Title : For You

Pairing : Suzaku x Lelouch

Genre : Angst, Romance

Rating : M

Warning : OOC, character death, slash. This is yaoi! DL DR kay? Not Beta-ed

Synopsis : After Zero Requiem, Suzaku still dressed as Zero went to Zero's office. After logging in the computer, he found a suspicious folder at the desktop of Zero's computer named "For You". He clicked on it and surprised, for there were many videos of Lelouch. He double clicked on the playlist file and the videos started to play… one by one.

A / N : This is my first fanfic and I'm no good at writing smut (only good at reading and play it in my mind- hell yeah ima perv XD). Oh yeah, any similarities with other stories is unintentional for I haven't a story like this before

This is the present

This is flashback

…..

The time on the lower right screen showed a few months back, few days after Euphie's… Suzaku decided to not finish the sentence.

Lelouch appeared on the screen, he was sitting in the same place as Suzaku was sitting right now. He was wearing Ashford Academy uniform and he didn't even hide his Geass.

"Suzaku" Lelouch spoke. Suzaku raised an eyebrow. So he had planned to make him as his replacement as Zero all along.

"By the time you see this video… probably I've died" Lelouch continued. So Lelouch had planned to die too. Far thinking, just like him to do this.

"I made these videos to tell you the truth. About everything that ever happened. I really appreciate it if you give me the chance to explain everything but if you don't want to hear this just close the window and delete the whole folder" Lelouch was silent for a couple seconds. Suzaku waited.

"Thank you, Suzaku" Suzaku wondered 'Did he also predict that I will continue to watch?'

"First, I'll tell you the truth about Euphie" hearing the deceased princes' name coming from Lelouch's mouth Suzaku grunted.

"As you know, I have this Geass and have been using it for my own benefit. C.C had warned me that someday the Geass will overpower the bearer and the bearer will lose control of it. That was exactly what happened when I met Euphie that day. She was so determined to make the Special Administrative Region of Japan that I couldn't persuade her to not do that. I was going to give up and take her offer of peace when I said "It's not like I can tell you to kill all the Japanese" jokingly. The Geass took control of me and made it as an order to Euphie. I've tried to stop her, I've tried to cancel the order but I couldn't." Lelouch gritted his teeth. The look of upset, disappointment and regret was clear on his face. On the other hand, Suzaku clenched his fist. If only Lelouch was still there and still alive maybe he would like to give him a punch or two.

"Euphemia was my only sister who was very kind to Nunnaly and I when we were still living at the palace. I love her very much, she was one of a few people I hold dearest in the whole world and I… I never ever wanted to kill her, I never ever wanted her to die..." Lelouch's eyes flickered with sadness.

"Nonetheless, it was still my fault. I'm sorry. I know that a simple 'sorry' won't change the fact that Euphie had massacred the Japanese, and your hatred for me but still. I'm sorry"

The video ended. The next one came up. The date was 2 days after the previous video. The video was short for it was only 10 seconds long. Lelouch looked so drained and pale, still wearing his attire as Zero he uttered only 2 sentences. "I've find the way to atone my sin for Euphie's death. Zero Requiem"

The next video started to play. Lelouch with a lost expression and sadness uttered a name "Shirley". Suzaku snorted.

"That Sunday, after the fight I went to search for Shirley in the mall. Shirley was already…. Shirley was shot and bleeding all over the floor. Yet she was… she still…." The prince seemed at a loss of words.

The raven haired man continued after he exhaled a long breath "I couldn't find the culprit because the smoke was too thick" Lelouch's hand rested on his forehead as he looked up at the ceiling "If only I didn't take her there she wouldn't have died. If only I didn't leave her she wouldn't have got shot". "Shirley's death… was also my fault" Lelouch muttered the last sentence before he ended the video.

In the next video, the exiled prince still wearing his Zero attire, the mask was in his hand. He looked depressed and seemed like he was in the verge of crying. "Nunnaly…. Nunnaly is dead…. I… For all this time I've been trying to create a new world, a gentle world for her to live on… a world where nobody want to harm each other, a world where no one wants to kill us for the throne. A better world… then if she died… if she's gone… then all of my efforts are futile. There's no point in fighting…. No point in still being Zero…Nunnaly… I even didn't have the chance to meet her the last time, Nunnaly…"

Suzaku didn't comment on that. He remembered that time when everyone thought Nunnaly had died because of the FLEIA he had launched from the Lancelot. Damn Lelouch and his 'Live on' curse.

