THERE ARE A FEW THINGS THAT I CHANGED IN THIS STORY. BRIAN NEVER LOST HIS SHIELD. THERE WAS NO HOOKER SCANDAL FOR HIM AND HE IS A DETECTIVE, FIRST GRADE IN VICE AND OLIVIA WAS RAPED BY WILLIAM LEWIS. THAT BEING SAID, HERE WE GO, DICK WOLF OWNS.
BENSIDY APARTMENT
It was a little after nine pm and Olivia had just finished showering and preparing for bed. She stood in front of the bathroom mirror, having just brushed her teeth, and a smile suddenly appeared. She couldn't remember a time in her life when she felt as peaceful as she did right now. It had been a tumultuous road for Brian and her, but right now they were truly happy. It was crazy to think how it had almost been destroyed.
It had been six months since her world had been torn apart. Six months since she had been forced to reevaluate and rebuild her entire life and He had gone above and beyond to make sure that she would be okay again.
The funny thing was, before this had happened, she had been unsure about exactly where their relationship was going. She cared for him, this much she knew, but still, she couldn't help feeling that maybe he wasn't what she needed; that she was kidding herself into seeing what she wanted him to be, when the truth was, Brian was often petulant and immature and she didn't know if she could build from that; or if she even wanted to for that matter! Yet lo and behold, one day the universe up and shifted and she found herself on a course that changed everything she thought she knew. And when it all fell completely apart, Brian was the one who painstakingly put it all back together.
He had been a Godsend. He had been her rock, her backbone during the worst time in her life; a time that not only changed her, but changed him as well. The hell she'd endured during those 4 days with William Lewis seemed like a walk in the park compared to the hell she went through in its aftermath. For 2 months after her attack, she had nightmares that were so vivid, she would wake up screaming in sheer terror, often ending up crouched in a corner, in a trans-like state, shaking and crying uncontrollably and Brian would be right there to talk her through it, no matter how long it took, even if it meant that he himself got no sleep.
He'd held her hand through the rape exam, comforting her as best he could and reminding her why it was important when it became too much for her and she would cry for it to stop. He'd seen her injuries and it had taken everything in him to fight his tears as well as his rage from surfacing because he knew that falling apart was not an option.
He'd even taken a 6 week leave from the department in order to be there for her, and he was. He was there through every meltdown, every flashback. Every single time she'd be so completely overwhelmed that she couldn't breathe, he was right there. He would talk to her, listen to her, comfort her, hold her, reassure her; whatever she needed, even if what she needed was to take her anger out on him, he allowed it and he did it all with patience, love and understanding, never once putting demands on her. There were times where she didn't want to be touched or looked at but then there were times when all she wanted was to be in his arms; to feel his strength and know that she was safe. He liked those times.
During these past six months, she began seeing Brian in a new light and it washed away every doubt she had about where she belonged; she knew it was with him.
She walked out of the bathroom, surprised to see him there in their bedroom. Vice had been working a particularly tough case and with Brian being the lead detective, he'd been keeping crazy hours lately, sometimes not getting in until three or four in the morning if at all.
"You're home early." She said as she stood in front of him where he was sitting on the bed and kissed him sweetly on the lips.
"We finally got a break in the case so I thought I'd come home to my favorite girl." He said as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "Mmm, you smell good!" He said and pulled her in for another kiss. She smiled and it was quiet for a moment as she looked into his eyes as if searching for something.
"What?" he wondered.
"I love you so damn much!" she told him as she caressed his face. "I don't think I tell you enough how blessed I am to have you!"
"Not nearly as blessed as I am to have you. I love you Liv, I just hope that one day, you'll know how much!"
"I already do!" She smiled. He pulled her closer and their lips met again. He was always careful to not give too much. He knew that she was still gun-shy when it came to intimacy. She would snuggle up in his arms and over the last couple months, she had allowed kissing but that's as far as it had gone ever since... he quickly pushed the thought out of his mind and just as quickly replaced it with the last time they had been together six months prior, a lazy Sunday morning. He remembered how good it felt to be inside of her, her legs around his waist as her pinned her arms down and fucked her hard. She loved it when he took control. He wondered if he'd ever be that way with her again and he could feel himself getting hard.
"Bri?" he suddenly snapped out of his reverie.
"I'm sorry Babe."
