yes the last part in the Until trilogy! This is in both Seifer and Hayner's POV I switch between but don't worry I labeled where it switches. Unless fanfiction takes it off. But it should be obvious enough. There are two Seifer POVs and two Hayner's. And it kinda lets you know what happened to the two. I mean did they get back together? Are they okay?
Who knowsJust a warning. If you thought the other two were bad this is the worst in my opinion but you might not think so. Read on and flame and die.
.
FOR AS LONG AS WE BOTH SHALL BE
Pain. Punishment or penalty. Suffering of body or mind. Excruciating. Intensely painful. Words and definitions. But let's rearrange those words so that they from a simple sentence. Excruciating pain. Simple enough. It is intensely painful punishment or penalty. Or intensely painful suffering of body or mind. Now you may be wonder which one has to do with me and why it matters so I'll state it simply.
Both. Both the first and second are referring to me and they both have relevance because I am currently experiencing both. An intensely painful punishment and obviously an intensely painful suffering of body or mind. Well in this case it is body and mind. You may be wondering just what I have done to deserve such pain and to tell you the truth it is a Sin of the worst nature. I have caused irreparable damage to one of gods gentlest creatures. My Beloved.
My beloved who was the very embodiment of purity. I caused him vast amounts of pain. Striking him with my hands and feet an innumerable amount of times. Causing the blood of an angel to spill and soak the ground as he stared up at me with such hurt, fear and...resolve. Hurt by my hateful disposition towards him. Fear that I would abandon him and he would never lay eyes on me. And resolve because he knew that there was no other place for him. Resolve because he knew that I would never change no matter what he wanted.
I can say this now because no longer is my sight that narrow and bigoted like it was when I was human. I can see where my vision of the world became so twisted that I hurt one of the few pure creatures that walked the face of the planet. Brought him to his knees and caused his angelic tenor to scream in indignation at my actions. To scream that it was not right that it wasn't what he wanted. To scream that only I could make it stop. I can see all this now. See the way he wanted it to end the way he never enjoyed he pain I placed upon him...even though he never uttered a word near the end.
I can see the day the light left his eyes. I can see the very minute that he realized just how wrong our lives were. I can recall the very last smile that he graced me with that was actually sincere. Remember the exact number of tears that fell down his cheeks the last night I saw him. Five hundred and sixteen. That's because beloved held out well before he was unable to hide behind the barriers that he built up over the years. He was unable to hide because I tore them all down. There were to be no secrets between us and I made sure that he could not hide from this. He needed to face me head on if he was to survive.
In the end I was too strong. I over powered him easily. I feel as if I ate his soul whole. But angel was never much of a fighter. I protected him from every threat I thought I saw but I realized to late that I was the very threat that he needed to be protected from and I don't know if he ever realized that I had it in me to hurt so badly. So...so...irrevocably...so shamelessly.
That is all in the past now. There is nothing I can do about it. I don't know where I am or how long I have been here reflecting on my sins but it has been a long time and I have reflected every moment of it. I know it will never be enough. I harmed him too badly too many times to ever actually recount them all. I could be here till the end of time. Laying here in this place that has no name. Surely it can't be hell. In hell I would be in much more pain than this. I harmed one of God's chosen. His angel that he sent to grace the planet and let it know that there were beings far more worthy than us useless creatures. Compared to them we were nothing more than bugs on their shoes. Not that beloved could harm anything that had a pulse.
"Awaken."
Slowly my eyes flutter open and I lay upon the ground staring at the sky in wonder. This whole time....this whole time I have been lying upon the ground reflecting. But...never did I think to simply open my eyes and see where I was. It never occurred to me that it would be so simple. Then again maybe before now it wasn't so simple. Maybe if I had opened my eyes before now I would have only seen the oppressive darkness that I saw in my mind's eye. Well the oppressive darkness that I saw when I was not watching memories of my beloved angel.
The sun must be high in the sky judging by the bright light that is filtering down around me. There is not a cloud in the sky and the sky is not the usual light blue that one gets when they are outside. It is an unusual...white. In fact as I look around I notice that there is no sun in the sky. That is odd. Another odd thing is that I seem to be laying in the middle of the street. That can't be healthy at all. What if I got ran over.
But I am already dead right? But I can't be. I know where I am. I am a few blocks away from my house. Yes if I am correct this is the exact place where the car ran the red light. It had appeared out of nowhere if I remember correctly. I furrow my brow as I try to recall that last memory that seems to be just beyond my grasp which is unusual seeing as that should be my most recent memory. And where was the car and people?
I barely remember but I remember enough to know that I shouldn't be in the land of the living. But surely I was not the only dead person here? Or maybe this was the worst pits of hell and I was the only one to garner such punishment. If this was the worst of the pits I'm sure that at least Hitler or those few other people who tried to take over the world should be here. I mean what...there are just too many names of people who could be here but debating about it will not get me anywhere.
Slowly I sit up and look around at the buildings all around me. Yes this looked just like the street a few blocks from my house. I shake my head as I slowly get to my feet and stagger a bit. How long has it been since I last stood on my two feet? As I make a move to brush the dust and debris from my clothes I notice the misty fog that is rolling across the ground in slow lazy puffs as if it has nothing better to do then swirl before me.
"It is time for you to mend that which has been broken by you."
It is that voice again. I look around for the source of the voice but find nothing at all to hint at where the voice came from and the fact that it surrounded me as if the person was standing right before me and that I was the only person I could see in any direction doesn't help one bit. I wonder what the voice means. I am to fix something that I broke? There are so many things it could be. But the only thing that well only person that I wanted to mend was beloved. My beloved angel whose bones I broke so many times. My beloved angel who's soul I might as well have ripped from his body.
Ripping his soul from his body and devouring it right before his very eyes would have been more humane then the horrors I inflicted on him. I can't even bring myself to ask any God or Goddess to spare my soul. I don't deserve it. If anything my soul should be fed to him in hopes of repairing the damage that I knowingly thrust upon him. The pain that I could have prevented had I pulled my head out of my arse and took the time to think about what I was doing instead of being blinded by my beast of a father. Ha...I just followed him blindly despite the fact that he pointed out to me that men in our family were leaders always leaders never in history had we been followers. Ironic that both of us 'Leaders' blindly followed our fathers and slaughtered our cherished sheep.
