She kisses you and it tastes bittersweet.
And you think that that one word could probably describe her entire personality.
It's contradictory, an oxymoron with only one word or a paradox without a whole sentence.
Just like her.
Your entire life has been like that, so why not the girl you're in love with?
You're a science geek with magical powers and a protective older brother who's in love with his little sister.
And god what the hell are you doing?
You don't know where to go from here.
It was just a mistake but then the mistake continued and now it had somehow become your entire life.
"Alex?" You question quietly, looking at her curled up form and unsure if you're going to anger her because honestly, she kind of frightens you.
"Yes?" She sounds so quiet and unsure, so unlike herself.
"Are you okay?" This question is even more timid, because you really, really don't want to piss her off, but you have to make sure she's okay, it's like your job or something.
"Fine." Once again she barely makes any sound when she speaks and you don't know what's happening.
"Alright… if you're sure…" You trail off, hoping that she's going to say something, anything, just some hint as to what's wrong.
But she doesn't.
She half-smiles at you and stands up, walking towards the door, but stopping momentarily to press her lips against your cheek.
Except for you didn't know that she was going to do that last part.
So you turned into her, and your lips were suddenly against hers and she just stood back up straight, smiling softly at you, like it was no big deal, and walking from the room.
And you're left sitting there, horrid thoughts in your mind and strawberry lip-gloss mixing with something that tastes like guilt on your lips.
"What just happened?" You're near silent question reverberates throughout the room.
There is no answer in sight.
And then everything was weird and awful and what the hell is happening?
This is so dumb.
So you avoid it.
You tell yourself that you're just confused, Juliet just moved away, it was obvious that your affections had just been transferred to the closest female in your life.
That was all it was.
That had to be all that it was.
Temporary.
A mistake.
Not worth mentioning.
So you don't mention it.
You go about your days, and everything is perfectly normal and the same and life goes on.
Until it doesn't.
"Justin! Stop being such a loser! Leave me alone!" Alex is screaming at you, and you honestly can't remember the last time she looked this enraged.
"I'm just wonde-" you start to say but she hits you before you can get all the words out, her open palm slapping against your upper arm and her eyes attempting to burn holes into your face by glaring alone.
"I. Do. Not. Care." She snarls at you and you actually step back, because when the hell did your little sister turn in to this? When did she go from devious but still charming to just angry all the time? "Now leave me alone. Don't talk to me, don't come into my room and stay away from my stuff!" The last word shrieks through your eardrums and they start ringing when she slams her door shut so hard that the entire wall shakes.
Max's head sticks out of his room, his face seeming to say 'is the beast gone yet?' because your entire family is scared of Alex now and you don't know how everything went so bad. It had been around two weeks since the accidental brush of lips that sent all your thoughts spinning into areas that shouldn't really be entered and she hadn't really talked to you since.
She hadn't really talked to anyone since.
Harper and Max were both scared of her, Dad was just confused and avoiding her because Max had told him to and Mom had given up attempts at civil conversation with her after the first day.
You were the only one that still dared to talk to her, even though she normally didn't talk back.
But today… you had walked into her room to ask her a question and there were all these pills laying on her desk.
You looked at the labels and half were pain pills, the other half pills for sleeping, none with her name on the prescription and all almost completely empty. What was she doing with these?
Then she walked into the room and before you could say anything, ask a question, she began screaming and shoved you out the door.
What was going on?
It was just so obvious now.
You still can't believe that it took you so long to notice.
That it took you so long to figure out that it wasn't just you.
She felt it.
That twisted, dark, wrong thing that had taken residence in your thoughts and quickly spread throughout the rest of your body.
It was in her too.
And, somehow, she was dealing with it even worse than you were.
Another week after you had found all those pills in her room, and she was still refusing to speak to you. She wouldn't answer any of your questions, or tell you what was going on, and you were done.
"Alex." You spoke as soon as she came in the door, three hours past curfew but you don't actually remember the last time a rule applied to her.
She just sneers at you, heading towards the stairs without saying anything. You pull out your wand and freeze her in place at the bottom of the stairs. She hisses at you, a feral noise that you didn't know she could make, and turns towards you with murder in her eyes.
But she still doesn't speak.
"No. I do not give a fuck about what you want anymore. You are going to talk to me. You are going to tell me what the hell all those pills are doing in your room and why you've turned into such a bitch lately. And we are going to fix all the damage that you've done in the past month." You sound so firm and sure that you're honestly kind of surprised. You've never been able to stand up to her before this.
The anger darkens her eyes even as shock sparks in them and you know that she can't believe you just cursed and that you're actually telling her what to do.
She doesn't say a word.
"Fine. I'll talk." And you do. You talk about robots and what ridiculous thing Max did last night at dinner and new spells you learned and you just keep talking and talking until the sun rises. You stare at the sun until it's fully up and turn to her, blinking spots out of your eyes.
