a/n: as stated, my somewhat weak attempt at pointless, plotless fluff. This is for Stephanie's Anatomy. Finally. Please review and let me know what you think.

Puck was trying very hard to ignore the effect Edward Cullen was having on Rachel. Really. He had no clue who the numbskull was, but after seeing the dreamy-eyed expression on Rachel's face as she had recited in excruciating detail why he was just oh so perfect…

Well, there was only so much a seventeen-year-old teenage boy could take.

So Puck had done what any half-assed procedural cop show on the idiot box showed you – he researched. He'd of course flipped through the yearbook but hadn't seen anyone with that name. He'd corralled someone kid from the AV club to scour through the archives and come up empty as well. Rachel of course remained oblivious of his search. She still blathered on about Broadway and becoming a world-renown star but would stop when Mercedes or Kurt would question her about Edward.

This was insane, because Rachel Berry had broken up with him and he didn't want to have anything to do with her anymore. Puck wanted things to go back to the way they were before he'd had his prophetic dream – he didn't want to know that Rachel tasted like butter, sugar and vanilla extract all creamed together; he didn't want to know that her hair smelled like apples; and he sure as hell didn't want to know how much she believed in him.

Puck went to the source. It was always good knowing your prey before you swooped in. Puck had gone and rented Will & Grace from the local video store (earning him a weird look from the bleached blonde behind the counter) and while being supremely freaked out about how much he'd liked the show (not the last few seasons, he'd decided after much deliberation), he now believed he had a better chance of manipulating the truth out of Kurt.

He'd cornered Kurt (it was either him or Mercedes and the black girl kinda scared the crap outta him in a very, very small way) in between Spanish and Math, backing him into a secluded classroom and closing the door firmly behind him. Puck had had his strategy all planned out the night before – lull the kicker into a false sense of security before subtly steering the conversation towards Berry – but the haughty look plastered all over Hummel's face made Puck realize he'd never best the other teen at mind games.

Because one thing he'd learnt from his Wll& Grace marathon was that gay guys were kinda like sharks – once they smelled blood it was all over. In Puck's opinion, after he reflected on their conversation a few days after the fact, Kurt was a fucking Great White.

'Is there a reason you manhandled me in here?' Kurt asked, a hand on his hip. Puck shifted his feet and dug his hands into his pockets. Shit. How the hell was he supposed to do this?

Probably catching the indecision on his face, Kurt rolled his eyes.

'This is about Rachel, isn't it?'

Puck narrowed his eyes. 'Like I give a shit about Berry.'

'Right,' the disbelief was evident in Kurt's tone. 'You can be all Chuck Bass about your affections for Bee, but we all know how season two ended.'

What the fuck is he talking about?

Deciding that discretion was only going to make this conversation even more painful, Puck adopted a neutral expression as he spoke.

'Who the hell is Edward Cullen?'

Kurt blinked. 'You're kidding me? At some point in time you must have been aware of our generation's utter fascination with Twilight.'

Puck frowned and this made Kurt's eyebrows shoot up comically.

'You have no idea who Edward Cullen is? Really?'

'If I did would we be having this conversation Hummel?'

Something like realization dawned on Kurt's face and the smile that broke across his features made Puck slightly uneasy.

'You want to know why Rachel has taken a rather unhealthy interest in Edward? Why?'

'Just because Beyonce. Because.'

Kurt's look was serious. 'If I recall, your break up-'

'I dumped her,' Puck immediately wanted to make clear but halted when Kurt's eyes flashed.

'Nonetheless, from the little I have managed to get out of our resident diva, you made your intentions of any future relationship between the two of you being highly unlikely.'

Puck wanted to tell Kurt that he was wrong, that he'd wished more than anything that he could go back to that day at the bleachers and perhaps change how their conversation had went. Because Puck hadn't meant it when he said he would have broken up with Rachel. The one week they had been together had made Puck realize that there was something more to Berry than nice legs and full, plump lips. When he'd walked into Glee instead of football and watched that same adoring expression she usually reserved for Finn focused solely on him, Puck wondered whether their relationship was really as much of a charade as he thought it was.

The days after Rachel had ceremoniously stomped all over his pride, Puck appreciated just how much one girl could burrow her way under your skin. He'd felt like something was missing and watching Rachel, some of that emptiness appeared to disappear. Edward Cullen had been the catalyst though. Hearing Rachel moon over another guy had given Puck an epiphany – there was no way in hell someone else was going to claim something that was his.

(Puck could already hear Rachel railing at him for labeling her as a possession)

'I want her back,' Puck stated simply and was surprised when Kurt agreed.

'Yes, you do. She did wonders for your personality – gave it the facelift it needed.'

'Are you going to help me? I don't know who this Cullen guy is, but I want to kick his ass.'

For some reason this made Kurt highly amused.

'I see,' he said, pressing his lips together. 'Well, what do you intend to do?'

Puck thought it best to sabotage his enemy.

'What makes Berry want to drop her panties for this guy?'

Kurt wrinkled his nose at Puck's phrasing but perched himself against the side of a desk, waving his hands through the air as he spoke. 'Edward, my friend, has done what every teenage girl wants. He fights for his woman – no matter how melodramatic the methods he employs.'

'That's it?' Puck said. Kurt scoffed.

'The boy is seventeen and knows how to work it. His bronzed mane is always coiffed, he wears clothes that does wonders for his silhouette and while his skin may be blindingly white, he sparkles.' The enraptured sigh Kurt released made Puck wonder if the boy had gotten over his infatutatio with Finn.