Suzaku leaned on the chair as the next video started to play. This time Suzaku recognized this date as the day when Lelouch ascended as the 99th Emperor of Holy Britannia Empire. The background was not Zero's office anymore but more like the emperor's office chamber.

"I've finally got my revenge. I didn't expect that my mother was an accomplice of the Emperor. I didn't expect her to have the same twisted mind as that old man. This noon I'll announce my position as the 99th Emperor of Holy Britannia Empire and I'll conquer the world, I'll unite the world under the Holy Britannia Empire and rule the world under my dictatorship and then finally, Zero Requiem. But in the meantime…" The purple eyed man said with a smirk on his lips.

"You will be my knight, my sword and my shield. You will be mine"

Suzaku flinched at that. He remembered it vividly the night after Lelouch's coronation as the new Emperor. Lelouch had asked him to come to his room and had ordered him to… 'Fuck' him Suzaku quoted the raven haired man.

…...…

"Kururugi Suzaku" the emperor said from his bed. It was around 2 AM in the morning and Suzaku was informed that there was an urgency which he had to attend in the emperor's bed chamber.

"Yes, your highness?"

"I order you to fuck me"

"Pardon?" Suzaku blinked.

"I said, I order you to fuck me" the emperor said, louder this time.

Suzaku just stood there rooted. Why in the world the Emperor demand him to do that?

"What? You don't want to?" the raven haired man asked to the still stunned knight.

Lelouch stood and approached his knight, the 2 buttons of his white sleeping shirt was left open revealing his chest. "Let me give you a reason to follow my order, my dear knight. If you against my order… I, Lelouch Vi Britannia will order the army to kill all member of Black Knight and Avalon staff. Count Lloyd, Cecile, Karen, every single one of them"

The knight still didn't move, Suzaku was really really want to punch the hell out of the Emperor but what if Lelouch really meant it with his threat?.

"You know how I really feel about Euphie, right?" Suzaku inquired

Lelouch threw his arms over the knight's shoulders "Yes, and that got nothing to do with this."

"Are you trying to mock me? Because you know your position is higher than me and you want to remind me that you can do whatever you want to me" the knight stated.

Lelouch shrugged "You read me too well".

The Emperor's bony fingers threaded through Suzaku's brown locks. "I'm sorry your highness, please get your hands off of me" Suzaku spat angrily as he caught the raven haired man's hands.

"Fine. Do as you please." Lelouch said as he picked the phone on the table and pressed a speed dial. "I have an order. Yes, about the prisoners we caught for treason against the empire. The Black Knights and the former Avalon staffs"

Suzaku's eyes widened, he didn't thought it wasn't an empty threat. "Wait, your majesty"

Lelouch glanced over to his knight and smirked.

"I'll do that. I'll obey your order" Suzaku had lost.

"Make sure you treat them well" Lelouch said to the phone and ended it.

The Emperor strode to the bed and sat on the edge "Come here and do your duty properly as a knight".

"Yes, your highness" Suzaku said as he walked and stood in front of the raven haired man.

"Kiss me" Lelouch ordered, the knight was hesitant and still seemed unwilling. The purple eyed man grabbed the brunette's hands and pulled him down "Kiss. Me"

Suzaku forced himself to brush his lips against Lelouch's. He was pretty disgusted at the thought that he, Euphie's knight had kissed the one who murdered the one he loved- loves. And he was about to do more than just kissing the murderer now.

"Did it disgust you?" Lelouch asked, not really expecting an answer from his knight.

"Yes. Very" Suzaku replied.

"Was it the thought of kissing another man or the thought of having kissed the murderer of your once true love?"