I blink slowly as once more I take in my surroundings and frown. Looking around I realize that the landmarks around me have moved. No longer was I standing in the middle of the street a few blocks from my home. Now I was standing just outside the gate of my house. I look down at the mist that covers my feet willing it to tell me when I began walking and how long I had been standing in front of my house. It teases me as it floats a little higher to cover my knee as if to say 'I'll never tell and you'll never know' before going on about its business. Stupid mist.
"It is waiting near here. Hurry my child."
Once again I hear the voice and look around. The voice was obviously watching me and wanted me to do something but what? I was looking for the thing that I broke and according to what the voice just said it was nearby. I look up and down the street and see nothing. Well nothing that looked out of place on this street. I have lived in this house for years and I'm sure I would be able to spot anything the neighbors did to their houses. But this wasn't the living world. For all I know this wasn't even real and I was still in my musings.
"Hello?"
I wait after I call out and receive no response. I'm not sure why I expected the voice to respond. I shake those thoughts from my head and take a deep breath trying to clear my thoughts. I was near but where was it? Why had I stopped in front of my house? Or maybe I hadn't moved at all but the building's had. After all that wouldn't be all too strange considering this place was most likely ruled by laws that would boggle the mind any mere mortal, which I certainly was. And if I had been deposited here than that would me that what I am looking for is most likely in the house in front of me...my house. I don't know but it is worth a try. I reach out a hand to unlock my gate and draw my hand back with a small cry when a shock rushes though my hand. I cast a quick glare at the offending fence and I hold my hand to my chest as a beautiful woman appears before me.
The woman stands with hair the color of the night sky and when she shifts even the slightest bit I can see the stars her hair holds. An elegant gold tiara with a large dark pink stone in the center rested atop her head. Her eyes are the color of the moon and I'm not sure why but I know if the lights around us went out her eyes would illuminate anything her gaze falls upon much like the real moon.
She stands before me a good six foot seven easily the tallest woman that I have ever seen. Her milky white skin has an unearthly golden sheen to it. She is dressed in a single armed dress that could pass for those worn in ancient Greece by men and women made of an airy material that I can't quite name. If I didn't know better I would say it was the very mist that was rolling across my feet only it is an almost see through rose color. Her hair falls down in tight ringlets to her ankles and I can't help but think that it must but extremely heavy but banish the thought as she pierces me with her gaze.
"My child I am here to give warning." She states. I feel my eyes widen as I realize that she is the voice that I have been hearing.
"Heed me child. In this house you will be exposed to horrors that you have inflicted on an innocent. You must right the wrongs you made while twisted with misgivings and care for the light within. Failure to heed this will result in permanent expulsion from this land of Eternal Rest. Harm the innocent again and I will personally purge the world of your soul. It will be tainted beyond repair." She orders firmly and I nod my head as I try to grasp what she is saying. Someone was in the house and I was not to harm them. This was most likely my pittance from the damage I bestowed upon my own angel.
"This is the last chance you will have to come back from the dark road you have been destined for. I gave you an angel to lead you on a better path, to give you a chance but I was too late you were already so gone that you could not be swayed though in your last moments you realized the error of your ways. If only you had acted upon your feelings instead of doing what your mind commanded. You will not be given another chance. Do you understand child?" She asked and looked at me. I nod quickly.
"Yes ma'am. I thank you greatly." I say bowing as if it were second nature. In the back of my mind I wonder where the gesture came from but don't have time to think on it as I catch the look on the Goddess' face. She is frowning with a slightly raised eyebrow.
"I am not female." She...No he responds. I blink.
"I'm sorry sir!" I state hastily and the look becomes even more perturbed then before if that is possible.
"I do not see why you humans insist on labeling yourselves. I am neither male nor female yet I am both. I simply am." It tells me. How was that possible?
"Who are you?" I inquire.
"I am Adam and Eve. I am Cain but also Abel." It states and I sigh.
"Let me try again what may I call you?" I ask and it nods.
"You may call me Cerberus. Before you ask I am not that over grown mutt of Hades'." Cerberus informs me and if it wasn't so kind I would think that it had just snapped at me.
"I see. You already know who I am though don't you?" I ask and Cerberus nods.
"Yes I do and I am afraid I will have to cut this conversation with you short. I am needed elsewhere and you are needed inside. I bid you good day." Cerberus stated and four feathered wings sprang from his back. He flapped them once and took to the sky with practiced ease and all too soon disappeared from my sight.
"So I am dead. One question answered. I'm also in the land of Eternal Rest. Okay simple enough so this wasn't hell at least. And all I had to do was care for the angel in this house." Surely I was getting off too easily. Maybe the angel was really difficult or annoying? I guess I'll never know until I head into the house. This time when I try the gate to my house nothing happens. I stride swiftly the front door and brace myself for the worst thing that can possibly happen even though I have no clue what that is or what is on the other side of the door or should I say who is on the other side of the door.
I open the door and step into the front foyer of my home. It looked exactly as it always did even if this wasn't the land of the living and even if I didn't live here. I close the door and slowly walked down the hallway taking in everything yet everything is as it should be which concerns me. Someone else lived here things should not be as they always were. Slowly I come across the master bedroom. The room I and beloved shared. The door is partially ajar and I am fairly certain that whoever lives here is inside this room. Taking a shuddering breath I reach forward and push the door open.
The sudden brightness of the room assaults my eyes and I am forced to close them for a moment before they adjust. The inside of my bedroom is different from before. Instead of the simple queen sized bed with the red comforter there is a large canopy bed with off white sheets and curtains. I walk into the room and notice that other then the bed the furniture is pretty much the same despite the fact that instead of the normal brown woods they are white. But I don't seem to see anyone in the room as I step in and take in my surroundings.
The light of the room is filtering in from an open window and a gentle breeze ruffles the white curtains. The warm air carries the scent of fresh flowers and sweet sugarcane. There was sugarcane around here? Or maybe this place just naturally smells this sweet. I take a step towards the window to get another whiff and maybe look out to see what can be seen though the window when I hear movement behind me. I tense and freeze.
"Who are you?" A voice I never thought I'd hear ever again in my Existence asks softly.
"Who are you?" I ask softly from my cushioned window seat. I had been letting the warmth bath my skin. I had turned to the sound of someone moving inside of the house. It had not taken whoever it was to make their way to my room. At first I thought it might have been the angel who came to visit twice before but as soon as they entered I had known this was not the angel. This had to be the one the angel promised. The one that I had been waiting for. They slowly turned to face me and I could practically feel their mental confusion.