'Wait. Did you just say sparkles?'

'Well, yes. We all love boys who sparkle.'

'Let me get this straight – Berry wants to hook up with a guy whose a walking disco ball?'

Instead of replying, Kurt patted him on the shoulder. 'Just do exactly as I say and Rachel will be more than happy to forget the fact that you were a complete jackass.'

Puck couldn't argue with the truth.

The next day found Kurt and Puck ducked behind his truck, waiting for Rachel to emerge from Glee.

'You know her favourite flower,' Kurt had said, shocked when he spotted the bouquet of lilies clutched in Puck's hand. The left tackle had shrugged as if it were no big deal. It may not had seemed like it, but Puck had actually listened when Rachel spoke. He also knew she had a weakness for peanut butter so he had gone home and attempted a batch of cookies which had turned out half-way decent (they were a little burnt but he was no Betty Crocker).

'There she is,' Kurt whispered, pushing Puck's shoulder. 'Remember-'

'I got it,' Puck whispered back, straightening upright and heading purposefully towards Rachel.

'Hey Rachel! Wait up!'

Rachel spun around upon hearing his voice and he took satisfaction when he caught her wide-eyed stare at the flowers in his hand. His ego got an even bigger boost when she looked up at him wordlessly when he pressed it into her hands gently, the tin with the cookies rattling slightly as she took it.

'Noah?' The way she said his name made him screw up his courage.

'Look Rachel,' he started. 'I lied to you.'

'Excuse me?' She looked confused.

'On the bleachers. I wouldn't have broken up with you.'

'But you said-'

'You said. And I didn't exactly try to deny it,' he spoke over her, remembering what she had said about Quinn. 'Truth is, you make me want to light myself on fire.'

'Excuse me?'

Poor choice of words.

'Not like in a third degree burn kind of way!' Puck hastily corrected himself, running a hand through his mohawk. 'Its like – shit. I'm not good at this kind of stuff, alright?' Puck looked her dead in the eye. 'I'm not going to be able to like, go all Emma Frost or Bobby Drake and fucking sparkle in the sun like Edward. And I sure as hell can't read your mind because teenage girls have got to be the most fucking confusing people in the entire galaxy but I can fight for you. I can fight harder for you than Cullen ever can. I'll take the slushies, the whatever, if it means you'll give us a second chance. Because you've managed to make everything about you inside my head and no matter how hard I try, you're not disappearing or fading and – what the hell are you laughing at?'

Because Rachel's shoulders were shaking and the lilies were smashed against has stomach as she clutched her side, her face split into a grin and the corners of her eyes all folded up the same way they got whenever she was happy about something.

'Edward,' Rachel breathed out. 'Cullen?'

'Yeah. That guy you're always talking about with that retarded look on your face.'

'Edward Cullen?' She broke into a fresh fit of giggles and Puck was beginning to feel the onset of irritation and anger and hurt. He had just fucking poured his heart out to her and she was chuckling?

'Whatever. I don't need this shit.' He turned to go but the firm grip on his hand made him turn back. Rachel was still smiling but there was that familiar warmth behind it now, the one that made his belly slam against his spine.

'Noah,' she began patiently. 'Edward Cullen isn't real.'

'What?' He said incredulously. 'You haven't shut up about him for days.'

'Edward Cullen is a fictitious character in a book,' Rachel explained. 'Mercedes insisted that I indulge in reading material that was frivolous and highly recommended the Twilight series.'

'He's in a book?'

Rachel nodded, her hand still wrapped around his. 'He's a vampire who falls in love with a human and the books chronicle-'

'He's a vampire who fucking glitters?' Puck heard himself say the words in disbelief and looked down at Rachel. 'Berry, no offense but you're fucking crazy.' The affection colouring his words took the sting out of them.

'Were you jealous?' Rachel asked quietly. Puck shrugged because now that he realized that there wasn't actually competition, that there wasn't an undead guy called Cullen who could probably get his ass handed to him by Angelus (because, dude, seriously) this meant that it was just him and Rachel and no one else.

'You told me you didn't want to be friends,' she told him lightly. 'And yet here you are giving me my favourite flowers.'

'I made you peanut butter cookies,' Puck mumbled.

'Are you sure Puck?' The vulnerability in her voice made him soften. 'Because I've lived too long with fantasies. If you truly intend on pursuing a meaningful relationship with me, I-'

'You're not the only person who wants things too much.' Rachel closed her mouth as he repeated the words she had told him on the bleachers. 'Besides, you think I'd risk setting fire to my house baking those for just anybody?'

The beaming, radiant look on Rachel's face made his heart thud faster.

'I don't need Edward Noah. You may not be perfect, but I couldn't have asked for a better person to be in a relationship with.'

'Yeah?'

'As two good-looking Jews, it's only natural. Isn't that what you said?' Rachel titled her head, the twilight sun burnishing her hair with a soft, gold light.

Puck looked down at their hands and deliberately laced her warm hand through his.

'Oh good god. Just kiss her already!' Kurt's exclamation had Rachel leaning over to see around Puck but for once the football player decided to follow instructions. Bending down he pressed his lips against Rachel's and felt his blood sing. Drawing back he licked his lips as Rachel blinked owlishly, mouth swollen.

She's yours now Puckerman, don't screw it up.

There was still the baby, Quinn, Finn…

Puck shook his head, pressing Rachel against his side and feeling her chest brush against his ribs. Right now that didn't matter.

Because he was pretty sure Noah Puckerman had just made Edward Cullen his bitch.