"Both"

"Good" the emperor commented. He pushed down the green eyed man and sat on top of him. "Pour your hatred on me. Rough sex is fine by me"

"Then by all means" Suzaku said as he flipped them over and kissed the raven haired man roughly. He bit Lelouch's lower lip hard and made the man groaned. The knight slipped his tongue inside the hot mouth as he tore the shirt Lelouch was wearing. Lelouch wormed his arms to circle on Suzaku's neck and welcome the intrusion. Lelouch's moans were muffled by Suzaku's mouth as the knight's nimble fingers tweaked harshly at 2 sensitive buds on his chest. The knight went to attack the emperor's exposed neck and sucked and bit alternatively. Lelouch cupped his knight's face as he pulled him to a kiss. The knight then decided to grind their awaken member together, earning gasps from the shorter man.

…..

"Su… zaku… aahn" the emperor panted from below the knight. Lelouch was on four, with his bottom hung on air. Suzaku thrust deeply as hard as he can, he groaned at the pleasure he felt from the tight and hot passage wrapping him. His hands marks were visible on the raven haired man's hips. Not only his hands but other marks made by his biting were scattered all over the lean body. Some were only bruises, some were even bled. Suzaku flipped him over and put Lelouch's legs over his shoulders and lifted him off the mattress. With half of his back was on air, Lelouch gripped the bed sheet as Suzaku continued to ram into him. Lelouch kept on chanting Suzaku's name like a mantra in between his pants. After a few thrusts the purple eyed man rolled back his eyes as his vision went white and climaxed. Despite the tightening he felt below, Suzaku kept thrusting until he felt himself on edge and released inside the emperor.

The deed was done. Suzaku pulled out of the emperor as they both steadying their breaths. The knight's eyes fell to a puddle of mixed blood and come on the bed sheet. He was not gentle at all, in fact he didn't even prepare him before he going in so that was to be expected. "I'll take my leave, your highness" Suzaku woke from the bed and re-dressed himself. Just as he reached the door, the emperor called in hoarse voice "Suzaku". The green eyed man halted as he turned around. "Thank you" the emperor said. Suzaku nodded his head and went out.

…..

"Bad memories" said the now Zero. He clicked on the pause button when he heard the door being opened, revealing Nunnaly followed by Karen. "Suza- no… Zero-san what are you doing?" asked Lelouch's sister- the 100th empress of Holy Britannia Empire. "Nothing" Suzaku replied before he quickly closed the window. "Ah you're hiding something" Nunnaly said with a pout. "No, nothing really" Suzaku strode to Nunnaly and stroked her hair. Nunnaly grabbed the green eyed man's hand and gasped "Was it involved with my brother?". Suzaku went silent. "It is, right?" Nunnaly pressed, Suzaku sighed "Yes. I can't lie to you at all. I found this folder contains videos of your brother… explaining things". Nunnaly tiled her head "Can you show me?". Suzaku nodded and wheeled Nunnaly to the computer.

From the start of the video, Nunnaly's eyes watered as she let her fingers graze over the monitor as if trying to hold her brother's face. She had started crying after Lelouch finished his explanation of how Euphie died. "Poor onii-sama… he always blames himself for every misfortune we had since we were kids." Nunnaly commented as Suzaku wiped her tears.

"Nunnaly" Lelouch in the next video said. It was the last video on the playlist. The date the video was recorded was a day before Zero Requiem

"Please take care of her. I know that only you who can keep her safe by staying by her side by being Zero. Tell her I love her so much. I wish I could be a better brother for her. Open the left second drawer. There's a purple box for Nunnaly, please give it to her" Suzaku paused the video to search the box.

He unlocked the drawer and retrieved a small purple box and gave it to Nunnaly. Nunnaly opened it and a gold pendant with complicated intricate of jade and amethyst decorating it. She opened the locket and wailed. On the right inside of the locket a picture of her and her brother back at the academy, while the right side was filled with a photo when they were little along with Suzaku back when they were still living together at Kururugi temple. A small sheet of white paper was stuck out after the locket was out. She took it and grazed her finger over the paper. "I love you" she read the braille written on it. Suzaku hugged the wailing empress.

Suzaku resumed the video. "By doing Zero Requiem tomorrow, people will be freed from my dictatorship and the history will only be tainted by my sullied name and only me. Euphie's action would be forgotten and people would focus their hatred on me. That way, I hope it's enough to atone my sin for Euphie" the purple eyed man's eyes casted down.