"Hello? Are you there?" I question. I can feel them but... There is the soft sound of a hesitent footstep.
"Beloved?" A male voice asks and I tilt my head.
"You are there. That's good." I breath out in relief. And what did he mean...beloved? It didn't sound familiar even though the voice did vaguely. Maybe his face would also. I wanted to curse the fates for my blindness.
"You can't see me can you?" The voice questions quietly. I lightly shake my head.
"No. Dear God no. I have gone too far. Even here it still affects you." The person cries. Then I hear footsteps as they run. They ran from me? I let out a little cry of anguish at the realization.
"Y-You mustn't cry." A voice, the voice tells me. It did not run away but towards me. I feel a gentle hand brush my cheek and a small quiver runs down my spine. Instinctively I pull away. The back of my mind screamed at me that this would only end with me being hurt by this unknown being. I feel the air shift as he flinches as if he had been hit.
"You wanted it right?" He asks in a small voice. I can fell the confusion on my face even thought I can't see it.
"I don't know what you are talking about." I tell him.
"No...you didn't want it. I know that and I was a fool to think you did." The voice berates softly.
"I'm going to hazard a guess at you knowing me?" I inquire.
"Of course I know you. Your soul has tortured my existence since I arrived here." He informs me and I frown. I had not left this house since I arrived here. There was no way I could have been haunting him.
"I have not left this house. You must have me confused with someone else." I state.
"I did not mean you but my memories of you." He clarifies and I nod. Without thinking I scoot over and pat the space beside me offering him a seat.
"Sit." I tell him.
"I am not worthy to even be in your presence after all the horrors I have inflicted on you..." He whispers as if it is a sin to say such things aloud. I frown. He inflicted horrors on me? But he seemed kind hearted enough to me. Though it would explain the primal fear I felt when he touched me. If he had harmed me why had the angel allowed him to come here? Or maybe Cerberus hadn't meant him but someone else.
"If you mean me harm then please leave." I state simply. I really hope he didn't mean me harm after all there was no way for me to get him out of the house. The best I could do was call Cerberus and hope it answered.
"Of course I mean you no harm beloved, even if I did harm you in the past. I swear here and now never to lay a threatening hand upon you." He swears and I can here the sincerity in his voice.
"If you shall not harm me then please sit I fear I don't remember before I came here and Cerberus is no help at all. Seeing as we seem to be very close will you tell me?" I ask. I really wanted to know more about how I died. My first memories are very vague, a blur of color and sounds. If I focus I can make out a bit of it but not enough to know who I was and how I lived.
"Do you remember nothing at all?" He questions and I am not sure if he is disappointed or happy.
"The last thing I recall are gray eyes. Blond hair. Glass. Pain. So much pain...please...no more..." I trail off with a choked sob.
"I see." He states.
"Will you tell me?" I ask. There is resounding silence in the room only broken by our breathing and the occasional breeze through the window.
"P-Please don't make me angel." He finally whispers so fearfully that I wonder just what was being kept from me.
"I-I need to know. I want to know. Not knowing is eating me alive." I whisper back and feel him tense beside me.
"I never could deny you...sigh..."
:::......:::
The night I stormed in and shouted at him. But he was fine. He was sitting on the bed as he always was looking as thin and fragile as a glass doll. He turned to me slowly and greeted me with a customary smile. God I love his smile. I'm glad he was still here…but that meant I had to hurt him. Yes I can tell by the way I had just smacked him down that I had to hurt him. I didn't even think about it...I just sort of lost control of myself and didn't realize it happened until it was too late.
:::......:::
I had been sitting on the bed as still and fragile as a glass doll. I turn slowly to him and greet him with a customary smile. I'm glad he came back to me. If he hadn't I'm sure eventually someone would have come looking for me and there I would have been in the same place I am now.
:::......:::
Oops…I hit him too hard. He has blood dripping from his temple and I can't bring myself to do anything but continue. I grab his wrist. I don't realize that my nails are digging into the already abused flesh there. But I already know there will be no school for him tomorrow. I can feel it. Just like my father always knew if mama was going to work the next day.
:::......:::
Hmm…It seems he hit me too hard. I can feel the blood dripping down my face from my temple. He grabs my wrist and his nails dig into the soft already scarred flesh there. If he keeps this up I will not be able to move tomorrow. But he will stay with me right? I hope he will but he doesn't have too. Please just come home if you go out.
:::......:::
Something is not right! I don't get tired. The sting from when Axel smacked me is filling me with a sickening energy. My adrenaline is pumping and only one thing is on my mind…you getting me to stop. Axel says you don't want this but you don't tell me this how I am supposed to know what you want. And how does he know what you want. Please tell me you haven't been seeing him baby. Oh god no.
:::......:::
But something is wrong this time. You don't stop hitting me. You tell me you won't stop till I tell you to. But you have to grow tired sometime…right? How long as it been? Five...ten minutes? Oh don't worry I won't say a word just continue. And in the morning I will make you your favorite breakfast. It is all to keep you here.
I think you should be tired now. I am a little short of breath could you take a break maybe? My head is swimming a little now and I feel nauseous. Ohhh…I don't feel good at all. This is not like before maybe I should ask you…but know. I haven't denied you in the last what five years since we were in school together. But you are out of school now and I quit to be with you because you asked.
:::......:::
He sighs and I know that he is alright. But his eyes flutter and I can tell that he is having trouble keeping them open. Just tell me to stop and I will! His breathing is all funny now and he stumbles. In an instant the world is rushing up to greet him and he falls on the floor like a rag doll that has been dropped by a careless little kid. I am careless. His skin is flushed and he is huffing and puffing. There is a snapping sound somewhere…did that come from him?
This is not right.
"What are you going on about!" I yell at him. I didn't mean to yell but I couldn't hear him over the voices in my head telling me that this was not right. He shudders on the ground and I wonder if he is cold. He looks at me so broken and I realize that he didn't answer my question.
:::......:::
The world is growing dark. I sigh in relief. I am used to this. I will just be out for a little bit so don't worry. You can keep going. My eyes flutter as I try to keep them open but I can't. My breathing turns shallow and the world grows dark. Don't worry I'll only be gone for a little while…Just a little while….
I see some unidentified silhouettes, with designations I can't seem to recollect. Then precipitously my legs refuse to carry me any longer and my limbs all seem to give out on me. The floor is arctic compared to my flushed skin.
