Dead and Gone

by Sell-By

Really truely gone. They were really truely gone. What would you do if your favorite people ever vanished off the face of the earth. One girl's struggles when her best friends, also know as the all-famous band, Tokio Hotel, leave her alone.

Dead and Gone.

My whole body shook with my heavy sobs. Before I new what was happening, my knees buckled and hit the floor. I clenched my jaw, and the tears flowed down my face. My hands went to my hair and I dug my claws into my scalp.

"Why them?" My voice shook, it was barley audible, and the pain it held was unbearable.

The phone that had clattered to the floor, only minuets before, was screaming at me. I picked it up and in a tired whisper said,

"I…. I'll be there."

The atmosphere felt cold, and I'm surprised I could stand it. I bit down hard on my tongue, and it drew blood. I was trying to keep the tears away, but was failing miserably. I could barley hear Bill and Tom's dad's voice as he tried to keep his composure.

I was breathing hard, remembering their last award,

***"And the award goes to" He ripped open the small paper that held the winners name, "Tokio Hotel!"

I leapt out of my seat, along with the boys. We hugged each other, and I was smiling like crazy.

I sat back down as they made their way up to the stage.

Bill took the trophy in his right hand, and the microphone in the other.

"Thank you SO much! We wanta thank all of our loved ones, some of who are here tonight, and, and we would like to thank our manager, and our fans for taking us THIS far! Thank you!" A tear fell out of my eye, and Bill hurried back to his seat, with the rest of the band following closely behind.***

I gave a wrinkled smile at this cruel reality. I've felt this kind pain before, but never has it danced around me with a shit-eating smile before.

I dug my nails into my hands, trying to stop myself from falling over with the force of my depression, and heart-ache.

I remembered our silly dancing on the set of Automatic,

***Bill was dancing like some sort of Egyptian king, while Tom was free-styling. Georg was doing some sort of hip-hop spin on one hand thing, while Gustav doubled over laughing trying to do the Charlie brown.

I was spinning around and almost fell over, but re-gained my balance, and started laughing so hard, due to Bill and Tom ball room dancing together, Bill threw his head back, laughing like a maniac, while Tom shut his eyes, trying not to explode with laughter.

I led them into the line dance, then Bill stepped on Tom shoe, and Tom fell down, Pulling Bill down in the process, who pulled Gustav down, who pulled me down. We now all laid on Tom, laughing.

"Hey! I'm not in the pile up!" Georg frowned, jumping on top of us.

"Hmfff" I said, seeing as how he landed right on top of me.

We all broke out laughing again.***

More tears fell down my cold face.

Georg's brother stepped up to the podium, surrounded by the four large caskets.

This time I forced my self to listen, not wanting to have to think about the people I miss the most in the world.

"Georg, and the rest of the band were, very close to me." Tears rolled down his face, "They were some of the best people in the world. So much inspiration, so many fans, so much happiness." His voice cracked multiple times, he held onto the podium to keep him self still. To hide his pain. "We cared for them very much, and would never, ever change anything about them."

Which made me remember clothes shopping,

***"WHY did we agree to go shopping with Bill?" Tom complained.

"CAUSE! I need more eyeliner, Bill wants to check out the new stores and your just a good brother!" I smiled.

"Nffgh…" Tom said.

Bill let out a small squeak and ran out of the glass elevator toward the make up store, "Ulta".

Tom groaned and I laughed, 'cause he was being stupid.

"Bill is being sooooo stupid!" Tom groaned.

"You wouldn't change anything about him and you know it!" I said laughing.***

'Stop' I told myself 'Stop thinking about them' But it was harder than it seemed. They're all I COULD think about, they're the only ones that mattered right now.

I remember the day we met,

***I was sitting on the swing in the park all alone. I had to have been no more than four.

I was sad that my family had just moved to this crazy city, and I didn't think I 'd make any new friends. Tears had started falling down my face when I heard an "s'cuse me, but are you ok?"

I looked up. A boy with blonde, long-ish hair stood before we with a concerned look on his face.

"Yeah, I'm jus't sad, 'cause my family move-ded here, and I don't have any friends."

"Well, we can be your friends!" The boy said with a big smile on his face, then he walked back over to the sand box where I assumed he was before, and brought back a carbon copy of himself except, with slightly shorter hair.

"My name is Bill" The first one I'd talked to sad with an ecstatic grin on his face, "and I'm Tom." The other one said, with a half smile.