She's smiling and there's this strange emotion lighting up her eyes that you can't identify.
But then, when she notices you looking, and the smile fades away and her eyes go blank as she looks at you pointedly until you release her feet from the floor.
It isn't until she's all the way up the stairs that you think of a word for what was in her eyes.
Regret.
You felt so retarded when you figured it out. You were supposed to be the smart one after all, and this was kind of a huge thing to miss.
You know that you should've backed off, because nothing good was going to come from you pushing the limits for the first time in your life.
But you couldn't.
She was Alex.
She was your little sister and your confidant and your best friend and you loved her in every possible way there was.
So you had to try to fix her, to help.
Even if it messed up everything else.
Three nights after you had caught her sneaking in and reamed her out, she came into your room. It was around three in the morning on Sunday and you had been dozing in your bed, half-listening to some music playing in the background, when your door creaked open. At first you were freaked out because you thought it might be Harper, again, but then you saw Alex.
"Alex?" You asked quietly, confused as to why she was in your room with tearstains covering her cheeks.
"Justin." She sighed it, surrender and defeat in that quiet release of breath before she moved farther into the room and slid onto the bed next to you.
You both laid there for a while, no contact between your bodies, before she spoke again.
"It's always gonna be there, isn't it?" She sounds so young for a second that your mind screams at you to make her leave, get out of this situation, protect her, but your soul and your heart are louder for the first time ever and you reach over, pulling her into your body.
"You and me? Yeah. That's here to stay." You murmur, wrapping your arms around her waist and not commenting when her body begins to shake with dry sobs.
You appreciate that she also doesn't mention it when some of your tears fall on to the top of her head where it is resting on your chest.
"Alex…" You hate breaking the moment but you just have to ask.
"They're gone, Justin. I flushed all the ones that were left down the toilet. It was stupid, but I was just trying to fix whatever this is."
"You don't need to fix something that isn't broken." And you're almost hoping that she hits you for the obvious cliché, but she doesn't, she just curls around you tighter and makes a noise that sounds like agreement.
And that was that.
The first time was a mistake, but now you had her and you weren't ever going to let her go because she is pretty much everything you've ever wanted.
The two of you had fun together, so much fun.
She made you loosen up, laugh all the time, and yeah, you still got straight A's, but now they were much closer to B's than they had ever been before.
And you were happy.
She studied whenever you did now, because the two of you didn't seem to spend anytime apart from one another anymore, she even spent nights in your room, so her grades were better. She tended to use her powers, both magical and not, for good now rather than evil, even though she slipped every once in a while.
And she was happy.
She laughed so brightly whenever the two of you were together. You laughed too, just as bright, whenever you heard her amusement.
Of course someone was going to notice.
"Justin, why have you and Alex been acting so weird lately? I don't think I can remember the last time I saw you too without each other." Max's voice startles you because you had been waiting in your room for Alex.
"What? Maxie, we've been acting perfectly normal." Ah. There's Alex. She grins at you, moving in to your room and settling down on what she had long ago determined as her side of the bed.
She hands you your favorite ice cream, smiling quickly at you before turning her gaze back to Max.
"No. You have not. That, right there, that is most certainly not normal." He's sounds so determined, so sure of himself, that you can barely keep the shock off your face.
"Maxie. It is." Alex speaks again, her voice firm and her eyes sending him some unspoken message that would forever remain between the two of them.
He meets your gaze and apparently he sees something because he nods to the both of you, his face lit with understanding and what you hope is acceptance, before walking from the room and gently closing the door behind himself.
Alex turns to you smiling.
"Well that's one down." She laughs slightly and you grin at her before grabbing the spoon she was still holding and opening the ice cream.
The two of you spend the next two hours eating the entire gallon of ice cream, it took a while since she only grabbed one spoon, and talking about everything from what color the sun really is to what college fits both of your requirements so that the two of you can go there together.
It feels so good.
Like the best thing that has ever happened to you in your entire life.
God, you hope this is going to last.
It lasted.
There were a few blips along the way, science versus art and how to fight fairly during the wizard competition without winning, but now you were 29 and magic-free and the two of you were living together in San Francisco.
Max popped in at random times, using the magic that the two of you relinquished to him at it's full potential, and on the holidays you called your parents to check in. You had told both of them right after Max won the wizard competition that you were together together and they didn't take it all that well. There was yelling and disappointment and anger and the two of you left in a hurry, but it was a little better now and there was at least civil conversation.
And the best part?
Her kisses didn't taste bittersweet anymore.
They tasted like sugar and magic and love.
She tasted like your favorite ice cream and she felt like you did when you learned a new spell and she was love.
So what if you had to give everything up for her?
You still got her.
And that was most certainly the better deal.