:::......:::
I don't think I can hurt you anymore. Please it hurts to do this to you. If you leave because I don't hurt you then so be it….
"I asked you a question! What were you whispering about?!" I shriek this and if this place wasn't sound proof I'm sure someone would have come knocking to see if we were okay. But…we're not okay are we?
:::......:::
Please let this stop.
I don't think I can handle this anymore….
:::......:::
You just laid there and didn't move. If your chest wasn't heaving I would have presumed you dead. But that would hurt too much.
:::......:::
No reaction. I give you no reaction to let you know if I heard you. Till this day I don't know if I did or not… I don't even know. I didn't say anything.
:::......:::
"You're hurting me!" I freeze. That is what I had been waiting for…but hearing it and wanting to hear it are two different things. When I heard it I was so happy that I could have cried but…how to show you my happiness?
I clutch my fist in thought and I see you tremble as if expecting to be hit. No I was far too happy to hit you. I grab you and toss you towards your reflection. I see your eyes close and half of me expects to hear a rejoicing sound or something…anything but that horrid sound that meets my ears. You sound like an injured baby or something. Is that the right sound you were supposed to make? I'm not too sure. But you are happy right? You'll stay…
:::......:::
"You're hurting me!" MY GOD! What am I saying? Please don't be angry I don't mean a word of it just continue what you are doing. I didn't mean to make things worse. A lot worse.
I can hear you clench your fist as you prepare to hit me and I open my eyes again, to see the mirror flying toward me. Or am I flying toward the mirror? I don't know, but I quickly close my eyes again but not quick enough. I hear someone scream out in agony who is that person? My face crashes into the mirror and glass cuts every inch of my face. See I made things worse and I can't help but wonder…will this keep you here?
:::......:::
You shoulders are shaking as I make my way over to you. You are bleeding…it's like you are crying tears of blood. I'm not sure why but in the pit of my stomach I feel sick…repulsed by the sight of you like this. The mirror is almost completely shattered. Do you remember when I brought the mirror home? If you do can you tell me because I don't…I know you didn't bring it with you because I treasure all of your things and would never break one.
:::......:::
My shoulders tremble and I'm too afraid to open my eyes, but I feel the tears escaping. But then again it hurts too much to even try to open them. And I can't help but wonder how long has this mirror been here? I don't remember you bringing it home.
:::......:::
Until death did us part, Hayner.
:::......:::
Until death do us part, Seifer.
:::......:::
"Seifer, please!" I try to yell, but it's just a whisper that leaves my lips. No it is more of a whimper of a broken toy or lost child. I feel myself trembling like a leaf as you desperately grab me in your arms.
"I love you, Hayner!" Tears…yes tears are pouring down your face into my hair. I shake violently against your chest as you hold me. Never in life can I remember ever feeling so...whole? The warmth of your embrace
"If I say I'm sorry… Is it too late?" Your hand trembles as you pull away a bit and gently grab my chin, lifting it so that I am looking into your eyes. I can clearly see your face in my memory and as I gaze upon it I forget that I can't even see shadows. I can clearly see you as I let out a small sob.
It will never be too late. This place has an infinite amount of time. I have to say something, have to tell you.
"Se...if…" I can't get further then that because of the sobs racking my body and it was so garbled by my distressed cries that I don't know if you even understood me at all.
Ghost pain takes over and I can't say anything anymore. My ribs ache in places I know you kicked me. I feel battered and bruised as you pull me close once more.
"Don't worry, Hayn…It'll never happen again..." You promise, you say it so softly that I almost miss it over the sobs racking both of our bodies. You card your trembling hand through my messy locks.
"Ple-Please don't send me away Hayn. I promise it'll be better than before. I swear on my soul. Tomorrow. I'll show you tomorrow what it can be like if you just give me a chance." You beg. Tears rolling down your cheeks. I bite my bottom lip in apprehension and deftly nod once. We will see what happens tomorrow.
"Now please don't cry anymore. I'm not worth crying for. I'm not worth anything. It hurts to see you cry." I murmur when I find your ear and feel you tense and your crying intensifies.
"Don't talk like that baby. Never talk about yourself like that. It hurts to hear such horrible lies." You beg as you rock us back and forth.
"Tomorrow, I promise, tomorrow everything will be alright" You say again as if you doubt that I heard you the first time.
You're my universe and all that is in it, my heaven and hell, the land I walk across and the air I breathe. You're the power that heals me the demon that harms me. Only you can utterly destroy me or completely heal me with a something as simple as your facial expression. You're everything to me. My life with you is the only one I have. You're in my dreams and you're there when I open my eyes seeing or not. You're there when I look over my shoulder; you're there when I cry. You're there every single time, you're there. No one said love was easy. And our love seems to be filled with unparalleled obstacles. We never believed that it would be as easy as they portrayed. There was no option for us. We weren't meant to love yet we were made for each other.
I don't blame you Seif. I could never blame you. We can't live out the standard fairy tale that everyone expects; but we can only make our own. Make something better than those who oppose us including ourselves. Therefore this isn't your fault and neither is it mine. No one is to blame not even the fates that laugh at our dispositions. We couldn't help it. One day we hit that barrier, that thing standing in between total destruction and paradise that we didn't see coming. We saw the line and crossed it without even realizing its importance.
We are only there for each other. We were meant to fall in love. Yet why does it seem as if fate keeps trying to pull us apart. In this world that we build up together, we can only be together. No one can enter. No one can leave. In this house that is so familiar yet not the same we can live our lives. There has never been an escape for us. There has never been any hope for us. But we'll be damned if we go down without a fight. We must fight to keep what we have between us strong.
I'm just so happy that you have promised to give me a chance that I'm certain things will go wrong soon. I'm feeling so ecstatic something has to break. Something has to shatter this relative peace that we have formed. Something just has to go wrong. If it doesn't it wouldn't be the story of our lives. It would be some simple fairy tale instead of our angst ridden lives.
I mean I haven't felt this good since the first few years we were together. Those years when we would just stay up and talk on the phone for hours. Or just sit beside each other in silence and leave feeling as if we had a soul shattering conversation. I know the part where we have to test our love is going to happen soon. Something that will test my resolve to never harm you. I still remember that day that I first struck you. I still remember how completely out of control I was. Till this day I try to focus on something other than that frightening display of dominance I preformed.