From that day on we had been inseparable.***

I was shaking again, from the sobs, and Andreas clamped down on my hand. I'd almost forgot he was there.

I leaned toward him and whispered, "I miss them so much" my chin quivered.

"I miss them too." He brought my hand up to his face and kissed it.

"So much, so, so, much." With my other hand, I wiped a tear from my eye.

He leaned over and wrapped his arms around me, "I know it's hard, Alls, I know. But think about all the good times we had with them. Remember the day they introduced us. They wouldn't want you to be like this because of them. You have to be strong, for you, for them, and for me. It'll be okay. I promise."

I do have to be strong. I do. But I don't think I can be. They're gone and I don't think I can handle all of this.

But right now, I didn't have to worry. Because Andreas was going to be my life line. He was going to be there so I can remember to forget. He'll help me get through this.

I clung a little tighter to his arm, and listened to the Priest.

"Let us commend some of our nations beloved rock stars, Bill Kaulitz, Tom Kaulitz, Georg Listing, and Gustav Schafer, to the mercy of God" His empty eyes scanned across the crowd, "I believe we have a few last people that would like to speak before we condemn these bodies to the ground?" His face was sullen and sad, "Andreas Hall, and Alley Boulevard."

"I'll go first." Andreas whispered in my ear before he kissed my temple and stood up.

"I would." He said in a barely audible voice.

I shut my jaw tight as he started to speak.

"I was their best friend, since as long as I can remember. They were the best people I knew, they were kind, funny, loving, and all around good people. Bill would never hurt a fly, Tom was so pee you pants funny, Georg could take a joke, he also was a good listener, Gustav was so amazingly smart, he was good at giving advice, and was kind of quiet, but it made him who he is." He started to shake, and his voice broke when he realized he had to correct himself, "Who he Iwas/I" He clenched his jaw "Thank you"

He was walking back to me, when time seemed to stop, and I remembered the day they introduced us,

*** I was in my bathroom, straitening my hair, blasting (and singing along to) "Pain" By Three Days Grace.

"Cause I rather feel pain than nothing at ALLLL!" I was dancing around when I heard my front door to my apartment burst open, and some un-controllable giggles heard.

"You still can't sing!" The intruder called out.

"Shut up Bill!" I said, looking in the mirror, realizing I looked like a horrid mess, not that it mattered, it was only Bill.

"Ok whatever, just a little friendly advice!" He was still laughing out in the living room.

"Whatev!" I shouted back.

"Whatev? Ugh. I hope your decent, 'cause I got someone I want you to meet."

"Shit" I silently cursed to myself. I launched into, full-extreme-make-over-in-twenty-seconds-mode.

I ran into my room, arms flailing above head, and straight to my dresser. I pulled out some really old, worn sweatpants, and a tight purple shirt.

I stumbled as I made my way into the sweatpants, and I pulled the shirt over my head. I ran back into the bathroom, and I threw my hair in a bun on the side of my head.

Makeup was a breeze, seeing as how it wasn't part of my full-extreme-make-over-in-twenty-second-mode.

I had just finished putting the last pin in my hair as Bill appeared in the mirror behind me.

"Ello Amy!" Bill said with a grin on his face. My name wasn't Amy, it was Alley. But he called me Amy because one day while I was sick, he asked me my initials, I said AB, but he thought I had said, Amy because I was sick, and my nose had been severely clogged, effecting my speech.

"Ello Billa!" I said. Ello was a game we had started many years ago, trying to see who could go the longest with a British accent. I have no idea why he started it today though.

Then there was a small yelp as he pulled someone into my bathroom.

"Amy this is Andi, Andi, this is Amy!"

"Ello Andi!" I said. "Ma name isn't relly Amy, that's just Billa bein the way he is!" I said, giant grin on my face, "Alley" I said as I stuck out my hand.

He looked slightly disturbed, but he took my hand anyway "Andreas." It was slightly finalized and I frowned.

"Don't be a shag!" I said, "Anyone realize we're still standing in my bathroom?"

"Well, alrighty then! Lets get outta here mates!"***

Everything had gone from there. Now as he sat down beside me, I realized he was the only one left. Me and Him.

He leaned in the whisper to me "You've got to go now."

"A-alright." I stood up shakily. I don't think I can do this. I cant do this. My heart raced faster and faster as I forced my legs to keep moving forward.

The air was freezing cold, and I could feel the hard concrete of the steps leading up to the wooden podium on its black wheels.