"Where'd you go just now?"
"...um, nowhere." I'm gonna go use the bathroom, I'll be right back." He said as he moved to get up but she put her hands on his shoulders and gently pushed him back down.
"You don't need that tonight." She told him and moved closer. He was a little embarrassed, she knew.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, you have had the patience of a saint." She caressed his face. "You can give your hand the night off." She leaned in and kissed him seductively on the lips.
"Liv, you don't have to-"
"No, but I want to!" As they kissed, she climbed onto his lap, wrapping her long legs around him.
"Are you sure about this?"
She smiled and pulled him for another kiss. He was hesitant at first but soon his mouth was crashing over hers, kissing her passionately while his hands found their way underneath her shirt and caressed the silky skin of her back. The feeling of being able to touch her like this going straight to his dick and, this time she didn't stop him, she wrapped herself tighter around him, moaning into his mouth when she felt his erection against her. Suddenly, she felt his hands begin to move from her back, around to her breasts and she panicked, quickly pushing his hands off. The mood had been killed.
"What's wrong?"
"Just...not there."
"Liv, it's ok. You don't hav-"
"Please, baby." He saw the look in her eyes and his heart broke. Most of what had been inflicted on her body during the attack had healed and was no longer noticeable, but there were areas with injuries that had been so severe, she would forever carry ugly scars as a reminder. Her left breast was one such area.
"I don't ever want you to feel ashamed with me." he said as she looked away from him. "Hey." He gently turned her head to look at him. "I love you...all of you. And a few scars won't change that." It was silent for a moment as a tear slid down her cheek.
"I still feel so...ugly." She murmured. He wiped her tears as his eyes looked deep into her own, speaking so softly to her, it barely registered above a whisper.
"No. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on; every inch of you!" she didn't speak as more tears fell. "I love you and I don't want you carry this shame because there's nothing for you to be ashamed of. Please, let me see you."
"I can't."
"you can..." he assured her as he caressed her face. "you just have to trust me." he said softly while tracing a path from her cheek, down to her collarbone and finally to the buttons on her nightshirt and let his hands rest there, refusing to go any further without her permission and, never once breaking contact with her eyes.
"Bri-"
"it's alright...you gotta trust me, Liv." she took a deep breath while closing her eyes, allowing the last of her tears to fall and swallowing the lump in her throat. When she opened them again, she shuddered, biting her lip. There was so much love in his eyes. It was the same love that had given her the strength to survive after literally being put through hell. Right there, in that moment, she again drew on that strength, knowing that it was time to shed that last vestige of the hold that Lewis had on her life.
Slowly, she removed his hands from her shirt, nervously resting them on her thighs.
"Baby, I promise, it'll be ok." He assured her again. She let out a deep breath, and with shaking hands, she began to undo her buttons. He sat watching her, not saying a word, knowing that this had to be on her terms or not at all, and he wouldn't have had it any other way.
When she finally undid the last button, she sat there for a long moment, holding her shirt closed, her hands trembling. Slowly, she opened it and then quickly let it fall away from her body, leaving her in nothing but her panties. She made no attempt to shield her nakedness from his eyes. She just sat there on his lap in silence, completely vulnerable, waiting for his reaction.
He didn't say a word. Instead he allowed his actions to speak for him. He let his eyes drink her in. They traveled wondrously over every inch of her every curve before slowly reaching out to touch the long, raised scar at her right hip. She drew in her breath when his fingers made contact, feeling his warmth radiate through her entire body. He lingered there for a moment, lovingly stroking the angry, red welt as if trying to soothe the hate with which it was inflicted before travelling higher, skimming over a trail of healed cuts and burns. When he reached her breast he suddenly stopped. It boasted a large crescent-shaped burn that began at the top of the outer swell and continued down, stopping an inch below the nipple. She felt her anxiety rise as his fingers began to smooth over the scorched flesh.
"You're so perfect!" he said, marveling at the grotesque scar as if it was a beautiful work of art and slowly, she felt her apprehension begin to dissipate. He leaned in closer and began planting kisses on and around it. Her hands immediately went to the back of his neck and she sucked in her breath when she felt the stubble from his chin brush against her nipple, causing it to harden immediately. In seconds, he was teasing it with his tongue before he drew it into his mouth.