I still remember how you watched with wide doe like eyes as I lifted my hand and slowly, ever so slowly, let it fly towards your face. I remember how you cried, screamed. I knew you couldn't stop me and it derived some form of sick pleasure from it. I can admit that now. I knew I'd only make it worse by making you feeling worse, but I couldn't help it. That pretty little face of yours marred with a blue and black bruise. So...beautiful. NO! It wasn't beautiful it was sick, wrong, and twisted. I never want to see you like that again.
I remember the first time I stole your innocence. The way you looked up at me confused as to what I was doing at first before unadulterated horror filled those exquisite hazel eyes. I remember the sound of your clothes ripping away from your body, the way the sound seemed to resound loudly in my deaf ears. Spurring me on as you cried out in shock and fear asking me what I was doing. The sight of you pinned to the bed, me catching you in my grasp making sure to never let go.
You never struggled. Even the first time, you never struggled. You just cried and begged me to tell you what was happening. I know you knew what was coming you just didn't want to believe it. You wanted to believe the best in me and I betrayed you by taking a precious gift that was not mine to take but yours to give. You never told me to stop when you realized what was happening. You just cried and closed your eyes. Imagining yourself elsewhere no doubt. I never told you this was wrong. I know it was now but then it was meant to be a way to convey my feelings to you. But you just bit your lip and fought the pain away.
:::......:::
I sit in darkness, a fluffy pillow behind my back and all around us in the large off white canopy bed with curtains drawn and your fragile frame cradled against my chest, cotton sheets wrapped around us making a sort of nest if you will. Your head resting on my shoulder with one hand gripping my shirt tightly...which was damp with your tears beloved? Or are they mine I can't seem to tell.
I rub your back as I have been doing since you woke angel, screaming from another nightmare in my arms. It is the second time tonight and I am afraid that maybe we won't make it to tomorrow and it won't be better like I promised. Was this the reason Cerberus hadn't told you about your past because he knew you would react this badly? Or was it because it simply wasn't his place to tell you? I hoped it wasn't the first. Your tears had subsided, but still I rub your back, holding the small, glass like body tightly. As I did so, I am able to feel each protruding vertebrae of your spine since you didn't where a top just bottoms to sleep. Have you not been properly eating here beloved?
Your hand leaves my shirt and you lay your hands on my shoulders, hiding your face in my chest. It hurts to see you so broken, but I don't say anything. I feel how your tears slowly wet my clothes, I feel my own ready to fall but try to stay strong for your sake, I feel your hands clinging to me for dear life and I can't help but want to hold on to you just as dearly but part of me is afraid that I might break you as fragile as you are. Like a small china doll. Even though you are sobbing so helplessly I can feel your love. It's overflowing, rushing out, begging to be seen. Begging to live again. Begging to be revived. Your body trembles and I stroke your hair, caress your cheek and cry. Just mindlessly, continuously cry. I can only be so strong and for so long love angel.
Rest now loved one. We must sleep if we wish to be able to make it through tomorrow and today has certainly been a daunting task. But it will get better from here on I just know it.
:::......:::
It is mid afternoon and you're laughing because you're happy now. You're laughing because you know everything is over now. This is where our love can start. This is where we can start to live again. This is where we turn to the first page of a fresh book and take the pen into hand and begin to write down how our lives will run from here on out. From here on there will only be good things.
We had to destroy everything we built, to make a new, a better world. In the world we had before something like loving each other wasn't possible. We just couldn't get past our own thoughts of what was going on to ask where we actually stood with the other. We didn't communicate and because of it I hurt you angel thinking for some morbid reason you wanted it. But in this world, the world we build together, stone by stone, memory by memory, such a thing will be the main part of living. It will be everything. Communication, devotion, forgiveness. All three completely essential to make our love work. To completely start again, begin anew, to be something far better than before, you have to destroy every trace of what was once there. It never truly existed.
Just the two of us. No one else.
We don't talk about it. We don't apologize. We just love. We just love like there is nothing else. Cerberus has only stopped by once and was gone as quickly as he came. He offered no advice nor did he insinuate if we were doing the right thing or if he disapproved. You hide your scars and we don't have a mirror in our room anymore. We still sleep together, curled up to each other, so close it's like you'll disappear into my chest any moment. When we sleep, you wrap your arms around me; interlace your fingers with mine. I first stiffened at each touch for fear of harming you in any way and sometimes, when I come too close to your waist, when my fingers caress too low, I feel you suppress the cry and immediately back off.
But I always stop. From the second you bit your lip and tighten your hold on my shirt a little tighter, I immediately stop. It's different now and you're slowly, very, very slowly starting not to be afraid anymore.
This is harder than I thought it would be. Even when I said I am sorry and you uttered the words I forgive you, you always jump up when you come in our room, you always jump away when I touch you, stiffen, and freeze. You can't help it I understand that, but every time again it just flashes across your face, the pain, and the pictures.
I can hear you screaming then. I hear myself scream, beg, and cry. I can see the blood slowly dripping down your cheeks; I can feel the awful pain I inflicted on you. I can feel how I ripped you apart, how I destroyed you. I just can't help it. It overpowers me and it makes me scared. I hate that feeling. I hate that I can't forget this. I hate that I can't rid myself of the pain I caused you. How selfish am I to wish to be rid of the pain that is plaguing you just so that I may have peace of mind. I hate the way your body reacts on my touches, how your eyes always fill with tears. I hate the way I start sobbing and crying like a little child when you tell me you love me.
When I accidentaly slam the door shut, you grab your head and try not to panic. When you hear glass crashing on the ground, you jump up and have to keep yourself from screaming. When someone touches you, unless it's me, I see the nausea written all over your face. When I smile at you I feel like you are about to start crying and want to run away.
I didn't forget at all and things aren't alright. I lied to you. I told you it would be alright and now I can't fix things. I'm so sorry, Hayn. It's all my fault we still aren't happy. It's all my fault. I'm trying to be strong, I'm trying to endure this pain, but it doesn't work. There seems to be no limit to the pain I bestowed upon you and no matter what I can only blame myself and when I see you look up at me with those frightened eyes my heart breaks into a thousand pieces.
But I never get mad anymore I can't. I know when I get mad I'm not myself. I'm a demon that wants to consume you dearest. Every time, you just sit next to me and there is nothing I can do, knowing holding you will only make you more upset, and I whisper about how everything will be alright again. I know they are just useless words unless we act upon them. And you repeat them back to me in your place far away on the other side of the couch. You sound like me. You sound like you stole my words, because I don't believe them anymore. I just say them for the sake of saying them. Time goes by, but you're still not fully healed. Mentally baby, that's the only part of you that needs to heal.
