Something Missing

"Hi," I say, "I'm Daniel."

"Hi," she says, "I'm June."

I study June unashamedly throughout dinner. Memories tug at my mind in the familiar frustrating way that I've grown used to. I see flashes of her face – younger, paler – in blurry surroundings that I can't place. But I know it's her, I know she was there.

She looks back at me every few seconds, blushes, then returns her gaze to Tess. Tess, who has her hand on my knee and is chatting easily, filling in gaps in the conversation that I ignore. After she says my name a few times, though, I tune in and look at her.

"What?" I ask, trying to look apologetic.

"I said, how's Antarctica?"

So I tell them, looking back at June. I explain what I do there, what it's like, and what I can do in my free time. I tell them about Eden, too, and don't bother to hide the pride in my voice when I speak of my little brother. He's done so much after everything that has happened to him and I couldn't be more proud.

A smile plays at June's lips as I speak. And it's so familiar that I can almost feel my heart ache to remember who she is.

I push my chair away from the table at the same second that Tess does. She gives me a smile and pats my shoulder. "I'm going to go clean up the kitchen." And then she leaves, and June and I are left in the dining room alone.

I clear my throat and scoot my chair back toward the table. June plays with the bits of food left on her plate as I look at her. When she looks up and meets my eyes, I lower my gaze.

"It's weird," I say to my plate, "memory loss. I've had it explained to me over and over by doctors, and the therapy has helped. But… it's not like a physical wound you can recover from, you know?" I lift my head and meet her eyes. "I have good days and bad. And when I saw you today… I knew that I knew you. I don't think I've ever been surer about anything. Besides Eden. And Tess, and my family. You're someone special, June."

June looks down again, but not before I can catch her smile.

"Who are you?" I ask.

She pauses for a long time before finally answering. "You said it felt like you had found something? That you were missing?" I nod. "Day – Daniel…" She stops, shakes her head, like she's trying to shake the words from her tongue. Or out of her head all together.

And suddenly, I remember. That one small movement, the calculating expression behind her eyes as she paused to decide if she should say what she was thinking… I remember who she is.

"June."

My voice is breathless and my head goes dizzy. The sudden onslaught of emotion is enough to make my stomach churn. June's expression changes to one of confusion at my change of tone, but she doesn't say anything. She just looks at me with those eyes, taking in every detail of the situation like I can now remember her doing countless of times before.

"I'm in love with you," I whisper.

"No." Her voice is sharp, and she sits up with her back completely straight.

"Yes," I argue defensively. "I remember."

"No," she says again, but I cut her off before she can continue.

"I remember. We were – I was seventeen. The war. You were Princeps-Elect, and I was… I'm…" I shake my head, trying to clear a bit of fog left over. When that doesn't work, I go back to what I'm undoubtedly sure of. "I'm in love with you."

"That was ten years ago," June says. Her voice is still hard. Almost angry.

I hold my hand up. My twisted metal ring throws a reflection of the light on the wall. "I remember." When she doesn't respond, I stand up and lean forward on the table, my chair tipping back onto the ground with a loud noise that startles June and makes her flinch. I see Tess look into the room from the corner of my eye but I don't look away from the girl in front of me.

"That coma – when I woke up. Why didn't – it was you. You were there when I woke up. The soldier. You thanked me for my help to the Republic. You – you… you said you didn't know me." June shakes her head. "You told me you didn't know me, June."

"What else do you remember?" Her voice, though only a whisper, cuts through my anger like a knife. I stare at her for a second before she clarifies. "About me. What else do you remember about me, Daniel?"

Without taking my eyes from her, I reach back and right my chair. I slowly sink onto it, not sure how to respond. Finally, I find my voice. "I remember… I remember that you were a soldier. I remember the…" I squeeze my eyes shut and try to dig further into my brain. "Skiz fight. You won, and you joined Tess and I. Then…" I stop. I can't remember any more. This seems to be all June needs to know.

"That's why I don't know you, Daniel," she whispers.

A strangle hollow feeling settles in my stomach. "What do you mean?"

She shakes her head. With a sigh, she sets her fork down and stands up. "I should go. It was… it was good to see you. I'm glad you're doing so well. Send my congratulations to Eden, please." And then she walks away.

I remember her walking away from me as I laid in my hospital bed after waking up from the coma. When she was just a soldier sent by the Republic to thank me for my services. When she was nothing to me.

I can't let her walk away this time. Not now that I know who she is. Not now that I know that I won't be able to stop thinking about her.

"Wait!" I call out, pushing away from the table again and running after her. She's already out the door and down the hall by the time I catch up. "June!" Her pace falters, then picks up, and I run to grab her hand.

"Stop," I whisper, clutching her hand in mine. We stand in perfect silence for a long stretch of seconds. Then she finally turns to look at me.

I kiss her.

I don't know what possesses me to do so, but it feels like I have no other choice. I feel June push against my chest and I'm about to let her go… but then she falls into me and I can feel her return the kiss. She opens her mouth and lets me in as I wrap my arms around her back and pull her body against mine. Her hands run up my arms and around my neck – her fingers grab at the short hair at the back of my head. I moan softly and turn to press her against the wall. Our kiss turns desperate. We're both grabbing, pulling, at anything we can get our hands on. She's scratching my neck and I've got my hands twisted in the shirt under her military jacket.

After minutes, hours, I don't know, we break away from our embrace. The empty hall is filled with the sound of our heavy breathing. My head is clouded in a way that is entirely unfamiliar and exhilarating at the same time.

June's the first to break the silence. "How long are you in town?" She asks in a voice barely above a whisper.

"A week," I reply, my eyes still closed.

"I'll see you later," she said in the same tone as before. I feel her move away from me, out from under my arms. I don't move. I'm afraid to break the dream I might be having. Did she really say 'I'll see you later'?

She kisses my cheek, just the softest brush of her lips against my skin, and I hear her footsteps echo as she walks away from me.

I don't know how long I stay like that, leaning against the wall with my eyes closed. I can't think about anything. Just June, just the relentless knowledge that I'm in love with her. And I can't remember everything I should about her. And I'm going to see her again.

I'm going to see her again.