"Baby!" she moaned, throwing her head back while running her fingers through his hair. She had forgotten how good it felt to be with him like this. He released her nipple and nuzzled his way up to her neck where he kissed, sucked and licked at the sensitive spot that he knew all-too-well would make her crazy.
"Oh God!" she gasped as her eyes rolled. It had been too long but he had hit the spot with perfect precision. She suddenly felt the urge start to build between her legs and it took her completely by surprise. Then, just as unexpectedly, her whole body was on fire!
"Make love to me...now!" she cried. She pulled his head away from her neck and held it, kissing him deep and passionately before he took control, and in one quick move, had her down on her back, on the bed, him on top as they continued kissing.
Their lovemaking was beautiful and gentle; him savoring every inch of her body. He had missed the feel of her, the taste of her, the sound of her and he took his time to let her know exactly how much he had. They lay in each other's arms when it was over, tangled up in the sheets, listening to the sound of the rain falling softly outside. He looked down at her when he felt tears on his chest.
"... you ok?"
"...yeah."
"Why the tears?"
"...Because, for the first time in my life, it doesn't feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop."
"and as long as I'm breathing, you never will again... I love you Liv!" she looked up at him, smiling.
"Why don't you show me again? Just...not quite so gentle this time, I won't break." A huge grin spread across his face before he smothered her lips with his kiss. God, how he loved this woman!
SIX WEEKS LATER
Thirteen days before Christmas and she had been sick for an entire week. Half the precinct was out with the flu right now but unlike everyone else, she refused to stay home, feeling as if she'd already missed enough time while recuperating from her attack over the summer. Today however, was actually her day off and she was thankful because she just didn't have the strength to drag herself in to work.
"Good Morning, Beautiful." Brian greeted as he stepped into the bedroom with a tray of breakfast. The smell of the eggs hit her nose and Olivia jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. She quickly dropped to her knees in front of the toilet and began throwing up. Brian put the tray down on the dresser and within seconds, he was right beside her, holding her hair back. "I'd hoped you'd be feeling better this morning."
"I'll be fine."
"Maybe you should see a doctor."
"I just need to rest." she insisted and inhaled deep. That triggered the nausea and she threw up again and immediately again before closing the lid and flushing. She leaned on the lid, resting her head on her arms, and groaned at the burning in her throat. She stayed in that position for a moment. She was so dizzy.
"Let's get you back to bed."
"okay." She agreed but made no attempt to move. He scooped her up and she didn't argue; she was too weak. She just lay there in his arms and allowed him to put her to bed. She didn't know how she could be this tired after just waking up. Maybe I should ease up a little with work until I feel better. She thought to herself.
"Liv, you gotta stop pushing yourself so hard" Brian said on cue as if reading her mind. She gave a weak smile.
"Get outta my head."
"You wanna try a little breakfast?" she simply shook her head no. "Liv, please, you gotta eat something."
"I can't keep anything down." That, plus she had been throwing up day and night for a week and her throat was raw.
"Okay. Um, tea. I made you some tea!" He went to the dresser and got it from the tray then sat beside her on the bed. "just a couple sips, it's your favorite, peppermint." Just the smell of the mint made her feel like gagging and she pushed the mug away.
"No."
"Please babe, for me. You have to stay hydrated." He was obviously worried. He'd never seen her so sick.
"No tea. Water." She insisted.
"Water it is!" He was relieved that she'd agreed to drink something, he put the tea back on the tray and carried everything out of the room, hurrying to the kitchen to get the water. He came back a moment later carrying several bottles of Fiji.
"Bri!"
"I know, I know." He said as he arranged the bottles on the nightstand. "...just making sure you have as much as you need." As miserable as she was feeling, she couldn't help but smile.
"you take such good care of me."
"and I always will!" he kissed her on the forehead and opened a bottle before handing it to her. She put the bottle to her lips and sipped slowly. "Maybe you should think about taking a couple more days off until you're feeling better.
"I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow. Speaking of work, you're gonna be late."
"If you need me to stay..."
"Stop worrying. I have no plans to get out of this bed today."
"Do you have any idea how sexy that would sound if you weren't sick?"
"Get out!" she laughed.
"I'm going!" he kissed her on the lips. "I'll see you tonight... Hydrate!"
"Yes, Dr. Cassidy!" he smiled before kissing her again.
