King of the Locker Room

by Comehere-often

Individuality is tough. Teenage rebellion may be just what you need to get out of the shadows at school. Do whatever it takes to stand out: change your haircut , get a few piercings, make friends with the school playboy, get kidnapped by the local mafia- What. A look into the life of Desna and his journey in self discovery as the so-called "sidekick" to the troublesome Tahno.

I never liked slouching much but as the years went by I got used to it. It all began when we, my twin sister and I, were around twelve and things began to change. I grew a little taller and I was frightened. My height continued to sprout up and eventually she began to see to eye to eye with my nostrils. Eska, my sister, reacted with annoyance and I was upset because who would want to be taller than their other half?

At the time it was like having an arm for a leg, a leg for an arm.

Slouching fixed my issues with my growing body until about a year ago at age fifteen. It was one of those days where school nurses do peculiar examinations of your health inside of their cold little offices. Well, my own school nurse wasn't too thrilled when she saw how bad the curvature of my spine was. Father wasn't happy either when she called him at the shrine to engage in a shouting match over the phone about my horrid case of scoliosis. In the past I blamed my back aches on my improper sleeping habits.

Well now, slouching has become a bit symbolic for my relationship with my sister. We denied our physical development to try to remain the same as one another (and I went to unhealthy lengths to achieve that). Refusing to accept puberty lead to the bad posture, and the bad posture worsened the health of my spine. The pain is obviously unpleasant or 'bad'. My point would be:

Being an extension of Eska is just as bad.

Having the position of 'adolescent' is a challenge but it has given me the ability to reevaluate my relationship with my family. Yes, I know being hormonal isn't exactly ideal when you are trying to problem solve. Drifting between strange bouts of anger, hunger and sexual arousal is an emotional roller coaster but it pales in comparison to my inner battle with self identity. Establishing bonds with people outside of Eska is hard work and I have considered it for months now (but haven't pursued because of rather unfortunate circumstances). My twin keeps me locked in her sights and hounds over me with a silent intensity that creeps up before she reaches my side.

For self esteem purposes I am going to establish who, or what, I am not:

•I am not the 'emo boy who doesn't talk' or 'Eska's just-as-creepy little brother'.

•No, I am not female either.

•Never in my life have I been used as a door mat, as some have accused.

-I am Desna, a sixteen year old boy who is prepared to change his fate forever as I enter the eleventh grade.

One day may not seem to be a sufficient amount of time to think this through but I have never been more ready.