After a few seconds of silence Lelouch looked at the camera again. He seemed hesitant this time.

"Suzaku, there are 2 things I want. First is to re-create the world for Nunnaly. I had done that. The world will be a better place for her after the Zero Requiem but the second one, I… I want to tell you that I…. I really…" Lelouch gulped hard, his face started to reddened

"I for a long time had always been…." He paused again.

"Just tell him already!" C.C voice was heard on the background.

"C.C! What are you doing here! Get out!" the purple eyed man shouted to the green haired woman.

A door clicked shut and Lelouch sighed. "Suzaku, for a long time I had always been…." He paused again. "grateful to have to know you and be your friend… and have you as my knight. Thank you for everything. Please take care of my sister for me. Goodbye" the screen went black. The video had ended, Suzaku clicked the exit button. Nunnaly was still sobbing on her wheelchair.

"Onii-sama has always been a good person, a kind-hearted person. The Geass was the one that opened his way to take his kindness in more levels of kindness. A twisted kind of kindness where he let himself to do evil things just to obtain good things but deep inside he was… he always has that gentle heart" sobbed the empress.

"Let's get you back to your room". Suzaku said as he wheeled Nunnaly out and got her to a room next to his. After he laid Nunnaly on the bed, Nunnaly smiled at him and took his hand "Promise me one thing". "Anything" Suzaku replied without hesitance. "Don't leave me like Onii-sama. Stay with me" asked Nunnaly. The former knight ruffled her hair as he smiled. "Of course, your highness"

…

Suzaku went back to Zero's office feeling confused. Was everything Lelouch said in the video was the truth? Then it wasn't really Lelouch's fault. Why did he admit that he had killed Euphie and Shirley? Was it because his habit of blaming himself just like Nunnaly said? Then he wasn't really Euphie's murderer… if he thinks it more thoroughly the blame was on the Geass, and the 98th emperor was behind the Geass… so that mean… for all this time he had fought the wrong enemy?

He re-log in and closed the video player. The monitor showed the contents of "For You" folder again. Out of curiosity he right clicked on it and found the option 'unhide'. He clicked on it and 1 more video file appeared. This time it was C.C.

"I want to let you know one thing, young man" the green haired woman said. "There had been many, many times that Lelouch and I could kill you but he didn't have the heart to do it. You know why?" C.C asked to the camera. "For one, he believes that you are the only one able to protect Nunnaly. Such sister complex he has" C.C chuckled at that. "The second reason is this…" C.C said before she took the camera and went to the bathroom door. The shower was on, and from inside the bathroom he could faintly hear Lelouch's voice. "Let me make it clearer for you" C.C whispered and pushed the bathroom door a little open and let the handy cam lens into the bathroom. There was Lelouch, in his naked back view under the shower. His hands were moving frantically as his gasps and pants became clearer "Ahh… Suzaku… Suzaku…".

Suzaku watched as Lelouch's left hand went to his rear and pushed a digit in.

Suzaku was shocked. Lelouch was… masturbating while thinking of him?

He continued to watch as Lelouch added another finger as his right hand kept on stroking himself.

For about a minute from that Lelouch moaned loudly as he released. The raven haired man slid to the floor as he hunched forward, both palms landed on his face. "Suzaku… I love you. I love you so damn much that it hurts"

Suzaku gapped, unblinking. Did he hear it right?

Suzaku rewind a few seconds back and confirmed that his hearing was perfectly fine. And his best friend indeed had confessed to him indirectly.

The camera went back to shoot C.C as she closed the bathroom door. "And now you know. And I'm sick of your way of justice. Change a nation from within? That's nonsense. Look at him, trying to change the world with all his might. He shoulders the burdens all by himself. He is an honorable man who was unfortunate since he fell in love with a dumbass like you" C.C ended the video.

"Lelouch… loves me?" Suzaku uttered to no one but himself.

Did that night after the coronation, where Lelouch asked him to do him was because of this?

Lelouch and his own wicked way of telling him that he loves him?

"Lelouch… Lelouch… " Suzaku whispered, a single tear ran down his cheek.

"Lelouch I'm sorry…. I'm sorry" Suzaku buried his face in his hands as he wept.