Scars faded, yes, wounds healed, yes. But sometimes, when there is too much noise or with the smallest amount of stress, you are bedridden and your head starts pounding again and you say your stomach feels like its being ripped apart. You can't keep anything down sweet heart. Sometimes, blood drips from long healed wounds and walking is difficult. I know you can't sleep at night, neither can I. We just go through the motions and pretend too.
You love me, and I love you, but we're not happy. Not completely. Yes, I'm beyond words happy that you love me, that you give me the time of day to sit beside you and beg your forgiveness and tell you how much I love you. To call you all the sweet things lovers like to be called but I thought your pain would end. It was what I always told myself, what I kept on believing. If you loved me, and I loved you back without the pain everything would stop. The pain would be gone. The pain would end and we would just be normal again. I would be something you have never seen from me before. I thought we would be without pain.
But every day, you're still enduring pain as if I'm beating you. I'm so tired baby. Just like your heart beats in time with mine and mine with yours we share everything. Every time I see you hurt I feel the pain tenfold. I have headaches almost every two days, can't sleep, and suffer from terrible nightmares of harming you and having my soul obliterated for such a Sin when I finally do sleep. That isn't alright. I'm sure I pictured our fairy tale different. I'm sure it would've been completelywithout pain. I know it sounds like every other fairy tale I know but we at least want no we NEED a happy ending.
By every quick movement I make you yelp out in pure despair and jump away. I'm sure you can see the hurt look in my eyes, the tears begging to fall…even though I made sure you would never see again. I can see how desperate you try to still smile and I hear how terrible your voice shakes when you assure me everything is alright. And then the guilt comes. The terrible guilt that I hurt you. I run back to you, because I've never known anything else to run to. I start apologizing, crying because I hurt you again. And you just smile shakily, embrace me and tell me everything is alright. It'll get better. You say it'll fade over time. This completely justified fear of me. I let you down every time again. I kill you more every time I talk too loudly, make too sudden a movement.
It's not your fault that I'm so weak. My pain hurts you. I hurt you more every time I try to hide my fear, because you know I'm scared nevertheless. I'm so sorry I can't put this behind me. I'm really trying. I'm just a stupid, worthless, pathetic waste of space. Some people never change. I'm one of those, it seems. Even you have changed but I can't. I was a horrible person when I was born, so horrible that I fell in love with you, and I'm still a horrible person. For harming you every day.
I'm so sorry, Seifer. I'm so sorry for being like this. I'm so sorry for everything. Maybe there isn't anykind of fairytale or happy ending meant for us. Maybe it's just because I'm so stupid that we can't find our happy ending. I'm dragging you down into my despair. Maybe we were better off without each other. God, I hate myself for thinking such things, but I can't stop this. I can't stop the pain. I'm not strong enough to do this alone.
But I shouldn't count on you so much. I shouldn't just count on you to heal me. I need to put forth some form of effort. I'm such a bad person for giving you all the responsibility. Sometimes I just wish you would hate me. But you don't, you just keep repeating you love me. You never hurt me once since that last time...when you took my life. And that car took yours. You haven't yelled at me once. You haven't even frowned.
I may be a complete and utter idiot but I'm smart enough to know I'm hurting you, but you never say anything about this. Why, oh why, can't I just be like you? Why can't I be such a wonderful person too? I'm trying like no one else in this world ever tried, but it doesn't work. I'm nothing like you at all. I don't deserve a happy ending. I don't deserve you. My legs must've given out again. The pain in my head must've reached a point beyond being able to with stand again. The speed my heart was racing must've been so painful that I just wished it stopped beating again.
Whatever the case might be, I can hear myself crying out in pain and I see the ground racing up to met me but it never does. You fly across the room to me and catch me before I fall. Your strong arms hold me in a tight embrace. The world turns, but I can only see the ghost of your face just as I always do when I imagine what you must look like at that moment. You look concerned and your lips slowly part to softly ask me: "Hayner? Hayn are you okay?"
I don't know why I broke down so completely at that exact moment in time but I did. I don't understand how I shattered but I did. I don't know why it hurt me so much but it did. Maybe it was your kindness, maybe it was the way I don't deserveyour kindness. I don't know why, but I snapped. I can't take this any longer. I can't live with this terrible pain anymore. I can't keep up this insane game of feint and stab that we play every day as we dance around the issues and keep our skeletons in the closet. I Just can't keep playing with you anymore. I feel bad enough as it is.
I push you away, but you hold me tight, not letting go. I don't want you to touch me; I don't want you to be so sweet. I don't want you to be so perfect, when I'm not! It makes me feel worse. Our world has inverted itself. Now I am the one causing pain. I am the one that should be eaten alive but my pain is eating you alive. I see it in those beautiful gray eyes. Those haunted eyes that know that they have caused pain but I'm sure you can see that I've caused more when you look into mine.
"Please let me go!" I cry out, while the world turns faster and the pain increases.
"Hayner, maybe you will feel better if you lay down for a while." You say softly, gently, soothingly. Please don't do this to me!
"I can't do this anymore!" I scream and fling myself away from you. I see the wounded expression in your eyes, I'm sure your brow is furrowed and you are bitting your lip just a bit. And all I can think is I have to get you way from me. My horridness is tainting you. I can't bring you down any further into the abyss. We must part ways. I stand up to move away but my knees fail me and I collapse on the floor. Tears stream down my face and I just don't have the strength to wipe them away anymore. I tremble and quake like a leaf caught in a strong storm wind. I wrap my arms around my own body as if to try to stop the shivering. It only causes the tectonic trembling to increase in fervor.
"It's not gonna stop, Seifer. Never till the day we die...again." I hear myself whisper. Why can't I be saved? Why must I be damned to live with this pain? Why can't I just leave this behind me and live on? Why do I have to destroy our lives like this? Why doesn't the pain just end? Why doesn't this stop?! Why does it just keep coming back? Why do you just keep coming back? Please tell me. I need to know.
You softly embrace me afraid I'll run again, your arms holding my frail body. My tears only come more and the screaming, that desperate yelling only becomes louder. I scream begging for someone to make the pain end. You're not healing anything. I know you're trying, but maybe it is too late. Maybe I should just die. How many times do I have to die before the pain finally leaves and I can get my happily ever after? Tell me so that I can start now. Maybe that's really the only way to stop this pain. But how do you die when you are already dead? If I'd have known that the pain would follow me even in death I would have never wished to be dead. Really what was the point?
"Don't worry everything is going to be fine. We just have to give it time." I can hear the soft susurration in my ear trying to sooth me, but I barely hear your words over my heartbreaking cries that fall from my lips heavy like rocks in a pond causing a ripple effect. No. That's a lie. Don't lie to me anymore. I can't believe it any longer. I just can't. It doesn't make sense anymore. Months passed, the wounds healed even the imaginary ones, but I still feel this awful pain. How long do I have to wait? How much longer do I have to withstand this excruciating pain? How much longer do I have to chase this hopeless dream? Is this really worth all the pain? Will my happy ending be worth it?
"No, it's not alright...not alright." I cry feverishly, clenching my hands around your clothes. "It still hurts… It still hurts, Seifer…Not alright." The demented sound of my voice echoes around us.
"I know sweet one but you just have to survive this with me. We have to hit the bottom before we can start climbing back to the top." You whimper as you pull me a little closer. Any closer and I will have to find away to get inside of you. Your hands in my hair moves a little faster, almost desperate, almost like it's the only thing you can still do. The silence is broken by every cry that leaves my mouth. You rock us back and forth like a madman in an institution chanting reverently that it will be okay.
Why can't I just love you back?
"Just hold on a little longer… Just fight a little longer for me, please baby?" You called me baby. Come to think about it this isn't the first time is it? It's like you're talking to a little child. But I must admit that I love the way that one word sounds when it spills from your lips and attempts to cleanse me…cleanse us.
"Why am I such a horrible person?" I ask, hiding my head in your chest, my voice full of despair.
Why can't I just move on? It's alright now. You don't hurt me anymore. In fact you protect me. I always believed, I always knew, that if you'd say you love me, everything would be alright. Just like it was in the beginning. But you've said it so many times and it has done nothing! Right now I could ask you to say it and you would say it all night just to reassure me. That was my hope for all those years, all those days that were filled with pain, for all those minutes I lived in that...that I don't even know what to call it but I know I wanted you to say you loved be without the pain that you caused. And now, when you finally said you would never hurt me that you'd stay by my side forever, that nothing would change your love for me… all I can do is think about what happened.
"You mustn't say that!" You pull me even closer and I can feel how you tremble too. Tremble in time with me. Cry tears the same as me. Heart beat in time with mine. The air is filled with our silent despair. Maybe, deep inside, we both know this will take aeons. Maybe it will never be alright again. Why can't I just be like you? You're such a strong person. You're such a perfect picture of love. You're everything I want, everything I need. We have the rest of our existence but will that be enough? Why am I letting you down like this? You must hate me.
"Don't… Seifer… hate…" I whimper as my hand slowly moves to caress where I know your cheek should be. Your hand catches mine, fingers entwining immediately as you bring my hand to your lips and brush your lips against my knuckles with a small sigh. Our hands are shaking and I'm not completely sure which one of us is causing it but I don't mind if you don't. I feel your body tremble too. I'm hurting you by being so weak. I know. I'm so sorry. I really am. You press a desperate kiss to my lips and hold it for a second before pulling away.
"It's okay. Don't say a word. I don't hate you. I know you love me and one day...one day it will be as if this never happened." You whisper into my hair. Our hearts beat in the same rhythm of numb hopelessness, because slowly, quietly we start to understand that love isn't like we thought. Love cannot save us anymore. Love has never saved us before but then why can't it start now. It has always been fate and always will be.
"I love you!" I tell you anyway, suppressing that painful feeling. I look at you begging you to say it back.
"I love you too beloved. Always. You must never doubt my feelings for you. I will remind you every second of every day if that is what it takes." The insane stroking has stopped and is replaced by a hand that slowly tilts my head so that clouded brown meets gray, fingers cradling my chin. Slowly your lips crash to mine and I want to kiss back but the primal fear is stopping me from my happiness. It never ends.
I feel like I'm slowly going insane. I'm slowly dying, bit by bit. Every day, I hate myself more and more. It's reaching a point that isn't normal anymore. Why can't I just move on? The pain is slowly fading and the periods between the killing headaches or stomachaches become longer. Everything is healed. Everything except my heart. Please kiss me again. Please kiss me until I forget the pain and kiss you back. I need it.
It's dark in the room because the hour is late. The curtains are closed. The lights are all off. Everything is so dark. I don't move, even when I feel the tears burning again. I just tell myself not to cry. I don't want to cry anymore, because nothing's wrong. Everything is alright. I haven't had a nightmare and you are holding me tenderly in your arms. Humming softly to keep the bad dreams away. To lull me to sleep where I fight my demons.
I feel your arms pulling me a little closer to your warmth. You think I'm sleeping. I try to breathe peacefully as you trail off and your body relaxes. You have drifted off. I feel warm laying there with your chest against my back. Softly, not knowing what I'm trying to do I whisper your name. I know you just fell asleep and I don't think I want to wake you. I think I just want someone to talk to besides my demons.
"Seifer." I breathe knowing there will be no answer. Only your body pressing closer to me, only the embrace tightening. I can hear your breath ruffle my hair a bit and you nuzzle the top of my head; I feel your chest going up and down and the faint heart beating strongly in your chest.
I love you. I really do. I love the way you sleep. I love the way you're looking at me with love now. I love your determination, your pure devotion. I love the way you talk, the words you say. I love the way you are. I love you and I'm over this. I can love you back. I can be happy again. I want to be like we used to in the very beginning. I don't care what I have to do now. I'm fed up with it and if I have to bring the world to its knees right here and now then I will.
"Hayner?" You say and I look over my shoulder to face you now that I know you are awake. I shift and roll over completely so that we are chest to chest. You peer down at me with half lidded eyes foggy with needed sleep. I still don't understand how I know your face looks when I have never seen this expression on it before. I know what I have to do. I have to start it. I can't be afraid. Taking a shuddering breath I lean in towards you and hear the sharp inhale of air and before you can make a move or I can lose my resolve I press my lips to yours in a chaste kiss. You slowly push me away. Am I too late? Do you not want me anymore?
"W-What's going on love…?" You slowly breathe out. I can't read your emotions in the dark so I have no way to know how you took it. But in my mind I see confusion on your face.
