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modern guilt
by: pixie_paramount (8/25/2008, 11: 04 PM)
Hot Gimmick, Hatsumi/Azusa & I'm afraid to steal you away
She marries Ryouki because he tells her to, and partially because she loves him.
Truly, madly, deeply as some would say.
And they'll last for as long as they are meant to.
She just hopes for forever.
She feels like she is cheating on him, Ryouki, when she talks to Azusa.
It's such a small thing, really.
All they talk about is how their respective days went, how they are doing, and so on. It has been a long time since they started this ritual.
Her belly curves, softly and sometimes more pronounce with the days, beneath his hand when he helps her out of her seat.
He still has the same eyes, that same smile that made her heart flutter, and he's still the same deep down.
She's still the same as well, really. She's still so willing, so eager, to please and still so earnest and kind and fluttery.
He laughs and it still hurts seeing him. First love and lost and she's surprised, really, that an ache and hurt and pain could last so long.
But she misses him, misses everything they had, and the baby kicks inside her as if warning her.
You'll ruin this, you know, if you take his hand allow him to steal your heart again. He'll just hurt you like he's already done before.
So she smiles, doesn't give in to the little part and flutter and ache that tells her to try this again, and vows to make it work because that pulse and throb doesn't match how she feels—no, enamored and drowned and coddled in love—for Ryouki.
He grows slowly, her husband.
He's still such a selfish brat, in big and small ways alike.
And she loves him like that. The way he takes their daughter in his arms like she's the most precious thing in the world, made of glass and amazed, this is mine, and filled with love that blooms and blossoms and washes over him, all over again.
And she watches him, cradles their daughter and fidgets and fumbles and tells her to be careful, you know, she could break so easily, as he places her, genteelly, in her arms.
It's so silly and awkward and she loves him, despite how he sometimes makes sharp, cruel words that cut her.
Perhaps she will always love him.