ALREADY GONE

Disclaimer: I, regretfully, do not own Yu-Gi-Oh nor this wonderful song, "Already Gone," by Kelly Clarkson...

Summary: She knew he had to go, despite a love short-lived. But before he departs from this world, she gives him the best gift one can ever give - a song from the heart. Takes place the night before the Ceremonial Duel. While Yuugi gets his deck ready in his Soul Room, the enigmatic Spirit wanders around and finds Anzu. This is their final goodbye, told in Anzu's point-of-view.

A/N: Yet another songfic from me. I was listening to this song on the radio and I thought, "Hey, I could write something outta this." And so you have another fic centered around Atemu's departure into the afterlife. I have a question for you all - Do I write too many songfics for my own good? I mean, I only include song lyrics to better accentuate the story. Regardless, I will write whatever I feel like writing but I just want an opinion. Well, without further ado, I present to you….

He was only a Spirit, yet he captivated me like a moth to an open flame. Cupid had indeed dealt me a cruel hand in introducing him into my life for what better way to torment my heart than by creating a total impossible love?
What hurts more - an unrequited love or an impossible relationship? I used to think nothing was impossible as long as you put your mind to it. How naïve I was…
Sighing, I cast my gaze upon the open waters, wishing my heart was as calm as the slow-moving waves.
"Anzu..?" Startled, I turned around only to meet the steady gaze of the Pharaoh. Atemu. My heart pumped faster. How different he was from Yuugi… and yet, not so different. Atemu was much more confident, borderline arrogant even. His mere presence was so commanding that, despite me being a few inches taller, made me feel insignificant and small.
But his loyalty to his friends, his strength and determination were just like Yuugi's. And his heart was just as pure, contrary to what he believed.
And there were times when his otherwise steely glare and hardened expression became soft and welcoming, making me feel warm, safe… and loved.
He didn't have to say it, he never did. His actions spoke clearer than any defined word could. I never missed the wistful glances in my direction or the way his caresses lingered on for a second longer than they should.
"Atemu," I said, laying my hand on his cheek. "You should be resting."
"So should you," he replied, giving me that slow smile. "Yuugi is preparing his deck so I thought I'd come out for a walk." He leaned into my hand and gave me a quizzical look. "I hope I am not intruding. You appeared to be deep in thought."
"No," I replied. Taking my hand away, I turned around and gazed back at the ocean. "I was hoping to see you. I was hoping to… talk." He moved to stand beside me, waiting for me to continue.

Remember all the things we wanted?
Now all our memories, they're haunted.
We were always meant to say goodbye.

"You know how I feel about you," I stated.
"Yes," he answered. "And you know I feel the same." I looked at him, giving him a sad smile.
"We went through so much together to help you find clues about your past life," I said, wistfully. "Remember that 'outing' Yuugi set us up on?"
"I do," he laughed. "We did so much that day. It was one of the best days of my life, Anzu. It brought me closer to you."
I blushed, hoping the night would hide my scarlet face. Clearing my throat and my blush, I continued. "I'll never forget that day. But now that everything's over, that the threat of the world is finally defeated, we have to part ways."
Meeting his gaze, I whispered, "It's as if we were only meant to help you say farewell."

Even with our fists held high,
It never would have worked out right, yeah…
We were never meant for do or die.

"Anzu," he said and pulled me into a tight embrace. "I know how you feel. Believe me, this is hard for me, too." Suddenly, he pulled away and looked at me. Me. Not my eyes, but past them, into my very soul. "But I refuse to believe that we were only meant for such a fate. I've learned so much, Anzu, so much… You are my strength, my reason, my inspiration. I've grown because of you. I believe we were meant to find each, to help each other. And who knows? Maybe, I won't have to go." Tears filled my eyes at the prospect of what I needed to say. He did not understand. Egyptian pharaohs were of the past. Card games should only be card games, not games of life and death. Magic and sorcery were not meant to exist in today's world. Two souls were not meant to inhabit one body.
Atemu and I were not meant to love.

I didn't want us to burn out.
I didn't come here to hurt you, now I can't stop.

"It doesn't matter if Yuugi or you won the Duel tomorrow," I said, in what I hoped was a calm and steady tone, even as tears streamed down my cheeks. "You're a spirit, Atemu. You're not supposed to be here. You have no more reason to remain in this world."
"No," he breathed, cupping my face, "I found my reason. When I win, I will find a way to remain here. Maybe Ishizu knows something… Please, Anzu, don't give up hope!" His eyes widened, as if surprised I would give up so easily. It hurt me to see him look so unsure, so afraid. I shook my head, sadly, but I could not, would not, let my resolve waver.

I want you to know,
It doesn't matter where we take this road.
Someone's gotta go.

"You and I both know there isn't a way. Your purpose has been fulfilled. I've learned, too, Atemu." I wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head on his shoulders. "I've learned to take things headstrong and make the most of what I already have. You taught me that. Just know that I wish it doesn't have to end this way."
"I know," he sighed into my hair, embracing me. "If I could have it any other way, I would stay. I have already grown attached to this world and its modern ways."
We remained in each other's arms for a while longer, relishing in the warmth against the cool ocean breeze.

And I want you to know,
You couldn't have loved me better,
But I want you to move on.

"Thank you," I finally said, pulling away to look at him. "For everything." I allowed myself to wander in his eyes, his dark amethyst meeting my clear azure. So much devotion, not just for me or for the others, but for the whole world. So much, that he'd risk his life to save it.
"I couldn't have done it without you and the others," he said. "Especially you. You were the first, besides Yuugi, to know what I really am and accepted me for it. You should have been afraid but you welcomed me as one of your own. I thank you."
"I couldn't have asked for a better friend," I grinned. "Besides, how many high school girls can say they saved the world with a 3000 year old spirit leading the way?"
He gave me his trademark smirk. "Indeed."
"No matter what happens, tomorrow," I said on a more serious tone, "don't look back."