"Okay." He kissed her again. "I gotta go" ...then, twice more before leaving the bedroom. "Call if you need me!" she heard from the hall before hearing the door slam shut. She took another drink from her water bottle before recapping it and sitting it beside the others on the nightstand. She let out a deep breath and settled against the pillows, closing her eyes and praying that she could get through the rest of the day without her head in the toilet but, her prayers quickly proved to be in vain as her stomach turned and she went flying to the bathroom.
LATER THAT AFTERNOON...
It was just after 1pm and Olivia was sleeping soundly; her nausea having finally settled down a few hours ago. Suddenly her phone began ringing and she groaned in protest as it jarred her from her sleep. She thought about not answering but after a couple more rings she decided that it might be important and reached over to the nightstand and picked it up, answering before she checked the caller ID.
"Benson"
"Liv, hey, it's Nick. I'm sorry to bother you on your day off, especially with you bein' sick..."
"Nick, it's ok."
"How are you feelin', by the way?"
"Lousy. What's going on?" he couldn't help but smile. That's his partner, always straight to the point.
"uh, Janine Nicholson, you remember?"
"Yeah, the DV case we caught a month ago. She said her husband raped her but then she said she was confused and it didn't happen. Has she changed her mind about pressing charges?
"We got another call about an hour ago, another domestic disturbance at her apartment. Neighbor called it in. We got there and she was pretty banged up. We found the husband in the kitchen with eleven stab wounds...eight of them to his penis." Olivia's mouth dropped.
"anyway, we're here at Mercy. She's willing to give a statement but she'll only talk to you." Olivia sighed.
"Keep her calm. I'm on my way."
"Liv, you're sick"
"I'm on my way!" She took a moment before throwing back the covers and getting out of bed but felt dizzy as soon as she stood up so she sat back down. After a few seconds, she got up and made her way to her dresser where she grabbed a pair of jeans and a tee shirt and tossed them on the bed before heading to the bathroom for a quick shower.
MERCY HOSPITAL
Nick looked over at his partner when she'd arrived; she was obviously not well and he immediately regretted calling her to come here in the first place.
A couple hours later, Olivia was still at the hospital with Janine. The young woman was terrified after having had to resort to stabbing her husband to fend off a vicious rape and beating. She had recounted to Olivia every detail she could recall in her agitated state. Olivia listened empathetically and assured her that everything would be ok. Suddenly, she felt as if her head was spinning and she took a deep breath but it wasn't deep enough. She felt like she needed air.
"Janine, I'm gonna step outside for just a second." She slowly got up from her chair. She was dizzy and her head was pounding. She staggered as she took a step.
"Liv, you ok?" Nick rushed over to her, wrapping his arm around her waist to steady her.
"I'm fine" She said as they walked out of the room.
"bullshit! I'm taking you home!"
"I can't just leave..."
"Look, it's either me, or I call Cassidy to come get you. Either way, you are going home!"
She wanted to protest but she knew he was right. She felt terrible and needed to be in bed.
"Ok. I'm just gonna make sure Janine is alright before I go." She turned and took a step towards the room, the second she did, her body let her know that it had had enough. She knew that she was going to faint and she called out to her partner in a weak, barely audible voice.
"Nick..." He turned around just as she collapsed and he caught her in his arms. She was out cold.
"SHE NEEDS HELP, GET A DOCTOR!" he yelled as he lifted her limp body. She looked so small and helpless lying there in his arms. "Liv, come on, don't do this open your eyes Liv!" but she wasn't responsive and he felt as if he were in a haze. He had no idea who took her from his arms, or how he answered the questions that the ER staff asked him. All he knew was that he found himself pacing the ER over an hour later, desperate to hear that she'd be ok. He needed for her to be ok. He should never have called her. He knew he shouldn't have but Janine had been so traumatized and insisted on talking to her. No, that was no excuse. He knew how sick she was, he should have called Rollins - but then if he hadn't called Olivia and she had found out, she would have handed his ass to him and he knew it. He smiled. That was one of the things he loved so much about her, she was so dedicated. He looked again at his watch and his nervousness set in all over again. Why hadn't he heard anything?
She slowly opened her eyes and grimaced at the bright lights above her, quickly closing them again and groaning at the pain in her head.