"It's fine. I want to do this. I've over it." I lie and I know you won't believe me.
"Hayner…Please don't lie to me. Don't force yourself." You pull me closer with your hand on the small of my back and run your fingers through my hair with your free hand.
"I'm not lying, Seifer!" I'll deny quickly placing my hands on both sides of your face. Please believe me. I need you to let me do this.
"I don't mind waiting for you." You tell me with a wide smile as you place my hand over your mouth and kiss my palm. Even I the blind mental brick wall can see that it is forced.
"But I do… I do mind waiting. I want to be happy now." I snap and kiss you again. You tense but don't make a move to stop me. When I pull away I take in your body language as I catch my breath.
Silence.
Tears fall and I feel my body tremble. I love you more than anything. I love you so much that my heart bursts with just a look from you, just a small fleeting touch. I love you so much it has become the only reason for living. Please, please, you have to understand that. I desperately press a sloppy kiss to your lips and...you don't kiss back. Why won't you kiss me back? I sit up sharply.
"Hayner! What's wrong Hayn?" You get up as well.
"Kiss me. I need you to kiss me back." I whimper looking deep into your eyes that are boring into my on cloudy ones in the darkness. The dark will conceal my tears and my blushes even though you know me well enough that if I cried in another room you would know. It will conceal the pain in my eyes, hide the scars. In the dark, we are as we should be.
"Hayner… I don't…I can't hurt you anymore...don't make me." A light breeze of words brushing my cheeks.
"You won't…" I smile weakly. It's not you who's hurting anyone here. It's only my awful weakness, my faults, my flaws that makes this so hard. But tonight, I swear, I'll make everything alright. Right here and now. I won't think about what happened anymore. I'll make everything alright. Tonight, our fairy tale will finally start. If we have to keep kissing until we suffocate ourselves. It will start now!
We've waited long enough! We've endured enough pain. I'm putting my foot down and damning the fates! We deserve this and nothing will stop us. I smile to you, knowing you will feel it even when you can't see. I feel how your fingers come in contact with my cheek and dance down my face, slowly lift up my chin. Your let your other fingers caress my lips, to make sure I'm not secretly trying to hide how painful this is. My heart flutters in time with your fingers.
I want my fairy tale. I want my love. I want you.
You slowly press you lips against mine, in the most careful, insecure kiss, like you want me to pull back and scream that I don't want this. Like you don't want to get so close that when I do finally pull away it won't hurt. But I want this. I want to feel what you're supposed to feel when you kiss the one you love. Because really, Seifer, I love you. If anyone will pull away it will be you, Seifer. I wrap my arms around your neck and pull you closer, deepening our kiss.
Something snapped inside you when my tongue brushed your lips, because suddenly, so fast that I can barely follow I'm laying underneath you, your hand on my back and the other on the back of my head and your lips pressed against mine. You hold me close as I lay beneath you. I can feel your heart race under my hand, I can feel something… burning… begging to be released. A part of me wanting to come out. I think I can start to like this. I think that after some time, I'll love it.
I feel your tongue brush against my bottom lip begging for entrance to that cavern that you have not entered in so long. I slowly open my mouth, not sure why, a little afraid to take this further then I can handle. But I don't want to wait anymore. I don't want to be afraid anymore. I just want to love you back. I want to kiss you because I love you.
I pull you even closer and your tongue slips into my mouth. For a moment I stiffen as our tongues touch, but you slowly caress my cheek, your hand sliding down to my shoulder and somehow I relax again. I feel the electricity passing between us feel the desperation and...love passing between us. I hear the voices of my demons that scare me away from you but...no more will they rule my life.
You slowly back down, panting, your breath coming in small puffs that hit my cheeks. I told you that you would be the one to pull away. I shiver when your breath flows over my cold skin. I hug you tight; hide my face in your neck. I'm panting as well, trembling too somehow.
"Hayner…" You say after an eternity or two...alright it was just a few minutes.
"Hm?" I answer easily, for some reason completely at ease.
"I love you." You whisper and your hand slides over my slowly body as if afraid that any minute I will pull away from you. My eyes widen when I feel something inside reacting. Something begging for you to touch just a bit lower. I gasp for air, grip you tighter, pull you closer, forever closer. I close my eyes, feel how the tears burn my eyes and sting my cheeks.
"Hayner?" You ask again. Your hand stops.
"I love you too, Seifer. ...Please don't stop." I whisper. I can feel how your smile widens; I can feel the happiness practically overflowing. You lay down beside me, hugging me tight. I press a soft kiss on your chest, anywhere I can reach. You lay you chin on the top of my head. The sound of your heartbeat against my ear sounds like the most beautiful thing I ever heard. Because it's beating for me. Just like mine is beating for you. Your hand still caresses me and my face flushes.
"Goodnight, Hayner" You whisper. I pout that we will be going no farther right now...but there was always tomorrow. Or the day after. You take my hand, your other hand dancing across my chest. Automatically, second nature almost, our fingers entwine. It's the most simplistic thing, yet so beautiful. You press me even closer, nuzzling your nose against my hair. Just our fingers entwined and I feel your love through that simple gesture.
"Goodnight, Seifer" I whisper back. Yes this will be enough for now. We have Eons to move farther.
I close my eyes. Your arm around me to keep me close to you, so I'm pinned against your stomach. The warmth of your body melts something. My breath hitches. I can feel it. Finally I can feel actually feel it. My heart is healing, I must admit it is the most amazing feeling. This is what love feels like. For the first time since so long, now we lay here, fingers entwined, legs entwined, so close to each other it feels like I could disappear into you at any given moment, I don't feel any pain anymore.
The pain stopped and we have begun writing the fairytale that is like no other.
I sigh and feel tears of happiness burn, but they don't fall when you press a loving kiss on top of my head. This is nothing to cry about. I close my eyes again, lay my head back down and smile softly, the back of my head pressed against your chest.
And for the first time since what seems like forever, I believe my own words.
Yes, everything will be alright from now on.
It always will be.
For as long as we both shall be.
HGHGHGHG
So it's all over. Yay the end no more. What do you guys think? You should review and tell me and Special thanks to:
FinalFallenFantasy for encouraging me to take the time to sit down and right this. Once I buckled down it didn't take nearly as long as it could have.
Also
Jade
Sachi
Lunetta
Demyx Melody even though they really didn't want one hope you like it!
Miura Tsubaki
And finally
Billie the fourth sage