So I'm already gone.

He frowned. "Anzu--"
"No," I cut in, putting my finger on his lips. "Whatever the outcome, don't think of me or anyone else. Keep your head forward. Because I will. I've never looked back before and I don't intend on starting now." I hoped he understood what I was trying to say. It killed me to put up such a bold front but I had to do it. For both our sakes, I had to make it seem that I would move on.

Looking at you makes it harder,
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry.

I tried to meet his penetrating gaze but could not. I looked away, turning my eyes to the ocean and tried to focus on the sound of the waves crashing against the sides of the ship and the wind against the sails. But I still felt his eyes on me. Those eyes could cut a man in half with an icy cool glare. In a duel, they would be so cold and empty, completely devoid of any feelings that lay beneath. Now, they held more emotion than I could bear. It took every fiber of my being not to tell him the truth, that I didn't want to live my life without him. That I was desperately hoping that he would win and didn't have to go.
But he was strong. He would get through this. But in order for him to be okay, I had to show him that I would be okay, too.

It started with the perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in.
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive.

I had been attached to Atemu from the moment I heard his deep, baritone voice, brimming with confidence but with a slight underlying tone of concern. I hadn't known he was associated with Yuugi at the time but it never mattered, even after I discovered who he really was. And then there was that "date" we were set up on. It was then I realized that my feelings for him ran deeper than mere fascination and admiration.
I loved him, plain and simple.
After that day, we grew closer, more connected, as if we shared a secret no one else knew. Indeed we did, for no one, save Yuugi perhaps, knew of our growing feelings for each other.
But the more we delved into his past, the more we realized that whatever bond we had could not hope to be.
How ironic that the initial driving force of our relationship would be the reason why we would have to end it. The quest for his forgotten memories brought us together. The memories themselves would drive us apart.
It didn't matter how much I loved him and how much he loved me.
It didn't matter that he was the missing puzzle piece in my life, that I will never feel that same completeness once he was gone.
What did matter was that he was a spirit, a lost aged soul that deserved every bit of eternal rest plus a little more.
Romeo and Juliet, eat your hearts out because your story ain't got nothing on mine.

You know that I love you so.
I love you enough to let you go.

"Atemu," I whispered, tears once again forming, "I love--" Abruptly, his lips crashed against mine. I tangled my fingers into his hair, pulling him closer, deepening the kiss. Again, he didn't have to say any words. This kiss would be forever ingrained upon my memories, his passion would forever linger on my lips, his love would forever dwell in my heart.
And I knew I was doing the right thing, letting him go to do what he must, even as it pained me to do so. But I could not be that selfish to keep him where he doesn't belong.

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road.
Someone's gotta go.

"I love you," I sobbed as he continued kissing me. "I love you, I love you."
"I know," he replied, tears falling from his eyes. "I love you, too. I'm sorry, so sorry."
"Don't," I whispered. "Don't ever regret what you can't change. It has to be done…"

And I want you to know,
You couldn't have loved me better,
But I want you to move on.

"I love you, Anzu," he choked. "And I'll never forget you."
"That's all I could have ever hoped for," I replied, giving him a tear-stained smile. "It's more than enough for me, Atemu." It would have to be. We had no choice.

So I'm already gone.

"You'll be okay, Anzu." It wasn't a question.
"Yes," I answered. "We both will."

I'm already gone, already gone.
You can't make it feel right,
When you know that it's wrong.

He shook his head, his hands clutching my shoulders. I could see the anguish in his eyes as he struggled with the emotions running through him.
"God, Anzu," he said, regretfully, "you don't deserve to be hurt like this. If only there was a way…"
"But there isn't," I swiftly cut in. "Our relationship wasn't right to begin with… You're a spirit sharing the body of my best friend… Yuugi never asked for this."

I'm already gone, already gone.
There's no moving on,
So I'm already gone.

"You're right, of course," he replied, wiping his eyes and smiled. "But I don't think Yuugi would have minded. He cares for you deeply."
"As do I," I said. "But I love you. We're doing the right thing. One final sacrifice, and the world will be at peace." I leaned my head forward and capture your lips in another kiss. Flashbacks of us flew across my mind. They would have to be enough.
Even though I had told Atemu I would be okay, that I would move forward, I only meant it half-heartedly. How can I live when the man holding my heart has, technically, already died? How can I be truly happy when the one I love can't share it with me? How can I feel complete when I have nothing but air between my fingers where another hand should be? How will I ever be warm when there is no one to shield me from the cold harshness of reality?

Remember all the things we wanted?
Now all our memories, they're haunted.
We were always meant to say goodbye...

"I love you, Anzu," he murmured. "I'll remain alive in your heart, as you will in mine."
I nodded, place my forehead against his, breathing in his scent. Cinnamon. Strong enough to give a lasting impression, yet sweet enough to leave you wanting more. Perfect.
"I love you, too, Atemu."
Farewell.

Afterword: Atemu may seem a little out-of-character here. This was intentional. In the anime, he had always been brave, noble, and somewhat fearless. I wanted to portray him as having doubts and fears, just like any other person. He is, after all, walking to his death, if you want to take it literal. I've always thought that he would show this particular side to Anzu because, 1) she's female so he wouldn't have to deal with any male pride or whatever, and 2) ever since their "date" before Battle City, I felt that they really did share a special connection. He showed her a side he showed no one else (except for Yuugi). I kinda took that and ran with it here.

This fic is for all of you. Enjoy.

Especially dancers of the night. She invited me to her community waaay long ago and this is my thank you to her.