One For the Road
By spheeris1
Pairing: Relena/Dorothy
Warnings/notes: Relena POV, angst and blatant alcohol abuse
(barely beta-ed)
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"You're drunk." She states matter-of-factly. I giggle.
Yes, I am drunk...gloriously wasted and
plastered...three sheets to the wind...soused. Alcohol
is my leveler, the only stable thing in my life. If
only I could say it, just spit the words out of my
mouth:
Dorothy, you are never here when I need you and I need
you.
But the blonde has already slipped on her coat and is
moving to the doorway. The dress shifts as she moves
and I have a brief fantasy of running my
fingernails up Dorothy's thighs, pulling down the thin
stockings and finding cool skin....
"I said come on...into the car..." Dorothy says with a
sigh. I notice that I am no longer in the bar
but outside, on a sidewalk and not-too-gently pushed
into Dorothy's huge car. I laugh, humming
'Yellow Submarine'. Dorothy just starts the engine.
"You live on 34th, right?" Dorothy asks.
I mumble a 'yes'. My head leans back on the
headrest and the lights of the city blur, long strings
of neon speeding past my vision.
Two years ago, life seemed so simple.
I loved the girl driving this impossibly large car.
A love that was unexpected but wanted.
And in the end, it couldn't hold together. I try
to hide the anguish...but what am I truly anguished
about?
Losing Dorothy? Or just plain failure?
Why is my love not good enough, not even for myself?
I feel the car stop and the engine idles at a
red-light. Dorothy's familiar jasmine scent floats
around the car and fills my lungs.
That smell clung to me for days, weeks....on my
pillows and on my clothes, like a ghost...haunting me.
Sure, I cried, like a pathetic and love-sick fool.
Then I cut off from the world. I tried to throw myself
Into important projects, but it didn't work.
I wandered into a bar one evening, not knowing how I
got there. And the solace I found there could be taken
anywhere...at home or at work.
I am a loser. I laugh and Dorothy gives me a
sideways glance before turning back to the road.
The car stops. Dorothy helps me up the stairs
and into the house.
"I'll make you some coffee." Dorothy says and makes
her way into the kitchen. I watch her move
about, how she remembers where everything is kept in
the cupboards, how to add some cream to my ground-up
hazelnut.
But I refuse to let go of this moment. If all
I can get is Dorothy's concern, then I will
get all of it, tonight and then be done with it.
I rummage around my study and find four minis of
vodka, coming into the living room with a triumphant
grin.
"An added kick." I state with a grin.
Dorothy glares at me.
"Don't you think you've had enough?"
"No, not really...can I offer you some? One for the
road perhaps?" I coo. Dorothy shakes her head
'no'.
"Spoil-sport." And I stick my tongue out, then
pour the contents of each bottle into my mug.
I make sure Dorothy sees me chug this concoction
down. Damn, that was crap! And fucking hot to
boot...I go into the kitchen and take a sip of
cold tap water before returning.
Dorothy proceeds to clap her hands together in a mock applause.
"Very nice, Relena-sama...you can certainly drink me
under the table any day. And what is the point of this
then?"
I try to remain blank, but it is virtually
impossible considering my drunken state. All my damn
emotions are on my face and hot tears prick my
eyes.
"I don't know why you left and I can't stand seeing
you here, in my home...why did you come back? Why
visit me? Why find me tonight? What do you want from
me?"
The questions come out in a long strand. Dorothy is quiet.
"I.....I shouldn't have come...I'm sorry...."
Hearing those words come out of Dorothy's mouth just make
me feel worse.
"Even now I want you to stay, to kiss me and hold me,
to lead me upstairs and-" I start, but she interrupts me.
"I can *always* do that, Relena...I just can't stay
afterward." Dorothy states. And that is the
crossroads at which we have always stood.
Dorothy needs freedom.
I need stability.
And the only common ground we share is a mix of
admiration, love and pain.
Dorothy stands up and walks closer to me, until
she is standing just inches away.
"I can go, just say it." Dorothy whispers. I
think for a moment, one side warring with the other
in my muddled mind.
So instead of words or meaningful looks, I kiss her.
Every so often, as hands caress me and heated
breath slowly pushes inside of me, I remember.
Just for tonight.
This one night....
Then gone and I will be alone, carrying a memory like
a scar, a scar all over my body. But I don't mind. Not
really. It's like work and drinking, the remembrance
gets me along.
Until I see her again.
*******
END