The Correction of Uchiha Sasuke
Once upon a time, there was a boy. He was thirteen/fourteen/something, and a very impressionable young man. He wrote a fanfic, called The Seduction of Uchiha Itachi, and at the time, he thought it was the fucking shit.
It wasn't. He can't even read past chapter three, now that he's sixteen and much, much more clearheaded. The boy could hardly even stand the story being associated with him, after a while.
So one day, he just woke up, half-naked, and proclaimed "I am going to rewrite that piece of shit…with style!" and his friend (who for some not-homosexual reason was in the bed with him…he doesn't have a lot of furniture) punched him in the stomach and told him to go back to sleep.
He didn't. And now, he presents to you, The Seduction of Uchiha Itachi…rewritten, with style!
I dedicate this story wholeheartedly to RuneMoon, who's mentioning of it gave me the sudden inspiration to do better. :D
Disclaimer: LOL NO.
Prologue.
"I fear that I may be a bit unnatural."
Hoshigake Kisame swallowed his tea, with difficulty. "Really now?" he replied carefully, eyes slowly looking everywhere but at the younger man.
Uchiha Itachi nodded. "I had a dream last night," he explained. "It was quite dark. And then, there was light. And I was surprised, because after three minutes of darkness, it really is odd to be blinded by light." Itachi sipped at his tea. The wind brushed against his circular hat, jingling a bell on the front. "I digress,"
"Uh huh." Kisame was somewhat scared at what Itachi's mind might produce in a dream. "So, uhm, what happened?"
"My brother was tied to the bed, naked. I was there, also naked."
And the only the thing that went through the larger man's head was 'Why did I ask? Why did I ask? Why the fuck did I ask?'
"It was invigorating. And so, he looked at me, mouth opened and cried in ecstasy, 'Oh blood brother of mine, take me! Our parents are dead, so we can't get in trouble! Please do me!' and so I did."
"Did what?"
"Him, of course." Itachi's calm face was more than enough to make Kisame spit his tea out immediately.
"And you liked it." Only a sick bastard like Itachi would've loved banging his younger underage brother in a dream, Kisame believed.
"Is that unnatural?"
The correct answer would've been yes, but the safer answer was clearly no. Kisame made a choice bequeathed in him by the gods, and he looked at Itachi, straight in the red eyes, and shook his head in 'No'.
"Wonderful. So does this mean that you're willing to help me?"
What? "I'm sorry, what?" Kisame asked, black eyebrow cocked.
"Since I'm not unnatural, you should be more inclined to help me. After all, who would want to help an unnatural man? I know I would not."
"Right. Right, I understand completely." The shark-like Akatsuki member nodded his head in agreement with himself confidently.
Itachi didn't even look at him. "Except you don't understand, now do you?" he replied.
"No."
"Thank you. Now, I want your help in something that you probably wouldn't agree with, so promise you that you'll do it."
Kisame looked suspicious. "What do I get out of it?" he asked cautiously.
"Are we not friends?"
It was a disturbing concept, being friends with Uchiha Itachi, the notorious genocidal maniac famous for the Uchiha family massacre. Kisame tried to be nonchalant in his rejection of the friendship offer, or whatever it was.
"Well—" he began.
"And if we are not friends, then your help will prevent me from ripping out your eyeballs." Itachi interrupted calmly.
The blue-skinned man deflated. "No, no it's cool. We're, uh, we're friends."
"Good."
"So, what am I helping you with? Dishes? Taking out the trash? Something simple?"
"I'd like to seduce my younger brother—" Damn it! "—But I cannot." Yes! "As I, not in an act of narcissism, am much too attractive to reduce to such an act. So, we're going to convince him that heterosexuality is not the way that is right for him."
And incest…is? Kisame thought, but daren't speak it out loud. He drank the remainder of his tea instead.
Itachi reached into his robe, pulling out his wallet. "Let us go," he stated. "We can discuss this matter along the journey." He placed the money for their tea on the table and stood up, arm hanging from the opening of his black robe decorated with red and white clouds. "I will not repeat myself."
Kisame rolled his eyes discreetly. "Of course," he answered sarcastically, standing up. "Let's get going then."
And so they did, walking out the tea stand with a confidence that was better suited for people who weren't murdering mercenaries. The odd duo walked through the forest cutaway instead of the main road, as it felt like the Akatsuki was slowly becoming more popular. The thick silence between the two felt awkward, but moreover on Kisame's side.
"What am I helping you with?" the sharp-toothed man asked, the tension of the situation getting to him.
Itachi glanced at him. "I thought I told you," he said.
"No. You didn't."
"Oh. Well, as my brother simply does not know what he wants. This has happened several times in life, as he's such a confused little boy, and I'm a caring older brother to the point where I give him little pushes in the direction he wants. For instance, killing the entire family." He made an almost eye-rolling motion, if he were capable of even knowing the gesture. "I did it for him, but he doesn't understand. So, now I must help him understand that girls aren't what he's looking for. I am. He must have sex with me to be happy."
Kisame had never heard such undeniable bullshit in his life. Ever. "Yeah," he replied slowly. "Right. So, we're seducing him?"
"No. I wouldn't seduce the most beautiful little brother in the world." A smirk twitched on Itachi's lips. "We're simply…correcting him."
END CHAPTER
So, the point is, I'm not really "rewriting" TSoUI, I'm…remixing it. A new plot, a new writing style, new characters, it might as well be its own damn story.
So it is.
I will make sure every chapter is great. I will NOT make the same mistake of my past.
No, I'm not gay because I sleep with men. What do you think I am?! D: