A/N: Why, yes, I am insane! Just as Clopin is sexy. Anyways, I welcome you to my little crazy mind. Remember, as you read this story, that it is simply a joke. I myself have created Mary-Sue's in the past, during my younger and naive years, and probably still hold traces of those days now. This is simply me introducing my adoration *cough*OBSESSION*cough* for Clopin, as well as saying "Yes, Clopin has joined and is now mingling with the other characters stored away in my mind." If you don't understand the "squat fellow who was once blind", I suggest you listen to Court of Miracles or read the book. And remember, if you're not sure whether or not your character is a Mary-Sue, she is.
Warnings: Slight cursing, but that's just who Clopin is. He'd curse in the Disney movie, but the kids were already scared enough.
Disclaimer: I do not and never shall own HOND, unless I suddenly have a real good singing voice and HOND is put on Broadway with me as a lead character or writer of the script.

The men and women stood before him, muttering amongst themselves. It was a mob, if there ever was one. People, old and young, garbed in dark clothes—they were little more than rags sewn together, but that was beside the point—and glaring at the world in general. No weapons were visible, they were concealed easily.

This had gone on far too long, and no longer could he—as the King and ruler of his people—stand to see everyone suffer. 'Twas not for selfish purposes, but for the good of his people. He twirled a Punjab in hand, stuffing a knife into his belt and covering it with excess cloth, rising his eyes to meet those of the gypsies. Vagabonds, thieves, everyone of them. He grinned, a semi-hysterical laugh bursting out of his chest and silencing the murmurs of those before him.

"Mary-Sue's," Clopin cried, placing his hat upon his head with flourish. Those closest to him readied themselves, eyes fixed upon the make-shift stairs that would take them to the 'real world'. "Beware, for your time has come. Brothers, Sisters, no longer shall we suffer in their wake. Hark my words, dear people. We shall rip them apart, sear their flesh, set lions loose upon them, gouge out their--"

"Wait!" One brave soul cried out from the crowd, a squat fellow who was once blind. "What will we do with them when we're done?"

Clopin hesitated, hand pulling off his hat so he could scratch the top of his head. Those around him murmured, trying to find a solution.

"Eat 'em?"

"No, they should taste quite horrible, I think. I mean, if their demeanor and intelligence is any clue."

"Feed 'em to the animals!"

"And, what? Suffer la Esmerelda's wrath upon Djali's behalf? I should think not!"

"Perhaps use them as fuel to our fires?"

"No, no. That won't work. 'Tis terribly hard to burn flesh, as the King should know. He tried to burn the honest men, that didn't work so good. Leaves a rotten smell, worse than any ankle-deep sewage."

"Could we not just leave them with the other dead, Grandmere?"

"No, child. Them Mary's deserve much worse than the honest men. Rotten bunch, they are."

"Mayhap we could leave them at the doorstep of them honest men we speak of?"

"Not even an honest man whom kills our people deserves a Mary-Sue creature. They're worse than the devil, Mother Mary have mercy on their souls."

"Dammit!" The King shouted, glaring at the stairs as he slid down into a sitting position. He banged his head upon the wall behind him. "Damn those Mary-Sue, fan-girly, pesky little prats to hell and may they never come back!"

The crowd sighed simultaneously, wandering off in different directions dejectedly. The Mary-Sue's had won. For now.

The End?

Q&A:

Question: What was your inspiration for this?
Authoress Answer: Various stories involving Mary-Sue's falling in love with Clopin, Clopin himself, and deviantart.
Clopin Answer: Idiots, my own sexiness, and the Authoress.

Q: Prat?
AA: I like Merlin, so sue me.

Q: How do I know if my character is a Mary-Sue?
CA: If your character is a Mary-Sue, I'll be there. -Evil grin- -of evil- -ness-

Q: ma charrie ishnt a may su biatch!
AA: -Facepalm-
CA: -Sharpens knife-

Q: That sucked.
AA: Your face sucks!

Q: -flame, flame, blah, blah, blah-
CA&AA: *holds out weenies*

Q: OHMAGAWDLEEZZ! CLOPIN!
CA: *Flee's with Authoress*