I studied the wood on top of the podium, and dug my nails into it. I looked up at everyone and the air felt like it was being sucked right out of my lungs.

"He-hello everyone." I looked at their faces, each and everyone. Gordon held his face steady, I figured seeing me was painful. Simone was a mess. Tears streaming down her face, clutching her midsection.

Andreas stared at me with a crinkled face. I figured he was trying not to cry.

The rest of everyone's family was looking at me, pain stricken.

"As you all know," I bit my lip, "I was their best friend since the beginning of time, along with Andreas" I nodded in his direction, and he blinked in acknowledgment.

"And as the head of their fan club," I paused to pull out a sheet of paper, "and as their best friend"

I looked around again, "I've prepared a brief speech."

I took a big gulp, and began.

"I've known" I paused, to correct myself, "I IKnew/I Bill and Tom since I was four."

I looked down at the sheet.

"They were the best people I ever met"

***"Get back here Tom!"

"Haha! No chance!"***

I had a brief flash back of a day 15 years ago.

"And they kept me going."

"Then they introduced me to Georg and Gustav, and they formed Devilish."

Andreas looked at me with gleaming eyes, and wiped a tear off the tip of his nose.

"They were the only people I ever trusted absolutely and wholly with all my heart."

"They even introduced me to someone I could trust, just as much as I could trust them."

He smiled a heart wrenched, crinkled smile at me.

I was straying from the sheet now. I stuffed in back in my coat pocket.

"I can't imagine where I'd be with out them." My heart ached. It ached real bad.

"I have some really good memories of them." I glanced around, but tried to keep my eyes trained on Andreas who was encouraging my little, over drawn speech.

*** "Christmas, Christmas time is here!" I sang dancing around the boys apartment with a string of popcorn in my hand.

"Can't sing!" Bill's voice rang out in a sing-song tone.,

"Shut it!" I sent a glare in his direction, throwing a piece of popcorn at him.

"Just speaking the truth, Amy!" He said as he tried to fasten some lights on top of the flat screen.

I was hanging the popcorn on the tree, and tom was on the balcony, doing the hard work; putting up lights.***

It was funny, how I remembered the small things.

"I want to thank them."

I looked hard at everyone, none of which seemed to be dry-eyed.

"I want to thank them for being Tokio Hotel" My voice rose, and I was feeling more self-confident, putting more life into my words.

"I want to thank them for being my best friends"

"I want to thank them for doing all the things they did."

Tears stung my eyes, and my nostrils flared.

"I want to thank them for being so funny, and for their amazing music videos"

It was like a punch in the gut when I remembered the Automatic dancing again.

"For their inspiration, and for all the things they did to create music for their fans." I swallowed hard, my courage dieing down, and I could feel my face crumble, and the tears came down faster, and faster.

"For being Humanoids." I smiled at the cruel reality, and my small, incompetent joke.

"For all their jokes. And for all their ideas."

"For telling us secrets, and just… Everything."

I felt a tear leaking out of my eye, and I immediately pushed my hand up to swat it away.

"We had some really great times, and I have memories with all of you. Bill could always put a smile on our faces, just with his ecstatic personality, and the high-energy ora he gave off."

I could see in Andreas' face the way he recalled all those times we were depressed and Bill seemed to spontaneously make it better.

"Tom, well, you all know how Tom was. He was funny, even if he was pervy and a little too obsessed with girls."

Gordon finally let his emotions give away, and his face crumbled.

"Georg," I took a quick lance at his brother, who was looking up at me with gleaming eyes, "He, it was amazing the stuff he let Tom do to him, he was always a good sport about everything, and was like a brother to me."

My voice was shaking, tears heavily streaming down my face, and I had to dig my nails into the podium to keep from falling again.

"Gustav, Gustav was amazing. He was so intelligent, and would help anyone in their time of need, he was good at giving advice, and he never got frustrated with anyone. He was also like a brother to me, an older brother that would guide me through anything I needed help with."

I bit my lip.

"What happened to them; they didn't deserve it. They were in the Escalade on the highway, and that plane… the jet crashed into the highway and they were just… the-they w-were j-j-ust, gone." My voice was a whisper now, and as I looked back up, through the tears that heavily plagued my eyes, I saw I'd ripped open some tender wounds.

"I'm sorry" I said.

"Th-thank you all…" I went to go sit down, I was an absolute mess.

I sat down in my seat, and Andreas took hold of my hand.

"It'll be okay."

"No," I said, "No, it wont."