"Detective Benson?" she heard a voice call to her. She turned her head in the direction the voice was coming from and forced herself to open her eyes again.
"Good to see you're awake." The nurse smiled. "I'm Gina."
"What happened?"
"You fainted, but you'll be fine. I'll go and let the Doctor know that you're awake, he should be in shortly. You just relax."
"Is my partner still here?"
"Gorgeous man that was with you?" Olivia laughed to herself. "He's right outside. I'll send him in."
"Thank you." Gina left and Olivia looked around the cubicle. She was hooked up to a blood pressure monitor on her upper arm, a heart rate monitor on the tip of her index finger, and there was an IV drip attached to the back of her hand. She couldn't help but think how silly it was that they were making such a fuss over someone who fainted when there were actual sick people in this place.
Outside in the waiting room, Nurse Gina approached a nervous looking Nick.
"Detective Amaro?" he snapped to attention.
"How is she?"
"She's awake and asking for you." He let out a sigh of relief. "Follow me, I'll take you back." Gina couldn't believe how beautiful the man was. She definitely didn't meet many men like him in her line of work.
As he followed her through the ER, she figured she might as well take a shot.
"So Detective, I was wondering if maybe I could see you again...outside of work."
"I'm sorry?"
"You know, maybe we could meet up for coffee...or something." Nick smiled, flattered at the offer, but...
"Uhhh...sorry but...I'm married." He lied. Sure, it was still technically true. His divorce hadn't been finalized yet so he was still legally Maria's husband.
"Of course you are!" She was thoroughly embarrassed. "I'm so sorry."
"It's ok...Gina, was it?" she nodded, feeling like an idiot. "Don't worry about it."
"Um, your friend, she's in the third cubicle, straight down, on the right."
"Thanks."
Olivia was waiting for the Doctor to come in when Nick tapped on the partially open glass door before stepping inside.
"Hey. How do you feel?" he asked as he took a seat in the chair against the wall after bringing it to her bedside.
"Still lousy, but better." She smiled
"That's good to hear." He sat fidgeting with his tie. He didn't know what to say to her without sounding like a blubbering idiot so he waited for her to speak.
"You didn't call Brian did you?"
"No. I uh, I figured you wouldn't want to worry him until we knew..."
"Thank you." He nodded.
"Look, Liv I'm sorry. If I hadn't called you down here..."
"Nick, stop it. If it's anybody's fault, it's mine. This flu has been kicking my ass and I knew that I was too sick to be here but I came anyway. Don't beat yourself up, you did the right thing." She squeezed his shoulder, giving him a warm smile. Just then, the Doctor walked in.
"Detective Benson, I'm Doctor Jackson, how are you feeling?"
"...better than when I got here. Is the IV really necessary?" Nick stood up.
"I'll give you some privacy."
'Nick, it's alright. Stay.
"You fainted because you were severely dehydrated. We had to get fluids in you as fast as possible."
"That explains the headaches and the dizziness."
"Yes and no. Are you sure you want him to stay?"
"Yes, now what do you mean?"
"Headaches and dizziness are definite effects of dehydration but in your case, dehydration isn't the only cause - at least not for the dizzy spells."
"That on top of my flu..."
"You don't have the flu."
"What?"
"We ran a culture, no signs of influenza. We also did blood work and I just got the results back from the lab. Congratulations. You're pregnant!" Both, Olivia and Nick's eyes went wide as they looked at each other in disbelief. A huge smile spread across Nick's face. He knew what this would mean to Olivia once it had time to sink in and he was thrilled for her.
"What?" She was in complete shock.
"According to your hormone levels you're about six weeks along." Olivia just sat there, her mouth open, a blank expression on her face.
'I'm... pregnant?" she was still trying to process the news.
"You are."
"So, the dizzy spells..."
"Pregnant." The doctor replied.
"...and the fatigue..." it was slowly sinking in.
"Pregnant." He said again
"the nausea, the vomiting..." this time it was Nick who spoke up.
"Liv, pregnant and pregnant!" You're gonna have a baby! Tears fell from her eyes as a sob escaped her mouth. She usually refrained from being so emotional around others but right now, she didn't care. She had just received the greatest news of her life and she was overjoyed. So overjoyed, that she threw her arms around Nick and cried while he held her. She couldn't wait to tell Brian!